Why Do Parents Comment On Gymmies That Are Not There Own?

[bogwoppit]

Some of these parents watch her every move and seem happy when she struggles with presses on the beam on an off day or can't cast to handstand.

What makes some people happy is often pretty scary.

 

[LittlePhantom]

I am afraid I may be guilty of this to an extent...

we have been at the same gym for so long that i do start to think of her teammates as "my girls" and I want to see them ALL do well..so when I watch a bit of practice and see one of them get a skill I know they have all been working on its hard not to say something to her mom. :blush: I hope they know that I am sincere and genuinely get excited for the girls when I see that hard work pay off...Its hard not to tell another mom how amazing I think her kid is when I really do.

 

[Tuduri]

Parental Negativity.

My daughter is a level 10 gymnast so I usually watch the Optionals. But I often come in early enough that I still get to see the little level fours and fives. Since my daughter's team sister is a level four, I've had the opportunity to meet that girls parents and some other level four parents.
What I've encountered, ironically, is some negativity from parents about their own child. Now, being a seasoned and grizzled Optional-Dad, as I call myself, I've had to rhetorically spank these parents and disabuse them of their incorrect opinions. Basically my pep talks are along the lines of "puleeeze, she is just a baby." "Give her a chance". "and did you notice how well she did this." We older folk have to help the younger parents acclimate to the pressures of compulsories.

But, really, some parents do to their own children what thoughtless other parents do when making inconsiderate commentary about a child not their own and doing so within earshot of that child and her parent.

So whether one is speaking of his/her child or another child, remember the admonition of Optional-Dad, "DO NO HARM". In other words, if you have to say anything, say something nice.

But if one is tempted to make some negative comment, one should ask one self, "what the hell do I know?", "what makes me an expert so as to be able to opine about the matter?" Especially about a young gymnast who is 5, 6, 7, etc years old.

Julio Garcia,
Jamy's dad

 

[Shelovesthebars]

Tuduri,
Thanks for your post and perspective. It truly takes a special parent and a special athlete to get to the upper levels in gymnastics. The gymnast has to be talented and tenacious but the parent also has to be adaptable and wise.

 

[flipper's fan]

I have observed, over years, that - lower level gymnast parents are more concerned about this than higher level gymnast parents, that most parents I have run across are positive, that a lot of people who are concerned about this are attention seekers themselves- why is everyone talking about my kid/ lets talk about my kid. Just sayin...

 

[Kiwi]

So far I haven't encountered the nosey and jealous types. The parents of the kids in my DD's class are a nice group and we are all supportive of all the girls in the class. As I can't get to all her practices it is nice to hear from another mum if my DD has improved in a skill. I must admit, sometimes I may make a comment that my DD may be having some trouble with something, but I would never do that in a negative way that put her down at all, and sometimes you may find out that some of the others are having the same issue, or get some helpful advice. I suppose sometimes some of us might feel a bit envious when some kids seem to be doing better than our kid, that's only human, but I've never seen any nasty jealousy. As far as the future, the conversation might go as far as what level they might be doing next year, but that's about it. I think we are lucky to have such a nice group.

 

[Shelovesthebars]

Flipper's fan- These parents are making these comments about 5 feet from my 5 year old gymmie with an open wall. Some of them are good but some of them are not. These negative comments are consistently made from a couple of parents and the coaches have talked to them without me mentioning a word so the coaches hear it too. Two parents have been banned from practice. They do it to other little gymmies too, including their own. There was one incident when it wasn't my gymmie (we weren't at the gym) where the coach got so upset that she stepped off the floor and went into the bleachers to talk to the parent so it is happening to other gymmies too. This is the dad of one of my daughter's classmates and now is not allowed to watch practice at all. Him and his wife are a little nuts when it comes to their kid. Nice people generally but nuts at the gym. The 2 offending parents, both dads, can't watch practice. Now there is a new girl in the class and her mother has started making comments so here we go again. The gym is empty except their class and a few upper level gymnasts so whatever you say carries pretty far across the gym.

