Why don't they TELL me their kids have special needs?

[txgymfan]

Let her try out and if it becomes a problem or if you feel you need the coaches assistance dealing with it then talk to the head coach and her level coach. I would not tell the gym before tryouts unless she might need modification during tryouts.

 

[BlairBob]

As a coach, I would prefer knowing about prior to the class or after I do the obligatory first talk with the parent after the class. Generally, I try to introduce myself to parents and new gymnasts prior to a class but that always won't be an option (sort of depends on how classes are scheduled and whether classes end 5 minutes before 00 or 30 or there is no break or if I have to do something on that break).

However, I understand if a parent doesn't tell me or ends up telling me 3 or 6 months down the road. By that time, you should have figured out that something is up and tried to approach the parent about it in an appropriate round about manner.

Most seasoned coaches figure out pretty fast but I'm sure a lot of the newbie and younger coaches will just wonder what is up with that kid. As a senior coach that is where I should step in and try to help but that isn't always an option.

 

[CoachGoofy]

I come from an unusual perspective I think in that:
a) I taught in a special ed classroom
b) I have a hidden disability
c) I came from and work for programs that are like "ok, you have cooties, so what? Can you do the skills? Great, welcome to team"

I don't even necessarily want full on labeled disclosure. A few years ago I taught a kid with significant anxiety. Her parents told me that she had an extremely hard time when she felt she was being criticised. That's something I can work with! On the other hand, there was this kid with partial seizures, which can involve some pretty unusual looking behavior & spaciness. Then she had a grand mal. At a meet. Right as she was about to be called to compete. EVERYONE freaked out for obvious reasons, then the poor girl was embarrassed and she panicked because everyone else was panicking and it was just bad all around. And, of course, everyone felt really bad for getting on her case about spacing out a few times when she had probably been having seizures. It was just bad all around.

I want to do the right thing by the kids I coach, not use their differences against them, y'know? My coaches did that for me, & it changed my life. If they hadn't known about my cooties it would have been a whole different thing.

 

[mumoftwogymnasts]

Especially the one that asks if your child has any physical, emotional, or educational issues that we should know about.

Let me start by saying that if there are major and serious issues - for example epilepsy, diabetes, asthma, major anxiety etc - then there is a health and safety risk for the gymnast and I believe there should always be full disclosure.

But as to why in other instances we might leave the box blank ....

Sometimes we are just tired.
We have informed school teachers,coaches and carers in the past, sometimes the response has been great, our child has been cared for, encouraged and helped to be the best they could be.
Other times we have been seen as interfering or as "pushy" parents.
At times the person we have told has refused to concede that we know our own child better than they do.
Sometimes we are perceived as just being poor parents.
Sometimes even our own extended family will not see that there is a legitimate and real problem.

Sometimes our child has played another sport and the disability didn't seem to cause problems, our child seemed to cope okay
Sometimes we have told coaches in the past and the coach has never had a problem.
Sometimes we have told the coach and our kid never gets to play another game, never gets chosen for team, sits on the bench every week - and deep down we can't but help wonder, what if I had never mentioned anything?

Sometimes the problem has only ever been as issue at school, never at home or vice versa - we don't think about the fact that it may be a problem at gymnastics.
Sometimes we are just hoping that it won't be a problem at gymnastics.
While we love our all our children with all our heart - sometimes deep down, even if we don't admit it to ourselves, we just really want them to be like every other kid.
Sometimes we are just desperately searching for that one activity/hobby/sport that will be the perfect fit for our child, the one thing where the disabilty won't matter.
Sometimes it just takes us a while to learn to trust.

 

[Blackie6]

I want to hit "like" a 100 times, but it won't let me!

Let me start by saying that if there are major and serious issues - for example epilepsy, diabetes, asthma, major anxiety etc - then there is a health and safety risk for the gymnast and I believe there should always be full disclosure.

But as to why in other instances we might leave the box blank ....

