Parents Summer vacations & missing

[Gymmamabear]

My daughter loves gymnastics. She is a L10. The problem is we live near the beach and have a lot of family at the beach who always want to see us. We generally have to go to the beach 3 different weeks a summer. My daughter doesn't like to miss this much. Totally understandable, it really sets her back. The problem is she gets very upset MISSING these weeks. She cries, she doesn't want to miss. But we go to the beach and she's crying she's missing gymnastics and going to be behind. I think in an ideal world the entire family would just NOT go to the beach.

I'm sure its hard missing out. Last year we left her for one of the weeks with another relative at home. Another week I only went down for half the time to bring her back. So I'm SURE it stinks missing the beach when your cousins and siblings are there. On the other hand, she homeschools, she travels all over the country for meets, she gets a LOT her siblings do not.

How do I deal with this? What I want to say "Hey, you can't have your cake and eat it too!! Get over it. You are either a L10 who gets to travel and homeschool or a regular kid who gets to spend weeks at the beach" but I know I can't. She's a young teen so I'm sure hormones are a factor. Missing 3 full weeks does NOT go over well and we did that till L9 but she always got behind. There are no gyms near the beach she can go to.

Thanks for any advice!

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[Gymmamabear]

Sorry, I cannot figure out how to edit. I re read my post and it's confusing. My daughter gets upset missing the vacations. But while on vacations she gets upset missing gymnastics. The coaches also get very angry when she misses 3 separate weeks all summer. They are ok with one vacation, they'd probably even let the second one slide but NOT 3.

I should also add these are not crazy fun tropical vacations. They are vacations in a relatives house, where we cook and clean. It's not some tropical paradise or once of a lifetime trip she is missing.

 

[Freddy's Fred]

Sorry, I cannot figure out how to edit. I re read my post and it's confusing. My daughter gets upset missing the vacations. But while on vacations she gets upset missing gymnastics. The coaches also get very angry when she misses 3 separate weeks all summer. They are ok with one vacation, they'd probably even let the second one slide but NOT 3.

I should also add these are not crazy fun tropical vacations. They are vacations in a relatives house, where we cook and clean. It's not some tropical paradise or once of a lifetime trip she is missing.

Let her stay home with a teammate one of the weeks and tell her you don't want to hear a peep out of her complaining about missing the beach. You absolutely cannot have it both ways and she's old enough to know that. In addition, it doesn't make sense for the rest of the family to miss out on time with family at the beach because of one kid's desire to be at the gym. But...f your daughter wasn't conflicted about missing practice, I would tell the coaches to mind their own beeswax. We miss a month each summer and yes there are training consequences but so be it. I have a 2nd year L9 not a 10 so I know it is not quite the same.

 

[mommyof1]

How far from home is the beach? If it weren't more than 2 or 3 hours away, I'd take her for just part of each vacation week, timed to minimize missed practice by taking advantage of days off, then bring her back early and leave her with a teammate or relative in town.

She absolutely cannot have it both ways--she can only be in one place at a time. If she's going to complain about being on vacation, she can just stay home and go to the gym! It's good for teens to learn to prioritize and make tradeoffs. Even my 12-year-old L5-ish gymmie is having to learn this.

 

[Gymmamabear]

The beach is (with beach traffic) too far to go back daily. It's about 5 hours. If not traffic maybe 3.5 but there is ALWAYS traffic in the summer. Half weeks is a good idea.

But thank you! You all are helping! I was wondering if I was being too firm thinking she can't have it both ways but I see you all agree!

 

[mommyof1]

5 hours each way might even be above my threshold for half-weeks, if I were going back for the rest of the week after bringing her home!

 

[Gymmamabear]

5 hours each way might even be above my threshold for half-weeks, if I were going back for the rest of the week after bringing her home!

Yes! At that point I'd just stay home with her. Particularly if it's my IL's week. ;-)

 

[Deleted member 18037]

She old enough to know her sport requires choices.

Have her go one week, let her pick which one, which relatives. No griping about missing practice

Arrange for her to stay with someone to get to gym, one week, no griping about missing beach.

Third week, split, or stay and do gym.

Other option, same deal no griping. One week at beach. Split the other 2. (I’d do this but that’s just me. I’d do the drive, round trip, mid week, she could stay with a gym friend

While at the beach she should be conditioning.

 

[ausnat83]

I agree with others - she's old enough to understand that there are trade-offs like this in life. But that doesn't mean that these decisions aren't hard sometimes or that it doesn't stink. Lay out the options that she has that are acceptable to you and your family and give her the choice - that gives her some control. Acknowledge that it's a hard decision, that either way she's going to be missing something she loves, and that it's ok to have negative feelings about that. That's NOT the same thing as turning your negative feelings outward to make others and yourself miserable (constant whining, being grumpy all week, etc). You can be empathetic that she's missing out and it's hard (validate the feelings) without indulging poor behavior related to those feelings.

 

[Lilou]

I agree with others - she's old enough to understand that there are trade-offs like this in life. But that doesn't mean that these decisions aren't hard sometimes or that it doesn't stink. Lay out the options that she has that are acceptable to you and your family and give her the choice - that gives her some control. Acknowledge that it's a hard decision, that either way she's going to be missing something she loves, and that it's ok to have negative feelings about that. That's NOT the same thing as turning your negative feelings outward to make others and yourself miserable (constant whining, being grumpy all week, etc). You can be empathetic that she's missing out and it's hard (validate the feelings) without indulging poor behavior related to those feelings.

This above is what I'd suggest! Just because she can't have it both ways doesn't mean it's not a tough decision and you should be empathetic to that, especially since she is still fairly young in world decision making skills and her emotional responses to decisions.

 

[Madden3]

The coaches also get very angry

How much of a factor do you think the coach anger is in how your dd feels about missing gym for vacations she enjoys?

