Parents advice on daughters fustrations and wanting to be done

[Panda-girl's Mom]

Once again daughter has come home from practice and says after meet season she is done with the sport. After a teary ride home after practice she told me she just wants to finish out the season. She is having a lot of frustration with the level6 floor routine. She says her heels have been really hurting her . I took her to the ortho doctor in september and he said it was severs she could still tumble and she wears a heel cup. After her last meet I emailed her head coach because she did so poorly in her floor routine and I had concerns about her competing it and was she were she is supposed to be or should she be a a different level. She assured me to be patient and that she is just lacking confidence.
I let things go for a while since she seemed to be happy at the gym and did not seem to care.
Now we have a meet coming up this weekend 4 hours away so I asked daughter does she still want to go she says yes then after I told her it is alright if she wants to stop does she just want to stop now and not finish the season that it is okay than she said no she wants to finish out the year (she said she will not leave in midseason she feels quitting in the middle is not right and does not want to leave her friend who is the only other level 6 alone.
After asking her several times about why she does not want to continue she says that the coaches never tell her she is doing anything good which was the opposite of last year but she was performing much better. I think is having a really hard time tumbling with her heels. I am not sure what exactly her coach did or yelled to her about tonight because she tells me she will not rat out the coach. This coach is one of her favorite coaches.
It has been a month since her last meet when I emailed the head coach and none of the coaches have once mentioned anything that has been happening. The head coach who normally just over see thing and occasionally coaches my daughter emailed me an response to have patience and has not mentioned it since nor have the other coaches. I am alittle frustrated about the lack of communication. In her orginally email she felt that daughter will make it to states and be able to move up which does not even matter at this point.
I asked my daughter several times does she want to do the meet this weekend that it is alright if she does not, she stated she wants to go but does not want to do floor. I am not sure if they will even let her compete floor but if she scratches she will not qualify for states(she does not care). I honesstly would rather her go do the other events have fun and not worry about it ecspecailly if this is her last meet or last year. Do I approach the head coach and discuss this with her or do I just wait until after the meet. Daughter also trains with a girl doing prep novice and level 5. I actually think the prep would be a good fit for her at this time because it seems less stressful and she would have her own routines. I was hoping the headcoach would suggest this or put her back to level5. I do not know it I should ask her this but is difficult to approach her, ecspecailly about requesting anything.
I have been through this before with my daughter and she always chose to go back to gymnastics but I am really starting to think she is done. I just do not understand why she is so insistent on finishing the season and if she chooses continue this year I would just like to let her have a good last year at gymnastics.

 

[gymgramma]

Perhaps it's time to have a meeting with her coach, your DD and yourself? Or could you request that the coach let your DD try Prep Opt?

 

[MaryA]

Our gym (small gym, not many hours) competes levels 3.4, and 5. Then the girls do a couple years of prep opt, do a level 6 meet for the move-up score, and when they're ready, move on to level 7. It's certainly not the fast track... not the way you'd want a child to go if her goal was a college scholarship or whatever, but the girls really seem to enjoy it, and we don't have many drop out, even during those akward 12-14 years. If prep is an option at your gym, why don't you ask if your daughter can go to a practice to check it out? Of course, if she's not enjoying it or is in pain, maybe the time is right to just stop, but if it has been such a big part of her life and she seems reluctant to quit, why not try some other outlets first?

 

[bogwoppit]

HOw about you tell her that she can stop after States, then just see what happens. She has been talking about this for so long, it sounds like she needs a break, that doesn't mean forever, but sometimes they just grow out of gym. My oldest still loves her gym friends, but gym is not her life anymore.

 

[gymjourneymom]

I give your DD a lot of credit! She feels a dedication to her team & to herself to finish what she has started. That is something to be proud of!!! I feel so bad for her dealing with this pain L6 is a tough level, there is increased pressure to perform skills/routine cleanly & with good form. You can see it in the judge's scoring at meets. L6 scoring is tough!

Only your DD knows if it is the pressure of L6 or the pain of her heels that is really eating at her. Or maybe she is done & has set a goal for herself to retire after L6. Maybe she is ready to start a new chapter of her life. You never quite know what these girls have going on in their heads. I'd have a heart to heart talk with her to see if you can find out. Maybe it's the combination of frustration & pain right now that she just can't see beyond. Many girls only see 2 options:stick it out or quit. Is Prep something she seems interested in? Let her know you are on her side no matter what she decides. You just want her to be safe, healthy & happy!

I think you should schedule a meeting with the coach and all of you together can come up with an appropriate plan for her(including any doctor recommendations). Since she does want to finish out L6 you all need to be on the same page. How much longer does this L6 season last? Would resting or taking a break help her heels(I don't know about severs)? Maybe Prep would be a good fit if she's not in too much pain & wants to continue enjoying the sport in a more fun/relaxed way. I'd see what ideas the coach has for her in short term & long term goals. At least if your DD knows she has options other then quitting it might give her some hope to continuing out this L6 season. Hope is the key when they start to feel tired & beaten down by this sport. JMHO. Good Luck!

 

[mariposa]

I think everyone has given you all the right advice. I would schedule a meeting with the coach and see what her options are. Severs and the pain it causes can be really hard to deal with. Especially if the coaches dismiss her pain and make her feel like she isn't working hard enough or whatever. I do think that it is nice that she wants to finish her season and not leave her L6 buddy alone. You gave her an out, you didn't tell her she had to finish the season and she has chosen to. By the end of the season, she might change her mind. Or she might not. But she will have decided herself and that is a good thing. By then her Severs may be easing up or maybe the lure of prep-op for awhile and her own routines will keep her in gym. Or it might not and she will be able to hang up her grips with no regrets. Hang in there!

 

[gym law mom]

The pain along with not doing as well at L6 as she did at L5 are probably all playing into her desire to leave the sport. I too commend her for wanting to stick it out til the end of the season so her teammate won't compete alone.

I know you've given her the time to try other activities and it seems like she has thought of stopping gymnastics for quite awhile now. Have you asked her about the prep opt program and if that is something she'd like to try vs. USAG? See if she has any input on it---she may not have even thought about it. I would also gently ask her what she would like to do in place of gymnastics.

I would definitely make an appointment to sit down with her coach and talk about dd wanting to hang up her leo at the end of the season and also not wanting to compete floor or caring about going to states. It does sound like she has thrown in the towel as far as L6 this year. Maybe taking a break after meet season and letting the Sever's get under control will help her outlook on gym then again she may find other activities and not want to go back.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

You've gotten great advice from everyone. L6 scoring IS tough, and she is in pain. What a tribute to her character tho, that she wants to stay and finish out the season!!! That is REALLY BIG!!!

A meeting w/the coach is definitely called for... just to check out her options. If Prep Op is available, I would recommend that 100%!!! I think everyone on CB is probably sick to death of me talking about how it was such a wonderful program for my DD who wanted to quit gymnastics after training L7 for several months. It's very low pressure, allows the girls time for other activities, and the best part of it is that the scoring is definitely more relaxed than JO. It's a win win situation all the way around.

Please letus know what she decides to do.

 

[Pickle's Mom]

Is it possible to take a week or two off after this meet to let her heel heal? Pickle was sufferering with Severs and it was awful. She'd tape up during practice but could barely walk afterwards. She took close to two weeks off at the Christmas break (we had already planned a trip to visit grandparents) and it helped so much.

Perhaps a little time away will make her remember what she likes about gym.