Parents When would you step in?

[Deleted member 14190]

I really don't see what the problem is or what needs to be watched. She is being asked to make a simple correction and isn't making it. A bad coach would just let her continue and cement those bad habits into her future. A good coach says no way, no more, do it correctly or don't work it. Your dd needs to work it out on her own, this is part of the process.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

I wouldn't say so etching to the coach. I would strongly encourage my dd to ask them if she doesn't understand what they are telling her, even if she isn't entirely comfortable with it. You and her MUST be able to trust the coach to do what is best for your dd, whether you love it at the moment or not.
I'm not advocating blindly trusting someone you see/feel is actually abusing your child, but pushing a child to get out of their comfort zone isn't abuse, it's good coaching. try to relax and not hover as much...
Our coaches do the same thing: make the corrections, do something right (or as right as they know you CAN) or you either are done with that and go back to drills or you get stuck on that station until you do it right or the allotted time for that apparatus is over. Is it always easy to watch when your kid is the one stuck on clear hips when everyone else has moved on to doing fun flyaways (that was my kid last week!!)?? Nope, but I knew the coaches were telling her what to do, she was choosing not to do it or apply the corrections (and yes, of course she will come out and tell me she WAAAS trying to do what they told her). I didn't feel sorry for her, not one bit. Guess what? Next bar session, she applied the corrections better and moved on to the flyaways. The coaches know what the kids can and cannot do better than the kids know it themselves....

 

[mommyof1]

I would explain to your daughter that if she feels like she is doing what she is asked to do, but the coach continues to tell her she's doing it wrong, then she is not really understanding what the coach wants. In this situation, she should speak up respectfully to ask for more explanation, something like, "I'm sorry, coach, but I don't think I understand exactly what you are asking me to do. Can you please help me to understand better?" The right time for this would be the second or third time she gets the same correction, BEFORE the coach gets frustrated or takes her out of the rotation. You could even role-play this scenario with her.

My daughter struggles with a similar issue with tumbling. She thinks she is making the corrections, but doesn't really understand what she is being asked to do. Her old coach would get frustrated and yell at her when she wouldn't make corrections. Her new coach "gets" that she just doesn't "get" it and tries all sorts of strategies (drills, different ways of explaining, physically putting her in the right position, etc.) to get her point across. She is also very patient and is willing to wait for the concepts to "click."

As a parent, I know exactly how hard it is to want your kid to succeed and to know that there is very little you can do to help other than bringing her to practice and encouraging her. Hang in there!

 

[Ali'sMom]

I feel for you.
Last Friday, DD came out of gym near tears. Waited to get into the car and exclaimed that the coaches were laughing at her. For a moment, I almost swung my car around to go give them a piece of my mind... but I didn't.
I got the full story (it took three tellings) and it seemed that two main coaches were talking to each other, covering their mouths, and looking at DD after she had the lowest number of pullups on the team.
I'm HOPING they weren't laughing, but I am more of the belief that they were discussing that this lack of strength is what's giving her issues with her kip. I told her that's what I thought it was.

I still considered "checking it out" on monday when I went to pick her up. But in the end, I didn't need to - she showed them - she did 10 kips! and got her grips! (finally)

I really am hoping that they weren't laughing, but I think if I were to check it out, it would cause more problems.
One day at a time...

 

[Deleted member D3987]

I actually completely disagree with this. (Still love ya' Iwanna!)

I believe that gymnasts tend to be seen as more mature than their actual age because of the focus, drive, and passion they have for their sport. HOWEVER, at the end of the day, this is a 7 year old. Almost every single elementary age child I know has been taught over and over to NOT question an adult. So they don't. Kids don't want to get in trouble. They also don't really know how to talk to adults.

Regardless of the sport or maturity of the child, it is our responsibility as a parent to help our children through these things. Learning experience right here. I love the idea of arming your DD with phrases on how to ask for help in this situation. But I wouldn't bet the farm that she'll either do it or do it correctly. Personally, I see nothing wrong with dropping a quiet word in the coach's ear to say "DD wanted to let you know she hasn't quite been understanding your corrections on the strap bar. I wanted to make sure she was able to get that across respectfully."

You may be surprised with what you think your DD is telling the coach, what your DD thinks she is telling the coach, and what the coach is actually hearing.

okay, i have to pipe in here. it is TRUE, and i have posted before, that gymnasts must be and are more mature in gymnastics above all others.

you can disagree. but unless you have ever attempted some of the things that we do you are not in a position to say we are not more mature. unless you were a gymnast, and in that case you wouldn't be disagreeing, you have no idea what its like to get on a bar at 12 years old and do giants. that's why it's a shame that the general public looks at a finished product and what they perceive "looks so easy". and all i can say is...you have NO idea. i was a gymnast. i was more mature than my peers.

i still get the same feelings coaching today as i did when i did it. you can't possibly understand. and i still love you all also.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

I really don't see what the problem is or what needs to be watched. She is being asked to make a simple correction and isn't making it. A bad coach would just let her continue and cement those bad habits into her future. A good coach says no way, no more, do it correctly or don't work it. Your dd needs to work it out on her own, this is part of the process.

yes. but i think you would agree that how we go about this with 7 year old's is in stark contrast with, let's say, an 11 year old. process is the same...but how we communicate that is different between the age groups.

