Parents slow and steady progress from my 5 year old

[dani4]

My daughters are both in developmental preschool-aged gymnastics classes- think pre-pre-team. The classes are taught by team coaches and theoretically lead into the competitive team, if all goes well. I had them in the rec classes at first, but decided to make the switch because the developmental classes are the same cost and the coaching is better, the peer group is better too (the kids are all more focused & athletic- I got sick of watching the coaches deal with unmotivated kids who were forced to be there, in the same classes with my kids). Plus my kids say they want to be on the team someday, so I want to give them the best opportunity.

My older daughter has been in this class since September, it's for 4-5 year olds. I was a little unsure about signing her up for this class in the first place because it's clear that she's not really great competitive gymnast material. She's tall & gangly, about average strength, below-average coordination, and some fear issues. However, she has some strengths: she is good at working through her fears, and she really loves trying new things- she's game for anything really, as long as you let her move slowly. Her endurance is well-above average for her age. And she aims to please her teachers and coaches, and gets along very well with other kids.

Anyway the year has gone pretty well. The class calendar is broken up into quarters, so every quarter we get a new report card and recommendations for the next quarter- which class to sign up for. I can see improvement in DD's report card, but I can also see it with my own eyes. She's gotten so much better, but there are still some areas where she needs work. She went from quaking with fear on the big beam, where her coach had to practically hold her up, to now finally walking across it on her own- not exactly brimming with confidence, but she does it. I am really impressed watching her splits go further and further, and she can now hold herself up off the ground in the straddle position (i know there's a name for this skill, but I don't know it). She's also doing well on bars- she has a pullover with a light spot, and she casts.

We just got the recommendations for the next quarter, and I was not surprised to see that DD's coach recommended she stay in her current class. What did surprise me just a little was that she said "for another year." I actually am ok with her staying where she is for another year, but it made me wonder if she really was cut out for this program and if she should move back over to rec. I was going to post here about it but decided to just talk to her coach, and I'm so glad that I did. She doesn't know if it's going to be another 6 months or another year, and she says that it really just depends on how she progresses. She sees potential in my daughter, and thinks that as long as she wants to stay in the program and try to be on team someday she should keep going and eventually she'll get there, maybe. No guarantees of course. Her main thing she needs to work on right now are floor skills- she is almost nowhere on handstands and cartwheels. It's clear that the other kids in the class are much closer than she is. It's not a strength issue, it's clearly a fear issue... but she'll get there.. slowly.. she keeps trying. I just wonder if she'll be the only kid to spend 2 years in this class, and finally move up when she's past 6. It's ok, of course, and my pocket book is in no rush. And maybe along the way she'll decide she'd rather do something else.

My younger daughter is another issue... she's in the developmental class for 3 year olds and she's like a duck taking to water. She is very strong for her age, and strong-willed, and daring but not stupid about it- I appreciate that I generally don't have to worry about her doing things that will get her killed. Just temporarily maimed . It's really fun to watch her do gymnastics, and every day she asks when she gets to go back. So cool. My one small concern is that she's probably going to surpass her older sister at some point in the not-too-distant future.. my guess is it will easily happen in the next 2 years. But we'll cross that bridge when we get there. She's also likely to pass her in math and other academic subjects, the way things are going, and that is more concerning to me. It's really not fair the way the talents were handed out in our family. Older DD is a smart, capable kid, but she is growing up with a little sister who is off the charts in every area, except maybe emotional & social maturity- that is where older DD shines. And that's what's going to get us through .

 

[MILgymFAM]

We deal with this too- except reversed. My younger DD is pure sunshine; just an enthusiasm for everything she does and a thousand watt smile. She is smart and capable. But then she is always, always in my older DDs shadow. Older DD is academically gifted, graceful, athletic.. You name it. She wins all the awards at school, gets invited to try college at 12, has been in a professional ballet, been asked to model... You get the picture. YDD brings home report cards with all As and Bs and a note that says she is helpful. ODD has 116 average for the year and her note literally called her the golden ticket from willy wonka. We think our YDD is the sunshine in our lives, but I know it's hard when it feels everyone thinks her sister is so special. It's a tightrope we walk of making them both feel special and important as individuals, and it's tough.

 

[kaloss]

I could have written this post about a year ago. My daughters were 5 and 7 when they started gymnastics, same class, level 1 rec. younger dd was pulled up to "hotshots" after 3 months and older dd stayed in level 1. Younger dd moved to team another 3 months later and older dd decided to try horseback riding. I have to remind younger daughter to not interrupt and shout answers out when I'm working with older dd on homework. She taught herself to read and is just quick at everything. ODD is smart and reliable and mature. YDD is the harder kid to handle, immature and loves to be the center of attention. I found that encouraging them to find separate interests helped. That way they aren't in competition with one another.

