WAG Reacting to Abuse Claims

[profmom]

As someone who did a different sport as a child and now has two gymnasts, I have learned that being the parent of an athlete is different from being an athlete. As a parent, you will see all kinds of parenting styles and approaches to support among the families you encounter, and different levels of healthy and unhealthy engagement with the child's athletic progress. The people who've wandered into Chalk Bucket over the years who believe that gym is life and death and never evolve from that perspective tend not to stay that long, often because their kids quit.Of course, the parents who aren't really involved don't find this board, haha!

What's interesting to me is that some of the parents who were really crazy when their kids were little do learn to trust the process more and chill out as their kids get into upper optionals. I think part of the reason is that it's easy to get very personally invested in a child's success if your child is killing it as a compulsory athlete. As they age, almost all of them will face setbacks, blocks, injuries, and just down periods, and if they're going to get through those rough patches, they need parents who aren't externalizing everything and looking for someone/something to blame when things go wrong.

I know that as a parent, I have learned a lot about the sport over the years and I feel like I know much better now where the line lies between a coach's pushing of athletes to achieve their fullest potential while remaining healthy and happy, and abusive coaching practices. I'd guess that I'm not alone in saying I wish I knew then what I know now in both directions. I do try at my kids' gym to explain things to parents who don't understand things like why coaches have rules about parents coaching their kids from the sidelines, kids not wandering away from their rotations during practice, kids not missing practice right before meets, etc. ("I know Johnny was really upset and cried when the coach scolded him and sent him to sit for a little while, but you may not have noticed that when he did that random cartwheel off to the side, he came within a foot of being clocked by the biggest L10 on the boys' team trying out his double pike dismount on pbars.")

 

[sce]

Yes, she's early days. But I was a JO gymnast throughout my childhood and I'm well aware of the commitment. As I said above the word "silly" was used within a very specific context in which I was describing not making team as a silly reason for an adult to make false abuse claims.

I agree with every single thing you said, and I don't see how it disagrees with anything I've posted. I said that I don't think it's healthy to tell children that gymnastics is life and death, and I still don't. But there's a huge difference between that and not giving them all of the support they need to be a committed gymnast.

Is there any good reason to make a false abuse claim? I mean altogether adults need to not get overly invested in kids activities. As long as the child is healthy and appropriately learning, adults should support and not worry about who gets picked for what.

 

[Dahlia]

Is there any good reason to make a false abuse claim? I mean altogether adults need to not get overly invested in kids activities. As long as the child is healthy and appropriately learning, adults should support and not worry about who gets picked for what.

There is no good reason. Yet it happens. Usually retribution/revenge. Though the possibility that a child misunderstands or misinterprets and the parents don't ask clarifying questions could also result in a false claim (aka child falling, coach reaches out to catch child and prevent injury, and private area is accidentally briefly touched).

 

[raenndrops]

There is no good reason. Yet it happens. Usually retribution/revenge. Though the possibility that a child misunderstands or misinterprets and the parents don't ask clarifying questions could also result in a false claim (aka child falling, coach reaches out to catch child and prevent injury, and private area is accidentally briefly touched).

Or the parent asks LEADING questions because of their own history / dislike of the coach.

 

[DebraNC]

This thread is rubbing me the wrong way. False claims of abuse are rare, false claims of sexual abuse even more rare. It is statistically more likely that a child will remain silent about abuse than make a false claim. Statistically false claims are in the 2-8% range. To translate that means 1/50-1/12 are false.
https://www.ourresilience.org/what-you-need-to-know/myths-and-facts/

How many times have I read about bullying issues in the gym that coaches and parents claim no knowledge of? Why would you assume they are any more aware about sexual abuse?

If there was an abuse claim at my daughter's gym I would not allow her to return into the individual in question has been removed pending an investigation. I would offer my support to both the gym and the family. I would talk very seriously with my child to see if she has been touched inappropriately or possibly seen anything. I hope we don't have an issue, our gym has very serious safe sport policies in effect and I've never seen a violation of one,

 

[sce]

There is no good reason. Yet it happens. Usually retribution/revenge. Though the possibility that a child misunderstands or misinterprets and the parents don't ask clarifying questions could also result in a false claim (aka child falling, coach reaches out to catch child and prevent injury, and private area is accidentally briefly touched).

I was really trying to understand why the other poster says it was a silly reason to do it, as if there is ever a reason that it would make sense!!!

 

[Flippin'A]

This thread got completely derailed. I started it as a way to brainstorm how we, as a community, can offer support to those who come out publicly with stories of abuse. I, as someone who suffered emotional abuse at the hands of a gymnastics coach, know exactly how hard it is to speak up in that situation, and I think letting survivors know they are being listened to and believed is vital. I also know that false reports of abuse are rare, but I wanted to respect those who have experienced either threats or the actual thing first hand.

I used the word "silly" in a response, and some misconstrued it and thought I was calling the sport of gymnastics silly. Now someone else has decided that I'm saying there's a good reason to make false abuse claims against a coach. I would like to point out that there are more adjectives in the world than "silly" and "good." I don't see how saying one reason is silly is in any way the same as saying any other reason is good. I've obviously managed to put my foot in my mouth, and I'm not going to address that particular point again. I apologize for the wording in that post to any who were offended.

I would still love to have this conversation, as I think it's an important one and I'd be curious to hear everyone's thoughts.

 

[profmom]

We need a better way to deal with claims of abuse (of all kinds) in this sport. I think it's important not to single out sexual abuse and treat it as particularly evil and monstrous. If you construct something in that way, you'll spend your time looking for evil monsters, and if you're a decent person, you'll expect them to be rare and distinctive.

There are more than 80,000 young women doing JO artistic gymnastics in the United States through USAG-sanctioned programs. Add the men. Add T&T. Add Rhythmic. Add Team Gym. Now add rec. These participants of all levels and all genders are scattered across thousands of sanctioned clubs across the US and its territories.

SafeSport has fewer than 50 employees.

We think this is a reasonable solution that's going to work because we are looking for exceptional, evil monsters.