 

[stillgotmyleotard]

I'm crap at posting quotes, it never works. But, Dunno, what you said here...

unless you were a gymnast, and in that case you wouldn't be disagreeing, you have no idea what its like to get on a bar at 12 years old and do giants. that's why it's a shame that the general public looks at a finished product and what they perceive "looks so easy". and all i can say is...you have NO idea.

...could have come out of my own mouth, on an almost weekly basis at my daughter's gym!

Tiny Dancer, I think your daughter will have been given a task her coach believes she can perform. They will have made this assessment based on what they know about her condition and skill-level. It's likely they expect their approach to result in success.

I personally would not wade in. We need our kids to have their own relationships with their coaches. We entrust them with our kids to teach them things we can't; we need to have faith in their methods. In a situation where we feel unable to do this, we must ask ourselves whether our kids are in the right place and act on that. Otherwise, gym business is gym business.

 

[Becauseisaid]

okay, i have to pipe in here. it is TRUE, and i have posted before, that gymnasts must be and are more mature in gymnastics above all others.

you can disagree. but unless you have ever attempted some of the things that we do you are not in a position to say we are not more mature. unless you were a gymnast, and in that case you wouldn't be disagreeing, you have no idea what its like to get on a bar at 12 years old and do giants. that's why it's a shame that the general public looks at a finished product and what they perceive "looks so easy". and all i can say is...you have NO idea. i was a gymnast. i was more mature than my peers.

i still get the same feelings coaching today as i did when i did it. you can't possibly understand. and i still love you all also.

You're right. I'm not now nor have I ever been a gymnast. What I am is the Mom who takes home her 9 year old after practice and listens to her giggle at fart jokes and make up What-If stories about cats. She may have a passion and willingness to work above her years, but at the end of the day SHE IS NOT MATURE. She is a 9 year old, elementary school age child. She makes bad decisions and forgets to make her bed when I don't remind her. She needs to be reminded to be a good sport when she loses at a board game.

I will concede that young girls (and boys, let's not discriminate) who are in a high level of gymnastics are more mature than their peers. They have had to learn a strong work ethic that most people don't have until adulthood. But that is only a portion of what being mature means. Mature means making the difficult decision. Children are not equipped to do that. Heck, I know a lot of adults that aren't equipped to do that. I definitely don't think you can unilaterally say that low level gymnasts are mature.

These are kids. They still need to be taught how to interact with the world appropriately. In the gym and out.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

yes. but i think you would agree that how we go about this with 7 year old's is in stark contrast with, let's say, an 11 year old. process is the same...but how we communicate that is different between the age groups.

Yea, but I am still pretty strict even with the tiny ones(and we have a bunch of them). , and its hard to know exactly how it all went down since its third hand info.

 

[Ex member]

Update.. Dd had practice yesterday and they went on the bars (wooden ones not strap ones) as well as doing vault and conditioning and floor work.

After practice dd came out happy and said that coach was going to chat to me, the coach told me how well dd did that practice on the vault (very close to a handstand flat back on her own using mats stacked nearly as high as she is), bars (they were doing some sort of straddle on and fall back on to stacked mats with a station set up so they can do some on their own using preschool bar and stacked mats, dd also did pull-ups on a high bar over the pit and was very close to a chin up circle over which no one in her group can do yet), floor (dd did a few back walker overs on her own on a thin mat without using a spotting block and got a high five from the coach and her team mates) and the coach said dd was down in her left and right splits during cool down stretching. The coach was full of praise for dd and said she worked hard that practice.

I am not going to talk to the coach about the strap bar, I am sure that if there was an issue then the coach would have mentioned it last night, I am just going to encourage dd to tell her coach if she is struggling to put into practice what the coach wants her to do and ask for help.

Thank you for all your advice and input , so many different views make me see things in a more level way and I am quite happy for encourage dd to try and deal with it.

 

[BlairBob]

In my experience, young female WAG coaches can often be pretty, hmm, what's the word? What kind of adjectives could I use...

Then again, the old ones can be just be the same...or worse.

OTOH, male coaches can be pretty hard on boys, young boys, old boys. Darn right evil bleep, bleep bleeps. Those same male coaches can be a lot easier on the girls. Sometimes a bit sarcastic...generally strict rather than cruel.

I think it has something to do with gender bias.

 

[BlairBob]

Ehh, this could just be a case of when they do good, they get praised but when they don't, they get belittled.

This is not the 70's Romania.

Otoh, if her coach was an old-school Russia, it wouldn't necessarily surprise me. I've known a few that will and curse at kids at the blink of an eye. It's that generation.

There is a difference between being strict and being cruel. Some kids don't get this. And some are just brats so if you get strict, all hell breaks loose.

