Parents When to scratch an event?

[kayjaybe]

If the coach decides to scratch a gymnast, it is usually for very good reason. The coaches don't get any pleasure out of seeing their gymnasts sit on the sidelines. They want their gymnasts to be happy, successful and SAFE.

Also, I would take the money thing out of the equation. There are going to be times when you are paying for things and your kid can't participate fully or at all.

We pay a lump sum each year for all team & meet fees. You don't get it refunded if your child scratches or even sits out an entire meet due to injury. Dd has had 4 meets so far this year. She has competed a TOTAL of 3 events across all four meets, partially due to injury and partially due to balking issues. (Meet 1 - no events due to broken hand, meet 2 - floor only due to broken hand, meet 3 - beam only due to balking on all other events, meet 4 - vault only due to balking on all other events. Meet 5 is this weekend and she's doing 2 events - floor & bars! Balking on other 2 events.)

You do NOT want to put your kid out there and be hurt! An injury will only have a negative impact on the balking (see above!) and besides the fact that you don't want your kid injured.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

The only response from a parent is, 'im sorry you are struggling with this, But I believe in you! just keep working hard, and LISTEN TO YOUR COACH'
And an 'Im so proud of you' never hurt either.

Good luck!!

I wish to like this a bunch of time

 

[munchkin3]

So, we left practice tonight with massive chaos and drama because many girls were scratched from X event and the coach called it today before the meet.......I CANT BELIEVE how many parents were complaining and scolding their kids about spending money for a meet, and traveling for no AA score.......several parents called meetings with the coach in response.......

A friend of mine was one. I hope I was gentle in my explanation that he should not get involved and how he must allow his DD to solve the problem on her own.....not to talk to the coach because he would essentially be robbing his DD of fixing the problem by herself......even if it takes TIME.......if his DD gets to the meet, and gets the opportunity to warm up and nail the routine, was it because of her ability or her fathers meddling?............not to mention, he is setting his kid up for 'fixing' all her problems!..........I explained that after years and years (and years) doing this, I never once was upset about a scratch for my kid, and never even thought of it as a big deal! It was a 'kid in sport + coach' decision.......these are life lessons people!!!!! Their life does not depend on it!!!!!!!

I dont get it...... Why are parents soooooo in love with gymnastics, yet willing to ruin it so quickly for their kid..???

 

[Deleted member 14190]

It's in our nature to protect our kids even if it means a slow death.... (sports death).

 

[Mom2-4]

It's in our nature to protect our kids even if it means a slow death.... (sports death).

My DD has been in this sport for 9 years. 7 of them competing. I think this is the first year I have really made myself let go completely. DD is 13. I used to get so frustrated with trying to "communicate with my preteen about practice and meets." Pretty much the only thing we argued about. She saw what I thought was regular parenting as criticism. Got an attitude etc. She has grown a ton physically and mentally this year. I feel much more at peace since I stopped trying to control her sport. I made some mistakes early on when communicating with the former HC and I think the other coaches and owner were aware. Thanks to the advice I have read on this website I now drop off and pick up only. Unless HC or DD has something to show me or talk about. DD is having a big issue with bars currently. Free hip HS. sometimes on, mostly not. I don't ask, she doesn't say. I have decided she will be so excited when she gets it I will know. This week she said HC likes you, That is a huge shock. Anyway, her HC wants her to continue to try for the skill at the meets, killing the bar score, but she is so close and knows how to drop safetly. I almost wish she would scratch the event, but not my call. I can see the confidence building in my daughter. Taking control of "her" sport. Even the failures. The advice on this site seems harsh and sometimes not what we want to hear. But these people have been there and know. Sorry for the book. But seriously I have much less anxiety and enjoy the meets so much more now. I wish I had listened in the first few years. I wonder now if I had given her that power earlier if she would have been further along sooner. Hope not.

