Parents A balanced life

[bigtiny]

This just seems ridiculously overscheduled to me. When do they get to have down time and just be kids? Why do we seem to think that kids can’t be “balanced" unless they’ve tried every extracurricular activity known to man?

I do not consider my kids' lives to be ridiculously over-scheduled at all. They DO have down time. Taekwondo is only 45 minutes long, so on those days (twice a week), the rest of their afternoons are free. Piano is only 1/2 hour and the rest of that day is free. We have chosen to have them explore interests that THEY have, in lieu of extra time in the gym. My kids do have free time and are usually bored with it and looking to pick up some new activity to try.

My children have not tried "every extracurricular activity known to man," nor will they. You will not see me blogging about their every gymnastics accomplishment because their lives are built around gymnastics. To me, THAT is the sign of an unbalanced life.

 

[momof5]

Please people, can we just get along without judging other peoples choices and lifestyles. We all make choices that we think are best for our family and we should be able to do it without the put downs. Balance is going to mean different things to different people. For us balance isn't about making sure there are other activites that she is interested in doing because she doesn't want to do anything else besides gymnastics. I am ok with that. She lives, breathes, and sleeps gymnastics. We make sure she has time with friends and family because for her that what she wants to do when not involved with gymnastics.

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

I think it is very hard but you kind of have to listen to what your child wants. I worry about my daughter spending too much time in the gym, she has given up doing other sports because it interfered with gymnastics,but it was her choice. She still does dance but she is giving me a hard time saying she wants to quit. I think gymnastics is so challenging and fun for them that other sports become boring( any way this is the case with my daughter). She is 9 so I just have to hope that she will remain injury free and that if she someday decides to quit that she will find other things. I think the gymnastics puts them in good shape and teaches them such dedication that it would probally be easy to transition to a different sport. Although most of her close friends are in the gym she has other friends from school, unfortunately it is difficult to get together with them because of her gym schedule.

 

[gymjourneymom]

Hot topic!!!

Now this is a Hot Topic!!! We don't need Whoopi or Barbara when we have CB, LOL!!! Thanks for the thread Flippers Mom, we needed to get some excitement flowing through this message boards!

Well, there are obviously strong feeling here on both sides(and in the middle) of this question. What constitutes a "balanced life" for a child? Who really knows, because all kids are different. And once a route is followed you never quite know if it was right? How would things have gone had you followed a different route? Don't we all question ourselves as parents? I had no plan for my DD's "gymnastics career". I didn't know it was a "career". We just took things season to season. I kept thinking she'd eventually want to stop gymnastics as the hours picked up.

I guess I've been feeling a bit refective lately. Reading the post of many of the newer gym parents & wondering if I chose wrong for my DD way back when? Everyone here seems so knowledgeable with kids at such young ages & levels! I was just flying by the seat of my pants back then.

My DD also wanted to be a vet! She loved gym...& soccer & t-ball & tennis & karate & singing & piano & acting & Brownies/Girl Scouts all at a young age. Sounds like a lot, but some were seasonal things or school activities. And she was on preteam back then, with very few hours in the gym. Even L4 was preteam at our gym & there was no skipping levels. So she went year to year & had time to try different things. She excelled in each one(seriously, not to brag but she was the star of every team she joined & the lead in the school musical). But when it came time to move up to team, SHE chose gymnastics over everything else.

She's been state champ every year she's been on team. But it has been a constant struggle battling fear issues at each level. I've tried everything to help her with her fear issues. She still loves this sport no matter how much she struggles or how hard it is. She has NEVER said she wanted to quit. I firmly believe her dedication to gym, stems from having tried other things already. She KNOWS she has other abilities. She KNOWS she is not only a gymnast. She knows SHE chooses to do gymnastics above all else. And I am completely & totally in awe of her! And I totally support her!