Sometimes we are just tired.
We have informed school teachers,coaches and carers in the past, sometimes the response has been great, our child has been cared for, encouraged and helped to be the best they could be.
Other times we have been seen as interfering or as "pushy" parents.
At times the person we have told has refused to concede that we know our own child better than they do.
Sometimes we are perceived as just being poor parents.
Sometimes even our own extended family will not see that there is a legitimate and real problem.

Sometimes our child has played another sport and the disability didn't seem to cause problems, our child seemed to cope okay
Sometimes we have told coaches in the past and the coach has never had a problem.
Sometimes we have told the coach and our kid never gets to play another game, never gets chosen for team, sits on the bench every week - and deep down we can't but help wonder, what if I had never mentioned anything?

Sometimes the problem has only ever been as issue at school, never at home or vice versa - we don't think about the fact that it may be a problem at gymnastics.
Sometimes we are just hoping that it won't be a problem at gymnastics.
While we love our all our children with all our heart - sometimes deep down, even if we don't admit it to ourselves, we just really want them to be like every other kid.
Sometimes we are just desperately searching for that one activity/hobby/sport that will be the perfect fit for our child, the one thing where the disabilty won't matter.
Sometimes it just takes us a while to learn to trust.

 

[GymGirl's Mom]

Special needs

I am the mom of a kid with special needs- mumoftwogymnasts hit the nail on the head for me ^^^^^

 

[gymgurl]

Having read everyone's posts I think I will repost having thought about this a little more and before i start I am going to make clear that i have nothing against special needs kids (or anyone) or kids (or anybody) with disabilities.

Today is a tough world to live in there are stigma's and stereotypes everywhere. Kids with disabilities are no exception. At the moment, people with disabilities are generally underestimated and will be treated as such. Often (this means they are often separate from the group and there is one rule for them and another for the rest of the team. Parents obviously want their children with special needs to feel like everyone else and so hesitate when asked "does your child have special needs?" perhaps if this was in to parts "Does your child have any special needs? if so please list" "can they handle this need on their own?" "If applicable how do you cope with the special need should it become a problem?" It seems a bit more we want to know but are going to cooperate with you and you call the shots with special treatment etc. There are somethings like severe (by severe i mean not your typical short sighted kid) vision problems that coaches just should know and particularly things like epilepsy because what if your child had a fit at the gym? or if your child is partly deaf and the coach keeps yelling at her for not listening, it might not occur to the coach that she may have hearing problems. I also think anxiety is a big one because anxiety attacks can be very severe and if one happens in the gym and the gym are none the wiser they might just tell her to suck it up and keep working and not realise that there is a serious problem. The other thing is when does special need stop? for example, lets take anxiety. When is anxiety considered a special need? is it simply being diagnosed with GAD or another anxiety problem? is it when it impacts day to day life? is it when the child has the occasional panic attack? what is considered important enough to put there? Some special needs have been handled so well that it is quite easy to forget that it is a special need at all.

there's my second 2cents

 

[gymgal]

Parents obviously want their children with special needs to feel like everyone else and so hesitate when asked "does your child have special needs?" perhaps if this was in to parts "Does your child have any special needs? if so please list" "can they handle this need on their own?" "If applicable how do you cope with the special need should it become a problem?" It seems a bit more we want to know but are going to cooperate with you and you call the shots with special treatment etc.

Even better would be a simple sentence that states "if there are any special medical, academic, or social concerns that might affect your child's enjoyment, safety, and progress in gymnastics, please schedule a meeting with _____. We would like to discuss ways to ensure your child's success in our program."

I am a speech pathologist, working with infants and toddlers. Even in this age group, my families are bombarded with discrimination from all areas of their lives. It is natural for them to be very guarded in sharing their child's needs, especially if they are not sure if it is going to be an issue in a particular setting. Having to explain their child's difficulties in just a couple lines on a form, not knowing who is going to have access to this information can be very daunting. But reading on the form that the program wants to work with the parents can help to create a sense of calm and partnership, which is essential when dealing with a child with any type of special need.

