Preschooler issue - question

[Sarah'sMom]

I have a son who just started a preschool gymnastics class about 8 weeks ago. He'll be 4 in just a bit less than 2 weeks. My son is a bit shy and timid about joining a class. We had tried some parent participation soccer classes previously and had trouble with him wanting to remain part of the class.

He looks up to his sister who is 6 and on pre-team and wanted to do gymnastics so we gave it a try. He wanted to do it but when it came to do it he was just so shy and nervous. I had to hold him while he watched the other kids and gradually he joined the class. Each class he did a bit more and more and the need to coax him to join stopped. Early on, on a couple of occasions he would run off and hide under something but I haven't seen him do that for some time - until today. For the last few weeks our biggest problem has been him running out in the middle of class to come tell me "I did it! Did you see it!" And I've answered yes, do you want to do more, and he's said "Yes" and run back out. He's been doing that less and less and I was hoping he would naturally stop on his own.

But last week, his regular teacher was absent and there was a replacement - a very nice coach. He would not go out without coaxing but after a bit he went out and he was generally ok in class.

Today another coach was out and they shifted the coaches around. He ended up with this new coach who has never coached either of my kids before. Class seemed to be going ok to me - in fact my son had run out the fewest times he has done so far. I went to the bathroom with about 15 minutes left of class and I came out to find a parent telling me that the coach was looking for where my son "belonged." I was a bit confused and did not realize that the coach was looking for me as parent to send my son out to me. He said something about my son being distracted and that he was not paying attention. I talked to him a bit and he wanted to go back out so I had him apologize to the coach and tell him that he would listen.

They switched over to bars a few minutes later. And my son hid under a climbing board they had set up on the bars for kids to climb up one side and slide down the other. He came out and joined the class - but then he took his socks off and had them on the floor near the bars (I had forgotten to take them off him when I put him in the class). When it was time to go my son got out of line to pick up his socks and the coach put his hands on my sons shoulders and moved him back to line and looked up to me and said loudly "He's very distracted." He also seemed kind of disgusted and put out. My son came out in tears. After calming him down, I realized he was upset because he did not have his socks so I went back with him to get the socks.

I don't want my son misbehaving in class but at this stage its been alot of work just trying to get him to stay in a class. I'm not sure negative punishment is going to foster that goal. In fact I'm a bit worried he will not want to go next week or we'll go back to him not joining the class. And, frankly, after being at the gym for more than 3 years now, I have seen much worse problems with preschoolers than that. Granted, I can not hear what is said out there and I was in the bathroom when this first incident occurred. But up until then it seemed like my son was having his best class yet.

Also although I can not describe to you why there was just something about the manner in which the coach put his hands on my son to move him into line that I can not describe that distrubed me. After I was done comforting, several parents who observed the situation commented to me that they did not like what had gone on. One, pointed out that she thought my son was upset because he wasn't allowed to get his socks.

I know that there will be some who will tell me I'm one of "those Moms" who don't care how their children act in class and will complain if the child is sent out of class or disciplined. But I'm not. This just did not feel right. I will not complain about this coach to the owner at this stage. I am missing some information and I also don't want the other coaches to think I'll complain about them and have them either be scared to be firm with him or not want to coach him. But I do not want my son coached by this coach again. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to handle this if an absence ends up pairing this coach with my son's class again.

 

[NewtoGym]

I don't have any answers, but I wanted to reassure you one mom to another that you should always keep your child's best interest at heart and trust your instincts. Your son is just a little boy and it saddens me to hear how the coach responded to him.

 

[marie83]

Aww, I'm sorry this has happened - It is very difficult when a different coach comes in - especially for pre-schoolers who tend to get very attached to their coaches. Personally I don't expect many pre-schoolers to be 'focused' They are 3 and 4 years old!
I'm often told that I'm not strict enough with my pre-schoolers - usually from parents who expect their children to be really high achievers, but my philosophy is that pre-school should be fun - Its not all about technique at this stage. Yes there is a big focus on behaviour but that needs to be handled positively.
I wonder if you could mention to the usual coach next time you see them that there was a problem - They will know your son's back-story, and might be able to help by speaking/explaining this to the other coach, in such a way that they don't realise you've said anything!

 

[Shelovesthebars]

I am sorry that this happenened. Your are describing my daughter to a tee when she was that age. She could not even handle a substitute at that age so I give your son kudos. She has gradually grown out of it though so hang in there but I would avoid that coach in the future and take a raincheck on class.

 

[EntrReality]

I would prefer to see the parent speak with the coach and give him the child's background info. I am sure the coach would appreciate the fact that you aren't as concerned with the skills learned at this moment as you are about the social skills gained from his participation in the class.

It sounds like the child has made great progress and maybe even telling the coach how well the child did that day and how you see him overcoming his shyness daily.

I remember the first days of my shy daughter's participation in class. The coach told me she wasn't mature enough to take a class and to maybe wait until next session explaining that 6 months a child can gain tremendous maturity. Why force a child to participate before they are ready?

