Parents punishment

[Lilou]

Some of you know we ended up at a new gym last summer. Unfortunately the new gym is not working out and most recently they punished my daughter by making her hold a split for 20-30 minutes. Once my DD's legs started going numb (falling asleep), she decided to stand up. She said they hurt after that. I don't know how long she held the split before getting up but I do not think this is appropriate behavior from adults.
We have had many struggles at the new place and I've always tried to give the benefit of the doubt, do what they say, follow their lead, but this sits very wrong with me- wrong enough to pull her out entirely even without a new gym to go to. Am I over-reacting?

 

[amiandjim]

No, you are not overreacting.

 

[Lilou]

Thanks. I hate to leave and have no gym to go to for her to practice.

 

[amiandjim]

I think what I would probably do is ask for a meeting with the coach and gym owner. I would ask why my child was being punished in the first place, and did they really find it an appropriate punishment to have a child sit in the splits for 20-30 min straight? Did it serve a purpose to improve her gymnastics? Could they guarantee it wouldn’t happen again? Have they heard of SafeSport, and are they aware those types of tactics are reportable?

From your previous posts, your child’s gym sounds quite extreme, and honestly, I probably would have left over the crazy scratching bars issue. Gymnastics is great, but it’s not worth your child’s self esteem! Gymnasts are already generally pretty hard on themselves and those coaches are setting them up to be even more self cirtical because they don’t feel like ever making a mistake is ok, but that’s just not reality.

 

[Lilou]

I have had a meeting with the HC before and she is very much, it's our way or the highway. They expect 100% behavior compliance or they punish. In this instance, my daughter was pushed by another gymnast and she pushed the gymnast back. Both girls were wrong, including my own. She was then told to sit out floor practice, which she did, but when they moved to vault, she was told to do the split. The gym threatened that if my DD does not have compliant behavior they will not take her to meets. As far as I know they have ignored the first girl who pushed.

 

[amiandjim]

Honestly, it just sounds like a horrible environment. Of course pushing should not be tolerated. Period. But, sitting in splits for 20-30 is excessive IMO. It’s not somewhere I would want my daughter to train.

 

[Flippin'A]

When people talk about the problem with gymnastics culture, they are talking about that "compliance or else" attitude. This is exactly what leads gymnasts to think they can't speak up when something makes them uncomfortable or unhappy.

Okay, sure, they probably shouldn't have pushed each other, but unless they were pushing each other off the beam or in front of someone's tumbling run, then does it really merit more than a quick "knock it off?" They may be gymnasts, but they're still kids and it sounds like you're at a gym that doesn't accept that. Kudos to you for listening to your daughter and taking her seriously. I say get out as quick as you can.

 

[NutterButter]

20-30 long splits? Um, no. That is not ok. I would probably pull my kid out of that environment on the spot. Young kids have little spats. Pushing each other is annoying but still in the realm of age appropriate misbehavior for the 5-7 age group (I forgot how old your DD is, but she's young right?). If they pushed each other off of equipment, then that is a huge safety issue and sitting out all of practice would be an appropriate punishment. Or maybe even having an extra strength rotation instead of the 'fun' of being on the equipment. Having to hold one position for 20+ minutes? Just no.

 

[strawberries]

20-30 min splits is so unbalanced and wrong. Please get out. I recommend finding a coach on this board from your general area and getting some recommendations on healthy gyms. Sometimes it is just so hard to spot the bad ones until you are stuck on a mat in the splits for half an hour. So sorry.

 

[Lilou]

Thank you for confirming what I was thinking. Sometimes I get sucked in and think maybe I'm over-reacting and this is how it is. I totally agree with setting the standard of no pushing overall, and if it happens on the beam, or in front of a tumbling pass, etc... dangerous situations then that's really not good. This was two 7 year olds trying to get a spot to see something on the coaches phone he was showing, so they pushed each other to get a good view from what I understand per my child. My poor child will not a have for the rest of the season most likely now though. It's so hard to really tell how a coach or gym will be when you only have one time to talk with the HC and observe a practice. Thank you all... will make sure my DD is in a safe environment.

 

[MILgymFAM]

I’ve had to pull my dd out with no option for continuing artistic team at another gym.. and I know how hard the decision can be.. but it was absolutely worth it and it allowed her to gain some perspective on how not world-consuming gymnastics should be anyway, at allowed her to find other things she loves. I hope everything works out the best it can for your DD.

 

[Seeker]

So much nope in all of that — no way would I keep my daughter in a place that had that culture or approach. It’s not okay in any sense. She cannot stay there long term.

 

[amiandjim]

And I totally get you don’t want her to miss the season or not have a place to train, but she is more than a gymnast. I think sometimes we (all of us!) lose sight of that. She is your child and you have to show her that her self worth means more than gymnastics.

 

[RTT2]

I don't think a gym should be run like a gulag. Sounds like a terrible environment. Good luck finding a better gym for your DD- hope you are able to move quickly and have her at least compete a couple of meets this season. If not and you find a new gym but it's too late to get any meets in she'll still be better off training in a healthy environment.

 

[Texasmomof3]

Missing the season sounds harsh, but she is only 7 and she has a whole career and life ahead of her. Get her to a safe, positive place. This is not right.

 

[duyetanh]

She will still be able to compete a meet or two if you leave now.
So, leave. She will thank you for it later.

 

[GymMom4]

She will still be able to compete a meet or two if you leave now.
So, leave. She will thank you for it later.

I completely agree.

The longer she stays there the harder it is emotionally to overcome the effects of the bad treatment. Speaking from our experience.

 

[Seeker]

Eeek — I had no idea she was 7. Get yer track shoes on and run to the nearest exit!!

 

[Lilou]

Thank you all. We've left the gym. My DD (and I) feel a huge weight lifted off of our shoulders. My little DD's confidence has definitely taken a hit over the last several months, but she'll come back from it. We'll figure out the next steps. I love when this board gives a reality check. Thank you.

 

[amiandjim]

Good for you!!!