Parents Some Parents need to find their filter

[pinklemonadeliz]

Just wanted to vent for a moment while I gently remind all the parents out there that when they're packing their camera, snacks and other miscellaneous items to take with them to a meet that they should also remember to pack the filter that goes between their brain and their mouth.

Last night (Friday) we were at Norcal Level 7 states - my daughter had just finished her bar routine (which we were very proud of, she connected everything and didn't fall - hey, it's something) - she received a score of 7.025 - nope that's not a very good score, and the lady in front of my husband proceeded to tell the person that she was there with that "No one who gets a score like that should even be here" - she said it quite clearly and not so quietly (and I'm thinking she was lucky that it was my husband that was over there video-ing and not me because I might have had to sit next to her and have a little chat with her).

Nope, that was not a great score... Nope, her bar routine was definitely not State Championship caliber... Nope, she didn't have a giant but you know what she DID have??? Courage, Determination and Heart my dear Lady. Did it ever occur to you that maybe there was a reason my kiddo didn't score in the high 9's (which I'm SURE yours did - but I don't know... Do you know why?? because I'm concerned with only one kid out there.. MINE). Maybe, my dear Lady, you didn't know that my kid has struggled with bars ever since she GOT A GIANT SCREW PUT IN HER ELBOW TO HOLD IT TOGETHER! Maybe you didn't know that she can't quite train bars the way her teammates do BECAUSE IT CAUSES HER EXTREME PAIN! and Maybe, my new bestie, you should MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

Nope, my kiddo didn't get a great score on bars - but you know what she DID do? She medaled in three other events (two in the top three) AND she earned her first ever all-around medal all season long AND qualified for Regionals.

So I just thought that since we are finishing up with State Meet season and heading into Regional Meet season that I would gently remind all the parents out there to remember to pack that filter that goes between your brain and your mouth because you never know if the parent of that kid you're bad-mouthing is standing right behind you (and the fact that you would even do such a thing is a whole post unto itself).

Thank you,
Mom of the kid who didn't score so well on bars last night.

 

[cadybearsmommy]

Wow! There is simply no excuse for that. You have the self control of s saint. I would have been tempted to throat punch her!

Wonder if the coaches and gym owner knows they have such rude parents representing their team? Being caught saying something like that at a meet would be grounds to get kicked off the team at a lot of gyms.

 

[UnoMas]

Preach, sister. I have been in a similar circumstance with comments about low scores before. My DD has also struggled with injury and had some seriously less than stellar scores. If I hear people talking about any low scores that come up, for ANY kid, I have been known to tell other parents what I think about their opinion! You just never know what the back story is...and whatever it is, mind your own stinking business anyway, imho!

 

[QueenBee]

First, Congratulations to your daughter on a very successful meet...not only did she show some amazing gymnastics - it sounds like she also competed with a lot of determination and heart.

Second, I'm sorry that another parent said such hurtful things about your child and that you heard it. That is awful, I hope you were able to enjoy your daughter's triumphs. There was no reason for anyone to make those comments and I hope everyone remembers this story if they are ever tempted to make comments like this. Every athlete on the gym floor deserves kindness and appreciation. It isn't easy to compete in front of [at least] 2 judges, your coaches, your teammates and lots of strangers. I am impressed that these athletes can do that, let alone hit routines as well as they do!

Good luck to your daughter going into Regionals, wishing her the very best!

 

[MILgymFAM]

Ahhhh. I know some of the parents who were at that meet, and I know first hand that comments like that are par for the course in this area. People used to say that about my ODD at almost every meet. We had no injury or big reason, but we did have low scores and big heart. It makes it harder to enjoy the meet when people say things like this, and you're right- you never know know who you're sitting near. I figure the filter should be thus: if you wouldn't want someone to say it about your DD you shouldn't say it about someone else's. Congrats on her making it to regionals, and good for her for toughing it out.

 

[kayjaybe]

WTF is wrong with people?!?

First, obviously she qualified or she wouldn't be there.

Second, why does that person care? Especially for states. It isn't like only so many kids can qualify so one kid making it means another kid can't make it to states, so what difference does it make???

I'm not even going to go into all the reasons a child could score lower because IT DOESN'T MATTER. One child's low or high score doesn't affect YOUR child's score, so it doesn't matter.

Next time hit those idiots up with a clue-by-four and maybe they'll think twice about their comments.

 

[duyetanh]

Huge congrats to your girl and I hope you celebrated.
And I personally would not have been able to keep quiet.
I would have said yes, isn't that an amazing score for my child! We are so proud of her for reasons that are none of your business.

 

[MomIdidit!]

I'm sorry to read this post. People are so mean it's unbelievable. Karma is a you know what.....

 

[raenndrops]

Congrats to your DD, OP.

I have told off someone who made a comment like that and the gymnast the lady was commenting on wasn't even on our team. It was a few years ago. She said the girl shouldn't even be in the level (based on only seeing her BEAM routine… where she had 2 falls and only scored a 6.something because of losing SV on 2 SR).
I happened to have been moving around the gym throughout the meet and caught that girl on vault (9+) and bars (9+) before she went to beam. The girl's team was rotating in the same group as my team and this other mom was with another team not rotating with them.