 

[LittlePhantom]

thats unreal! But good for the gym banning them from watching..at least they did something

I never understood the no parents policy until my daughter got to this level. At our gym team parents are only allowed to watch for 30 min total per practice (which is almost 3 hrs)


We had a meet last weekend..and I was sitting with a few moms that I have known for some time. One of them was making comments about different girls from other gyms I was so annoyed!! ITs one thing to comment on how well a girl does or a pretty leo but totally unacceptable to critique another childs performance

 

[flipper's fan]

shelovesthebars, I was not trying to comment on your specific situation, but just making a general comment about trends in general. Some gyms have much worse situations than others, there are some really mean and crazy parents out there, and I have no doubt that your situation is real. I was just observing that most of the people I have met in the field are positive, and say nice things about each other, and that I have met some people so wrapped up in themselves and their kids that they seek out attention, even negative attention. This does not seem to describe your situation, with all the bannings and drama it appears you have a real problem at your gym. I hope the coaches can get it under control because it carries over to the kids. Teams need the support of the entire team!

 

[Bella's Mom]

Now there is a new girl in the class and her mother has started making comments so here we go again.

I bet if you just mentioned the past events and use a tone that said you were just trying to protect her from the same fate would do the trick.

 

[Linsul]

This week I actually talked to a rec parent who asked the process of how to get kicked off team. I was like 'what....?' She repeated herself, and it was so out of left field that I just stared for a second and didn't even hide my confusion. She elaborated by saying 'Well I've been sitting here watching the level 'x' team and some of their skills are sloppy, so how do you kick them off when they just don't get it?' They were doing conditioning at the time and playing a little bit in between. Probably had no idea they were being scrutinized by the lobby judge for a couple of play skills! I just told her each kid is unique, and how we approach any problem totally depends on the individual situation of the athlete. Only because in the time it took to say it I could check the lobby for any of those girls parents and pray that her comments weren't heard. Ugh

 

[Bella's Mom]

This week I actually talked to a rec parent who asked the process of how to get kicked off team. I was like 'what....?' She repeated herself, and it was so out of left field that I just stared for a second and didn't even hide my confusion. She elaborated by saying 'Well I've been sitting here watching the level 'x' team and some of their skills are sloppy, so how do you kick them off when they just don't get it?' They

Oh. My. God.

How offensive! Who the heck is SHE to be judging athletes during their training....especially if it was a casual conditioning segment.

I'm sorry you have to share lobby space with such a person.

 

[bogwoppit]

LOL you have to be amazed at the stuff that comes out of peoples mouths! THey seem to have no filter.

 

[Linsul]

I picked a heckuva time to hit a wit dryspell. I feel like I legitimized her question by my response. I was just thinking of the fastest way to get her to be quiet.

 

[Mom2Brats]

Wow, you guys are making the parents I've had to deal with seem so much nicer in comparison!!

There's only been one time I've been furious with another parent and that was over my son's rec class. He was.... being difficult. His daddy had just deployed again after only being home two weeks and that always kills him. I had him in rec then mostly just so I could watch Allison at least once a week on team but Evs was an active one-year-old and that point and I spent the whole time trying to keep her from running head first down the steep flight of stairs.

Anyway, he was goofing off in class and there were only 2 kids in the class and when he got out the other boy's mom walked up to him, grabbed his arm and told him that he needed to listen better because it wasn't fair to her son that that he was getting more attention. Then she looked at me and said, "sorry, but I thought it would mean more coming from me." Seriously, if it had happened every week and no one had done anything about it I could maybe see her talking to me or the coach but I was furious!! (and exhausted, and emotional and had to leave quickly before I started bawling....)

But, on the bright side, all the team parents were nice!!

 

[Linsul]

Wow, you guys are making the parents I've had to deal with seem so much nicer in comparison!!

