Parents been a while/ life after gymnastics

[gymjoy]

Its been a long time since I posted anything on this site, probably because I was devastated when my dd quit gymnastics. And I mean devastated!! Our lives had revolved around this sport for 11 years - 11!!! And she was only 13. She was good, so very good, but she was not happy. Gymnastics had lost its joy.

When she quit I could not bring myself to come here. I tried, but ended up in tears of frustration. I could not wrap my mind around dd quitting - and she could not articulate the reasons. All she could tell me was she couldn't do it anymore - she just couldn't.

Well, it has been about a year and a half since she left, and it has been a year and a half of redefining ourselves. But there is life after gymnastics! It has taken us all a while to find it, to adjust to its rhythms, but we have found it. We can now return to the joy of gymnastics as fans and lovers of this never forgiving sport.

I dropped dd off at a meet last weekend to hang with and support her old team-mates and friends. Walking in I was apprehensive. We tried this last year, and it wasn't fun. Feelings were still raw: coaches still wanted her to return. Dd left the floor during bars rotation because she felt sick just watching it. This time, nothing. I looked up to the stands, I saw the worry and stress on the faces of the parents I knew and thought - "I do not miss this." (Side note, this was a level 10 session. If dd had stayed this would have been her 2nd level 10 season.)

Dd, however, had a great time. She sat on the floor with the team during warm-ups. She cheered on the competitors with the girls who were sitting out injured or competed different levels. They asked her what she was doing and responded with genuine interested in her new life. I think she felt that they might all hate her now, but it was truly a blessing to her to find that they didn't - that they all still considered her a friend and part of the team.

We have discussed over the last year and a half the reasons for quitting. I still do not fully understand her reasons - they are a mix of fears and frustrations, too high expectations and too low joy. Our talks have lead me to a new understanding of my daughter, she is a strong and yet fragile girl. The talks have helped her, and me, understand the new place for gymnastics in her life - and just life in general. She is even considering helping coach over the summer These talks have also taught me that maintaining a balanced life is very, VERY important!!!

So, to all those competing - best of luck. To all those struggling - find the joy. To all the parents - it is just a sport, please remember to keep it balanced. A note from a mom who has been there and done that...:huge:

 

[exgymnastmomx3]

gymjoy- Thank you for sharing your story! We have some similarities in our experiences, so it's nice to hear from someone else who has gone through it. I had 3 dd's in gymnastics. My oldest had just finished her 2nd year of level 10 and had begun the recruiting process when everything hit the wall. She was going along okay until about HS and her first year of level 10 and then between the difficulty of HS classes, schedules, expectations, etc. all became very, very stressful. She developed anorexia and of course that took a huge toll on her gymnastics. She seemed to recover from that but the stress of it all that caused the eating disorder never went away and the anxiety took over and really affected her mindset. After her 2nd Nationals where she had a rough meet (peeled from bars) fell on beam, and basically just tanked, it really took a toll on her self confidence. She started the recruiting process that fall as a Jr. and the expectations/pressure just become too much. She quit that fall. It was extremely difficult for everyone-her, coaches, myself and to top it off, her sister is still in the sport. (another sister who was a level 9 had quit the prior year but wasn't quite as committed) It was an extremely difficult transition and we were all so worried. She was a kid who lived and breathed gymnastics and we all assumed that she wouldn't be finished until after college. No one knew what she would do with herself as she spent her entire life in the gym. After about 3 months of doing nothing, she finally took my suggestion of checking out the upcoming track team meeting. (Her twin brother is a runner) After much indecision, she finally went and fell in LOVE with running and pole vault. She is an entirely different person in the year since she has quit gymnastics. So much more relaxed, happy go lucky, smiling all the time, and she will be pole vaulting next year for a Div. 3 school and can't wait to go to college. Bottom line- the stressed out, miserable kid I had towards the end of gymnastics is now a happy go lucky, smiling young woman ready to go off to college next year and used her gym experience to transition into another sport which she loves!! When one door closes, another opens Glad to hear that things worked out okay for you too. It's very difficult, but in the end it is just a sport!!

