Parents The dreaded mental block

[iwannacoach]

The coach and you need to let it go for now. If she's doing it on rod floor I still don't understand the problem. I put them where they can do it, when they're ready they go to next step. Doesn't matter is the other girls are doing double backs. She is not getting worse, she is just on a different step. Reiterate to coach and DD that it is okay if she does not compete floor and in fact would likely be best until she gains more confidence. And inquire about the possibility of private lessons so she can have more repetitions where she's comfortable.

Darn skippy!

The long term outcome is far more important than than competing and running headfirst into the mental block. The first thing she, and everyone else needs to understand is that each child learns at their own pace according to their individual gifts. It's fine to have a sense of urgency about learning a new skill, and team mates having great days really help....... until that urgency turns to panic.

If it were up to me, I'd say do 500 on rod floor and call me in the morning two months from now. I've had pretty good luck with that approach, and have told kids that they won't be allowed to go beyond a specific point with a skill. The thing is.... it takes a while to accumulate enough consecutive successes to convince the kid of two things: They haven't any reason to worry because the previous 500 went just fine, and that they are absolutely bored, beyond belief, with doing them on the rod floor.

Sure, that's going to put the kybosh on her floor and all around scores, but I'd rather coach an emotionally healthy kid with an eye on the future.

 

[iwannacoach]

The coach and you need to let it go for now. If she's doing it on rod floor I still don't understand the problem. I put them where they can do it, when they're ready they go to next step. Doesn't matter is the other girls are doing double backs. She is not getting worse, she is just on a different step. Reiterate to coach and DD that it is okay if she does not compete floor and in fact would likely be best until she gains more confidence. And inquire about the possibility of private lessons so she can have more repetitions where she's comfortable.

IWC fist bumps gymdog for this bit of sage wisdom. I'd tell her she's staying on the rod floor for the next 300 repetitions or six weeks, whichever comes last. She'll become more confident and so bored she'll be begging to do them on the regulation floor.

What would you rather see? A rushed and stressed out kid who bounces between despair and high hopes?..... or a kid who's emotionally healthy and ready to train for the long haul.

 

[Clover]

If doing it on the rod floor as IWC and Gymdog recommend doesn't work or still makes her stress about it then perhaps she needs to take a break from the skill. It sounds like she is putting a lot of pressure on herself if she is crying about it in the car on the way home. If she knows that she won't be working on ROBHS for a while then maybe (when she is ready) she will do it. The added stress of not doing it is probably making the situation 10 times worse.

 

[gymdog]

. I've had pretty good luck with that approach, and have told kids that they won't be allowed to go beyond a specific point with a skill. The thing is.... it takes a while to accumulate enough consecutive successes to convince the kid of two things: They haven't any reason to worry because the previous 500 went just fine, and that they are absolutely bored, beyond belief, with doing them on the rod floor.

Sure, that's going to put the kybosh on her floor and all around scores, but I'd rather coach an emotionally healthy kid with an eye on the future.

I agree. If she's flat out on that progression and can't move on, in a month she'll be begging to do it on the spring floor. That's where you need to get. She's doing it, she just needs repetition so she doesn't overthink it.

 

[gymdog]

A story: my kids 5-8 do RO BHS progressions and many have it with no mat. A small amount 10% or so are still working standing BHS because when they go by themselves quality is not desirable. But one little girl, very small and young, has it. One day she was messing up and pulling her toes over early, so I tell her don't do it. Do standing BHS instead. Then the next day she said she felt afraid to connect it. When they are young and growing all the time this happens, so she does standing.

Then we did dozens of drills, and she was doing it all fine, but when we go to do routines I said it's okay, just do roundoff. They're all doing routines together, 5 each, and I look at a specific spot. She did roundoff on her turn at that one, fine. Then after the last routine I see all the kids hugging and high fiving her, all excited. I asked what was going on and they were all excited she did her RO BHS perfectly. I asked her was it okay, and she grinned and said yes. All smiles, and would have been happy too (not as happy, but not upset) had she just completed her routines with roundoff. That is what we want. It's not going to change anything if I try to force them on a step where they are afraid, and it will just make them upset and disliking the skill/event/sport.

If I give them all the drills and appropriate pushing/encouragement to trust that they are safe to do a skill, then they will feel safe and confident. Of course with the same tools some girls are easily connecting rows of BHS on spring floor while others as I said are doing single BHS drill steps and one on tramp. That is fine. They stay in like groups and focus on their own task/progression, no one is shamed because "another girl can do this". I would never expect any single child to do something just because others can. Of course , I sometimes privately lament that some are not close to something others have been doing easily for months. But that's just the way gymnastics is.

 

[MerriWeather]

Thank you! I think it's primarily HER stress that stresses me out. She wants to do it on the floor and cries about not doing it on the floor, so I feel like I need to help her get there. I'll just encourage her to do it where she can and it will come.

She did it with a spot in her meet Sunday and got her best score to date, so she was pretty proud of that, as were we, of course! She is seeing her progression.

 

[MerriWeather]

Well, the season has ended and she has yet to do her ROBH without her coach standing there. Even thought the coach doesn't even put her arm out, she will not do it if the coach is not standing there. Right or wrong, I am beyond frustrated. I am expecting she won't level up and I have no idea how she will handle that.

 

[iwannacoach]

....... I am expecting she won't level up and I have no idea how she will handle that.

Sometimes that's enough to get them going for it.

 

[profmom]

If she doesn't move up, she'll survive. It stings for a few days, but they work through it, and it's much better if staying back a level helps take the pressure off so they can progress on the skills.

 

[MerriWeather]

I went to watch practice on Friday. BIG MISTAKE. It was all I could do to keep from diving off the balcony and telling her to just do it do it do it do it do it! I watched her adjust the mats 500 times, fake it if she thought no one was watching, or just stand there until her coach came before she would attempt anything. At one point I did break the cardinal rule and told her "JUST DO IT!" from the balcony when she was on the trampoline, supposed to do three BHS, and was just standing there waiting for her coach and holding everyone up. Her coach has 7 other girls to pay attention to and doesn't need to just stand there to appease her mind, so yes, I told her to do it and you know what? SHE DID. Three times. But only that one time I told her to.

So that's it. I'm over it. I can't believe how worked up it gets me! I don't have to watch her not do it at meets any more and I don't watch practice so I am just putting it out of my mind and getting on with my life. Ha ha.

 

[profmom]

Mine was the queen of the bathroom break for a while on that one special event . . .

 

[Becauseisaid]

Mine was the queen of the bathroom break for a while on that one special event . . .

ROFL! I always say "beam with Coach Amy is the best diuretic out there".

 

[MerriWeather]

I posted a new thread which is part follow-up here: http://www.chalkbucket.com/forums/threads/at-a-loss-mental-block-follow-up.45334/