Parents ROBHS mental block

[IreneKa]

Yes, I know this topic has been discussed a lot, but please bear with me. I've done a lot of research and mostly just thinking out loud here.

First, a little background. DD is a level 4, she was diagnosed with low back stress fracture last June and spent 12 week in a back brace. Of course she wasn't able to do any back skills during that time. She was cleared to start full training at the end of September, and had some back tumbling fear issues at first, but was able to overcome them quickly, and was even able to compete in her first meet at the end of October.
Then the fear issues came back and are getting worse and worse. At first she was able to do her ROBHSBHS sometimes, but now she doesn't seem to be able to do them at all. We had a meet yesterday, and she couldn't do it, and ended up with a score of 6.25.

I spent all morning searching trough the posts on fears, mental blocks, vestibular, etc. So, here is what I think so far. The problem of course is related to not being allowed to do any back bending skills for 3 month, plus she grew a lot during the summer, and has gotten stronger (doing a lot of conditioning). So, things changed and her vestibular system needs to catch up.
I was thinking of doing some privates or something, but after all the reading, I'm not sure that's such a good idea. Some coaches think the privates might make things worse by making her focus on the issue. Sounds like the best thing we can do right now is back off and let her work through this in her own pace?

Her coaches seem to be handling it well for the most part, not focusing on the issue, no yelling, punishments, etc. No one even mentioned anything to me. The only way I even found out about this is by coming earlier than usual for pick up one day and noticing her struggling. I never ask her how it's going, and she doesn't say much, so I didn't know until yesterday that this has gotten so bad.

One thing I'm not sure if the coaches handed right is letting her compete the event yesterday. She couldn't do a single one during the warm ups, so I think they probably should have just scratched it. It was their first event too, so it obviously affected her confidence for the rest of the meet. But then again, maybe they just didn't want to make a big deal out of this, and proceed as if nothing was going on, I don't know.

So, as I said, I'm mostly thinking out loud here, but any input from coaches\experienced parents is welcome.
Is a private such a bad idea? Would Doc. Ali's WebCamp help? Any other suggestions?


Here are the old posts that I found the most helpful:

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[gymbeam]

no advice but just wanted to say i'm sorry she's having a tough year. hope things turn around soon and kudos to you for trying to do whats best for her. big hugs!

 

[profmom]

I know how frustrating it is! But if the coaches aren't pushing her and she's not distressed, it sounds like everyone is doing everything right. If that's the case and she's just bummed about the score, reassure her that she had the skill before and it will come back if she can just be patient. You can explain the vestibular issue to her in language she can understand so she knows it's a common problem and doesn't mean she's not trying. Hopefully they're working with her wherever she can work on it, whether that's standing BHSs or tumbl trak or with a spot or something else. I hope her little detour on this path is a short one! Remind her that once it comes back, with all the extra strength she's gained, it will be awesome!

Oh, and it is a very good thing for everyone to learn how to leave a bad event behind and just go on to the next one. No matter how awesome anyone is, s/he is bound to have that meet at some point where something goes badly wrong on an event early in the meet. It's great to learn at an early level how to let that go and bring your best to your next event -- or your next meet.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Sounds like they are handling it correctly. Just let it ride I say..

 

[sevenatenine2]

No advice, really, but so sorry she's dealing with it.

 

[IreneKa]

Thanks everyone! I talked to her HC yesterday. She said don't do anything, don't even mention it to her, she'll be fine. Looks like DD is in the good hands, so we'll just wait and see.

 

[IreneKa]

Just thought I would update. It's been 4 weeks. DD had another meet this past weekend, and I'm happy to report that her Robhsbhs is back!
Still scored a bit low, only 8.2, but now that the big skill is back, she'll be able to concentrate on the small stuff, like pointing her toes and straitening her knees.

 

[iwannacoach]

Privates will infer an expectation of success as well as making the problem a big one by adding more time and stress to the issue.

You've done all you can do by doing nothing other than "being there" for her.

