Parents Sibling Issues

[Ex member]

How do you deal with issues surrounding siblings in gymnastics?

My eldest dd was asked to join our gym club disability gymnastics development program after a quick assessment - she has only been taking trampoline lessons for the past 5 weeks. My younger dd has been doing recreational gymnastics for 18 months and is doing very well but has not been asked to join any development program so far despite getting good feedback about how good she is and how well she is doing in gymnastics.

How do you deal with any possible future questions such as how come my sister can go to gym more times than me and for longer? Etc. I haven't had any issues yet but it's only been a few days since my eldest dd started development.

Has anyone else got siblings that are on different program's such as rec vs pre team, development or team?

 

[gymgal]

I would just keep it simple. She is older than you, her coaches feel she is ready for more hours. When you are ready, you will go more as well.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

Sorry I'm not a "everyone is treated the same" kind of mum. Different people are different. My children know that they wont always get the same. Went shopping the other day with Big Boy and came home with clothes for him and Little Boy. Pink and Fluffy said where is my stuff. I said she get the money spent in gym lessons, leos etc. Can't have it twice.

When Big Boy was doing gym and she was too she had more Hours. When he complained I pointed out she needed more time as she was going further than him. Its a fact of life and they have to get used to it.

In fact I get irritated with MIL when she buys presents for exactly the same monetary value, and if its not fill the gap with tat. I say if child a) gets a £10 present this time, but child b) gets a £20 one its okay, because next time it might be the other way round. It works out in the end.

 

[Jenny]

Sorry I'm not a "everyone is treated the same" kind of mum. Different people are different. My children know that they wont always get the same. Went shopping the other day with Big Boy and came home with clothes for him and Little Boy. Pink and Fluffy said where is my stuff. I said she get the money spent in gym lessons, leos etc. Can't have it twice.

When Big Boy was doing gym and she was too she had more Hours. When he complained I pointed out she needed more time as she was going further than him. Its a fact of life and they have to get used to it.

In fact I get irritated with MIL when she buys presents for exactly the same monetary value, and if its not fill the gap with tat. I say if child a) gets a £10 present this time, but child b) gets a £20 one its okay, because next time it might be the other way round. It works out in the end.

My dad always told me and my siblings that we wouldn't always get the same amount of money from him. He said we would always get what we needed at that point in our lives and it would work out in the end. You can tie yourself in knots trying to make things equal with your kids.

 

[dani4]

My dad always told me and my siblings that we wouldn't always get the same amount of money from him. He said we would always get what we needed at that point in our lives and it would work out in the end. You can tie yourself in knots trying to make things equal with your kids.

I'm reading Siblings Without Rivalry right now and the advice is pretty much the same. Give the kids according to their needs. Acknowledge the feelings of the one who complains, but you will drive yourself crazy if you try to make everything equal.

I'm wondering what will happen when my younger DD surpasses my older DD in whatever activity they happen to both do (could be gymnastics- they are doing that now but I don't know if they will both stay there). It's already happened a little, and so far it just gets older DD to work harder. They are 2 1/2 and 4 1/2. Younger DD got her forward roll first, and is *this* close to doing a proper handstand (she can balance on her hands when she does donkey kicks, and straightens her legs). Older DD is not there. Younger DD is also more verbal, and better at doing puzzles.

I'm trying my best not to marvel about how advanced & talented younger DD is in front of older DD, and to never let them hear me compare them. It's hard. At the same time, younger DD is a MENACE and she's more of a trouble-maker than older DD. So it's not like "Younger DD is great, older DD is bad"- it's more complicated than that. Still, I don't want to force them into roles or make them feel bad.

 

[JMACAZ]

I have 2 DDs in gymnastics. One in XCel and the other in JO. Older DD has tons of natural ability but not a huge work ethic. Younger DD also has natural ability but eats,sleeps and breathes gym. She will probably surpass older DD in the coming year. Older DD was asked to do L3 (younger is doing L2) but declined. I have told both of them the effort they put in will detemine how far they go. Older DD is in the gym 8 hours younger 6. There is some rivalry but having themon different tracks and competing at different times has helped.

 

[Ex member]

Thank you all for your replies, you have given me something to think about. I am not trying to make things equal as I know that's impossible, I think my original post was just thinking aloud to any possible issues in the future as younger dd is better at gymnastics than her older sister and youngest dd is in rec, where as eldest dd has taking only a handful of disability rec classes before being asked to the disability development group. I know that youngest dd wants to get out of rec and was just worried that seeing her eldest sister move out of rec so quickly would cause issues - it hasn't yet. Youngest dd does dance so maybe in the future she may give up gymnastics to concentrate on that - she is only 6.

