Parents A balanced life

[Flippers Mom]

A couple of the parents were sitting in the lobby last night waiting for our gymnasts to finish practice. One girl had announced that she is quitting gym and another broke her foot this week. We started talking about how ALL our girls will eventually be done with gymnastics, whether by choice or due to injury.

While we try very hard to help Flipper have a well rounded life, I know her identity is very closely connected to gymnastics. Virtually all of her friends are from the gym. She doesn't ever want to invite her school friends over ("What would we do?").

How do you help your gymnast maintain a balanced life with interests outside of the gym? Frankly, we are struggling right now because she is so focused, partly due to competition season. Time is one of the factors we fight. She works out 20 hours per week, and is in the car another 10 hours each week commuting.

How do you promote balance for your kids?

 

[bogwoppit]

I think when they are preteens it is much easier. But boy when they hit 13 just watch and see.

When your child, and therefore your family, has commited to long hours a week in an elite sport sacrifices will have to be made. Those sacrifices often are family time and time with friends who don't do the sport. It is rare that a parent will sacrifice education so a gymmie can have more social life!

I think when they are young the kids are happy to have friends only in the gym and those friendships are real and important. But when they hit those teen years and begin to see what is around them and also they see that their years in the sport are limited, this is after all a childrens sport, they understandably want to have more time just to be.

I don't think every child feels this, but it is certainly a very common theme here and if I look in my own childrens gym and their experiences, girls stop at 13 as they want "a life".

So how do you get them past that? Allow them to redirect their energy into another sport or another level of gym? Perhaps cut back the hours to allow progress but also so they can be a teen.

Reassess periodically, is this really the life for you and your child.

We made some changes in the past year that have given us back four family dinners a week all, less hours in the car and less time at the gym. We also now have the girls competing on the same weekends and in the same league, lower level skills, less pressure etc. My teen is si much happier with this, but we were never eyeing up Elite or college anyway.

It is such a balancing act and every family is different, but for me I'd rather they stayed in the gym and active. The alternative was to push and push until the "I quit" came.

 

[MdGymMom01]

Good topic Flippers Mom! I kind of stumbled upon the need to have a balanced life after cheerleading. My dd's 3rd year of cheer (she was 8 going on 9) was tough mentally and emotionally. DD developed a tumbling block and it was a very competitive, pressure-filled and stressful environment. I did a lot of introspection after that year and decided that I wasn't going to let a "sport or activity" overcome our lives like that ever again.

So, now, I make sure that dd and ds do (or at least try) any activity that they find interesting. I make sure the kids have enough down time to just chill and do school activities. We try to do school activities--band, end of year picnics, dances so they have time to bond with their school friends. DD also does dance so she has made friends in that activity as well.

I do know what you mean about "identifying with the sport so much" because that is all they do. My motto is "Don't put your eggs all in one basket". If they have talent or interests elsewhere be it dancing, singing, acting or whatever, it is always good to foster that so they are more well-rounded and balanced. I do understand that when you get to the high level of gymnastics like your dd, it is hard to find time to do other things. I guess that is the life of the high level gymnast. I was lucky in that, I chose a less intense gymnastics program for dd right from the start so that she would have more time to fit in other activities.

There always is the option to go into a lower level program or a "prep optional" program where there are less hours in the gym. It definitely does get harder as they get older and they get more social. All their friends who don't do gym are going to parties and dances or doing school sports. I can imagine it gets lonely and the gymmies can feel left out. And kids interests and motivations do change as they get older. And that is totally okay!! I would hate my dd growing up having regrets that she wasn't able to try another sport or feel that she missed out on fun teenage stuff.

I hope I helped!

 

[Billy]

My daughter is young enough that "having a life" really isn't a problem yet. But we do try to make sure she's got more than just gym. While time limits her activities during the school year, she is involved in church activities and can choose a second sport or activity over the summer (usually swimming). She's also a very good student in school and hopes to join the gifted program soon. Basically, we focus on her education and her gym and then allow her secondary stuff as time (and money) permits. We also would let her miss practice in favor of a special activity or event (though not during "meet season" and not on a regular basis). It's hard to let them have several "things" going on and still teach them dedication and commitment.

 

[MdGymMom01]

It's hard to let them have several "things" going on and still teach them dedication and commitment.

I totally disagree with this. I think that you can still teach dedication and commitment if they are involved in more than one "thing" or activity. If anything, it teaches them how to become more well-rounded, balanced, more versatile and better at time management. Not all sports or "things" involve 20+ hrs a week.