 

[Trixiebelle]

Thank you...I needed to read this. For all my browsing, I don't come across many posts where it's the gymmie who struggled to move on from the sport, it's the parent! You both have verbalized how I feel at this point in time and what ever DD decides, I know the life skills she has gained from this sport will continue to shape her going forward. Again, thank you for sharing.

 

[bogwoppit]

SO nice to hear from you again. I don't miss my girls competing gym either. For a little while I thought I would, but as I saw how they moved on to other things and how much more money we had and less stress we felt, I got over it real fast.

I am glad they did gym, but I definitely have regrets.

What is she up to now GymJoy?

 

[MaryA]

Such great stories! Maybe it would be worth putting a "life after gymnatics" sticky on this thread? I could see it being helpful to gymnasts and parents to come back to as they face this (because, statistically, most of our kids will quit before they graduate HS). There was a point early in the season when I wondered if we might be reaching the end. Not because DD talked about quitting (she didn't) but just a general feeling of "we can't go on like this!" (fears, stress caused by fears, fears caused by stress, sickness caused by stress, skills lost due to growth spurts, etc.). We seem to have come out the other side for now but DD is also a level 7 (and about to turn 12) so I know the skills are just going to get harder and scarier, and she still hasn't stopped growing, so difficulties brought on by growth spurts are going to continue for a while as well.

 

[sglemon]

I am actually looking forward to my life after gymnastics. I still have my youngest dd doing gymnastics, and she could be quite g as soon as this year. She wants to be a dancer, ballet to be specific. That is her dream! She has been dancing for 7 years, but next year is when her hours will increase drastically. We have been thinking and talking about her next step. Our gymnastics season is over in May. I am excited about her next chapter!

My oldest dd spent 9 years in gymnastics and I didn't realize how heavily it weighed on her. The week after she quit, her personality changed drastically, she was a more happy and even tempered. She always liked gymnastics, but it became a part of her, defined her in a sense. So imagining life without it, was difficult and so s what scary. When she made up her mind to quit, it was like this huge brick on her shoulder was lifted, and a calmness came over her.


Thank You for sharing you story, sometimes we need to be reminded that gymnastics is just a sport. It is a big joke around the gym, how it is harder for the moms to leave then the children sometimes. LOL

 

[gymjoy]

Funny thing exgymnasticsmomx3, my dd is running track with her high school this spring. She flirted with it last year, but wasn't ready, I guess. I think she is going to be doing sprint distances, but it has not been decided. I'm happy to read that things have worked out for your dd. My dd too is, finally, in a much better and happier place. Last year, the first year away from gymnastics, was a struggle. So many emotions
And,while she is running track, her true love is Archery! She has asked for lessons since she was about 8, but we never had/made time because of gymnastics. So, I finally took her a year ago and have been taking her ever since. The mental focus as well as her body strength and awareness have been assets to her in her new sport. She will start competing for the indoor season this weekend, something akin to a small invitational meet in the gym world.

And Bog, I do have regrets about the gymnastics - but all we can do is move forward. Lessons have been learned.

 

[MaryA]

My oldest dd spent 9 years in gymnastics and I didn't realize how heavily it weighed on her. The week after she quit, her personality changed drastically, she was a more happy and even tempered. She always liked gymnastics, but it became a part of her, defined her in a sense. So imagining life without it, was difficult and so s what scary. When she made up her mind to quit, it was like this huge brick on her shoulder was lifted, and a calmness came over her.

Yes, I guess my fear is that DD will continue with gymnastics past the point where she "should" (ie it's not making her happy anymore) because her identity and her friendships are so tied up in it.

 

[bogwoppit]

My youngest also loves archery, I even have a target in my yard for her. She loves it and it good, I can't even hit the board. NO clubs near here, but I will look for a summer program for her in the city.

I agree about the lessons learned.

 

[bogwoppit]

Yes, I guess my fear is that DD will continue with gymnastics past the point where she "should" (ie it's not making her happy anymore) because her identity and her friendships are so tied up in it.

When oldest DD had to stop, due to her back issues, it took her a while to let go of that. She had trained in a small gym, with the same girls for ten years. Letting go of the family of gym was difficult and confusing for her. Funnily now she does not sports and thinks of herself as "not good at sports" when the opposite was true. Two years of no activity really played a number with her brain.