So what am I conflicted about? I have a happy successful teenage gymnast right?!? Yes, I most certainly do! But she is 14yrs old & battling constant fear issues(no matter what we try) & repeating L7 this year. This is where I start to question if I "handled" her gymnastics "career" properly. Should I have done something different? Should I have pushed her more at a younger age, to get the big skills before fear set in??? But I was so clueless back then I had no idea fear would EVER be an issue. She was never a fearful child. I just (stupidly)assumed each year she would move up. She was the star of L4 & then it hit, 1st balking at going over the vault table, then balking at flyaways & beam BWO's. She always overcomes her issues & goes onto shine! But it is all so stressful. Now it's giants & beam BHS. She is plagued with fear issues. She over comes one, just to have another one. Believe me when I say(like many of you)I never thought this would happen to my (I thought) fearless child.

Well, she's in highschool now & still plugging along, struggling with fears. She still LOVES this sport even though she's not the L9 she always though she would be by now. At this point I don't see her doing gymnastics in college(due to her fear issues). Goals change...dreams change. I just keep wondering if I should have done something different with her at a younger age. Switched gyms or something like that. Who knows...it is what it is at this point.

I also see school plays & think if she wasn't at the gym all time she could be up there. But I guess that's my dream for her...not her dream. That is what we as parents need to figure out & come to terms with...what is our dream for them vs their dream for themselves. She prefers beating herself up mentally & physically at the gym. But at least we both know it's her choice. Gym is a challenge to her like no other. She enjoys that challenge. To me that is what it's all about. She ENJOYS what she is doing! You are only a kid once that childhood needs to be fun & memorable. We should all be so lucky as to have something we enjoy so much.

So what is a "balanced life"? How do you define it? Can a 4yr or 10yr define it when they have no comparisons to make? "Mommy I like gym" doesn't necessarily transfer into signing a child up for 20hrs of it per week, IMHO. So it's you you the parent determining their "dream" at that point. Who's to say if that is right or wrong? I'm interest to follow these kids here on CB, to see how it works out for them. Maybe if my DD had been fast-tracked, maybe she would be a L9 by now. Or maybe she would have burned out at 10yrs old & quit the sport. Or she might have been plagued with overuse injuries & forced to quit for health reasons. We'll never know. What I do know she had fun being the lead in that musical way back when (many of her classmates still call her by the name of the character she played)& she's proud of her soccer & t-ball trophies along with her gym awards. She can sit at a piano & play songs with or without music in front of her(oh, she writes songs for the piano too & sings in school choir) & she's still loving gymnastics on her terms. Who could ask for more???

I guess the point to my long rambling post is...if you are choosing their dream for them at a young age(seriously, they all "love gymnastics & want to be vets" at some point don't they???), please don't give them a hard time if they should ever decide to stop & try something new. You can't hold over them what YOU chose FOR them. You can't hold them to something they said at 4 or 5yrs old for their whole lives. A 4yr old doesn't even know what the Olympics are for goodness sakes. Kids grow up & dreams & situations change. JMHO. PS- My teenager wants to be a math teacher now, not a vet. I would have preferred a vet in the family...oh well. Dreams change.

 

[gymnut1]

I think you are very right. Dreams do change. And lots of children tell us they want to do things. They want to play xbox. They want to watch telly. They want to eat sweets all day. They don't want to eat veggies. My older dd often wanted to lie in bed all day when she was younger. haha. We don't go along with what they want in those cases. Parents should parent.

I loved gymnastics as a child and still do and if I could have done gymnastics 20 hours a day I would have been in heaven. So I understand the child who wants to do that much. I think it is possible to have something outside of gymnastics even if you do 20 hours plus and are homeschooled. Learning an instrument, learning a language and by the sounds of it scouts (and voluntary work) sound an excellent way to give a child some extra anchor points without huge amounts of time commitment. When gymnastics gets hard (and it ALWAYS does - injury, fear, disappointment, hormones) those little anchor points will make all the difference. Having a 'place' where you can leave it all behind and be you makes such a difference. I had a very difficult time at high school and my anchor points to me were gymnastics class, dance class and playing the piano. I rejuvenated in them, relaxed and got back me, felt ready to face the challenges again. My life would have been full of despair without those anchor points to me. They are essential in my experience. Make sure your child has some. They are not for now they are for later. When you least expect to need them.

 

[MdGymMom01]

GJM--your post totally summed up my feelings I have been having as well! You have NO IDEA how valuable you are on this board and to me as the voice of experience, reason and wisdom for this sport . It seems like your dd is an "older version" of my dd to come like they are soul sisters in a past life! I know that sounds cheesy but that is how I feel.

