Parents When is it time to quit?

[observantmom]

I realize this question has been posted again and again through the years by many parents going through this same dilemma but just recently, we started hearing the mutterings about wanting to quit the sport.
Some background on my daughter:
Middle school L8 training L9.
Has had multiple surgeries and ongoing injuries
Has recently returned to sport and it's going well - she's stronger than before and doing more complex skills than before. That being said, she does have bad days due to some chronic issues stemming from old injuries.

The talk about quitting took me by surprise because she's been shooting me videos of new skills and exciting things she's been working on at the gym. When I asked her why I got a myriad of answers...she's going to get injured again. The time commitment is too much. Wants to try other sports. Sick of always being sore and in pain. Wants a real summer, etc.

I don't want to force her to do something she's truly done with. By the same time, I don't want to tell her to walk away just because it's getting challenging especially because this has been her passion since pre-school and has thrived in the sport. Has anyone been through a similar situation and what advice would you give me?

 

[GymnastMomX2]

If she voicing these things to you now it’s likely something she’s been thinking about for a very long time. If she wants to quit, let her. It’s a very typical age/level for girls to decide they are done and ready to move on to other things in life. My older daughter was done with the sport while training level 9, so I get it, it was hard for me too. My younger daughter is in 9th grade and shows no signs of being done yet, but we shall see.

 

[observantmom]

If she voicing these things to you now it’s likely something she’s been thinking about for a very long time. If she wants to quit, let her. It’s a very typical age/level for girls to decide they are done and ready to move on to other things in life. My older daughter was done with the sport while training level 9, so I get it, it was hard for me too. My younger daughter is in 9th grade and shows no signs of being done yet, but we shall see.

Thanks for this. Did your older daughter ever have regrets and want to go back? Or did she make a smooth transition into other sports and activities? I just don't want her to look back and wish she had given it more time because I know rough patches happen.

 

[NutterButter]

Gymnastics above L8 is a sport that requires that the athlete is 'all in'. If she's not all in then you should honor this and help guide her on what's next. It could be that with all her injuries she's realized that for her, the trade off between risk of injury and continuing in the sport is just not worth it. Has she mentioned other sports she'd like to try? If she's made it to L9, she's athletically talented and will for sure transition well to other sports she is interested in. Maybe have her try another sport over the summer - even if it's just for fun (such as indoor climbing).

 

[GymnastMomX2]

Thanks for this. Did your older daughter ever have regrets and want to go back?

She definitely missed it, but I wouldn’t say regretted quitting, she dove into marching band which took up all her free time. She also started coaching gymnastics, and got into competitive rock climbing. So she has stayed busy. She is just finishing college now and is still super into rock climbing and outdoor activities.

 

[Dahlialover]

When I asked her why I got a myriad of answers...she's going to get injured again. The time commitment is too much. Wants to try other sports. Sick of always being sore and in pain. Wants a real summer, etc.

Those seem like some very legitimate reasons. Gymnastics always ends and it’s a lot better to leave gymnastics on a high note than to leave due to an injury or extreme burnout.

 

[Madden3]

When my kids had to make hard decisions, I helped them make a list of pros and cons. It helps the decision maker focus her mind and really consider what she is imagining for life post-decision, whatever that decision is. Also in my experience, when there are many reasons given, the true, most important reason is either being hidden or not given enough weight. She may not realize what it is herself yet.

This is assuming she is really considering leaving the sport. Muttering about quitting could just be normal blowing off steam.

 

[Lobster]

My younger daughter was in a similar situation competing level 9 at age 12 and wanted to quit due to pain from injuries. Having parented her older sister through this sport I knew it only gets harder from that point on. So for me it was easy to let her move on. Had she been my first I would have encouraged her to push through the injuries and the rough times. Things will get better! But truthfully this is a brutally difficult sport. It doesn’t get better. There are great moments that help ease the pain they endure, but I’m not sure it’s worth it. Speaking from the perspective of a mom who has one competing D1 NCAA and one who moved on in middle school.

My retired gymnast found a great sport she loves and she’s very happy. She has no regrets and neither do I.

 

[raenndrops]

If she wants to try out other sports, let her. If she doesn't want to completely leave gymnastics, she could transition to Xcel Diamond or Sapphire. If she stops gymnastics, it will be fine. She could always go back if she wants to.

Gymnasts who RETIRE (it isn't quitting, especially when done between seasons) often transition beautifully into other sports.

We had a retired gymnast transition into soccer in time for high school. She ended up getting a scholarship for soccer to her first-choice college. That school was starting a women's lacrosse team that year (after she arrived on campus for soccer conditioning/practice), and they recruited her for the lacrosse team. She competed in both throughout her college career.

Another gymnast left in middle school and became a 4-sport athlete through high school. She was being recruited for 3 of the 4 sports, and she had her pick of colleges and sport/sports (some of the D3 schools were recruiting her for 2 sports from the beginning, with the coaches figuring out how to manage her practices/conditioning/everything else).

I also know another former gymnast who retired while training level 8. She did some dance and track. In her senior (I think) year of high school, her team won the STATE indoor track meet. She was the only athlete on her team. She went on to college with a track scholarship and is killing it!

 

[Pfiga]

I would also suggest trying Xcel, if she does not want to retire completely but wants to have more time for other things and for trying other sports. Xcel might alleviate a lot of her current concerns but would allow her to continue practicing and improving her skills, in case she ever decides to go back to L9.