 

[cathiann]

When they were younger, I had them do a variety of activities in addition to gymnastics--so that they knew there were other things out there. They were the ones making the choice to concentrate on gymnastics. Beth's in 6th grade now (Sami's in 10th), so they are old enough to make the choice on where they want to spend their time. Both have friends outside of gymnastics (looking at Beth's birthday invitation list--she's got 4 of the 15 kids from the team--the rest from her old school and her new school). Oh--both still do Girl Scouts too (although Sami at least would kill me if I told people LOL!)

A lot of girls have quit the team at the gym (heck, Sami included), but the girls are still friends with them--I love that about our team. They still have the sleepovers, the girls that quit still come to the meets--heck a few of the parents even helped out at the meet we host each fall!

 

[lovofu]

Other Opinion....From an elite athlete

Ok, I wasn't a gymnast but a US Team Swimmer/Full College Scholarship/Olympic Trials..swimming was 5 hours a day/before and after school and less social (hard to talk with your head in the water) but I learned time management, determination, pride, achievement and had cool friends who celebrated with me when I did something in swimming. I also did band, orchestra, science club and national honor society. I was a well adjusted, social kid but didn't have the party life some teens did...with drinking and sex before 16. Did I miss that? Oh, heck no. If I do nothing else the rest of my life (not true by the by) at least I had that. I was in the local paper, taught swimming to make money and draw on those experiences DAILY. I can still set goals, handle disappointment and move on!! Our kids are LUCKY to "Only have Gym" if that is all they want now!!!

JMOpinion.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

I think we all need to realize, as previously posted, that gymnastics IS a temporary sport. Our children only have one childhood. Being involved in gymnastics at a high level and having a "normal" childhood are, for the most part, mutually exclusive!

My daughter also lived and slept gymnastics when she was about 8 to 14 years old. She was going to get to Level 10 and get a college scholarship! (her words.. not mine). There are really very few girls who have the talent, drive and motivation to continue these insane training hours through their pre-teen/teen years.

I saw my DD start to put such pressure on herself once she started training Level 7 and her hours increased again. It just became way too much for her. I didn't want her to have any regrets about what she was missing w/her teen years, nor did I want her emotionally beating herself up over something that, in the long run, really does not matter all that much... right, people? In 10, 20 years.... they'll get to say to people... "hey, I did gymnastics... got to level X." Gee... how much more impressive to say "yeah, I graduated from Harvard Medical School" ... right????

This whole sport really does become a kind of cult for us. Just as any sport does, I'm sure. B U T... how many other sports require the training commitment as does gymnastics? Like MdGymMom... my daughter is in a much less competitive gymnastics environment now and is much happier, enjoying life again, and just happy being a regular teenager!

To get back to the original point of trying to maintain a normal lifestyle: My big regret is that I DID NOT encourage her to try other things while she spent those all years completely absorbed in gymnastics. Yes, she did a summer activity here or there, but in my opinion, that's not enough to encourage other interests. I am thankful that she's competing on her high school team, but I see other girls who are doing Fall, Winter AND Spring sports... all because they did NOT spend years and years devoted to one sport. They also are in the high school plays, etc., that Katy never had time to develop the desire for when she was in elementary or middle school.

It's just so hard when you're in the middle of the gymnastics world to even notice what else may be missing..... And you know what? Even if someone had suggested that to me a few years ago, I honestly probably wouldn't' have listened anyway!

Gee, I just reread what I posted and I really sound like I'm bashing gymnastics. I'm really not. I still love the sport, we go watch our old teammates at their local meets and it's really beautiful to watch.

I guess... we all just need some serious reality checks on what's really important in our childrens' lives.

 

[gymnut1]

My daughter is young enough that "having a life" really isn't a problem yet. But we do try to make sure she's got more than just gym. While time limits her activities during the school year, she is involved in church activities and can choose a second sport or activity over the summer (usually swimming). She's also a very good student in school and hopes to join the gifted program soon. Basically, we focus on her education and her gym and then allow her secondary stuff as time (and money) permits. We also would let her miss practice in favor of a special activity or event (though not during "meet season" and not on a regular basis). It's hard to let them have several "things" going on and still teach them dedication and commitment.

Is Boo not homeschooled anymore? Or have you found something new for her?