There's only been one time I've been furious with another parent and that was over my son's rec class. He was.... being difficult. His daddy had just deployed again after only being home two weeks and that always kills him. I had him in rec then mostly just so I could watch Allison at least once a week on team but Evs was an active one-year-old and that point and I spent the whole time trying to keep her from running head first down the steep flight of stairs.

Anyway, he was goofing off in class and there were only 2 kids in the class and when he got out the other boy's mom walked up to him, grabbed his arm and told him that he needed to listen better because it wasn't fair to her son that that he was getting more attention. Then she looked at me and said, "sorry, but I thought it would mean more coming from me." Seriously, if it had happened every week and no one had done anything about it I could maybe see her talking to me or the coach but I was furious!! (and exhausted, and emotional and had to leave quickly before I started bawling....)

But, on the bright side, all the team parents were nice!!

Awwww Poor kid, what a mean lady!! Poor you too! What an awful day for a stranger to decide she runs the show. I'm glad the team parents are nice at least. I'm angry for you even reading that post! Man...if an adult that's a stranger to my kid grabbed them and checked them things would take a turn for the SERIOUS in a hurry. I've never had that happen, but based on the conversation that took place when a stranger started wagging her finger in my daughter's face and yelling at her in the gym once; had she touched her things would've gotten real ugly.

I get nervous even having to unexpectedly 'spot' kids in trouble at the park. My best saves happen there actually when I go with my kids. With all the metal, monkey bars, wood chip ground, and toddler bravery it's not surprising though. It's impossible to forget that I'm a stranger to those kids, it does cross my mind even as I go to catch them when/if they fall. So in a situation where it's totally unwarranted to touch another person's child, I'm flabbergasted that sometimes people do!

 

[gymmomntc2e6]

This week I actually talked to a rec parent who asked the process of how to get kicked off team. I was like 'what....?' She repeated herself, and it was so out of left field that I just stared for a second and didn't even hide my confusion. She elaborated by saying 'Well I've been sitting here watching the level 'x' team and some of their skills are sloppy, so how do you kick them off when they just don't get it?' They were doing conditioning at the time and playing a little bit in between. Probably had no idea they were being scrutinized by the lobby judge for a couple of play skills! I just told her each kid is unique, and how we approach any problem totally depends on the individual situation of the athlete. Only because in the time it took to say it I could check the lobby for any of those girls parents and pray that her comments weren't heard. Ugh

I am speechless.......................

Wish your wit had not taken a vacation day, I would have likely enjoyed your response.

 

[gymmomntc2e6]

Wow, you guys are making the parents I've had to deal with seem so much nicer in comparison!!

There's only been one time I've been furious with another parent and that was over my son's rec class. He was.... being difficult. His daddy had just deployed again after only being home two weeks and that always kills him. I had him in rec then mostly just so I could watch Allison at least once a week on team but Evs was an active one-year-old and that point and I spent the whole time trying to keep her from running head first down the steep flight of stairs.

Anyway, he was goofing off in class and there were only 2 kids in the class and when he got out the other boy's mom walked up to him, grabbed his arm and told him that he needed to listen better because it wasn't fair to her son that that he was getting more attention. Then she looked at me and said, "sorry, but I thought it would mean more coming from me." Seriously, if it had happened every week and no one had done anything about it I could maybe see her talking to me or the coach but I was furious!! (and exhausted, and emotional and had to leave quickly before I started bawling....)

But, on the bright side, all the team parents were nice!!

that is completely unacceptable. I am so sorry this happened to you. And please tell you husband thank you for his service to our country.

 

[sportyspice]

Other parents I can handle, after years of hearing all sorts of comments made about my children, I generally smile and walk away.......I really don't give a stuff what they think as long as it doesnt get back to my kids. But what happens when another coach (not DDs coach) starts talking behind my back to other parents about her? Thats when I start to wonder what this sport is all about. These parents have asked questions about my DD and coach has responded with incorrect information. Why do they think its any of their business? And how unprofessional is that?