Parents When do you say enough is enough?

[NY Dad]

She had a different coach once who didn't let you leave an apparatus where you were blocked. She did hours and hours of bars for weeks at that gym- as much as 4 hours at a time. Obviously neither of those things were effective and both of them pushed her out of those gyms.

Did you feel like there was anything you can do about that? Did you consider switching gyms?

then the next time you were off team.

Girls were literally thrown off the team for having a block?

I obviously have a lot to learn but I can't believe a coach would think either of these strategies would be the best solution. I guess these strategies usually worked?

 

[MILgymFAM]

Did you feel like there was anything you can do about that? Did you consider switching gyms?

Girls were literally thrown off the team for having a block?

I obviously have a lot to learn but I can't believe a coach would think either of these strategies would be the best solution. I guess these strategies usually worked?

As I said, both strategies precipitated gym changes for us. My ODD absolutely wilted under that kind of pressure. She made it as far as being kicked out for the day before she started to get sick about practices.

At the other gym she would cry if she even had to speak to the coach. She could barley lift her arms after whole practices on bars. She needed me in the gym or the parking lot at all times for moral support.

That we saw, the extended kick-out plan didn't work- but that coach just didn't have to use it on anyone other than my DD. His team was very carefully chosen and curated (other than my DD) and the girls didn't have blocks the time we were there. Who knows what'll happen when it comes up for again- it does seem inevitable. I am guessing that he wouldn't mind if the policy naturally weeded out girls who didn't fit his mold.

That other coach (the stay on the apparatus coach) was VERY unsuccessful in helping any girls over any blocks.

In neither gym did I have any say, outside of forcing a gym switch. In both cases I voiced concern and was met with ridicule and disdain.

 

[my4buffaloes]

It sounds like this might be too rigorous a program for her. A larger group and more than one coach would help I think. That way when they are butting heads on an issue there is another coach that hopefully things are going well with. And with more girls, there is less attention. Maybe such a focused strict environment is not best for her. It sounds like she is miserable - but possibly just with her current situation and not necessarily gymnastics.

 

[GymLife]

Thank you all for responding.

DD says she doesn't feel burnt out. She doesn't feel like it's too hard. She doesn't know what is going on and why she can't do a lot of her skills. But this has been her life for 3 seasons. She doesn't know any better.

This program started out great and some how somewhere along the lines it stopped working for my DD and I was told over and over again "this happens all the time. She will be fine by state." By the coach, by the coach's mom. But when I picked DD on Wednesday she was heartbroken. She did 26 failed bar routines and in between those were 10 rope climbs (after I told coach no extra anything due to DD recovering from strep) then she was humiliated and kicked out in front of everyone.

Her coach became ill through rest of the week and practice was cancelled.

Friday night the gym had open workout and I took her after she asked to work on skills with none of her team there.
She looked wonderful. She is such a beautiful, graceful and powerful girl. She radiates confidence. Her bars were not pretty because she is still struggling to remember how to do them. But she wanted to put in the extra work. She doesn't want to fail.

She wants this.

Now I have to figure out how to build her up for the next 5 days and make her remember that she is amazing and this meet season will not define her.

 

[gymisforeveryone]

After reading this I can only recommend getting out of there as soon as possible. That kind of coaching methods can possibly damage your daughter very badly. It's not worth it.

 

[Seeker]

After reading this I can only recommend getting out of there as soon as possible. That kind of coaching methods can possibly damage your daughter very badly. It's not worth it.

I agree wit this...she needs to get out of there as soon as possible.

 

[Gymmommy71]

Some coaches have no patience for blocks and even though they won't kick them off team or punish them, but instead will effectively stop trying to coach them and low key ignore them in practice. DD was once at a gym where the coach did this to a few girls and it was awful and dragged out for a very long time till those families eventually left the gym.

I guess my point is that not every coach who is not punishing and belligerent about now they deal w/ blocks is perfectly understanding and supportive.

 

[triplethreat+1]

DD says she doesn't feel burnt out. She doesn't feel like it's too hard. She doesn't know what is going on and why she can't do a lot of her skills. But this has been her life for 3 seasons. She doesn't know any better.

I would just like to point out that I have a 9yr old DD as well, and I don't think she is self-aware enough to know whether she is being burnt out or to identify other mental stresses. It sounds like your DD still loves gym but this coach/gym/program is on the way to burning her out, whether she realizes it or not.
I wouldn't keep my dd in the situation you describe (26 bar routines, 10 rope climbs, AND being kicked out?!). It would be a shame if this situation pushed her out of something she loves and is clearly talented at.

 

[gracyomalley]

Blocks are a normal part of gymnastics (and, dare I say, life). Gymnastice, for 99.9% of kids who participate in the sport, is a fun learning activity for them to do but ends long before college. Success in gymnastics is different for different kids, and most coaches are able to step back and take their personal desires out of it and advocate for the athlete. Many different strategies work for different kids, but in general, per what I have heard from many coaches on this forum over the years, and seen with my kids combined 20 years of competition, pushing through, intimidation and threats are the worst approach...

Its also true that many gymnasts set themselves up to be "pushed out" due to perfectionism, intense personalities, and such - not of course consciously....but some kids are just wired to be hard on themselves and over think things - others just power through change and blocks....

My intense DD quit at age 12/level 8...after 2 years of struggling with blocks and coaching changes, and puberty. She is a freshman in high school now and still misses gymnastics, still trying to figure out a way to either come back or fill that gap....but it will be what it will be. She's much healthier mentally than she was when she was crying on beam about the BHSBHS series she'd been doing off and on beautifully for 3 years, or the giants she was again stuck on despite having had many other skills...and trying for a couple years to find a way to please the 10+ coaches who came through her life in those years, each wanting to help her but with different approaches...then getting to the point of not trying, because "they don't like me anyway"...(middle school drama thankfully over now!) She was initially a very coachable athlete - but by the end I suspect very difficult to work with at times.

I can only second what others have said - it sounds like your DD is caught with an inexperienced coach, unrealistic expectations about blocks and an approach that I would say almost never works, but in the least is not working for her. If possible a good talk with the coach about your long term goals for your DD (not"I would like her to be a level such and such at age such and such" but "She really loves gymnastics and at this point we would like it to continue to be a postitive thing in her life, wherever it takes her...") is in order - followed by looking at other programs if things don't change.

It may not always be the case, but I will point out that the most experienced coach any of my kids have had, who coaches elite level kids to success, has been the best at tailoring their training to fit their individual needs - keeping my gangly tall youngest L6 boy from losing hope, allowing my 16 year old who can only spend a few evenings a week training due to music and school to continue to do gymnastics without making him try to compete L10 this year (which the changes in the men's program would have required him to do), and in the brief time he coached my DD encouraging her and helping her see her talent when she herself no longer did....I think for the most part, those who coach for decades really like to see kids succeed - and enjoy gymnastics whether they ever get that particular skill or level....try to find one of those for your DD....and know that different kids work best with different coaches - many of my DD other coaches are great coaches in different situations/different kids...but with only one perspective you lose the chance to see how your DD will respond to others...

 

[Judybird]

Lots of good input has been given already. I've got nothing new to add other than to say that there are some parents (myself for one) who totally relate and understand the pain you are going through. It's hard to understand what it is like to have your gymmie suffer through an extended block. It will get better. Take steps to make things less stressful and more positive for her and you.