Parents A question for parents of optionals...

[profmom]

I think that once they get into upper optionals, things change because it no longer matters if they're the best in the gym or even in the state. The CGPs are looking outside the gym for comparison and fretting when they find the kids to whom their offspring don't measure up. The core of crazy for me is the constant need to see one's child on top. If they can't get that satisfaction by seeing the child on the podium, they will find other ways to do it ("he got such and such score; if you take out the falls it would have been X!" or "she's already working on Y skill, which is two levels !"). I think it's not so much the focus on what the kid is doing as the incessant need to compare with others.

With this psychology, the parent can always find a metric by which the child is winning and one by which the child is losing, and the losing metric drives the parent into increasing demand for coaching resources and increasing frustration and craziness if the desired results are not achieved. Of course, once the results are achieved, it just leads to the next crazy thing. Won states? What about regionals? Did well at regionals? Well, what's the child's national rank? Made TOPS B? Next year it has to be A. And G-d help anyone at the home gym who tries to stand in the way. In their skies, there can be only one star.

Sad situation for parent and child alike.

 

[Pineapple_Lump]

Here's what I don't understand... there is not a single gymnast in this whole world that can take an ounce of talent away from any other gymnast ever. But if your dd is unequivocally "the best" in a gym... Or work out group... Or whatever...who and what does she model from? Who does she achieve to "catch". Why don't these parents understand these gymnast pull each other up? They feed off each other and they make each other better. I think a parent should worry when their child is " beating " everyone in the gym. Just my two cents....

It is extremely hard being the best kid in the group/gym/state whatever, it is a lot easier to be the second best, you are always chasing #1 pushing them, but you have nothing to loose, less expectations, less eyes watching your 'failures'.

 

[duyetanh]

Always good to try to walk in other's shoes but sadly, then these people are viewing this issue from a scarcity mentality, and limiting themseves terribly... Why not come from the perspective of abundance?

We're discussing gymnasts who are in optionals... Think of all the abundance of opportunities these girls have already been afforded to have reached this level...presumably, good coaching, good conditioning, decent facilities, adequate family resources.... Etc

When a person comes from a place of scarcity it's limiting. Coming from a paradigm where there's plenty of pie to go around frees you up to be happy for others' success, and others' successes makes your gymnast better.

If you stand back, and realistically evaluate your gymmie, and you truly believe they are being "held back" because of a lack of resources.... Then do the research and find the environment where resouces are less scarce...... Focus on what you can control, and what best serves your child; DON'T take it out on another child, or the parents, this will never, ever make your kid better. And it's modeling awful behavior for the development of your own child.

If first place is your measure of success, than yes those are scarce an you'll be disappointed, statistically, nearly every single time. But if sticking a vault landing for the first time, is your measure.....then this has a higher potential for abundance, and it allows you to open up your heart to be kind, and to be happy for the other gymnasts who stick their landings too...

I loved this post, thank you.

 

[profmom]

It is extremely hard being the best kid in the group/gym/state whatever, it is a lot easier to be the second best, you are always chasing #1 pushing them, but you have nothing to loose, less expectations, less eyes watching your 'failures'.

Or . . . you love being pushed by #2 and, while you always hope you do a little better, you sincerely enjoy watching him/her succeed and are glad there's someone out there to push you to reach a higher level.