 

[Ex member]

The coach is not old-school Russia, and also hope she doesn't yell at the girls without just cause. My dd is also not naughty at gym, she act's the same way at school as she does at gymnastics, behaves very well and tries her hardest to do what is asked and aims to please. I think my dd's issue is that she doesn't know how to do what is asked on the strap bar when it comes to shaping on the swing (or think it is right to question the coach, she is the same way with school teachers, my oldest dd on the other hand will soon let them know if she is having issues, but then again my oldest is 3 years older than my youngest), dd's biggest worry is speaking up for herself and saying she just doesn't understand for fear of getting into trouble, I am hoping if I encourage her to let the coach know she is finding it hard to make the correction then she can be more confident and communicating with the coach when necessary, I think looking back on it that it is an age thing and dd will eventually grow out of it as she gains experience with things like this.

 

[Peasmama]

My dd (7) is making progress in her group and is doing well as far as I know. There is one small niggling issue that dd is having that keeps cropping up every so often. Dd told me that she is having issues's on the strap bar, according to dd the coach has been telling her off for not doing her swings correctly saying dd is not listening and threatening to not let her go on the bars if she doesn't do it right, dd says she is listening and is trying to do what the coach says but can't quite get it. I have asked dd if she can handle this issue and let the coach know she is trying but doesn't quite understand how to apply the correction and doesn't feel like she can ask the coach for help.

Dd is younger then her team mates and only in year 2 (first grade in the USA) and doesn't always know how to deal with things like her older team mates could, she told me that she is frightened that she will get kicked out of the group, Her coach isn't horrible but is young and I think she sometimes forgets that dd is so young (I hope that is the reason), dd said no one else has got threatened like she has.

Dd is not as emotionally mature as some girls can be at the age of 7 and can get easily upset but tries to hide it.

I am quite happy for the coach to tell dd off in the correct way if needed and for the coach to give her corrections but not to bully or threaten my dd when it might not be her fault.

I have tried to get dd to try and sort this out but I don't think she can handle this on her own yet, I have offered to have a chat with the coach with dd present to find out what has been said and if she has threatened dd (I hope not and that dd has gotten the wrong end if the stick) and I will get her to tell the coach her views. Do you think I should request to speak to the coach or just leave it?

Just a thought as a teacher of 7 year olds: I have my students explain the directions to a partner. They will focus on the instruction because they have to tell/show their classmate how.

 

[GymMom4]

I don't know what the right answer is here as we are struggling with this a bit right now as well. DD is having a hard time, she is 8 and unsure of how to communicate her need/fear to her coach. It is causing her to fall behind a bit. The coach is great at gymnastics but perhaps not great at communication so all I get is the version from my kid and what I see when I am at the gym.

Trying really hard to not be a CGM

 

[windydays]

Is there another coach in the gym that can help her with speaking to her coach. I know my daughter had a tough time speaking up if she didn't understand something, and it was frustrating to both her and the coach. We finally asked another coach, whom daughter felt comfortable with, to help her speak to the coach she needed to speak with. It ended up working out really well. My daughter and the coach she chose would go over to "intimidating" coach and my daughter would do all the speaking. She felt better having her "friendly" coach by her and learned how to communicate what she needed to. The "intimidating" coach was actually very receptive to this and they have a better relationship because of it.

 

[marie83]

I agree with the other coaches who say the reason the coach says dd won't do the exercise might be for safety reasons/not wanting your dd to learn bad habits.
However if your dd doesn't understand how to make the correction, then that is different. I am of the opinion that if a gymnast doesn't understand something it is the coaches job to help them and the coaches fault when they don't get it.

Perhaps the coach could video you dd and show her a side by side comparison of someone doing it correctly and your dd's attempt, then actually highlight where your dd is going wrong. Or perhaps she could spend more time physically molding your dd into the correct shapes. She could also ask another coach to explain it (different terminology, different voice often works wonders!)
If a gymnast doesn't make a correction through laziness then that again is another story but I don't think we are dealing with that here!

 

[windydays]

She could also ask another coach to explain it (different terminology, different voice often works wonders!)

Great point! We had a coach get really stern with a Level 5 gymnast and tell her she can't balk when it is her turn, she could get hurt. The Level 5 gymnast said okay and continued practice. When practice was over, the gymnast asked her mom what balked meant...

 

[Ex member]

Hi all, I don't think dd is having many issues anymore on the strap bar, dd said that she has been getting good feed back off the coach and dd hasn't mentioned anymore about the coach making her sit out when they do bars. Thank you for all your replies they have been much appreciated.

 

[sce]

I think my dd's issue is that she doesn't know how to do what is asked on the strap bar when it comes to shaping on the swing (or think it is right to question the coach, she is the same way with school teachers,

Help her learn the difference between questioning the coach and asking for help or clarification. One is disrespectful the other is not. Many kids do think that any question is not OK, but then everyone just stays frustrated. You can even rehearse with her, "Coach, I am trying to apply the correction but I'm not sure I understand what you are asking., can you explain it differently or show me in some other way?"