Parents What to do when the hours are too much?

[gymbeam]

I don't know why my post did that^^^^^ I was asking OP what state, as I do not think these types of arrangements can be made in NY.

I think in most cases it is up to the teacher and administrators if they are willing to make the arrangement. At your school, can your child be late up to a certain time or leave early and still be counted present for the day? If so, then there probably is some wiggle room for schedule adjustment. For example, if my kid has a doctor's appt. in the morning but is there by 11:30AM, then she is still counted present for the day. Same thing if the doc appt is in the afternoon- if she stays until at least 11:30, she is still counted there for the day.

So, because of that- if a school is willing to make accommodations for a child to get in all of the instruction needed within those hours they can usually modify their schedule and still meet attendance requirements. Does that make sense?

Now, if a school has never done that then it wouldn't surprise me if their initial reaction is to say its not possible. If that happens, though, I wouldn't stop there. I'd do some researching into policies and move up the line of command to verify what the restrictions really are.

 

[MILgymFAM]

An 8yr old 4th grader??? Do they start K at 4?

My YDD started K while she was 4. It wasn't as easy for her as my ODD, who started at 5, but she's caught up very well by now at 12. She would be 8th if she stayed conventional, but we combined 7th/8th last year and she's now starting 9th.

 

[sce]

Op- a few things to try. Ask if she can get the homework for the following week on the Friday before. Look at your days and see if there are things that can be done to remove the rushed feeling, pick out outfits for therefore week, including her leos. Make meals ahead. Ask the school about coming late or leaving early.

 

[gymgal]

I am struggling with this because I don't think, at this point, it is a time management issue. It's more of a there aren't enough hours in the day. I prioritize sleep for her, and I don't want her to cut back on sleep, because I know this will only lead to more meltdowns. She's 8 and practices 18 hours/week.

It is possible to get everything done that she needs to get done, I think, but it means that there is not one moment of downtime or relaxation for dd during the week, not even in the car, to get it all done. Not only is there no downtime or relaxing, but everything is a constant rush - rush to not be late for school, rush to not be late for gym, rush out the door after gym to not be late to come home and get ready for bed. And I think that's what the meltdowns are about. My other child (non-gymmie) needs a lot of downtime. I don't think she needs much downtime, but I do think she needs some, and this schedule gives her none during the week.

I agree with Bookworm. If you are feeling rushed, then it might help to find ways to adjust your own mindset and schedule to provide a less rushed atmosphere when you are with your daughter. Do you take her straight from school to the gym? How strict is the gym with girls being late or leaving a little early? Our gym understands when girls have to leave early for homework. this is usually for high schoolers but the same should be true of girls who just need more sleep or whatever else.

Also, remember that for these girls, gym is their downtime. It is what they choose specifically to do with their free time. My dd would much rather spend more time in the gym than sit around watching tv or palying a video game. Again, just a different mindset. And yes, it does get better. She is just trying to adjust to it all right now. Ask the teacher if homework can be done on the weekends and handed in on Monday.

 

[kimute]

Another thing, I have crafted my gymmies day to where she does not get MY stress of running around. I try my best to remain ultra clam and zen while quietly rushing around.....this has made a big difference for her. I let her tell me if she is too tired, or has too much homework........
Sometimes we are late to practice because of homework.....this is hard for her since she likes being on time.....she would stress looking at the clock while doing homework.....I finally helped her relax and 'be late' occasionally.....it's not the end of the world.
as parents we have to try and manage the stress so they don't get OUR stress......

Thank you for posting this! I love this. I am chronically on time or early and stressing my gymmie out. I need to let go or at least hide my time stress and let things flow sometimes. Even if we are late. I tried this AM. It was our first 7 AM Sat practice after an 8 PM Friday finish. Ridiculous for my kid who needs 11 hours of sleep. I stayed calm and relaxed and we made it through! On time, not early, and in a good mood.

 

[SeaActually]

Thank you for posting this! I love this. I am chronically on time or early and stressing my gymmie out. I need to let go or at least hide my time stress and let things flow sometimes. Even if we are late. I tried this AM. It was our first 7 AM Sat practice after an 8 PM Friday finish. Ridiculous for my kid who needs 11 hours of sleep. I stayed calm and relaxed and we made it through! On time, not early, and in a good mood.

Wow 7 AM on Saturday!