 

[MaryA]

I'd be interested to hear the "regrets" and "lessons learned" if you (bog or gymjoy) feel comfortable sharing them. Maybe those of us still in the thick of things could learn something.

 

[Natasha]

I'd be interested to hear the "regrets" and "lessons learned" if you (bog or gymjoy) feel comfortable sharing them. Maybe those of us still in the thick of things could learn something.

Me too. And, I share the same concern of my daughter staying past when it is time to go. She has dealt with a lot of injuries the past 2 years and has started struggling with fear issues as well and has a rigorous academic schedule. She already misses practice about once every other week just to get extra rest.

 

[kwnative]

Thank you for your post! I bet your daughter will love coaching if she goes that route. At our gym, a lot of the optional girls who decide to quit turn to coaching instead. They are truly GREAT coaches. They still have ability to demonstrate exactly what the young girls are supposed to be doing, can describe exactly how their bodies should be feeling when they are doing it right, etc. Each compulsory team has a head coach, and usually another older coach, but then they will have a couple of teenage coaches who are former optional gymnasts (the coaches do coach more than one team, usually, when the practice times don't overlap). And it gives those girls a way to stay at the gym, which has become such a huge part of their lives. We LOVE our former team coaches!

 

[Deleted member D3987]

hey there, Gymjoy. happy to hear from you and that your life after gym with your daughter is on a good path.

 

[bogwoppit]

I'd be interested to hear the "regrets" and "lessons learned" if you (bog or gymjoy) feel comfortable sharing them. Maybe those of us still in the thick of things could learn something.

Hard to share without outing myself. But the gist of all my regrets is that I should have listened to that little voice inside telling me to leave, to change things and to get a second and third opinion on pain sooner

 

[Boo'sMom]

Thank you for sharing, as a new gym mom its good to know what may or may not be down the line and to maybe have her involved in other activties too once in a while. I might not have thought of doing that. Sounds like your DD got threw it because she had a wonderful support system. Good Job Mom!

 

[gymjoy]

Regrets: or lessons learned from my life as a gym-mom:

Note: these feeling are difficult to write about, but they are honest. If there is one thing I have learned from our journey through gymnastics it is that, as the parent, you must be absolutely honest with yourself about your feelings toward your child and toward the sport - and not to get the two confused or overly mixed together. None of us want to be that gym-mom. But, we all have our moments. So...

• I regret that I let gymnastics become the center of not only my dd's, but our family's universe. I can never make up that time to my dd or to my son.
• I regret the times dd missed fun things, like the jousting tournament I took my ds to and dd would have loved, but she had a special practice. I made her go to the practice. She was mad at me for weeks.
• I regret that I made her feel that gymnastics was the one thing she was good at, at the expense of all other things she also enjoyed. I pushed. I didn't think I was pushing. Even now dd says I was never as bad as other parents, but it was enough to make her feel like a loser when she was ready to leave. She was so conflicted because what else could she possible do!!!
• I regret some decisions we made for our family, like buying our house in a certain school district that would have let her out early for practice. Now we are stuck in a neighborhood and school that dd dislikes, I am only okay with, and is no where near our current activities.
• I regret the times I dropped dd at practice in tears and drove away believing she would get over it and be stronger. Yep, I did that. I own it. It was wrong.
• I regret pushing dd to skip level 7, to move on to level 8 and to test elite all in the span of about 5 months!! That was the beginning of the end.
• I regret that I didn't stand up to her coaches when I thought they were pushing to hard. They are great coaches, we trusted them implicitly, but even the best coaches can get stars in their eyes and lose track of what is best for the girl, not for the gymnast.
• I regret the stars I had in my eyes that blinded me to realities.
• I regret that it all ended in her leaving a sport that she loved for so long because the fears of failing overwhelmed the fun.