What I fear for a lot of the new parents on this board and the experienced parents of very young gymnasts here is the dissapointment that may come if "the dream" should fade. Gymnastics or any sport or activity shouldn't be so all-consuming to the point where it leaves parents and children devastated when and if they have to stop. You often hear stories of gymnasts who were pushed and pushed at young ages and ended up having to quit the sport due to injury or burnout and simply cannot function in the "real world". They feel lost and alone and can't identify with anything because their sport and life is gone. What a horrible feeling that must be.

I love having the CB and reading stories and getting to know everyone and following their gymmies careers. I guess lately, it has been turning into a "competition" that I have seem with a lot of the newer posters. It seems like so many posters are trying to one up everyone else with training hours, skills, and how young their dd's are when they started team. It breaks my heart a little everytime I read a post like that because I secretly know that the motivation, spark, and excitement will fizzle eventually. I guess you could say that I have done a lot of contemplating and introspection as well. I know my gymmie will probably not be an elite gymnast because of fear issues. She is extremely talented for just starting the sport less than 2 years ago and at the age of 9. She has come so far so fast. But, I do realize that most of the top gymnasts are fearless, have unbelievable raw talent and a lot of luck has followed them.

 

[Granny Smith]

ok, here comes my novel...

Dd started gym at the age of 4. I think she started the invitational program when she was 6 (I guess that is what most would call pre-team now.) When she first was put in invitational, the coaches really didn't want her - didn't think she would be a good gymnast. (I know this for a fact, found out a few yrs later, funny how that happened, I'll get to it.) When she first started gym she tried lots of things, brownies, soccer, dance, horseback riding - not necessarily all at the same time, but she tried lots. We realized that brownies was not for her, horseback riding she loved, but it wasn't for me (anyone who has done it knows that you just don't show up and ride, you groom the horse and everything and the parent helps, at her young age - now I'm all about horse racing gambling and stuff, but I really don't want to be standing right next to a horse, that's just me.) She did dance for about 3 yrs, but then it started to interfere with gymnastics and her focus was gymnastics. So up to the age of 11 she did competitive gymnastics and travel soccer. She was able to do this because my dh was the coach and we made it work. At this point in time she had to make a choice between gymnastics or soccer, it was the gym coach that said this to her. She chose gymnastics, it was the right decision and we have never looked back.

Let me just point out her last year of doing both gym and soccer, dd was the L7 State AA champion. It was after her becoming State Champion that the HC said they never thought she would be a good gymnast. Funny, I always knew she would be a good gymnast, if only the coaches would have looked at her the same way. When dd was little (L4 & L5) all she wanted to do was be picked to do TOPs. The coaches never even would look at her. It was me who would always tell her - don't worry dd, TOPs doesn't define if you are a good gymnast, you define if you become a good gymnast. For 2 yrs she wasn't picked while her BFF was. That was hard, but we moved on.

The summer before she turned 12, we got her a cell phone. I got her unlimited texting and this was part of the pre-teen balance. For her 13th birthday, we got her a laptop and we allowed her to have a Facebook account. Through texting and Facebook, she has communication with all of her friends, gym & school.

Dd does go to a small catholic school which doesn't have many extra-curricular activities so she doesn't miss much with that aspect of middle school. Thankfully the school dances are usually during the school day, so she can partake and also do gym.

All that she has ever wanted for the past few years was to go to go to public HS. So, we said that's fine if that is what you want. Well, at the beginning of her 8th grade yr, she said I don't know if I want to go to public HS. I said, thank you for tell me now rather than in June or July. She loves gymnastics and her goal for years now has been to get a college scholarship (I'd personally love that, but know it's icing on the cake and not a given) but her biggest fear in HS is she will not make any friends (cause the public HS she would only know a handful of kids out of a population of about 2000 kids). The public HS promotes getting involved in sports and x-curricular activites, well they are all afterschool and dd knows with the gym that she can't stay after. So, one of the catholic HS's visited her current school and talked about how they have an activity period during the day to be a part of clubs and stuff. This really interested dd, so guess where she will be going next yr - yup the catholic HS. This is all part of the balance game. She so wants to do gym, but she is so looking forward to being a part of student government. She will also be attending HS with her cousins, one who will be a senior and the other will also be an incoming freshman (I love the thought of this and she does too!) Another big balance.