I sat down behind the lady and quietly told her that it isn't any of her business what level the girl was competing and you can't judge a gymnast by one event on one day. Be respectful of these gymnasts or get out there and try to do what she did and get even 6.0. The lady apologized to ME … and it turns out that the mom of the girl she was dissing was nearby and overheard me. At Awards, she thanked me for what I had said to the lady.

 

[suebee]

I swear, I don't know how many times I have wondered what on earth is wrong with the people who apparently believe that they are watching the meet from the privacy of their living room with the comments they make. Instead of with many other parents, who could possibly be the person sitting next to you, as you criticize their kid.

I am usually not one for confrontation, but I wonder what would be an appropriate thing to say to such a person. I worry that if they're clueless enough to say something rude out loud in public, nothing I say is going to make a difference.

 

[notthatmom]

Ugh. How horrible and embarrassing for whatever gym those parents are from. The only things I have ever said about a gymnast who wasn't my own child have been things along the lines of "wow, that dismount was perfect, that floor was great!" And he occasional "omg she should have gotten a much higher score than that" (I say it quietly to my husband or to the mom friend next to me, I don't shout this for all to hear)
When I worked our gyms meet and I was sitting there doing floor music, when warranted I'd turn to a coach and say things like "oh that routine was fun to watch! She did great!" Etc. etc.
there is zero room or tolerance for negativity, ESPECIALLY when you're commenting on someone else's child. I'm so sorry she said that about your DD, she obviously earned a spot at state and that's amazing!
Ugh. I hope someone else heard what that lady said and had the opportunity to kick her just a little bit.

 

[Mrs. Puma]

I'm so sorry that happened. A relative of ours was "that guy" at a meet a couple years ago and the parent happened to be right next to him and totally called him out. Which he should have. Thank god Puma was wise enough to tell me this story later because I didn't see it and was already a ball of nerves because my kid was struggling too. People have no idea how much effort and determination go into this sport, let alone the unique circumstances. It's about personal victories and the scores often no do reflect the success of the situation. Vent away!!

 

[l.c.o]

First, congrats to your DD! That's a big deal and she should be so proud.

Parents without filters are awful and embarrassing... I know this from experience as neither of my parents have one. I remind my mom constantly at meets to keep her mouth shut (with varying success...) and there's a reason my dad has never been invited to watch a meet - just last night he explained to my DS that he thinks baseball is a much more appropriate sport for boys and listed the reasons my DS should focus on that sport instead (none of the reasons were appropriate), to which my 10 year old replied "that's nice, but I like gymnastics more so I'm just going to stick with it." THANKFULLY he is (sadly) aware of my dad's mouth and he has no trouble asserting himself. (we don't see him often)

Anyway, I'm sorry and I sympathize. I do have to say... my DD's season was peppered with some major struggles on beam, and I've never been more proud of her than of her 7.5 on beam that started her season... she'd went for all of her skills and got credit for her series - things I didn't think would happen. She didn't make it out of the low to mid-8s but once, but that was ok. This sport is so much more than placing in every event... it's what makes it so great. She's learning some amazing lessons that will prepare her to NOT be like that parent at her state meet.

Best of luck at regionals!

 

[flowerchild]

Sigh. You know people like that are everywhere. I think it's the social media thing, that has made it more commonplace to talk like that. People are so used to being anonymous with their comments, they just don't think. My DDs new sport, there are parents like that, but they are criticizing children's on they same TEAM! It's a team sport, so one poor performance or fall, can bring down the whole team placement. I have heard comments that certain kids shouldn't be on the team bc they aren't good enough, or they should be taking more privates!

 

[SMH]

I'm so sorry! It sounds like your daughter is a rockstar for persevering and competing. People need to lead to hold their tongues.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I always remember our first parent meeting at gym. Coaches telling to keep in mind at a meet nearly every spectator there has someone they love and or care about competing. So be careful what you say.

They should put it on a poster as you enter the gym. Or stamp it on everyones had when they pay

 

[Ali'sMom]

I just felt every emotion you probably felt in that post.
I'm so sorry that people are so thoughtless when they say stuff - BUT, huge KUDOS to your daughter!!!!!!!

 

[pinklemonadeliz]

Thanks, everyone, for the kind words - we are definitely proud of her. Unfortunately it seems as though this happens everywhere which is a very sad commentary on society when there are so many parents who just spew from their mouths everything that enters their brain without a care for who might hear them.

 

[NY Dad]

Congrats on a great meet!!!

I'd like to think it's ignorance but probably a mix of both. Some just don't get it, others just don't care. Sorry you had to deal with that.

 

[my4buffaloes]

It sounds like your daughter had a great meet and both you and her have a lot to be proud of. Sounds like she has overcome a lot and it's got to be very frustrating to hear other parents talking about your child like that. People really need to learn how to keep their mouth shut. What is that mom going to do when her daughter has a bad meet and scores that low on an event? I feel bad for her child.

Enjoy how amazing she did it state meet and have a great time at regionals. She totally deserves to be at regionals. If she can do well enough on the other three events to pull up a low seven on bars and place in the all around, then she really is an amazing gymnast.