Parents When your daughter is the youngest in the group

[flp07]

My 9 year old DD is a very quiet and hard to get to know type of personality. It takes a little for her to open up for her to show her true personality. She just finished up level 5 and is the youngest in her training group by 2 years. Today in class for the last 15 min. they were having handstand contests. It came down to my DD and one of the oldest girls in the finals. The whole group but one other girl was cheering for the other girl. My DD ended up winning it. The whole group was disappointed that the other girl didn't win making my DD feel absolutely terrible. My DD played it off like it didn't bother her but you could tell she was sad. Has anyone else ever have a problem with your DD not quite fitting in either because she is quiet or much younger and how did you handle it?

 

[ProudDad]

I had a similar issue initially with DD who had one other girl about a year older. The coaches constantly used her to demo skills and it created hard feelings until they explained it was because she weighed 30lbs less than them so it was a lot easier to to throw her around. It still took a few months before everyone warmed up to her though. What helped DD the most was having 1 or 2 really close friendships... one was in the next group up and was also the youngest. I'd say just give it time and it'll likely work itself out, the vast majority of kids in this sport are really good people and from what I've seen grow to be like extended family.

 

[MomIdidit!]

Awwwww....I'm sorry your DD experienced that. Although my DD fits in, I can tell you the cheering for the handstand contest could be rough. It just so happens DD has a strong handstand and usually wins the contests. However there are times the girls have cheered for the other girl to will. DD is 8 and highly competitive so she would never fall out on purpose but she did feel bad when one of her besties was cheering for the other girl. I told her that they were cheering for the other girl because DD usually gets to the final round and most likely they were cheering for the other girl not because they don't like DD but because they wanted to see someone else win.

That cleared it up for DD, is it possible they were cheering for the other girl because she's the oldest and doesn't usually get so far in contests?

Big cyber high fives to your DD, I hope things get better for her.

 

[B.Gold]

I'm guessing gym comes easier for your dd than most, and the girls were cheering on the under dog. As they built-up the other girl they were probably completely oblivious that they hurt your dd's feelings; This has nothing to do with your dd's personality. The girls were just being a bit insensitive.

 

[NutterButter]

I can very much relate to this and in fact VERY similar things have happened to my DD. She is very reserved and doesn't have a very loud personality. I do think for my DD that it has more to do with her personality than with her age position within her level. My DD is the oldest in her group by an average of 2 years. My DD has similar experiences with her school friends as well so I know it's mostly her temperament.

What has helped the most was time. It was most difficult when DD was 11 and most teammates were 9. There is a bigger difference between a 9 and 11 year old than between a 11 and 13 year old. Also, the jump to optionals really brought her entire group closer together (sounds like you may be entering into this). My DD just finished L7 and she and her entire group are moving to L8 together. Over the last year they have all become much closer even though this group has been together since L4.

I also have frank conversations with my DD on what it means to be shy (I hate that word). I've read Quiet and many other books and articles on sensitivity, introverts, etc. We talk about this kind of stuff as needed and my DD has gradually become so much more comfortable with her introverted gifts. I know your DD is only 9 so talking to her about it may look different than it does with my almost 14 year old. BTW - a YA version of Quiet comes out next month! I'm so excited for this.

 

[Azgymmiemom]

My girl has always been the youngest of her group. But you know what? All the older, jealous girls have since quit. My kid keeps plodding along. It has a way of evening out.

 

[GymDad9.9]

Have the older girls been together as a group for a longer period of time than with your daughter? Perhaps it's not so much the age difference as it is how long the girls have known one another.

 

[Deleted member 17723]

agreed ^^^. The older girls probably have been together longer, and have been brought closer possibly by going to school together or more time in the gym together. They also have more "topics" to talk about... ie. boys, social media, problems, etc. that they might not want younger ears to hear. Give it a little time and I think they will adjust. Eventually I hope your DD sees them as some older sisters. I always try my best to be a good teammate to everyone, esp. the littles (even if it's just saying "good job" or giving them a high five) but I'm still not close to them. It might just be an age difference, but I hope they start being nicer.

 

[meganliz77]

My DD is the youngest in her group by 3 years. However, our level 4's and 6's have practice at the same time - they practice separately, but they condition together. Since a lot of DD's best of friends are still Level 4's this works out well for her.DD is also a firecracker; it doesn't take long for her to open up and assert herself. She gets along pretty well with the older girls in her group, but others are right - it's hard for those girls to completely relate with my little 8 yo. When the competitions during conditioning happens, the girls are split up into 2 or more groups (usually several). They range in age and size and are all mixed up. It becomes a team competition then - they are all cheering for the girls in their respective groups. I think conditioning contests like this build camaraderie, instead of fueling individual competition for the sake of competition. DD has been on the receiving end of hurt feelings though, as she was the new kid not long ago, plus being so young, the older girls would exclude her (or dare I say bully a bit) initially. Or tell her she was too small to be on the high bar, even though the coach would give her approval. Most of what I saw happen was in the context of open gyms (because they wouldn't in front of their coach). However, these girls have worked out the kinks. They have all grown up a bit which helps too. They support each other every day and really have become like family; DD just happens to be the little sister (and NOT the best friend).

I'm guessing gym comes easier for your dd than most, and the girls were cheering on the under dog. As they built-up the other girl they were probably completely oblivious that they hurt your dd's feelings; This has nothing to do with your dd's personality. The girls were just being a bit insensitive.

^^ This. I think most people are inclined to cheer for the underdog. At the end of the day, I think there are a lot of reasons that this could have happened and I will say it - girls are really not as nice to one another as they should be... BUT, from what I can tell, that in the gym this is usually a short-lived issue, versus the ugliness that can be found within school hallways for example. ( I would HATE to be a 13 year old again... ugghhh)

Sorry your DD walked away feeling bad about the situation. I am hopeful that it was just some insensitive kids not even realizing what was going on, versus an intentional attempt to hurt her feelings.