 

[CoachGoofy]

Even better would be a simple sentence that states "if there are any special medical, academic, or social concerns that might affect your child's enjoyment, safety, and progress in gymnastics, please schedule a meeting with _____. We would like to discuss ways to ensure your child's success in our program."

THIS! This is why I asked this question here. That is PERFECT and I am going to suggest it for our next round of registration sheets.

Thank you!

 

[gymgal]

THIS! This is why I asked this question here. That is PERFECT and I am going to suggest it for our next round of registration sheets.

Thank you!

darn... I forgot to copyright it first... LOL... glad I could be of assistance

 

[PureTalent]

Hi. New to the board and feel so compelled to reply to this post. Please excuse my extremly long reply, but this topic holds dear to my heart.....

My 9 yr. old gymnast has "special needs". Special needs in a sense where she has anxiety issues (NOT with competing though....anxiety with not talking <selective mutism> and she has tourette's and OCD so they are all anxiety-type disorders. These things (except for the SM) wax and wane....meaning one day she can be tic free and another day she can have 3 or more different types of tics. Then for 2 mos. she can be totally fine and then for another 2 mos. she'll tic. As far as the selective mutism goes, shes gotten MUCH better (with therapy and meds) however with SM it's common to continue to not talk to certain people (her coaches!!) especially as time goes on...the longer they "dont talk" the harder it is for them TO TALK. So at first I never mentioned anything. Why? Didn't think about it at all affecting her gymnastics. Hey, not talking is good, right? Shes focused on gymnastics. When she was in lower levels (Level 3 and 4) I had the time to watch her at practice. I purposely watched her to monitor and see how she was. Was she able to talk? Was she ticcing like crazy? It came to a point where as I'm watching her I know she was on this kick of having about 4 different types of tics lately at home. So I'm watching her and it's carrying over into gymnastics!!! I then told myself that I NEED to talk to her coach and let her know about her tourette's because didn't want her to think she was fooling around. Back then one of her ticks was spinning around. So you see her doing that as she's in line!!! Then she had 3 other tics at the same time...shrugging her shoulder off to the side, eye blinking and something with her nose. When she did them all at the same time it looked like she was messing around and goofing off had anyone seen her and not know what the underlying "issue" was. I kinda felt sad seeing her like that. I also seen she wouldn't talk at all (didn't surprise me though). She had gotten diagnosed with selective mutism and she was already involved in social skills group and such to help her with it. I had to speak to her coach and decided to tell her everything. She was extremely happy I told her!!!! Because I told her about it, her coach was also able to help out by requesting DD to answer with her voice and not nod her head, etc. (you know things that she was working on in therapy and social skills groups). So whatever her therapist was working on with her, her coach helped reinforce it at the gym as well! So coach made sure DD had a verbal answer and not a yes or no nod response. which helped in her therapy! (continued.....)

 

[PureTalent]

(continued from above....)

Then came the time a year or so later that we ultimately did decide to medicate her. Nothing else helped. The therapy ,the social skills group. And meds were always our last resort. What broke the camels back with this was DD got injured. She did a BHS and her foot jammed into something and never said ANYTHING to the coach at all. It was at the end of practice and when it ended 15 min. later she suddenly hops on one foot, CRYING to me and her father. She tells us what happened and how she hurt herself. Because of her SM she did not tell the coach she did this and was in pain and never said a word. Turns out we took her to the ER and she hyperextended her knee or her leg (can't remember). So for her safety we had to look into medicating her to just help take some of the edge off (there were other things that happened as well out of the gym in which she didn't speak up when should have). We figured we'll put her on it for short-term in hopes it'll help take the edge off to have her not be so scared to speak. When we did medicate her, we also let her coach know as well in case there were any changes and adjustments DDs body/behaviour was making from the meds. About 10 mos. later DD requested to be off of the meds so we had to wean her. Boy, that was an awful experience. So, again...I felt we should let coach know what was going on....she's being weaned off it'll take a couple weeks and keep me posted if she is sluggish, headache, etc.