 

[Ajoy]

I realize this question has been posted again and again through the years by many parents going through this same dilemma but just recently, we started hearing the mutterings about wanting to quit the sport.
Some background on my daughter:
Middle school L8 training L9.
Has had multiple surgeries and ongoing injuries
Has recently returned to sport and it's going well - she's stronger than before and doing more complex skills than before. That being said, she does have bad days due to some chronic issues stemming from old injuries.

The talk about quitting took me by surprise because she's been shooting me videos of new skills and exciting things she's been working on at the gym. When I asked her why I got a myriad of answers...she's going to get injured again. The time commitment is too much. Wants to try other sports. Sick of always being sore and in pain. Wants a real summer, etc.

I don't want to force her to do something she's truly done with. By the same time, I don't want to tell her to walk away just because it's getting challenging especially because this has been her passion since pre-school and has thrived in the sport. Has anyone been through a similar situation and what advice would you give me?

Not to be a Debby downer but if my daughter (8th grade, training 9-10) told me that she wanted to quit we would be gone. High school sports are so fun, and your athletic gymnast will probably be a standout somewhere else. Plus she will have more time for other teenager pursuits (music, friends, job, school). You really need to love love gymnastics to peruse it through high school with an eye on college because the sacrifices are real.

 

[observantmom]

My younger daughter was in a similar situation competing level 9 at age 12 and wanted to quit due to pain from injuries. Having parented her older sister through this sport I knew it only gets harder from that point on. So for me it was easy to let her move on. Had she been my first I would have encouraged her to push through the injuries and the rough times. Things will get better! But truthfully this is a brutally difficult sport. It doesn’t get better. There are great moments that help ease the pain they endure, but I’m not sure it’s worth it. Speaking from the perspective of a mom who has one competing D1 NCAA and one who moved on in middle school.

My retired gymnast found a great sport she loves and she’s very happy. She has no regrets and neither do I.

I really appreciate your response. One of my fears has been that she would just be swapping one sport's problems for another sport's problems but the posts here overwhelmingly suggest that making the switch could be a great thing for her. Thank you for this!

 

[observantmom]

Gymnastics above L8 is a sport that requires that the athlete is 'all in'. If she's not all in then you should honor this and help guide her on what's next. It could be that with all her injuries she's realized that for her, the trade off between risk of injury and continuing in the sport is just not worth it. Has she mentioned other sports she'd like to try? If she's made it to L9, she's athletically talented and will for sure transition well to other sports she is interested in. Maybe have her try another sport over the summer - even if it's just for fun (such as indoor climbing).

Hi! Thanks for this. Yes - she is very interested in track and cross country and she is doing summer track to "test the waters". So far she really loves it!

 

[observantmom]

If she wants to try out other sports, let her. If she doesn't want to completely leave gymnastics, she could transition to Xcel Diamond or Sapphire. If she stops gymnastics, it will be fine. She could always go back if she wants to.

Gymnasts who RETIRE (it isn't quitting, especially when done between seasons) often transition beautifully into other sports.

We had a retired gymnast transition into soccer in time for high school. She ended up getting a scholarship for soccer to her first-choice college. That school was starting a women's lacrosse team that year (after she arrived on campus for soccer conditioning/practice), and they recruited her for the lacrosse team. She competed in both throughout her college career.

Another gymnast left in middle school and became a 4-sport athlete through high school. She was being recruited for 3 of the 4 sports, and she had her pick of colleges and sport/sports (some of the D3 schools were recruiting her for 2 sports from the beginning, with the coaches figuring out how to manage her practices/conditioning/everything else).

I also know another former gymnast who retired while training level 8. She did some dance and track. In her senior (I think) year of high school, her team won the STATE indoor track meet. She was the only athlete on her team. She went on to college with a track scholarship and is killing it!

Thank you for this - she's very interested in track so this post really hit home and we live in an area with a competitive track/cross country program as well.

 

[mezzamare]

My daughter just left gymnastics five months ago, also training L9, and since we're so fresh on this journey, I wanted to assure you that it really does take life in new and interesting directions! My daughter's exit from the sport was a big heartbreak for her and even for me and her dad—suddenly we had this big hole in life where gymnastics used to be, and none of us were quite sure what to do with it. After some time resettling, she's having so much fun! She's learning a new sport, spending a lot more time with her friends, working at her old gym, and has more time to travel and do things like hiking and camping. She's light years happier, and that means the world to me. Also, our wallets are a little heavier too, which is nice! Anyway, good luck to you guys. Don't be scared to make the change; good things can lie on the other side!!

 

[observantmom]

My daughter just left gymnastics five months ago, also training L9, and since we're so fresh on this journey, I wanted to assure you that it really does take life in new and interesting directions! My daughter's exit from the sport was a big heartbreak for her and even for me and her dad—suddenly we had this big hole in life where gymnastics used to be, and none of us were quite sure what to do with it. After some time resettling, she's having so much fun! She's learning a new sport, spending a lot more time with her friends, working at her old gym, and has more time to travel and do things like hiking and camping. She's light years happier, and that means the world to me. Also, our wallets are a little heavier too, which is nice! Anyway, good luck to you guys. Don't be scared to make the change; good things can lie on the other side!!

That's great to hear! Light years happier - that's the biggest thing of all.