 

[Committed]

I wouldn't cut your losses with ODD quite yet! She's still very young. The high bar is very high for little ones. My DD is very tall for her age and I used to joke that she looked like Kermit the Frog out on the gym floor. She just didn't know how to control her long arms and legs (yes, as a 5 yo). Since then, she has learned a lot of control and is now a 7yo level 4 but training even higher skills. Balance is still an issue, but she's working on it.

 

[dani4]

I wouldn't cut your losses with ODD quite yet! She's still very young. The high bar is very high for little ones. My DD is very tall for her age and I used to joke that she looked like Kermit the Frog out on the gym floor. She just didn't know how to control her long arms and legs (yes, as a 5 yo). Since then, she has learned a lot of control and is now a 7yo level 4 but training even higher skills. Balance is still an issue, but she's working on it.

Thanks! All the replies are so helpful... This in particular is good for me to see. I have been very careful not to let older DD know that I wonder about her potential- I do not want her to feel that I think she might not be very good, I know from experience how bad that is to hear from a parent. I have actually learned SO MUCH from reading CB.. I'm already really good about not saying much about gymnastics in general.. I try to let my kids own their gymnastics, and I keep my obsessing as far away from them as possible (thanks to CB!).

But maybe I need to keep a more open mind about older DD- she might actually be more capable than I give her credit for! I don't want to cut her down with negativity that is undeserved. I really hope that having a super star little sister doesn't make her want to give up... but maybe it won't come to that. Maybe they will motivate each other, and enjoy having gymnastics in common. Maybe it can be a healthy rivalry. Maybe my younger DD will quit- maybe she'll find something else she would rather do! (Fat chance, but hey anything is possible.) It's hard for me to imagine the possibilities because I'm an older sister, and I was always better at everything than my younger sister. It would have been really hard to deal with the opposite. My husband is the younger brother who exceeded his older brother academically (and came close athletically), and it was very hard on their relationship- but I know that his parents did not help, since they were the types to use shame & praise all the time to get what they considered acceptable behavior.

I realize that is that it is important for me to not compare my kids, and I try so hard not to praise or talk about one in front of the other. At the same time I want to recognize how great and special each one is, so I really try to do that when the other one isn't looking.

 

[tooootsie]

I have that too my girls are 5 and 7, both started gym at 2. Ydd was invited to developmental pre team at 3.5 odd did not get invited until she was 5.5. Both have been preteam since so for 2 years. Now they are on the same jo level 3 team... so yes younger sis caught up. It comes more naturally for her... but odd works hard and has wonderful form. They both make me proud

 

[profmom]

Your daughters are very young, so I think it's quite difficult to project into the future. My younger one (a son) followed his big sis into gymnastics I think just because he saw she was getting something he wasn't, and for the year he was on preteam, I wasn't sure if he was even going to stay with it long enough to compete. And now he's moving up to L6 (I think), where he will be a much stronger L6 than his sister was. I would guess that he'll catch her at L8 or L9. But he has benefited enormously from having his older sibling ahead of him, because he's learned from watching her how to manage frustration when skills don't come easily. They have a very close relationship and can really support each other when the going is tough and cheer for each other when things are going well.

 

[onebrokegymmum]

My daughters were so similar, now my YDD is in level 6 whilst ODD is repeating 4.... Initially it was very difficult however ODD has taken her time moving slowly through the levels, and has taken the time to score well in each level. So while YDD is the hotshot with higher skills that come quickly, ODD has more medals...... However my daughters have ended up at 2 different clubs, as they were just too competitive with each other!

 

[dani4]

My daughters were so similar, now my YDD is in level 6 whilst ODD is repeating 4.... Initially it was very difficult however ODD has taken her time moving slowly through the levels, and has taken the time to score well in each level. So while YDD is the hotshot with higher skills that come quickly, ODD has more medals...... However my daughters have ended up at 2 different clubs, as they were just too competitive with each other!

Oh dear, two gyms! I don't know if I could handle that! Although our gym has multiple locations, and we happen to live pretty much smack in the middle of two of them.. that may come in handy some day.

I'm really glad to hear that others have dealt with this issue as the kids get older and they have been able to work it out and keep both kids in gymnastics. I really want ODD to do what she likes, no matter what happens with YDD. It can be so hard.

I do know that the kids are so young and it's hard to say what will happen, especially with gymnastics. I do not want to label my kids and I'm working hard to make sure that DH understands why labeling is bad. But it is pretty clear that the little one is very talented and motivated in a way that the older one is not.. she may end up focusing on something entirely different than gymnastics. She is also a talented musician, if you could believe that (yes, at 3 years old). But we're not paying for music lessons unless she begs for them. That is the lesson learned from our childhoods. She's also obsessed with animals and nature. Older daughter's interests? Princesses. Ballerinas. Playing with older kids. She likes learning about all kinds of things, and has passing interest in things like animals and trains, but when it comes down to it she's all about the girly stuff.