Off Topic Spending a lot less time watching practice

[Mom2-4]

I am seriously working on spending very little time watching practice for the various reasons I have seen here. The biggest being letting my DD own her sport. I think the hardest thing is not wanting to miss the excitement when they get something new. I am withdrawing a little. Maybe you all could talk me down. I have found that dropping her off in clothes that I wouldn't wear in public deters me from entering the gym haha. I tend to tell myself I will just stay a few minutes, I find another parent to chat with, I just want to see Bars etc then it gets too late to leave. Anyone else have this issue?

 

[Sasha]

Personally, I say do what works for you. If neither you, nor your DD, are negatively affected by watching a bit more often, then go ahead and watch. Obviously, if it affects her performance or breaks rules at your gym, or means you get nothing done, then that's different.

I am assuming your DD is relatively new / lower level? I know that at first, I wanted to watch as much as possible for these reasons:

1) I work all day and enjoy just watching my child do what she loves - almost like vegging out in front of the TV relaxing my brain after work - but better as I'm watching my own kids

2) Gymnastics is new to me, and I find the drills and progressions (the whole learning process) fascinating. I like learning new things, and I learn through watching the teaching process.

3) I was/am truly trying to get a sense of whether or not my child has some kind of talent, or not. I mean, we spend buckets of money that we don't really have, and I want to make good (and realistic) decisions about what goals and paths may make the most sense for her so I can gently steer the ship - not just for my daughter, but for the whole family.

4) New skills! Early levels have new skills more often. I was there for my daughter's (and my son's) first kip, and first back handspring. The milestone skills were a joy to witness.

5) Coach/gym philosophy and trust-building. Being new, and trying to navigate what the heck journey we are on, and whether this gym, these coaches, are not only safe, but "right" for my daughter (and what that even means) means I need(ed) to be there and really see for myself how classes were run, how much time is spent on things, how groups are formed, who moves up and not and how and when. I know CB likes to say "trust the coaches" but I don't recommend blind trust. I recommend observation and building a knowledge base of the practices and philosophies your gym follows so you can decide if those practices align with your daughter's needs. I have a much better sense now of our gym's philosophies, as well as a sense for when I need to speak up vs shut up.

It's been over 1.5 years now, and I do have to say that I'm just getting to the point where I don't necessarily want to watch that much anymore. My DD is in comp season, and watching the same routines, then stretching and conditioning are getting less exciting. I have mostly developed trust (though I still question things at times), so I don't feel like I have to keep an eye out for possible injustice. I find myself happier to do other things now.

But the first few weeks of uptraining, I'll probably be finding an excuse to stick around at a few practices to maybe see how she's faring since otherwise I only get to see her eating and doing homework, which is even less exciting that watching rope climbs

 

[Aussie_coach]

One of the exciting things about not watching is that when you do watch you get to see real progress. It's amazing to see the growth when you don't watch it every day.

Yes, she may get new skills when you are not there but you will get to see them once she can do them surely she will get them again and you will get to see the less Cary version of them once she has mastered them a little more.

It's also unhealthy to spend an inordinate amount of time at the gym, if you do this the gym becomes your hobby as well as hers and you become too emotionally invested in it. If she decides to quit one day she will feel the pressure not too because she is ruining your life as well.

 

[skschlag]

I have started running home during work out as well. Now that he is 3 hours, I can run home and be somewhat productive. It costs more for me to do that in gas, etc. but it has been much better for my mental health! Of course, it means what I do see is warm up (tramp), conditioning, and game time, which can get frustrating, but D will bring videos home of his new skills and he is so excited to share with us. That part has been fun.

 

[Gymgem05]

I agree that it depends on what's best for your family! My dd wants me to be there as much as possible! I spoke with one of her coaches and he told me that some of the kids do better when their parents are there and he felt my dd was one of those. So I watch as much as I want and leave when I've had enough. I do not think watching is always a negative thing.

 

[profmom]

If you're not there, you cannot get sucked into the game of "MOM! Video this because TODAY IS THE DAY I'M GONNA GET IT!" fast forward approximately 20 minutes and 50 videos of almosts and then the rotation ends . . .

