Parents To narc or not to narc?

[bookworm]

Curlymomof3- I felt compelled to comment. If your DDs coach recommended a gym and it was only 30 min drive away - reconsider. Especially if your DD does a tryout and likes it there. I think your coach did you a huge favor by recommending a gym, and it's easy to find a not great gym!

I would kill for a 30 minute commute

 

[curlymomof3]

I would kill for a 30 minute commute

Point taken.

 

[iwannacoach]

Moving to a gym that has the proper equipment, such as pits, tumble track or rod floor, and coaches that can coach L10 kids is a good step for now. Alot of what a gymnast can do rests with the gymnast's drive and resolve to make the changes the coaches suggest. Who knows, maybe the kids who have those qualities ended up at some other gym that ofered just a little more, and their success snowballed from that advantage.

At any rate, it's a step in the right direction, and who knows what will happen with the ds and the other ds.

 

[iwannacoach]

The idea that offering information, and that's all it is, can be seen as an intrusion is the problem of the recipient. If all you do is compliments their child and pose the question like this....... You know, I must say your dd has a ton of talent and looks like she could go pretty far if that's what all of you want. Have you considered looking into gyms that have pits and the kind of equipment it takes to work safely at higher levels?

Just a little nudge to help them get their motor running...... without seeming like you want to drive the car.

 

[Kiwi]

If you saw them around somewhere it could be casually dropped into conversation, but I think it is a bit more difficult if you never see them and don't feel like you know them well enough to contact them out of the blue.

 

[Faith]

Point taken.

It's not just the commute though- if they gym itself has a higher hours ethic or requires more commitment for whatever reason then the choice must be made on what suits the family.

When DD left her high hours/high commitment gym, I had to take DD2 out too. The commute was only 15 mins on a good day, but I can't physically get them to two different places at once. She's only doing rec (she's 5) so I've found her a YMCA style gym, which is lovely, but no pits, no higher level coaching or gymnasts, no sprung floor even.

I feel absolutely terrible that she might not get the chance at the other gym that DD1 did, and it really feels like a step in the wrong direction. But it's lower hours if she does want to do team, and so more likely to fit round our family. I couldn't manage DD1's sport and DD2 at our old gym, so one had to go. *If* DD2 did decide she wanted to do more hours/aim for elite, then hopefully by the time she's 7 or 8, DD1 will be able to get herself to training and I can ferry her to a gym that suits her needs.

As for the o/p, I'd leave it. Our old gym quite a lot of parents turned down team places, even for really talented kids, because it took up weekends, or interfered with scouts, or they thought children should be out playing, not stuck in a gym for hours on end.

 

[OzZee]

I've gone from no way to tell.
I think that really most parents don't know the progressions etc when they start. And therefore a quick conversation (or in this case email) saying hey is your dd/you interested in pursuing high level/college/elite gymnastics? Well then you are in the wrong place, x, y z, could do it (and why), but these are the downsides.
It doesn't have to be pushy and even though you aren't close not weird. Just facts, if they are interested they can contact you,or not, up to them. You are just saying you have seen their kid is talented and if that's the dream she has then the club she is at maybe not the right choice.
But many many kids have been disappointed at being strung the wrong line and put in the wrong place.
They may know and have chosen the path they are on (I know we did but would never feel bad about someone telling me about the elite path, I'd find it caring) but information is everything. Just don't ram your program down their throats, but I can never imagine you'd do that.

 

[GymBee97]

over the years I have found its best to worry about your own kid and let the other parents worry about their own kid. Sometimes its not about the talent but about the fun. If this girl is that talented her parents will figure it out.

 

[dani4]

OP I am sure you know what to do by now after reading all of this. But if you are still debating what to do and it is eating at you, I suggest just sending a tactful email with the pros and cons, and let the mom know that you'll drop it if she doesn't want to talk about it. Others may be right that she may find out anyway, but I can understand wanting to help.

 

[wallinbl]

I get asked periodically what my "plan" is for DD regarding "when" we're going to switch her to a "big time" gym and I'm never sure what to make of it. We switched from a preschool/level 4 gym two years ago and she's really come a long way with the current coach. It'd be nice if they had pits and a better track record at L9/10, but the relationship between DD and the coach works well and has been producing significant progress and results (top 5 across all age groups at local and state meets, skipping levels, etc).

If you forward them that email or talk to them about it, they may well not know what to make of it. I still don't.

 

[Skadoodle]

over the years I have found its best to worry about your own kid and let the other parents worry about their own kid. Sometimes its not about the talent but about the fun. If this girl is that talented her parents will figure it out.

I agree 100%!



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[Muddlethru]

Thank you for all the thoughtful replies.

My plan was to start a casual conversation about gymnastics if I saw them around somewhere or they asked me a question about our gym switch. I think I would still do this if our paths crossed at any point because, as happychaos and iwannacoach point out, I would really want someone to enlighten me if I were in the same position.

However, a couple years have gone by and there has been no path crossing! So the issue then becomes one of proactivity (do I call/email/send an anonymous note with lettering pulled from magazines ??), which I am not sure I am comfortable with for a variety of reasons. Many of you made some excellent points about why this would be somewhat to very out-of-line.

For the record, I do see these parents as being complacent about taking at face value what this kid's coaches are telling them: it's almost exactly as described in JoyAvenueMom's first paragraph.

Beamer, your intentions are good. But a couple of years have gone by. Pardon my directness, but time to let it go.