I asked the coach if she could just come and sit next to the floor and participate as she feels comfortable. I explained that I really did not care about how much skill she learned as I was concerned that she got exposed socially (mine too was a second child that followed older brother). The pressure was off the coach to try to constantly prod my child into class. In no time (from my point of view) my child was participating fully in class.... a year later she was on the level 4 team! She has been a gymnast ever since and she is 18 now.

 

[10.0]

Personally as a coach I would be super happy if a parent informed me that the class was just for fun. I think preschool class should be about safe fun, learning to listen and act appropriately with other kids first and gymnastic skills second. But from my experience A LOT of patents have unrealistic expectations and there is a lot of pressure, it is actually a really stressful job not excusing at all what this coach did as it was not right. I just wish parents would realize that at this age what you are paying for it what I stated above not for Suzie to start her training for the Olympics.

 

[Sarah'sMom]

Hi. I want to thank you all for your helpful posts and support. I ended up not talking to the Alex's regular coach about the situation with the substitute coach. I never really had a good time to do it because classes are back to back and it's usually very busy at our gym. But it probably worked out just as well anyway. It looks like that coach (he's actually a dance teacher) was just substituting for a little while and he must have finished because I have not seen him there on the two Saturdays since. I did see him the other night when I took my daughter to a make up class. I watched him a bit and it seemed like he got along well with the kids. So, I'm going to chalk it up (so to speak) as a bad day for him and a bad day for my son at this point.

I did have a little trouble getting my son back into the class the following week with his regular coach. She commented about how he had been doing so well and I said that he had just had a bit of a rough time last class and left it at that. She seemed to nod like she knew what I meant but I said no more and she said no more. Anyway, I did successfully get him back into the class last week after some coaxing. I also took him out of the class myself and gave him a friendly warning about some fooling around and he stopped. This week he was much, much better, and well behaved at that, and the coach commented to me that he did really well this class. He even walked across one of the higher beams himself and was really proud of himself.

Last week I also added a soccer class for earlier in the morning. It might sound like a lot, but both my kids have tremendous amounts of energy. My son has done well both weeks with the two classes. We had a little trouble getting him to join the soccer class last week, but I think the work I did getting him to join the gymnastics class over these last many weeks helped a lot. He did great in the soccer class today.

So, again thanks! I had been really frustrated by the experience we had and it was good to hear the different perspectives and friendly advice.

 

[kflipz]

that really does not sound right to me, i think in my own opinion that the coach should be spoken to about this, because it all comes down to just a little boy, he does not realize that he is not aloud to get his socks. In my gym, our coaches realize that they are just little kids and they should have energy and should be able to get that energy out, seeing how thats normally the reason kids are put in gym. It probably does not sound like my gym has structure to it, but it does. The only time our kids are in line is when switching apparatus, other times we have circuits set up for them to work on, and they can work on that. I hope you get the situation figured out!!

 

[traceyd1]

What?

I'm sorry, I'll probably get kicked for this, but might I suggest that you drop you son off, get him settled, i.e. bottle in right place etc, then leave!!! A step further woud be to tell him in front of the coach that he needs to listen to learn and join in, and not run off at all otherwise he might get hurt (i.e. landed on by other gymnasts). And that you need him to behave. Explain before you get there that if the coach tells you that he's been good when you come back, then next time you will stay and watch. They are plenty old enough at four to understand this! When it's time to leave, just leave, do not enter into negotiations, say "I'll be back soon". And stick to your word!Sounds like the coach probably did over react to the sock incident, but also sounds like there may have been a bit of frustration leading up to the incident.

 

[gymdog]

Parents are required to stay during preschool classes at many gyms. Personally I believe this is appropriate. Classes are usually only less than an hour long and the children may need help in the bathroom or assistance the instructor cannot provide. It is not child care and not set up as such (and I have nothing against child care but when I teach a preschool class in gymnastics it is very different than what I do when I do child care. I cannot provide child care to 8 children while having a functional class). Even if not required I certainly don't believe it is inappropriate for the parent of a preschooler to remain in the gym during the class.

Sounds like he was doing better - just took consistency. It's important to remember at this age even a disruption to the effect of a different teacher or missing the warm-up can make or break the class, especially if the child is hungry, tired, etc. The most important thing is to arrive so you are not rushed to attend the warm-up routine, the child can greet the teacher and review the rules of gymnastics, and is prepared for class (appropriate attire - remove socks and any other loose clothing articles before class starts). After that you hope for the best.

Personally I would have made a child take socks off before class ever started but let's pretend for some reason they had them and took them off, I would take the socks myself and they would get them back at the end of class. These are pre-kindergarten children - why even create the opportunity for them to mess about with them - of course the child is going to go back and play with the socks, etc. Yelling to the parents except when they are needed to attend to their child in a bathroom or other emergency would be inappropriate. Instructors also need to consider the negative effects of labelling as they set up low expectations and negative tone for the child's participation in the class. If necessary a child may need to sit out from class (this should be rare as redirection should be successful in most instances). However when they rejoin the class the instructor must make it clear the child is welcomed and appreciated, and that they believe the child can participate as directed.