 

[OzZee]

I think as they are in different/want to be in different streams (ie disability vs competitive wag) then it will be easy to explain it to your younger dd if she does think that way - but maybe she has already thought that through?
May also help your younger dd get noticed if her older sister is competing.

 

[gymmiemom]

I wouldn't worry about it for now. My 7 year old was picked for team within a few months of my girls starting gym. Last year she competed L3. This year she will either compete new 3 or 4, decisions will come out in a few weeks. Anyways, my 9 year old DD was not in the least put out. She continued to do rec classes for the next year and worked really hard. My 6 year old DD continued in rec as well. We really just never made a very big deal out of the fact that 7 year old DD was on team. She is good and her sisters could see that, we didn't need to point it out to them or have a big discussion about it. We've always been very vocal about the fact that they all have different strengths and weaknesses. 7 year old DD struggles with school, it does not come naturally to her. 9 year old DD is a stellar student. It is what it is. Now 9 year old DD is more focused on basketball, soccer and volleyball and only does rec gym during her off seasons. Youngest DD has decided that dance is thing for her

 

[Iwannabemargo]

Big Boy and Pink and Fluffy are both uber competative. To the point of distraction. They will compete over everything, how fast they can get dressed, do their chores, Eat their tea - drives me nuts.

Big Boy is 5 1/2 years older so has generally always "won" at everything. He quit gym nearly 3 years ago and was living on last glories in their "I'm better than you " sessions. Recently he's has become a volunter coach at her new gym, and is attending adult gym classes. He now gets that she is way better than he will ever be, and although he won't freely admit it to her, he gets the reflected glory so he is cool with it.

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[Faith]

I think my issue is more the family commitment a sport like gymnastics requires. I worry about DD2- she's not really going to have the freedom to try different sport, or pick a sport like DD1, purely because of logistics. She already spends a lot of her life in the car with me dropping DD1 to training, or sitting watching a competition..She's already had to switch gym clubs because of DD1..

Sometimes it works to the younger's advantage- DD2 is very well known at DD1's club, the older girls make a fuss, the coaches let her join in or play in the gym, and HC will sign her up to team as soon as she is ready, even though she's technically too young. She already has a social peer group of fellow siblings. By watching she's picked up a lot of technique, and copies and plays around at home. So by the time she does start at 6 or so she'll be way ahead of DD1, who didn't even discover the sport until she was 7.

But if she doesn't want to do it, or has talent elsewhere, what can you do? It doesn't seem fair to tell her no because we have to work around DD1, but then DD1 has worked so hard- if she does get within reach of junior elite, I can't say no, sorry, it's DD2's turn to have the parental focus you benefitted from at that age.

I'd like DD2 to follow a similar path into gymnastics like DD1, as I think the strength and flexibility it gives will help with whatever she chooses to do in life.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

It tough. Big boy is a talented rugby player, he also rows. Very often I will be at a competition with P&F and dad will be at a match with him. He was invited to County training but his lack of height meant it was unsafe to pick him for the team so that is on hold til he grows.

At the moment we manage with two of us going in different directions, and I suppose it helps that one is a boy and one a girl, but gawd knows What we will do when little Boy finds his thing, I already feel guilty that he is missing out on a lot of time and attention.

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[Learning Parent GB]

We struggle with the equality of time between siblings. DS1 feels he spends half of his time transporting DD to gym and she only goes 3 times per week. It has got easier now that he is old enough to stay home alone for short periods, and in the meantime I just tell him it is making up for all the football practices and matches she has watched in the past. But we also have DS2 who now plays football and will switch to gymnastics in January when there is a space for him. These are his choices, but I know that they are completely moulded by the fact that these are the two sports he has had to watch every day of his life.

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As for different talents, we have found that these do balance out between different things and that a long as we are all honest about it and acknowledge their effort then the two older ones certainly seem to deal with it very well. I had a very thoughtful music teacher suggest that she put my DS in for a lesser exam than DD so that he didn't feel left out. Whilst I appreciated her thought, I did point out that he wasn't daft and it wouldn't fool him. If DD is a better violin player, then she will naturally do the exams first and if he learns that from the start then there won't be any nasty jealousies later on. BUT, because of the amount of time we spend ferrying her to gym, we have had to say no to taking her to private violin lessons because that would be another 90+ minutes a week that our youngest would be waiting around in the car, and we will need to devote that time to him soon. We're a bit at that stage of 'you can't do everything'.

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On a positive note, when DD overtook her older brother in swimming lessons, it simply prompted him to up his game. I was very proud of his attitude and now they are both the same level and swim together with friendly competition, but also helping each other out.