A lot of good things came from gymnastics. Dd is a goal oriented person with a strong work ethic. She has no desire to date until she is 22 because that is something her coaches drilled into them(funny, but true) She has good friends from gym who, though she does not get to see them often, are happy when they see her and support her new endeavors. She is strong physically -the whole motto of start here, go anywhere - is true (as long as it does not involve hitting a small ball with any sort of stick. Dd stinks at sports like tennis or softball).

Like Bog, I worry about being outed, not for my sake, but for my dd's. It is not hard to piece together random bits of info here and figure out who is who and what gym they attend. I always tried to maintain a respectful and positive outlook on here without giving out too many details, and I would caution all parents to do so. Gymnastics is a small world.

I don't know how much I will continue to come here, but I had felt for a long time that I just disappeared. This is a great place for learning and sharing.

gymjoy

 

[NewtoGym]

Thank you gymjoy. This was so beautifully written. It has taught me and touched me immensely.

Regrets: or lessons learned from my life as a gym-mom:

Note: these feeling are difficult to write about, but they are honest. If there is one thing I have learned from our journey through gymnastics it is that, as the parent, you must be absolutely honest with yourself about your feelings toward your child and toward the sport - and not to get the two confused or overly mixed together. None of us want to be that gym-mom. But, we all have our moments. So...

• I regret that I let gymnastics become the center of not only my dd's, but our family's universe. I can never make up that time to my dd or to my son.
• I regret the times dd missed fun things, like the jousting tournament I took my ds to and dd would have loved, but she had a special practice. I made her go to the practice. She was mad at me for weeks.
• I regret that I made her feel that gymnastics was the one thing she was good at, at the expense of all other things she also enjoyed. I pushed. I didn't think I was pushing. Even now dd says I was never as bad as other parents, but it was enough to make her feel like a loser when she was ready to leave. She was so conflicted because what else could she possible do!!!
• I regret some decisions we made for our family, like buying our house in a certain school district that would have let her out early for practice. Now we are stuck in a neighborhood and school that dd dislikes, I am only okay with, and is no where near our current activities.
• I regret the times I dropped dd at practice in tears and drove away believing she would get over it and be stronger. Yep, I did that. I own it. It was wrong.
• I regret pushing dd to skip level 7, to move on to level 8 and to test elite all in the span of about 5 months!! That was the beginning of the end.
• I regret that I didn't stand up to her coaches when I thought they were pushing to hard. They are great coaches, we trusted them implicitly, but even the best coaches can get stars in their eyes and lose track of what is best for the girl, not for the gymnast.
• I regret the stars I had in my eyes that blinded me to realities.
• I regret that it all ended in her leaving a sport that she loved for so long because the fears of failing overwhelmed the fun.

A lot of good things came from gymnastics. Dd is a goal oriented person with a strong work ethic. She has no desire to date until she is 22 because that is something her coaches drilled into them(funny, but true) She has good friends from gym who, though she does not get to see them often, are happy when they see her and support her new endeavors. She is strong physically -the whole motto of start here, go anywhere - is true (as long as it does not involve hitting a small ball with any sort of stick. Dd stinks at sports like tennis or softball).

Like Bog, I worry about being outed, not for my sake, but for my dd's. It is not hard to piece together random bits of info here and figure out who is who and what gym they attend. I always tried to maintain a respectful and positive outlook on here without giving out too many details, and I would caution all parents to do so. Gymnastics is a small world.

I don't know how much I will continue to come here, but I had felt for a long time that I just disappeared. This is a great place for learning and sharing.

gymjoy

 

[Trixiebelle]

Thank you Gymjoy, I have read your first post and this one many times. I could say so much, but I'm a bit overwhelmed myself. I wanted to know that you have really helped my family. I don't know if you will read this but wishing you and you family continued peace and happiness.

 

[gymjoy]

Oh Trixiebelle, I have seen your other thread, and I wish I could give you and your dd a tight hug. It is not an easy time; try to relax and see where things lead.
It's funny, we see our children on a certain path to the future and to success, and then suddenly we find we are standing in a dark wood with no path in sight. How did this happen? How are we getting out of here? Well, we can either panic or start forging a new path. Maybe that path even loops back to the old one, who knows. I do know that we are there to assist them, but as they get older they must take the lead with the tools we have taught them to use.
Good luck to you