WAG She's just not team-track: breaking it to parents

[coachmolly]

I would also work with HC to start an Xcel "pre-team" or Bronze/Silver team. I work at a very small club that only has an Xcel team, so my experiences are a bit different, but because we are so small, we do still need to limit the size of our teams a bit. We have dealt with this by having a "high school prep" class for middle school kids who want more. Our biggest frustration right now is a set of sisters- one who is a good fit for team, the other who is not, and we don't know how to work through that.
I have one little girl on my Bronze team- an 8 year old- who is not particularly talented. She is strong but not at all flexible, fearful, lacking confidence, but she LOVES gymnastics and works harder than any other kid. She was in my pre-team group and when mom said she wanted more I said "what the heck!" and let her jump into the Bronze training group (this is our first year with Bronze). She has struggled to get the skills, has taken almost a year to get most of what she needs for Bronze and is still iffy with bars skills, but she has outlasted some of her more talented teammates simply because she loves gymnastics and works so hard. She also has other skills that help her immensely, even though they aren't things coaches might pick up on as "talent" right off the bat. She is super aware of her body, has excellent form, will not accept anything less than her best, when she does get a skill- sometimes months after everyone else- it often looks very nice, she has a knack for remembering routines and needs to the least amount of instruction when working on beam/floor routines because she learns them almost immediately and doesn't allow herself to do it incorrectly. So yes, she is talented, just in unconventional ways and I am SO glad I took a chance on her, because she is a HUGE asset to our team.

 

[cbifoja]

I'd like to share my story to see if it will help....

I was a dancer and when my DD was born, I couldn't wait to enroll her in dance. I wanted to do the stage make up, hair, and colorful costumes. I was so happy when she turned four and I could enroll her in our local dance company.

DD went into the studio and immediately raced to the free-standing barre and did a pull over. I was embarrassed and shushed her down and told her to come stand next to the wall until class began. When the instructor came in, she sent the parents out and held class. I was imagining how much fun DD was having and wondering if she had any natural ability that might show up.

So it was a harsh blow when the instructor came out after class, with my daughter in hand, and told me that she wasn't cut out for dance. I was devastated!!!! I was embarrassed too. I couldn't believe what I was hearing and couldn't understand how someone could dismiss a FOUR YEAR OLD'S dance potential. I barely even heard the instructor tell me that I needed to take her to a gym in my hurry to get the heck out of there.

It took me several months to get up the courage to take her to the gym the instructor suggested. I enrolled her in a little preschool class and sat on pins and needles for the first term. The second term she was invited to an advanced preschool class and then on to pre-team at age 6.

My point is that as much as it hurt for that dance instructor to tell me that my child wasn't right for dance, she truly did my daughter a favor because I was more than willing to spend tons of time and tons of money to try to get my DD to succeed in dance. But instead she found a sport that she LOVES and is having some success with. It is a much better fit and while I've had to give up my dream of my little baby ballerina, the strong gymnast who replaced her is amazing and now I wouldn't trade her for anything.

You may be helping this little girl find her true niche and while it might hurt the mom at first, you could very well be doing her a HUGE favor.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

Aaaaaawww cbifoja!!!! I love that!
For the record, although I have done both rudimentary dance and gymnastics, none of my daughters have followed into my sports footsteps (I was a swimmer).

 

[Yuenling]

Does it ever happen when a coach thinks a girl will never be able to get to level 10, even though she is decent in compulsory, so the coach makes her repeat compulsory levels so much until she gets bored and quits?

Can a coach tell ahead of time who can make it to level 10, or any other upper limit (like 9, 8, 7) and if so, when ?

 

[gymbeam]

oh to be able to get in the minds of those coaches!

 

[duyetanh]

Does it ever happen when a coach thinks a girl will never be able to get to level 10, even though she is decent in compulsory, so the coach makes her repeat compulsory levels so much until she gets bored and quits?

Can a coach tell ahead of time who can make it to level 10, or any other upper limit (like 9, 8, 7) and if so, when ?

I hope no coach out there would do that. I cannot imagine a coach making the child do the same level over and over for that reason.

 

[Graham14]

I don't have experience with gymnastics, but I coached sports and had to cut many girls and had to make many girls alternates or "non-starters". It's never easy and never fun. Sometimes it is that the kid doesn't try Or put the work in, and sometimes the kid really does try but just doesn't have "it" or needs a lot more time and training. I have also had to have many, many convos with parents regarding this exact situation.

If the kid just doesn't have it, then I would be "lovingly" honest and lay out options and goals. I don't know if it is possible for this particular girl to attain the skills she needs for xcel, but giving them the info and letting them decide what to do with it is often best.

I had a parent not understand why their kid didn't make jv, when I had clearly told everyone for months that you had to at least be able to run a mile in less than 9 minutes. I even said that if you showed heart and kept jogging and finished the mile I would consider you for a later tryout. The kid walked the last half mile. I should stress that really everyone needed the stamina to be able to run for a solid hour, and the kids knew that, but the mile was just a preliminary thing. I told the mom she needed that less than 9 minute mile, as well as a few other prerequisites to make the team. If she could do those, then making the team might be feasible. From there though she would need more to get playing time. I think the mom had no idea what was involved and how competitive it was. They decided on other things and there were no hard feelings.