She is a "young teen" yet already a L10. Sounds like she is doing quite well despite this family tradition that results in a few weeks not spent in the gym each summer.

While my family could rarely afford weeks at the beach, the rare visits (in rentals or in the summer homes of relatives, where yes, we cooked and cleaned and thus were truly "living" at the beach- another plus imo) were the most magical time of my childhood and adolescence. So those wonderful memories are probably coloring my input here- but I do think 3 weeks off out of a full year of continuous, heavy gymnastics practice is not that huge a deal. And I think that coach “anger” over this is unacceptable.

Your daughter homeschools (perhaps at least partly due to gymnastics(?) and travels long distances for her gym meets. You paint these things as privileges, and I get that, but is that how she feels about it? Like most other optional gymnasts, basically her entire life, all year long, revolves around gymnastics. In terms of hours and expected commitment, it is more like a job than some fun, relaxing activity she gets to do. I am sure she loves gymnastics- that is not my point. Lots of people love their jobs. They still take vacations because otherwise they get burned out.

A healthy life requires balance. A year has 52 weeks in it. Three weeks is a very small percentage of that.

I would suggest ask the coaches to stop giving her a hard time about missing gym for this important part of family life. You can take the pressure off her by telling them this is a family decision and not hers.

She can of course stretch and condition at the beach to help limit “backsliding.” She could also take up running on the beach, which is an amazing aerobic workout. As is swimming. Gymnasts typically do not spend enough time on aerobic exercise.

The year round, repetitive training of gymnastics is one of the reasons it is such an injury prone sport. I suspect it is also a major factor in burnout. Time off practice may improve performance long term- even if there appears to be a short term backsliding on skills, there may be improvement in overall fitness due to changing up activities and rest.

 

[josie55]

You sound like me, and I will give you advice that I could often use myself: you don’t have to solve this. It’s hard and there is likely not a perfect solution. That’s okay. She can be sad about missing the beach. It doesn’t mean she wants to miss more practice, or that she’s experiencing great suffering. It just means she’s a bit sad; she would be experiencing other difficulties if she went.

If it were my kid she would probably appreciate some empathy but not sympathy. She would want to be allowed to feel a bit of FOMO without it meaning she is asking to go to the beach. She would probably also appreciate some acknowledgment about how impressive her commitment is, and perhaps an occasional reminder about the less awesome parts of the beach vacation that she is missing.

Hope this helps and good luck!!

 

[Gymmom0824]

Hello. The fun in having a young teenage daughter. My boys play football and are not allowed to miss any practices all summer and it sucks. If they do miss they owe consequences and it can jeopardize their spot in the team. So we are used to the vacations being affected, or sucks. I agree with others to see if there’s a teammate she can stay with during one or two of the weeks and have her pick her week she wants to go. She may have fun with the teammates also having slumber parties. Perhaps there are some other fun things she can do to make up for the lost beach days. Remind her also how she gets to travel for meets. Good luck in your decisions.

 

[Cmumgym]

From a coaches perspective. Especially for a level 10 gymnast. There are certain weeks or even days within the year the coach sets aside to teach the gymnasts certain skills. Lead up skills. Choreography workshop days etc. the best way to help your child and the coaches. Is to notify them as soon as you are aware of any trips away so that the coach can factor that in when programming training. If your child is away when the coach teaches something specific then your child returns. Either your child misses out on learning it with the team and also annoys the coach as they have to go back to something they have already taught. Other than this make sure you are aware of any competition or grading dates and don’t organise holidays during that time. Other than that you just need to compromise. Instead of three weeks maybe just send your daughter for 2

 

[Gymmamabear]

Thanks everyone!!! I appreciate it. We haven't further talked about it yet but we will soon. I am leaning toward missing a full week in June and August. The July vacation maybe just a day or two.

The ironic thing is she hates the beach. She gets bored after 2 days and doesn't even want to be there. She just has FOMO.

 

[bookworm]

We have a beach house and my 2 level 10 gymnasts always took 2 weeks in the summer to be at the beach with their relatives... and to REST THEIR BODIES. Gymnastics is 52 weeks a year and when you are practicing 20-30 hours a week, there is no rest in that at all. I get that the coaches want them there for the whole summer but sorry, we took a week in July and 7-10 days in August and I always presented it as a parental decision.

And now looking back at this question with my girls both out of gymnastics, I'd even side with taking the 3 weeks! My girls never "lost" anything skill wise when they were off and they both did TOPS testing and made TOPS teams with this same schedule so if I could be at the beach for 3 weeks with family, I'd do it. Life is too short and gymnastics is a very small part of it in the big picture....and with the exception of the Simones and Alys of the world, no one is making their living at it either so opt in for family time, you won't regret it.

 

[MuggleMom]

I like everyone's advice if it were me I would probably do two weeks out and split the third or leave her home with teammate/family for the third. If you can spread out the two weeks out probably even better. The only advice i have to add is I would give her "permission" to complain about it be annoyed about it cry about it but give her a time limit for the negativity so she doesnt wallow in it. Say I know this stinks, its hard making these kinds of choices and you dont have to feel good about missing out; feel bad about it all you want till X day then we are just going to be happy we get vacations and get to do gymnastics and not stress about the rest anymore. Then she knows she can be upset about it but she also knows she has to get over it to.

 

[Gymmamabear]

Thank you everyone. I really don't feel like 3 weeks is too much to be out - HOWEVER, none of our weeks coincide with weeks when the gym is closed. So really she will miss 5 weeks in the summer, 2 when the gym is closed and 3 for vacation. I should have specified that earlier. That is probably why the coaches get mad. However, you know big family vacations when getting 30 people and multiple families together you can't go off one kid. :-(