 

[AGM78910]

My daughter is now 13 and a level 7. And it is very hard to have a balance because she works out 20 hours a week, goes to public school where she is taking several advanced classes, and has a ton of homework. Our state allows "off campus PE" which means that she can get out an hour early for gym and does not have to take PE at school.
We make sure there are several "family dinners" each week and her 16 year old brother and 17 year old cousin come to the gym on occasion to help out with miscellaneous stuff like moving equipment. They also come to a few of her meets as the "cameramen". She comes to as many of thier high school band events, hockey games, and boy scout activities that she can. This helps to keep them connected.
I highly recommend Girl Scouts. It fits in well with gymnastics. There is no mandatory attendance and lots of the projects can ge done on their own time. My daughter has been in for 6 years is now working on her Silver award. Her troop has one to two 1 hour meetings per month and has projects she can work on during commutes to gym. We had to do some research to find a troop that could accommodate her schedule and were very fortunate to find one. Plus the girls in the troop are very committed to scouting and are good friends as well.

 

[Ingwe]

My dd is 10 and L7 training 20 hours per week. She has off on Thursdays and Sundays. She tries to have a friend (from school) over on Sundays and that is when she plays and acts like a 10 yr old. She and one other girl are the only two elementary aged girls in L7 and being around those teenagers is also having an affect on her. (not that there is anything wrong with teens, as I have one of those as well, they are just in different places) so I have really made an effort to have her do as much as she can with her school friends as possible.

I also allow her to miss practice every now and again if she really wants to do something special (like a sleepover, school sctivity etc) right now I think the balance is good but who knows what will happen when she hits middle school and the teen years.

 

[Billy]

I totally disagree with this. I think that you can still teach dedication and commitment if they are involved in more than one "thing" or activity. If anything, it teaches them how to become more well-rounded, balanced, more versatile and better at time management. Not all sports or "things" involve 20+ hrs a week.

What I meant was that it's hard to teach them to be dedicated and committed to something and then turn around and constantly let them skip that thing in favor of this event or that one. That sends a contradictory message. You're not committed to something if you are constantly skipping it in favor of everything else. However, I also said it's hard to teach that, not impossible.

 

[Billy]

Is Boo not homeschooled anymore? Or have you found something new for her?

No, Boo went back to public school after Christmas break. And so far it's going great. She's loving being with her school friends and teachers and is even enjoying the work. She's a very social kid and she really missed the interaction with other kids. There are things about home schooling she misses (sleeping in late, for one ) but she's happy and doing well at school. If she's happy, we're happy!

 

[MdGymMom01]

What I meant was that it's hard to teach them to be dedicated and committed to something and then turn around and constantly let them skip that thing in favor of this event or that one. That sends a contradictory message. You're not committed to something if you are constantly skipping it in favor of everything else. However, I also said it's hard to teach that, not impossible.

Oh, well of course having them skip an activity constantly will never teach committment. But who said anything about constantly skipping things? Maybe I missed something?

 

[bigtiny]

This is an interesting thread, and it is something I feel strongly about. When my girls got involved in gymnastics, I was really shocked by how many hours these little girls spent in the gym. My own daughters became very committed to the sport, but it was important to me that they retain balance in their lives.

While some of my daughters' teammates spent their free time doing private lessons, etc., my daughters are invested in areas outside of gym. They have many friends at school. All three girls do Taekwondo twice a week and have earned their green belts (and say they will continue through black belt). They are also excellent students and take piano lessons, horseback riding, and do volunteer work.

I do NOT want my girls to identify themselves only as gymnasts. That WILL end for them, and then where will they be? They need to have a well-rounded identity to carry with them into their teen years and into adult life.

 

[Flippers Mom]

We live outside a rural community with SMALL schools and few options. Through L7, Flipper went to a tiny gym 9 hours a week. . . but she begged for 2 years to switch to this better gym and we finally gave in. In order to do that, she had to give up dance and piano (now attends gym 20 hours per week plus 10 hours a week in commute time). She is happy and living her dream. She also started middle school (5th grade) this year and was placed in accelerated learning classes. It makes my head spin. At this point, we're settling on her friends from the old gym being her "outside of gym" friends. There is nobody else in the school system who does competitive gymnastics (of course, the entire school system consists of about 700 students K-12).

For Christmas we got her a cell phone with internet access so she can chat with her friends during the commute - just use that time being a kid. We also set Sunday afternoons aside for fun with friends and family. She does get to travel all over the United States (see, I'm trying to see the bright side of that one!) and we've been adding a day here and there for family fun on those trips (and consequently, missing even more school). We met with the middle school principal, counseler and her teacher before the year started. They were all supportive and feel that kids with interests outside of school do better at studies.