So basically what I'm saying is that like some others have posted, I DID keep the info. to myself until I felt a situation was warranted in which I needed to tell the coach. I sat back and observed and when I seen things I said we need to let her coach know. It was only fair to the coach and to my child. In the beginning I felt kinda odd telling coach about all of DDs issues. I'm saying to myself...my god she's gonna think my DD has all these issues and that it's odd, etc. But I felt comfortable with it after a while. Till this day I keep her updated on any types of changes and we have a very open communication about it. I'm so glad I did let her in on what's going on.

Now fast forward, she's doing level 6/7 this season. She currently has ticks with her eyes, and her arms she does this weird thing where she straightens them straight out then pulls them back in. It has come to the point where her teammates and school mates has asked her how come you do that with your eyes or how come you talk like that. But lemme tell ya, once she's doing her gymnastics (floor routine, on the beam, etc.), it all goes away even if it's just during her event. She's focused and has made us so proud. As for the SM, it will prob always be an issue. She is a very shy girl, and she will talk to some people but never speaks to her coaches unless they talk first. It's kinda sad, but they understand. She's at the point where she tells me I want to talk to them so bad mommy, but if i do now it's gonna be weird and they never seen me talk and I just can't. And I TOTALLY GET what she's saying cuz i found out 30 yrs. later I had SM growing up and I remember feeling that SAME way. And it's normal for kids with SM to feel that way as they get older....it becomes a learned behaviour at this point. Oh well. They love her to death and she's an extremely talented gymnast. I feel with her unique and "special" ways about her, that has helped make her the wonderful gymnast that she is.

I also would like to add that by her having these "special qualities" about her, it hasn't affected how she performs at all. As a matter of fact, she's known that when she is in front of the judge she really turns it up! You would think she would fall apart in front of judges cuz of her anxiety-based issues but she does quite the opposite!! She is a two-time state champion!!! Level 4 state champ in 2010 and Level 5 state champ this year, she holds a Level 4 state record on bars, and this is the 2nd year she made it to National Testing. this year made it to Tops A and last year Tops B. She is amazing, and I tell her all the time she is my hero. <3 So my DD is proof that no matter what type of disability or special needs you have, anything is possible. It's all about their drive and determination.

Thanks for letting me share my story.

PS. Her almost 7 yr. old sister is special needs, and is classified so through her school as well as she even has an IEP at her school (she's in a special ed class). She has apraxia and is a bit delayed (she's more like a 5 yr. old). She enjoys her rec gymnastics 1 hr a week, although I feel so bad when she asks me what level she is in and when she can compete like her sister. How do you tell your kid that's just not going to happen? You can't. It's not like I don't have faith in her, but it just will never happen. Ugh, sometimes it's so hard being a parent.... I wish they had a competitive team for special needs kids for my 6 1/2 yr. old...that will be perfect! But she goes to her rec class with a smile on her face as always.....

 

[lhmom]

PureTalent- Thanks for sharing! As another mom to a special needs child, your post brought tears to my eyes.

 

[ThreeGirlsForMe]

PureTalent - thank you for taking the time to type all of this up and share your incredible story with us.

 

[sportsmom22]

PureTalent--what a great response. So glad that your dd is successful at gymnastics. With your younger child, does your gym hold any rec type meets? Our gym has a rec mock meet that is kind of like the dance recital for the gym girls. The girls each come up with a short routine on each event (with the help of coaches) and then perform their skills in front of a "judge" (usually other coaches in the gym). They get a score and then at the end of the meet, they are called up and get colored ribbons and a medal. All the kids get a chance to stand on the first place podium and have their picture taken. Very relaxed and very fun for the girls to show off!

 

[PureTalent]

PureTalent- Thanks for sharing! As another mom to a special needs child, your post brought tears to my eyes.