 

[Mom2-4]

My DD has been in this sport for 9 years. 7 of them competing. I think this is the first year I have really made myself let go completely. DD is 13. I used to get so frustrated with trying to "communicate with my preteen about practice and meets." Pretty much the only thing we argued about. She saw what I thought was regular parenting as criticism. Got an attitude etc. She has grown a ton physically and mentally this year. I feel much more at peace since I stopped trying to control her sport. I made some mistakes early on when communicating with the former HC and I think the other coaches and owner were aware. Thanks to the advice I have read on this website I now drop off and pick up only. Unless HC or DD has something to show me or talk about. DD is having a big issue with bars currently. Free hip HS. sometimes on, mostly not. I don't ask, she doesn't say. I have decided she will be so excited when she gets it I will know. This week she said HC likes you, That is a huge shock. Anyway, her HC wants her to continue to try for the skill at the meets, killing the bar score, but she is so close and knows how to drop safetly. I almost wish she would scratch the event, but not my call. I can see the confidence building in my daughter. Taking control of "her" sport. Even the failures. The advice on this site seems harsh and sometimes not what we want to hear. But these people have been there and know. Sorry for the book. But seriously I have much less anxiety and enjoy the meets so much more now. I wish I had listened in the first few years. I wonder now if I had given her that power earlier if she would have been further along sooner. Hope not.

Sorry one more thing meet this weekend She will keep trying and I will keep cheering. No matter what the outcome.

 

[LizzieLac]

I've been trying to stay away from this thread, but now giving in! A couple of things:
1) Let's all be honest...we like to say it is a coaching decision, trust the coaches, etc. But sometimes coaches don't handle things the right way. They are human. But it sets up in parents this "fear" that the coach doesn't understand our child, or care, or worse yet, know what he/she is doing.
2) However the scratching was handled, I believe if a parent or child doesn't understand why it was done or it makes the child lose confidence or doubt himself, an open and honest discussion is reasonable to expect.
3) Unless a child is a candidate for college gymnastics (and maybe the parent doesn't know) or perhaps elite (that would probably know), none of this really matters. I know that sounds callous, but it is true. I mean, in the scheme of getting through school, going to college etc. and becoming an adult it just doesn't matter.

I have been at time too involved and even though I thought I was helping, I was not. My DD is older and she is mature enough to handle all of these kinds of conversations with her coach, but it she were 8 or 9, I would say probably not. At that age, they may need a parent to interpret. What has always been best for my child was for to pretty much stay out of things. Sure, we talk, and if she asks for advice or wants to complain I am there for her. Otherwise, I try to bring up nothing to her. She needs to be able to talk to her coaches. And even when he is NOT easy to talk to, figuring out how to deal with those situations is a life skill.

Ok, done.

 

[skschlag]

@LizzieLac - you nailed it on the head. While it may not have come across that way initially, I think the real issue here is communication style and "coaching" style. This situation is more than that. And this child has lost confidence in his coach.

 

[munchkin3]

No one like a scratch.....and yes, it hurts even the most experienced parent.....but it is part of sports, gymnastics and life.......if the scratch was done in a punitive way, then that totally is bad. In reality though most coaches are upset at scratching kids and the kid, and parent may 'take' it as punitive.......it's the parents job to make it a learning tool.....and not blame the coach for being mean.

I'm sure communication will take care of it......as everyone has pointed out already.......

Off to the meet........stress has begun, time to put on my zen face

 

[skschlag]

that is it exactly. There is a difference between "hey, son, I am going to scratch you from floor. Right now, I am worried you will hurt yourself, and I want to work with you to get this skill back" and "If you even balk one time I am scratching you!"

 

[AgingHippie]

that is it exactly. There is a difference between "hey, son, I am going to scratch you from floor. Right now, I am worried you will hurt yourself, and I want to work with you to get this skill back" and "If you even balk one time I am scratching you!"

Unfortunately I think the latter happens more often unless we just hear about it more because people are upset about it.

On the other side of the coin, I really, really, really was hoping the coach would scratch my DD on bars the first meet this season. Two days before the meet she had never done her flyaway, not even with a spot. Coach kept telling her she was not going to scratch her and she just needed to stop freaking out and do it. Also told my DD she was going to get in trouble with HC if DD didn't do it.

DD really wanted to scratch but the coach would not bend. She was just terrified to let go of the bars and she was worried about her coach losing her job and "it would be my fault". I stayed positive with her but will admit I was really worried and angry about it and secretly hoped they would decide to scratch her. I kept my mouth shut.

The night before the meet she did two unspotted, she competed the flyaway the following day. It wasn't pretty but she did it. Three meets later she took 2nd on bars.

Sometimes you just never know how it's going to work out. I think different things work for different kids. It's so hard to know what the coach is thinking but I do think sometimes it's just good to take a step back and let things play out for at least a little while.

 

[Ali'sMom]

Off to the meet........stress has begun, time to put on my zen face

You have one of those??? Where did you get it??? Amazon Prime????

good luck!!!

 

[munchkin3]

Naw, I fake it.