We do skip gym when she has a lot of homework or for special occasions (cousins here from out of state, etc.) and sometimes we decide she is just too tired and needs a break (and she tells us we're the meanest parents in the world). She is a perfectionist and is wound SO tightly that we work at helping her enjoy all she has already accomplished and just enjoy being a kid. Can't wait until spring so she can spend hours outside riding bike, exploring the pastures, climbing on bales, jumping on the trampoline and swimming instead of doing gymnastics in the living room!

 

[Billy]

While some of my daughters' teammates spent their free time doing private lessons, etc., my daughters are invested in areas outside of gym. They have many friends at school. All three girls do Taekwondo twice a week and have earned their green belts (and say they will continue through black belt). They are also excellent students and take piano lessons, horseback riding, and do volunteer work.

This just seems ridiculously overscheduled to me. When do they get to have down time and just be kids? Why do we seem to think that kids can’t be “balanced" unless they’ve tried every extracurricular activity known to man? When I was growing up, we went to school and maybe played one sport or took some type of music lesson and that was it. We were not involved in everything under the sun and for the most part, we turned out to be relatively productive members of society. So what if I never got to try out volleyball or learn to play the tuba? I survived and I think my kid will be just fine even if gymnastics is the only sport she ever does.

Yes, one day gymnastics will be done for her. And when it is, she will hopefully have a college degree (veterinary medicine is the current “planâ€￾) and many, many life skills that gymnastics has taught her (focus, discipline, work ethic, confidence, inner strength, the list is endless). She may also have a lifelong love of the sport that she can share with her children. If nothing else, she is gaining experiences that most of her peers will never, ever get to do.

 

[MdGymMom01]

I hear what you are saying Shawn. But some kids, like mine, have varied interests from time to time. What seems ridicuously over-scheduled to you may seem normal and work for other families. To me overscheduled is "homeschooling" a 7 year old so she can fit in more gymnastics. Although that may be great for you, some people may seem that that is ridiculously "overscheduled" and "not balanced".

Everyone has their own opinions and what is so great about this board is that there is a wide range of gymnasts and parents on here from the beginner rec gymnast to the highly elite and everyone inbetween. To me, balance is more important than putting everything into a gymnastics "dream" that may never happen.

 

[Shelovesthebars]

Let's not forget that each of our children are individuals with individual needs. What may constitute a balanced life for one of my children would not fit well with another of my five. They have different needs and while some of my children love to do one sport exclusively, some of my children like to try many. One of mine likes to do recreational sports and play outside and he is probably my most gifted athlete. I don't push any of them. I know I don't have any NBA or NFL athletes or any college cheerleaders because I have always stressed academics first. However, if one of my younger children shows the drive, desire and talent to succeed at a higher level then I will support them as a parent. It is about exploring possibilities more than it is about being the best. My son is a natioally ranked diver but wanted to take a break to play recreational soccer. We were behind him 100%. The coach wasn't happy but it is my children's happiness that I am concerned with. If doing a sport exclusively makes a child happy then I would consider that a success. Also if doing multiple sports or none at all makes a child happy, than I would consider that a success too. I guess balance is different for every one and what works for you and your family is what is right.

 

[Billy]

I hear what you are saying Shawn. But some kids, like mine, have varied interests from time to time. What seems ridicuously over-scheduled to you may seem normal and work for other families. To me overscheduled is "homeschooling" a 7 year old so she can fit in more gymnastics. Although that may be great for you, some people may seem that that is ridiculously "overscheduled" and "not balanced".

Everyone has their own opinions and what is so great about this board is that there is a wide range of gymnasts and parents on here from the beginner rec gymnast to the highly elite and everyone inbetween. To me, balance is more important than putting everything into a gymnastics "dream" that may never happen.

But the "dream" is happening. The dream is to get to do gymnastics and she's doing it and she's happy. What better "dream" is there than that? She can say that she spent her childhood on a sport that she loved and was good at.

Just to be clear, we didn't homeschool Boo so she could "fit in more gymnastics." The number of hours of training did not change with homeschooling, nor has it changed now that she is back to school. In reality, home schooling allowed her to have more downtime, not more gymnastics, which made her less busy, not more busy. What I'm saying is that being very dedicated to one sport, and not dividing his/her time over a myriad of activities, does not automatically make a child "unbalanced." Children that go to school and church and don't do any extra activities are not "unbalanced." Why should a child that only does one activity be considered so?