 

[gymmomx2]

Wow 7 AM on Saturday!

After finishing at 8pm the previous night [emoji35]

 

[MILgymFAM]

After finishing at 8pm the previous night [emoji35]

Oh yeah, this is the worst! Ours is over at 7:30 on Friday but we get home at 8:45, and then we get up at 6:45 for Saturday morning practice. It's my least favorite day of the week!

 

[MiniSky85]

Sometimes I wish the gym would provide a cot so my DD could just spend the night there[emoji6].

 

[duyetanh]

An 8-yr old 4th grader would not be possible in our state unless they skipped a grade. And that seemed to be strictly not allowed based on our experience with public school.

We have 8 year old 4th graders here. Isn't it wild how every state is different?

 

[duyetanh]

Yes, Sept 1 is the cutoff where we live and my dd has an Oct birthday. I cannot imagine sending a 4yr old to K, esp the way it is now!!! I would def hold back a year.

Mine started at 4 and then turned 5 a few months later. Honestly, thank goodness mine started....she needed to.....even though she is homeschooled now, and doing advanced curriculum, she needed to start 'official' school so to speak....the two other 4 yr olds in her class? Um. Not so much. It really varies by kiddo.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

This is more of a general question.

I think dd is stressed from the number of hours in the gym. Her hours increased significantly this summer and everything was fine when there was no school. The hours are the same during the school year, but now that school has started, I think it might be too much for her. She seems to do fine at school and at gym, and she loves gym, but she melts down frequently at home for no reason, and she's usually fairly good natured.

Weekdays are all a rush all the time for her - rush to school, rush to gym, rush home from gym. Honestly, it stresses me out sometimes.

They are easing into homework and it has been relatively minimal so far, so I am wondering whether things get a lot worse when the homework increases, although my ds never seemed to spend much time on homework when he was her age, but I'm not sure if it will be the same for her. Our plan was for her to do homework in the car, but honestly, she eats in the car too - a snack on the way to gym and dinner on the way home. She can't even relax in the car.

Is the only solution to cut back gym hours? Or do the kids sometimes adjust to the go-go-go-rush-rush-rush of it all?

ask them for an additional day off until she adjusts.

 

[e'smum]

we are still working out her new schedule with school, which just started last Tuesday in our town. my 9yo/4th grade dd went from level 4 - 4d/wk/12hrs - 3:45-6:45 (and 1 day for tops 1.5 hrs but i think the coach isn't going to do it anymore) and plenty of time after to get homework done and relax to now level 6 which is 5 days/wk 5:00-8:30 during the week. she only has thursdays and sundays off. so now we come home and get homework done and a little fun time before heading to the gym. however bedtime is 9:30 so we rush home and eat and take a bath and i require electronics/tv be turned off 45 minutes before bed so she gets no down time after. they read before bed. her way to relax is to watch on her ipad and she likes to watch it while taking a bath. we've been doing this just a week and haven't had any homework and it's a big change. they don't tend to get a lot of homework and she's very type A and on top of it and learned to manage her time last year. i love the suggestions of asking for homework early so she can work on the weekends. friday night we go till 8pm but open gym is until 9 so we stay. her two siblings can go free and it's a great way to blow off steam. her saturday hours are 11-3 so they can sleep in.
i think if i extend her bedtime until 10pm, she'll still get enough sleep (up by 7:15) and get that time to relax that she needs. it's not a huge amount of hours more but the time is different which is what is throwing us off. we just have to learn a new routine. which was totally different from the summer routine.
hopefully it will all become habit soon. i've already given her the option to quit so she has more time on her ipad and she didn't like that at all. and excel is not an option for her either as it's not enough time in the gym. haha

 

[Seeker]

Mine started at 4 and then turned 5 a few months later. Honestly, thank goodness mine started....she needed to.....even though she is homeschooled now, and doing advanced curriculum, she needed to start 'official' school so to speak....the two other 4 yr olds in her class? Um. Not so much. It really varies by kiddo.

My daughter went to a real school at 4 too (even tho she was officially too young, she was in a "young 5's" class because there was nowhere else to put her. She learned to read that year.). However, this was before the onset of common core and the over-sized types of expectations placed on kids now. Not to mention the stress the teachers are under trickles down to the kids. Some kids can handle it fine, but a lot cannot.

