unsupportive parents?

[KaylaTheGymnast]

My mom just doesn't like gymnastics. She doesn't understand what it's like to love a sport and want to do it. She has made that clear to me more than once. She doesn't want to buy leotards, watch practice, help with home meets, do any fundraising, or even try to talk to other parents there. I understand that it is expensive but seriously? she doesn't even care about watching me or want to hear about what I'm working on. I don't get it I love gymnastics more than anything and my mom would just be happy if I quit and she has made that pretty clear too.

 

[SkiBumGymMom]

Kayla- I'm much older than you but can relate. When I was your age, my mom was very unsupportive of what I did. I have 2 younger brothers and 2 older sisters and outside of making sure we fulfilled our religious commitments, she didn't care. Parent teacher meetings didn't exist then, only if you goofed off, but if they did she wouldn't have gone. She loved us, but just in a very detached way that's very uncommon today. I stayed with the sports I liked though, figure skating and gymnastics. It's really hard when your parents are the only ones not there (my dad worked very long hours logging and would have come to my recitals and meets but couldn't). Try to talk to her, maybe she thinks gymnastics will take up too much time and detract from school, or she's concerned about family time being eaten in to. If this is the case, don't tell her but show her that's not true and that your grades will go up with gym and you'll spend time with your family for example. If she doesn't really have a reason, just keep at it if you love it. She might not know how to show it but she's your mother and she'll be proud of you, especially if you pursue something you want all while keeping your academic and family commitments in check. Best of luck, I wish I could give you a great big hug!

 

[Pickle's Mom]

Kayla-

I read your post three times and thought for a long time about how to answer.

The other day my 7 yo son (cucumber) was talking to me about a video game that he was really excited about. And he asked if I wanted to play it. And I said something like “I don’t really like that type of video game…” His poor little face was just crestfallen. And, I felt terrible. But the fact is that I don’t like video games. And I don’t understand his fascination with them. I think they are a waste of time and I hate spending money on them.

Does that sound familiar to you? Is there something you feel that way about? Like maybe race cars or collecting stamps?
In a perfect world, all parents would be incredibly supportive of all their kids’ activities. At least on the outside. I should have been more supportive of my son’s excitement about his video game. But sometimes it’s hard to muster up that excitement about something you don’t understand.

As a parent, there are many ways that I think gymnastics is “not good” for my daughter. I worry about long-term injuries, I think it takes time away from her exploring other interests, I often wish that she was more excited about a life-long sport in which the career didn’t end so abruptly and which lent itself more to pickup games in the park. It’s possible your mom feels the same way. I try not to let my daughter pick up on this, because gymnastics is what she has chosen and there is enough “good” to outweigh the “not good.”

You said yourself your mother doesn’t understand what it is to love a sport. It’s unreasonable for you to expect her to understand this. It comes from within. However, it is normal for you to expect her to support you in your endeavors. Just like I should support my son in his love for video games. And it’s okay for you to tell her that. I don’t think that supporting you has to include helping with home meets or talking to other parents, but it does include buying leos without grumbling and being happy for you when you have achieved a goal.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

great post! ^^^

 

[cher062]

I agree Pickles has a great post. Your mom IS supporting you if she is allowing you to persue what you love and paying for it too. You want more from her but maybe its just hard for her to give you that if she really doesn't like gymnastics. Its hard to fake support. Does she buy the leo you need for competitions? She may not like it but I'm sure you have at least one or two leos.
Does she take you to the meets? that's support.

Can you list some things she does do that allows you to do what you love? That too is support maybe not what you are looking for but it is support when your not into what your kids are choosing to do. She is letting you do your thing even though she doesn't get it at all. Many parents wouldn't even let their kids have that much.

Do you have grandparents or aunts or uncles that "get" what you do? how about talking to them and see if you can get that cheerleader support you want from them. Talk to them maybe they can help you talk to your mom to let her know how important it is to you to have that "type" of support in addition to what she is already doing.

I know it may not be the same thing but my DD loves to bake and it really isn't my thing. So when she was young I asked my Brother who is into that same interest to make it a think they do together. So every holiday and family get together she and my brother take over my kitchen and for two days make a flour mess baking like crazy. My support I let them use the kitchen and will eat anything they cook but I don't want to be around for all that baking and mess.

 

[Faith]

How old are you? If that's not a rude question!

I know when I got to my teenage years my mum discouraged my gymnastics. She was supportive in that she took us to practice, meets etc, but was more than happy when we moved and there was only a rec gym. For her generation, there was no future in sport- gymnastics elite was for the russians. Even if you made it to high levels, you could never earn money from it, and more often than not you'd missed too much education.

Does your mom understand what your goals are? Is it just fun but school is where your future lies? Or is school not a strong point and you're thinking of coaching, or combining the two for sports science? Maybe if you reassure her that it's just fun, or that you do have a career plan involving gymnastics. She might be seeing that you'll never make elite so what's the point of sacrificing other stuff.

Plus you know, some moms are busy. If she has a job, is looking after the home, siblings etc, then while you're at your 3 hour practice she can get stuff done, or do something for herself like go to the gym or take a bath (luxury in mom land :wink: ).

 

[cher062]

Faith you get time for a Bath!! With no kids around?? LOL

 

[emilee571]

Well I agree with what Pickle's mom said. But maybe you should try talking to your mom. There is probably a reason why she doesn't support you as much as you would like. My dad is the one who is not so supportive with it. But you have to not let it bother you. Be happy your mom is still paying for you to go. Over time your mom might earn some respect for the sport. And keep in mind that your mom loves you and she is just looking for your best intrest.

 

[mustlovejumping]

When I was younger I always wanted to take gymnastics classes, but my mom never let me. Now let me just say that I'm not complaining at all. I also asked to take dance classes when I was 4 and both my sister and I have been dancing since then. She also let us try plenty of other sports over the years; soccer, tennis, volleyball, horseback riding, and cross country.

I am now 20 and decided to start taking adult gymnastics classes a little over a year ago. I'm an adult, so I pay for my own classes, I drive myself to my classes, and I buy my own leos, but my parents were not supportive at all when I first started taking classes. I found out that the reason was that they thought gymnastics was too dangerous and they were afraid I would get hurt (although why they didn't come to the same conclusion about horseback riding, I have no idea...). For the first few months, they basically ignored me every time I would try to tell them about something exciting I had accomplished in class, and it definitely made me a little sad.

About 3 months into gymnastics, I had a major ankle sprain, and my parents had to come pick me up and take me to the ER. In their minds, that injury just proved to them that they were right to never let me do gym as a kid. I wanted to go back to the gym and condition right away, but they told me I wasn't allowed to take classes anymore. I talked to them every single day about going back to the gym, and I think they finally realized how important it was to me. They have now stopped telling me not to get hurt every time I leave for gym , and they are happy when I get a new skill.

So the point of this extremely long-winded post is to say two things: that your parents may have a legitimate reason for why they're not supportive, and also that this is your sport and you should be doing it for yourself and no one else. Yes, it is hard when we want support from others and don't get it, but there is definitely something to be said for learning how to push yourself and do things because it makes you proud of yourself, and not because it makes others proud of you.