 

[Proud mom]

My 12 year old DD went through this for an entire year. This is not the first time either, she went through this when she was 8. One of her coaches wanted her to take time off. I posted on CB to see if this was a good idea and Dunno suggested not. He told me to be patient and it worked! It was a long year!!! I would just drop her off and not ask questions when I picked her up. I stopped watching her practice because it put to much stress on the both of us. It was heartbreaking because I knew she was struggling and I could tell she wanted to quit. Then one day it just clicked. She actually said mom bhs are so easy not sure what my problem was. Unfortunately we are out with an ankle fracture right now, but it wasn't on a backwards skill so I hope it won't set her back again. She is definitely an over thinker. I wish you the best of luck with your DD! Just hang in there and be patient with her

 

[IreneKa]

Here we go again...

So, she was fine in December. Then two weeks later she started having troubles again. She was still able to do it sometimes, and was able to compete it at a meet on 1/9. Then this past weekend not only she was unable to do it, but she landed on her head attempting it at warmup. And the coaches still let her compete it after that. She manged ROBHS, but couldn't do the second BHS.

I know it's normal that the skill comes back and then disappears again. Nobody is pressuring her, not me, not her coaches. But she is pressuring herself, because it's the middle of the season, and she know she needs to compete it. She can't concentrate on her other skills and events, and keep stressing out over her BHSs. At this point I feel like it would be better if she just scratched floor at the next couple of meets. Not "if you don't get it by next meet, you are scratching", because that would just add to the anxiety. But "you are scratching it at the next meet" period. If she knew she didn't have to compete it, maybe she wouldn't be stressing out over it so much, and it would come back faster?
Besides, in my eyes it's becoming a safety issue now. She literally tried to force it and landed on her head. This isn't safe, is it?

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Yes scratch the rest of the season I say.

 

[IreneKa]

Yes scratch the rest of the season I say.

But I'm not the coach. Would I be out of line suggesting this to the coaches? Whenever I try to talk to the HC about DD, she just says, "she is fine, she can do it".

 

[MILgymFAM]

But I'm not the coach. Would I be out of line suggesting this to the coaches? Whenever I try to talk to the HC about DD, she just says, "she is fine, she can do it".

I hope your coach is willing to listen. I have asked DDs coach to remove the BWO from her routine since it's not required and her response was nope, she can do it and it stays. She even admitted she knew my DD would fall at her meet, but it stayed anyway.

 

[sevenatenine2]

I hope your coach is willing to listen. I have asked DDs coach to remove the BWO from her routine since it's not required and her response was nope, she can do it and it stays. She even admitted she knew my DD would fall at her meet, but it stayed anyway.

It would greatly annoy me that your coach (if I'm remembering correctly) is so hands-off for Xcel to the point of having the kids choreograph their own routines, and then gets all Militant when you want to change something that really is a problem!

 

[MILgymFAM]

It would greatly annoy me that your coach (if I'm remembering correctly) is so hands-off for Xcel to the point of having the kids choreograph their own routines, and then gets all Militant when you want to change something that really is a problem!

I am over being annoyed and onto the phase of DD has to work with what she's got. I am hoping that the OPs coaches are reasonable. Whenever something is a safety risk, I would hope everyone is on the same page.

 

[sevenatenine2]

I agree.

OP, maybe phrase it as, "I'm wondering if perhaps she should scratch floor the rest of the season? I'm afraid her BHS is unsafe."

 

[Deleted member 14190]

I would phrase it as , "Hey I just wanted you guys to know that I'm totally okay with her scratching floor the rest of the season what do you guys think".

 

[IreneKa]

Thank you!

 

[Ali'sMom]

I have to agree, bring up the safety aspect.
When DD wasn't sure about her kip, and we thought she'd scratch bars, but she plunged forward, I had seen her miss her kip in practice, and it wasn't unsafe. BUT, watching a failed BHS makes my insides hurt.

I do feel like if that's not weighing so heavy on her mind, she will definitely do better in the other events.

Focus on CoachP's phrase for sure!