Hey! No problem. and thanks for reading! I wasn't sure if I was going to "scare" people away with my excessive post or not, but really felt drawn and felt the need to respond. I'm glad you can understand what goes on with special kids. Looking at DD you would really never know (aside from when she's ticking) and people are shocked if they find out all her issues. Because of her success and high level of achievement for her age people assume that you can't be that good when u have certain "disabilities".

I also feel the need to not only share my story cuz it was fitting to the original post, but for me, if I can reach out to anyone to help them learn about this stuff then it makes me feel good. So many people have written to me asking me more about selective mutism and they think they may know someone who has it but never knew if it was anything. To bring awareness about tourette's and SM so people can learn and know what it is, that's so important to me.
Again, thank you so much for taking the time to read about her story.

 

[PureTalent]

PureTalent - thank you for taking the time to type all of this up and share your incredible story with us.

Hey neighbor! haha Not a problem at all. I thank you so much for taking the time to read it! Sure, I took the time to type it and post it but when those of you take the time out to read our story, it makes me feel good. Hey, so we'll be at the same meet this sunday....and since DD is in a different age group from your Emma let's be sure we secretly cheer each other's DDs on! haha Best of luck to you, and I'll see you around!

 

[PureTalent]

PureTalent--what a great response. So glad that your dd is successful at gymnastics. With your younger child, does your gym hold any rec type meets? Our gym has a rec mock meet that is kind of like the dance recital for the gym girls. The girls each come up with a short routine on each event (with the help of coaches) and then perform their skills in front of a "judge" (usually other coaches in the gym). They get a score and then at the end of the meet, they are called up and get colored ribbons and a medal. All the kids get a chance to stand on the first place podium and have their picture taken. Very relaxed and very fun for the girls to show off!

Thanks for reading our story. I can't wait to post vids of my DD, you guys are gonna have a hard time believing all the issues she has. haha I have a ton up on youtube....I should share some. Anyway, no our gym doesn't have any type of mock meet for the rec classes. We just have what's called a festival where they get to show off their skills and what they've learned and come out to music as they would a meet and gets their name called out, etc. That's every June. But that is a great idea of what your gym does! That would be wonderful if ours had that. Younger DD is such a trooper and is always a part of her big sister's routine of driving there, driving back, and going to about 50% of her meets. And she don't complain at all. I do feel bad at times....but she's so happy doin her 1 hr. a week class. Even tho she's of the thinking she will compete one day. haha she doesn't quite get it or understand it. Thanks for sharing the idea of the rec gym meets. I may have to mention something like that to the gym.

 

[Chocoholic]

Pure Talent, one thing that might be helpful for your younger daughter is if you place less emphasis on your older daughter's success at meets. You are clearly very proud of her, which is understandable, but maybe try focusing less on the results than on the process. In that way, you could praise both girls for how hard they work to achieve what they can achieve. If you talk about your two-time state champion and your tops A camp recipient, your younger daughter will of course want to know when she can start competing and earning such high praise. My son, like your daughter, suffers from anxiety and OCD (and occasionally tics) and I know how much it means when such a child finds success. But it really is the journey that matters, and both of your children can feel pride in their journeys if you place value on the effort, hard work, and fun of gymnastics, rather than the awards and accolades.

 

[shelovestoflip]

I am a teacher in an inclusion classroom in a public school. I think at the very least if a child has an identified need in the classroom (is on an IEP or has a 504) then that need should be shared with the coaches.

I understand that children are very good at compensating (to the poster who wrote that their child has albinism, it's wonderful that she has learned to figure out what works for her in the gym (and likely at school, too!)

However the coaches are responsible for your child's safety as well as the safety of the other children, whether rec class or team.

If a parent isn't above board and someone gets hurt (for example, a child is deaf in one ear and the coach is calling out to that child to move out of the way as someone is running down the vault runway) then the child can get hurt and the gym is liable.

At school, we are responsible for all children. Parents expect that we nurture their child and help them learn. We find ways to make that happen!

I think coaches deserve the same respect.