Even those that "handle" it are often not benefited by the overall process. My niece is convinced that she is stupid (because her reading scores are low and that is all she hears about all day, every day, all school year long) and my nephew suffers from anxiety that most certainly is not helped by his 3rd grade teacher telling all the kids that if they did poorly on the end of year test, she may get fired. These stories are not uncommon...I hear them with far more frequency than ever before.

Unfortunately, school the way it is in many places now is no place for a 4-yr old who is eager to learn. I'd keep my kid as far away as possible. School started in late Aug and the cutoff dat to be 5 is Sept 1....so there may have been a few 4yr olds the first week.

 

[duyetanh]

My daughter went to a real school at 4 too (even tho she was officially too young, she was in a "young 5's" class because there was nowhere else to put her. She learned to read that year.). However, this was before the onset of common core and the over-sized types of expectations placed on kids now. Not to mention the stress the teachers are under trickles down to the kids. Some kids can handle it fine, but a lot cannot.

Even those that "handle" it are often not benefited by the overall process. My niece is convinced that she is stupid (because her reading scores are low and that is all she hears about all day, every day, all school year long) and my nephew suffers from anxiety that most certainly is not helped by his 3rd grade teacher telling all the kids that if they did poorly on the end of year test, she may get fired. These stories are not uncommon...I hear them with far more frequency than ever before.

Unfortunately, school the way it is in many places now is no place for a 4-yr old who is eager to learn. I'd keep my kid as far away as possible. School started in late Aug and the cutoff dat to be 5 is Sept 1....so there may have been a few 4yr olds the first week.

This is true....mine got in right b common core also, come to think of it!

 

[Tuppy]

See if the school can give you some flexibility in homework. Can you do earlier in the week or turn in the Monday after? Then it might feel like you have more "control" and take some of the rush out. I think you can't make more time, and it's a matter of learning how to manage. But maybe there's some wiggle room somewhere.

 

[sewgood]

I loathe the first 6 weeks of school. Every. single. year. I hate the rush, the no down time, all of it...and then sometime around the end of September and into October it just becomes routine and it is manageable again.... But every year in September I question if it is all worth it...

Same.

 

[raenndrops]

I think in most cases it is up to the teacher and administrators if they are willing to make the arrangement. At your school, can your child be late up to a certain time or leave early and still be counted present for the day? If so, then there probably is some wiggle room for schedule adjustment. For example, if my kid has a doctor's appt. in the morning but is there by 11:30AM, then she is still counted present for the day. Same thing if the doc appt is in the afternoon- if she stays until at least 11:30, she is still counted there for the day.

So, because of that- if a school is willing to make accommodations for a child to get in all of the instruction needed within those hours they can usually modify their schedule and still meet attendance requirements. Does that make sense?

Now, if a school has never done that then it wouldn't surprise me if their initial reaction is to say its not possible. If that happens, though, I wouldn't stop there. I'd do some researching into policies and move up the line of command to verify what the restrictions really are.

You are lucky. At our school, one minute late or leaving early is a tardy. 3 tardies in a 9 weeks counts as a full day absent. More than 5 minutes counts as 1/2 a day... So leaving 10 minutes early once a week would count as 4.5 days absent per grading period (even in elementary where they spend 15 minutes at the end of the day packing up).

 

[JoyAvenueMom]

I would be curious if others agreed, but I think at 8yo, the trick to avoiding burnout is to keep them wanting more. The 8yos I know who struggled with 16+ hours per week wound up dropping out. They were very talented and would have been 8/9 yo optionals. In their situation, their talent did not match their emotional needs at that age. We have quite a few who do 16 hours at that age (L4) and do fine. The 8yo who are doing more are home schooled. It is very individual. But at 8yo, it needs to be fun, not stressful. So, you are right to be concerned, although I wouldn't worry too much just yet. It takes time to adjust. Sleep and diet are two things parents can monitor that seem to impact how they handle the load of school and gym. You've received some great advice. and I totally agree with how powerful that occasional day off can be.

 

[GymDad9.9]

You are lucky. At our school, one minute late or leaving early is a tardy. 3 tardies in a 9 weeks counts as a full day absent. More than 5 minutes counts as 1/2 a day... So leaving 10 minutes early once a week would count as 4.5 days absent per grading period (even in elementary where they spend 15 minutes at the end of the day packing up).

They're more lenient in prison than your school