Parents When should gymnast quit?

[RealRickGrimes]

Our daughter is sophomore and competes on both high school and club teams. She is currently recovering from ankle avulsion fracture. Been in walking boot for 6 weeks, and is waiting for doctor to return her to activity. 3 years ago, she had to undergo elbow reconstruction and missed entire year. Think this second major injury and all the down time has really been weighing on her. Last night, she announced that she doesn't want to go back to gymnastics once the doctor clears her. We're wrestling with what to do. We don't want to force her to stay in gymnastics if it's no longer fun. We also don't want her to quit just because the recovery may be challenging. She did commit to high school team and it doesn't seem right that she just walks away at the start of the season. Assuming the doctor clears her to return, is it unreasonable for her to gut out the high school season before walking away? What kind of lesson are we teaching if we let her quit during the season? But what kind of lesson are we teaching if we force her to stay against her will? Who said parenting is easy?

 

[reluctant]

Our daughter is sophomore and competes on both high school and club teams. She is currently recovering from ankle avulsion fracture. Been in walking boot for 6 weeks, and is waiting for doctor to return her to activity. 3 years ago, she had to undergo elbow reconstruction and missed entire year. Think this second major injury and all the down time has really been weighing on her. Last night, she announced that she doesn't want to go back to gymnastics once the doctor clears her. We're wrestling with what to do. We don't want to force her to stay in gymnastics if it's no longer fun. We also don't want her to quit just because the recovery may be challenging. She did commit to high school team and it doesn't seem right that she just walks away at the start of the season. Assuming the doctor clears her to return, is it unreasonable for her to gut out the high school season before walking away? What kind of lesson are we teaching if we let her quit during the season? But what kind of lesson are we teaching if we force her to stay against her will? Who said parenting is easy?

My kids have been gymnasts their whole life. I have told them, that they are welcome to walk away at any time. They have put years into the sport, so I figure when they are done they are done. If it were a new activity I would absolutely make them finish the season.

 

[Seeker]

Retire and move on if that’s what she wants to do. Maybe suggest she go back to training just to finish out the rehab process and decide for sure that she’s ready to move on, but that gives her plenty of time to rehab and choose another activity for spring.

 

[B&M's mom]

Let it go. Your daughter is old enough to know what she wants to do. She also knows what rehab is like. With the season starting, she most likely won't be completely ready and rushing back could cause other problems, (My DD is example #1 of that). Its never easy to let them walk away but sometimes it's right. My DD walked away after injuries. It was harder for me to let it go but I knew she understood what her decision meant and did not make it lightly. She discovered another sport (she was a junior in high school at the time) and is now competing in a D1 program.

 

[sevenatenine2]

Yes, let her go. Imagine the guilt you would feel if she had another serious injury after telling you she didn’t want to continue.

 

[gymmom10]

While I kind of agree with the others, I also think it’s very easy to make the decision to quit when you’re looking at an uphill climb ahead, but it would be better if the decision came after she started to get back. Try and make sure she really understands if she is ready to quit or whether she should postpone the decision a certain amount of time to see if she continues to feel this way.

 

[FlippinPrincess]

I would let her make the decision. I understand not wanting to let her quit because of the injury, but she's been down this road before. I can totally respect her decision to not want to do it again. Gymnastics is an extracurricular activity and although it's hard work, it's supposed to be fun. It appears that it is no longer fun for her so I would let her move on.

 

[flyinghigh]

I can see both sides. My daughter is 13 and coming back from another surgery/major injury. After surgery she talked about quitting but didn’t want to quit injured. I admire that and agree, don’t quit injured. So she has decided to do one more season, this will be her last . It’s time. She will move on to high school cheer which will be a lot less stress mentally and on the body. On the other hand your daughter is old enough to make her own decisions. But I would talk to her about quitting injured. She might want to see how it goes.

 

[gymdog]

If her gut's telling her she's done she needs to stop. Those are pretty serious injuries. I would look into Olympic weightlifting, some track events, or springboard diving.

 

[Flippin'A]

The lesson you're teaching her is that she gets to decide what's right for her body. Trying to force an unwilling teenager to do a dangerous, high impact sport is just asking for another injury. Is there another way she can keep her commitment to the high school team that doesn't involve competing? When i did gym in high school one of my teammates fractured her back and decided to be done. Instead of competing she spent her last two years assistant coaching and acting as team manager at meets. She still supported the team, we still got to have our friend around, and she learned some valuable coaching skills she's still using today.

 

[3cats]

And remember it's not quitting, it's retiring. Once you dedicate that much of your life to a sport you aren't quitting. The dignity of deciding to move away from the sport on an athlete's own terms is very powerful and helps a smother transition to something new.

 

[3cats]

Smoother transition*

 

[Musicmama]

I think it's fine to quit during the season if she really wants to.

My deal with dd is that if she quits during a season then she doesn't get to choose another extracurricular activity until we're finished paying for the year (no discounts for quitting mid-year at her gym), but that's a financial and responsibility issue that we talked about when she first started. I would absolutely support her in quitting if she was no longer wanting to continue for any reason.

 

[raenndrops]

I would see if she would be willing to do SOMETHING with the High School team. You said she made a commitment to the team. She doesn't have to compete to be part of the team.
We have a gymnast who is injured and probably won't be cleared until mid-spring, but she IS part of the High School team as well as helping coach our L4/L5 team. She is there to be a "cheerleader" for the HS girls. She also can help with tips (she is a L8 who is strong on beam and bars ... and some of the girls on the HS team don't even have a kip but want the chance to compete AA).
Maybe your daughter could do something like that. Then, if she wants to train a little once cleared, she is there with the team. Maybe she will decide she doesnt want to quit, but wants to be an event specialist for the HS team. Either way, if she does SOMETHING with the High School Team, she can retire on her own terms ... and not because she is injured or because it would be a long road back.

 

[Tiffany]

While I kind of agree with the others, I also think it’s very easy to make the decision to quit when you’re looking at an uphill climb ahead, but it would be better if the decision came after she started to get back. Try and make sure she really understands if she is ready to quit or whether she should postpone the decision a certain amount of time to see if she continues to feel this way.

I absolutely agree here! When you’re down, struggling, or very upset, you can’t see your path clearly. I tell my daughter if she wants to make that decision when things are all good at the gym, then I get it. Just don’t make quick decisions when times are tough.

 

[RealRickGrimes]

She has now decided to stay with the high school team through the season, subject to whatever restrictions the doc/therapist place on her. It's very possible that her ankle will prevent her from competing at all. But she then disclosed that the real issue is that she just doesn't want to compete at meets anymore. She's perfectly content just to practice. Which raises different kinds of issues.