As for going out with school friends because gym friends are not a problem because they are all the same schedule. We do compromise. She doesn't ask all the time so when she does I try to let her go, but she will meet up with her school friends on a Friday night after practice. I usually drop her off where ever after running through Chik-Fil-A or something. She also loves to have friends sleepover, gym or school, usually gym though and I usually accomodate.

Lastly, I have conversations with dd all the time. I always say that at the level of gymnastics that she is doing there are sacafices that she needs to make (as do we as a family), she might have to miss a sleepover or a dance at school or a party, BUT there are things that she will do that her school friends will never do. She will get to travel the country and compete in a sport that she loves. Also, now we are getting to an age where boys are becoming a topic. I say to her that if you ever asked a boy to give up his sport (football, soccer or whatever) for you, he would laugh in your face - DON'T you ever let a boy ask you to give up your sport for him. If he doesn't get it, then he isn't worth it. My one hope for her is that she will find someone who is just as committed to their "thing" as she is to hers.

Well, now as I write, my dd sits here with a broken foot and a cast on it for 4 weeks. Right in the middle of meet season! She was having a fantastic year, it had been going so well. As we drove home from the orthopedic I looked in the rearview mirror to see her sitting in the back of the car quietly wiping her eyes from the tears - tears of dissappointment, her season could potential be over or she might make it to States and not have a lot of time to prepare. It is crushing to me to see her like this. She says she is determined to get back. She can't wait to get to the gym on Monday (first day she is allowed back) to train and work her upper body. She's focused on what she is eating, she's even drinking milk! Where does the balance come in, well we are still going to Texas! Maybe she won't be able to compete but we can go be supportive of her teammates, of course she goes back to the Orthopedic the day after we return from Texas - fingers crossed that her foot will be healed... and she can start getting ready for States!

I know that this sport can be over for her at any time, but I feel so comfortable with the way that I have handled everything with her. I can look back and I have no regrets with how we have approached everything.

If you can do the same, then you are doing things right (and psstt, only you can answer that question! )

If you actually stuck around to read this whole thing WOW, thanks! :laughing:

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

gymjourneymom... your post could've been written by me about my own daughter. Yes, now that she is older and has battled the dreaded "fear" disease I too, have had the same reflections and misgivings... "what if this", "what if that" ... but as you state, what difference does it really make?

And you're right, it was always my DD's decision to continue w/the gymnastics until she just couldn't anymore!!

This thread has brought up interesting viewpoints from both sides of the journey.... those just beginning... yes, all the little girls LOVE gymnastics and want to go to the Olympics. It is a very realistic dream? No... not really. Every mother thinks her young daughter will get a college scholarship.... is that a realistic goal? Once again, probably not. Fear issues are very common, gymnastics-ending injuries are also very common. If your goal is a college scholarship... save all the money you would spend on gymnastics and you'd be all set for 4 years at a public university!!!

I think the best "balanced" approach IS to just take one season at a time without any long term plans. You never know what will or can happen in the future. As I previously said, injuries and fear issues become very common the more advanced and older the girls get. In addition, interests DO change! It's hard to believe that that 8 or 9 year old girl who is SOOOO passionate about gymnastics WILL one day decide she wants to hang out with her friends, go to football games, etc. BUT she WILL!!! The "magical age" for all this seems to be about 13..... Then it MUST be her decision about what she wants to do.

As we all know from personal experience, there are too many moms out there who are living the "dream" through their daughters.

Let your children be your guide, even as her interests may change.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

Gymnut, I don't think anyone here is saying that we should allow our children to do anything they want... and I'm pretty sure you weren't comparing "making" them do gymnastics to "not eating their vegetables!"