[Memo to self -- must clear phone memory]

 

[Noideaaboutgym]

I found myself being sucked into watching because other parents were staying, our club has a "policy" that states that they prefer parents not to stay but appreciate for some that they travel some distance and it isn't always possible to leave.

In DDs first group (once she left rec) I just took her in and as soon as she started warm up i left, I collected at pick-up. In her next group I did the same but I realised most of the other parents stayed, they started telling me what DD had done that day and I ended up staying later to watch and chat, I also started to discuss the training session on the way home (I though i was being helpful but......). After finding this site (it took a while before i joined) I saw i had potential CGM tendencies and that the parents who stayed almost all were CGMs so I cut back and started to do other things at training time. I now go to watch occasionally when DD asks me to (maybe once every 8 weeks), but limit it as i know she is looking for me each time she does something, whether it be for approval, recognition or something else and it distracts her. We also now lift share for the journey home (different start times) so I don't need to be there for half the sessions

I don't feel like I am missing out, she loves training (good job as she has done barely any comps) and sits and chats about it or school for half an hour with me before she goes to bed. I am utilising her training time to get things done and they don't need to be done when she isn't training, I also get some one on one time with DS when he isn't also training.

I think watching can be good and bad, so much depends on your natural personality, one of the parents who stays for every session is as far removed from CGM as you can get, she stays because of the distance/time issue, others stay less often and are fully fledged CGMs. I thrive on knowledge (hence finding this site) and try to use that knowledge for the best, I therefore stay away, you know your own personality, if you think staying away more will help your DD, then do it, if staying helps (and you want to/have the time to stay) than stay.

Sorry that turned into a full on essay!!

 

[profmom]

A lot of the time I spend at the gym now I am not really watching. I'm hanging out with my friends and occasionally seeing some gymnastics. My daughter has a rotation behind a closed door near the end of a practice where all of my son's old workout group is in the gym (he's in a different group now). It's a great time for me to catch up with those parents!

 

[gymmomx2]

I really don't see why a child cannot "own" their sport if a parent watches. Hockey parents, soccer parents, etc. don't have any qualms about attending their children's practices, why is gymnastics so different?

Anyway, my DD does better for now if I am there. She doesn't really care whether I watch or not, she just likes me to be THERE at the facility. She's still quite young (8) so this will probably change. For now I work, read books, chat with other parents, get some of my volunteer hours done...I used to think that I could get so much done if I didn't have to sit at practice for so many hours but then realized that supporting my DD is one of the most important things I can do, and time doesn't feel so wasted if I bring some other work to do while I'm there. The bonus is that I do get to see all of her "firsts"

Also I agree that personality plays a bigger part in the CGM equation than the time you spend watching practices

 

[wnl256]

If you're not there, you cannot get sucked into the game of "MOM! Video this because TODAY IS THE DAY I'M GONNA GET IT!" fast forward approximately 20 minutes and 50 videos of almosts and then the rotation ends . . .

Hah! I did that when DD was working on giants. I had lots and lots of videos of her alllllllmost getting it. Then, finally, near the end of that rotation, she got around 4 times. I love watching that video.

(Okay.... I know I'm not really helping the OP ... sorry)

 

[mommyof1]

My almost-8-year-old recently asked me never to set foot in the gym because "it distracts me." She demands to be dropped off in the parking lot so she can walk in by herself. I still insist on coming inside for pickup because if I didn't, it would take her 20 minutes to get herself out the door and she would walk out the door wearing no warm-ups, carrying an empty gym bag, and leaving various belongings strewn across the gym.

 

[Mom2-4]

My almost-8-year-old recently asked me never to set foot in the gym because "it distracts me." She demands to be dropped off in the parking lot so she can walk in by herself. I still insist on coming inside for pickup because if I didn't, it would take her 20 minutes to get herself out the door and she would walk out the door wearing no warm-ups, carrying an empty gym bag, and leaving various belongings strewn across the gym.