On the other hand, I've seen kids be presented with the same choice and rise above. They don't always excel, but they rise enough to hang. Sometimes not making a team at first is the push they need to decide they want to make things happen. (I myself did not make a team in 6th grade, but was granted the opportunity to be a team manager that practiced with the team. by the end of the season I played in games and by 8th grade I was a captain. Sometimes knowing it is sink or swim time, helps a kid push through, and I appreciate the kind honesty that coach gave me to this day.)

 

[gymdilettante]

I would also work with HC to start an Xcel "pre-team" or Bronze/Silver team. I work at a very small club that only has an Xcel team, so my experiences are a bit different, but because we are so small, we do still need to limit the size of our teams a bit. We have dealt with this by having a "high school prep" class for middle school kids who want more. Our biggest frustration right now is a set of sisters- one who is a good fit for team, the other who is not, and we don't know how to work through that.
I have one little girl on my Bronze team- an 8 year old- who is not particularly talented. She is strong but not at all flexible, fearful, lacking confidence, but she LOVES gymnastics and works harder than any other kid. She was in my pre-team group and when mom said she wanted more I said "what the heck!" and let her jump into the Bronze training group (this is our first year with Bronze). She has struggled to get the skills, has taken almost a year to get most of what she needs for Bronze and is still iffy with bars skills, but she has outlasted some of her more talented teammates simply because she loves gymnastics and works so hard. She also has other skills that help her immensely, even though they aren't things coaches might pick up on as "talent" right off the bat. She is super aware of her body, has excellent form, will not accept anything less than her best, when she does get a skill- sometimes months after everyone else- it often looks very nice, she has a knack for remembering routines and needs to the least amount of instruction when working on beam/floor routines because she learns them almost immediately and doesn't allow herself to do it incorrectly. So yes, she is talented, just in unconventional ways and I am SO glad I took a chance on her, because she is a HUGE asset to our team.

Great story! And you sound like a great coach!

 

[CLgym]

@ Yuenling. I'm not sure if coaches can actually predict which girls will make it to level 10 -- but I know from first hand experience that some sure try. My DD was directed to Xcel rather than JO (from pre team). In meeting with the HC about that decision, I was told that they were not looking for good Level 3s, but rather good Level 10s, and that my DD's height (very average in the "real world" but tall compared to the JO body type at our gym) would likely be an impediment at the upper levels. DD was 6 years old when we had this conversation!

 

[needcoffee]

Whatever you do, make sure you do it nicely and in private! I overheard some coaches saying some not so nice stuff about my DD's "lack of talent" at our first gym. In front of all the parents to hear. It was awful, and I was so mad, but it gave us an opportunity to find a nicer place for her. I secretly do a happy dance now when my DD beats all those teams girls.

 

[emorymom]

My best advice for this kid would probably be to go to a gym that is more centered around the experience of learning gymnastics and less around winning medals in the JO team program. But as an employee I can't say that. My best advice to MYSELF would be to work at a different gym once I have the means to get a car.

Maybe your new boss will pay for your Uber rides.
Seriously, please explain to the mom that all gyms have limitations and this may not be a good fit because GYM. Not because daughter. Make a couple of discrete calls and get her some leads.

I have not seen personally any rec programs that compared to the experience of even a recreationally oriented team. There is hardly ever any time for the stretching or conditioning required to do even basic gymnastics.

My daughter has been in mostly high-inclusive teams for 6 years and she LOVES it. Wants to coach. She is currently going 9 hours a week ... age 12. Would she be a better gymnast if a more serious team had been committed to her? Yes. Has she gone farther in the sport than 80%+ of those shiny tots they rejected her to concentrate on? Definitely. Will she contribute to the sport? Probably not as an athlete, but I do think yes.

 

[FloMoGymMom]

I don't think any coach should say things like "your child will never succeed at gymnastics, dance, etc or they aren't cut out for XYZ." I think it's appropriate to say "Our gym requires XYZ before X age to be on the team. Your DD isn't meeting that criteria within the time we expect her to if she were going to move to team. She may do better at another gym that has a different philosophy, or try TNT, cheer, whatever at your current gym.

No coach can predict with a degree of certainty if a child "isn't cut out" for a sport. My DD started very late(11yo), and wasn't cut out for gymnastics. 1.5yrs into the sport, she is moving to L6(12yo) and making the podium quite well in L5, in DFW. Her drive and work ethic are beyond my comprehension. THAT is something a rec coach can't judge and it's not something you can teach either.

As a coach I'd rather have 10 of my DDs than 100 tiny, young, extremely talented children whose parents are pushing them through the sport kicking and screaming.

You can't teach intrinsic motivation, nor can you know if it exists unless the child is given a chance. If your gym isn't willing to give the chance, that doesn't mean the child is incapable of gymnastics - it means the parent would do well to find a better fit for her daughter.

 

[FloMoGymMom]

Does it ever happen when a coach thinks a girl will never be able to get to level 10, even though she is decent in compulsory, so the coach makes her repeat compulsory levels so much until she gets bored and quits?

Can a coach tell ahead of time who can make it to level 10, or any other upper limit (like 9, 8, 7) and if so, when ?

NO, a coach doesn't know, and can't know what a gymnast's upper limit will be. There are way too many factors to consider and most of those are out of the control of the coaches AND the parents. What they can tell, is if that child will make it to X level by X year though, b/c they are essentially the ones deciding when a child moves levels. So, it's not really a prediction, it's a conscious decision.

A coach can identify girls that have the right combination of strength, flexibility, lack of fear, intrinsic motivation, mental stability, maturity, etc that would make it easier to excel to the higher levels, but that doesn't mean they actually will. A very large percentage quit before the higher levels.