I agree 100% that kids NEED to have SOMETHING to anchor them. Absolutely, 100%!!!! If not, then they fall into the wrong crowds, get into trouble, etc. Even though Katy is not doing the JO gymnastics program anymore, she is sitll involved in the prep optional program and her high school team. She also has time to get involved in the Key Club (community service) AND develop some tighter friendhips that she didn't have time for before.

In addition, as some has said either here or on other forums, she still keeps in close contact w/her previous teammates for get togethers, sleepovers, etc.

What one child/adult wants should not be taken to mean that it's good or desirable for another.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

Grannysmith... we have watched and read your posts for quite a while here now. I have always admired your sensibility and allowing your daughter to take the lead with this sport. She will be fine, no matter what happens w/her gymnastics. (I hope the cast comes off and she's ready to get right back in there!). She has created her own balance based upon her all of her own past experiences and decided what SHE wants to devote her time to!

PS. I'm so happy you're allowing her to attend the public high school as well. If she hadn't gone, she may have always regretted NOT going and trying it! Good luck to her.

 

[momofchalksters]

I like what someone said earlier on this thread about the difference in the future of saying "I did gymnastics alot as a child and got to level X" as opposed to "I graduated from Harvard Medical School" (as an example) I have always thought it a bit ironic that some of the sports kids participate in that have long practice hourse, year-long training,etc are the ones that don't really have a professional equivilant that they "could" have a career in - such as gymnastics and swimming to name a couple. For young gymnasts it may seem "cooler" to claim to your friends that you were state champ or scored a 9.9 on beam than telling them that you got straight A's or student of the month. I say WhooHoo for the state champ and Woo-Hoo for the straight A's. It is just as impressive to me to see a gymnast training lots of hours a week and still manage to get great grades!

Oh, and my two DDs that train 12 hours during the school week (no weekends) really love gymnastics but from what I see, they have no problem focusing on other stuff. And I am not talking other sports or lessons. I am talking lounging on the couch watch "Wizards of Waverly Place", playing with the family dogs or just being pre-teens LOL

 

[emorymom]

Mine is homeschooled so that really helps. DD 6 can be on a 6 hour / week gymnastics team and also year round swim team 2-3x week / summer team more intensely. I want a leo for her that says DRYLAND. She also dances and does Girl Scouts, and some modeling/acting (sporadic and not a focus but maybe 6-8 days a year) in addition to her studies and music. Really her identity is not tied up in gym, but gym is what she likes best.

DS almost 5 is doing about 3 hours in the gym, swim team with his sister, and wants to start hockey in the fall. We're promoting a new home school hours program at the inline hockey facility that will train TTh 1-3 so if that gets off the ground, that's the way that will work. I can't have one child in gym and somehow manage to have him in a night program at the nearest rink 30 minutes away. But if the homeschool hours "make," both of them can do gym and he can do hockey. I can do lessons with her while he's on the rink.

Without home schooling it would be much more of a challenge.

I know when / if she decides to quit gym, it will be hard even if she only stays at the Y (which is only 6 hours a week mandatory). I do think there should be a way for girls who want to quit, to start apprentice coaching right away or helping the preschool classes. There should be a way for them to stay in gymnastics even when they don't want to compete.

 

[Billy]

PS- My teenager wants to be a math teacher now, not a vet. I would have preferred a vet in the family...oh well. Dreams change.

hehehe.... I figure the vet thing is going to end the moment she gets an idea of the "icky" parts of the job. She already runs the other way when the cats throw up on the floor! LOL

BigTiny- The blog is intended to document the journey, good and bad, trials and triumphs. It's a good way to keep distant family and friends posted on how things are going. Thanks for reading but if you don't like it, you don't have to visit.

 

[justanothergymmom]

We struggle with the "balancing act" too with 2 daughters competing (8 YO L5 and 10 YO L8). We also have 2 younger girls on their heels! Fortunately, our gym trains moderate hours (L5- 8 hrs/wk and L8- 15 hrs/wk) and still produces quality athletes and champions. Moderate hours allow time for playing, piano, reading, relaxing and family time for my girls. They swim and do dance in the summer if they want to. We also homeschool (NOT because of gym) which gives us a lot of flexibility. I am a strong believer in allowing my girls to explore their interests outside of gym as much as possible so that they will (hopefully) be well rounded...