Gymnasts can be so independent.

 

[gwenmom]

I don't watch. Even when I had to sit there due to living so far away I didn't watch.

I find I enjoy meets more when I don't watch.

And after seeing CGM that sit and watch all 3-4 hours of practice and then spend another 1/2 hour talking the coaches ear off when all the coach want is to get home. I never want to be that person.

 

[gymbeam]

I watch a lot. Our HC says a lot of kids do better when parents are observing.
Thats not why I stay, though. I stay because its too far to drive home.

 

[MILgymFAM]

I just realized last week how little I actually watch. I sit through all 12 hrs of DD1s and all 5 hrs of DD2s practices because of the drive(and mostly the gas). However, last Thursday my DD1s scholarship advisor (academic, not athletic) was visiting us from Washington, DC, and she wanted to attend a practice. I sat in the front row of the balcony with her during the whole 3 hr practice and I wanted to bolt the minute it was over. My back hurt, my head hurt, and I noticed way more than I wanted to regarding the other girls, my dd, and the coaches. Normally I sit on the back wall of the balcony and read or help DD2 with her homework. I look up every 20-30 mins and catch my eye on DD1 for a few seconds and that's it. If she gets hurt (a week ago cut her leg pretty nasty) or wants to grab my attention (to show me a new trick she taught herself- twice in the past week) I am there, but otherwise I am just not paying very much attention. I will continue to be present in the gym, but will gladly be going back to occupying myself with anything other than watching for 17 hours a week.

 

[gymmomtoo]

I watch a lot. Our HC says a lot of kids do better when parents are observing.
Thats not why I stay, though. I stay because its too far to drive home.

Really? I thought most coaches say kids do better without parents there.

 

[Midwestmommy]

I'm pretty sure it would be a unanimous vote among coaches at our gym that less is more when it comes to parents watching team practice (rec is another story, because those are shorter practice times). Though we do have one or two the earlier poster was referring to, that has the time (drive time is not the issue) to sit through every single minute of JO compulsory practice and watch. I think it's unhealthy for her and her child. She is way too invested in it. Her child gets no "breathing room" from mom. Maybe she would blossom if she did....

 

[gymbeam]

Really? I thought most coaches say kids do better without parents there.

yes! ive seen that being said here A LOT, but when we switched gyms this summer and i had been there every day for the first two weeks i made a comment to her HC like, "don't worry, i won't always be a helicopter mom and watch every moment- i'm just so impressed and entertained with everything going on here at this gym that i'm really enjoying seeing all the differences" and her reply was, "oh gosh, don't worry about it! we have a lot of people stay all the time and i actually think it helps a lot of them do better when they know they're being watched!"

i was relived because like i mentioned- we are too far to drive home and back and there's really nothing i can do in the area to pass the time (2.5 hours/4X week). so, 75% of the time, i sit and read or surf the net- or watch.

 

[skschlag]

My ds has told me that he does better when I am there. Mianly because he knows i might see him goofing off and that keeps him on task more

 

[Sasha]

Both mine still ask me to stay and watch sometimes (today, in fact!). They are 7 and 8 and in compulsories. I don't think they do any better or worse with me there or not; they just feel happy when they know I was able to watch them a while. This could be in part because I work outside the home, and don't get to watch them in many school or after-school related activities as much as I wish I could. So 'watching' an hour of gym after work is something they feel connects us, perhaps. I'm not necessarily 'watching' the whole time anymore, especially as they aren't always very visible from the waiting area, but I do catch an event or two when I can.

I've already asked the coaches if it was concerning at all for me to be visible (e.g., behind the glass), and coaches told me "Nah, it's fine, your kid isn't distracted. Some others are when their parents are around, but yours is focused and fine." So I'm feeling ok about it. I would definitely make a point not to be visible if the coach expressed any concerns or annoyances, though.

I'm sure I'll stick around and watch less and less as they progress in levels, and age into the 'go away mom' years! But right now, I'm content to catch them when I can and not stress that I'm negatively affecting their training.