Parents Am I overprotective?

[Taurus]

Closed gym here but if I ever saw a single creepy dude that couldn't take his eyes off the gymnasts, I'd be the first one to go sit by him and strike up a convo about his DS/DD - you never know til you ask- bet if he was just there "observing", he'd turn tail & run

 

[auswi]

Actually. I think the attitude that girls should change their dress/behaviour is wrong. It's one step away from "she wore a short skirt, she was asking for it".

I don't care how common paedophiles are. The reality is I have no way of telling- it could be a teacher, an uncle, could be their gym coach.

It is better to teach your children about their right not to be touched, or made to feel uncomfortable by anyone. I know the gym/school has very strict safeguarding protocols- no child is alone with an adult, no personal communication with a child.

It is more likely that a child will be abused by a person in a position of trust. Wearing gym shorts won't make an ounce of difference - except teach a child that not covering up = asking men to look at them inappropriately.[/QUOTE

This 100%☺

OP - you have every right to be concerned, especially if the girls in the gym aren't allowed to wear shorts at practice. Most women don't realize this, but there are a lot of pedophiles in our communities. Those of us who have worked in social work with children and families realize that the problem is far more widespread than most people realize. I don't want to get into great detail here, but we have no way of knowing who to trust, male or female. Most people who are a potential danger to our children don't even have a criminal record. If it makes you feel any better though, most children are harmed by a close family member or friend...not the strange man or women that might be a "peeping Tom." If you want to protect your girls, make sure you dress them modestly when out in public, which includes a pair of board shorts or gym shorts on top of bathing suits...and no bikinis. Thank you OP for bringing this issue up. Don't worry though...most parents wouldn't think twice about who is watching gym practice.

This is a skewed not accurate picture from someone who is also in the feild.

 

[meganliz77]

http://www.fbi.gov/hq/cid/cac/registry.htm

Way to search offenders in your area.

There are thousands of offenders who never reach this registry, at least in the state of MN. The public registry is only for "leveled" (assigned a risk level) sex offenders which only occurs after someone has been sent to prison (not county jails). My hunch is that many other states also operate this way. So many more offenders are often not sent to prison, and remain on community supervision/probation and will never reach a PUBLIC registry unless they become non-compliant with registration requirements. I speak with a particular expertise in this area.

Please be aware... That the majority of abuse is perpetrated by those that are are close to us and sometimes we least expect.

 

[Anna's_Mom]

To the original questions -- I think a man alone might raise some eyebrows, but two guys together and one an obvious dad -- no problem. Though if I were in the original situation I would suggest dropping the girls off and finding a bar/coffee shop/restaurant nearby for the comfort of the guys to be able to hang out without a gaggle of moms surrounding them.

Re: sex offender registries. Careful what you read into these. It does vary by state but people can get listed for doing such simple things as urinating in public (and if you are homeless, what else are you going to do). Or the teen guy gets listed when he and his girlfriend are caught having sex and girls parents prosecute -- even if both were underage and it was completely consensual. Or the person may be more of a danger to you (as an adult woman) than to your daughter. So yes, there are lots of people listed but that doesn't mean they are all dangerous or dangerous to your child. Statistically, close relatives or friends are a far greater risk. As is her gym coach, for that matter.

To me, I don't really worry or care about who might be watching. Without the ability to get access to her while she is alone, it doesn't really matter to me. The gym (and even meets) seems a good deal safer than most other places where she spends time.

 

[l.c.o]

And sadly, maybe you should have. My 13yo ds seems to garner the attention of the moms in the viewing area, I know because some aren't afraid to tell me. Seriously people, that's my little boy!

I second your: And I'm adding a:

Yikes! That's icky, and not ok! I imagine they'd have been creeped out had some dad been ogling their 13 year old girls and commenting!!!! I see no difference. Wow.

Just. Wow. How did you even respond???!

 

[gymmommy12]

Actually. I think the attitude that girls should change their dress/behaviour is wrong. It's one step away from "she wore a short skirt, she was asking for it".

I don't care how common paedophiles are. The reality is I have no way of telling- it could be a teacher, an uncle, could be their gym coach.

It is better to teach your children about their right not to be touched, or made to feel uncomfortable by anyone. I know the gym/school has very strict safeguarding protocols- no child is alone with an adult, no personal communication with a child.

It is more likely that a child will be abused by a person in a position of trust. Wearing gym shorts won't make an ounce of difference - except teach a child that not covering up = asking men to look at them inappropriately.

It doesn't bother me what people chose to wear; I was saying that there are quite a few men (& sometimes women) in our society that enjoy hanging out at the beach and pool with a pair of sunglasses and a phone. They wait for clothing "malfunctions" to happen, and they enjoy it & even take pictures while no one notices. There are a lot of creeps out there who enjoy child pornography. It's just the society we live in.

This has nothing to do with the original question, but I speak from experience when I say most sex abuse cases don't even make it to criminal court. There is a high standard of evidence needed to prosecute someone because they are innocent until proven guilty. A lot of times the child refuses to testfify or they change their story to keep their family intact. Most sex abusers are not on the sex offenders registry. A good bit of them never even get caught. Our communities are full of cases like you see on CSI:SVU. You just don't ever hear about them because they don't make the local news broadcast.

My point is, there are a lot of bad people out there, and OP was right to be concerned about how the other parents might feel if a stranger was watching gym practice.

 

[sce]

I second your: And I'm adding a:

Yikes! That's icky, and not ok! I imagine they'd have been creeped out had some dad been ogling their 13 year old girls and commenting!!!! I see no difference. Wow.

Just. Wow. How did you even respond???!

I totally agree with you. I was pretty speechless at first, but another mom said something that made the Mom stop talking at least. I don't remember exactly, but something about him being a kid.

It did make me realize that there is balance between protecting my kid's innocence and making him aware of predators. He's pretty unaware, so far but that is good and bad. Still trying to crack that dilemma.

 

[l.c.o]

It did make me realize that there is balance between protecting my kid's innocence and making him aware of predators. He's pretty unaware, so far but that is good and bad. Still trying to crack that dilemma.

I feel your pain here. Still figuring this out with my DD as well. Somehow the topic of rape came up recently (mentioned on the news), and I was shocked to realize that DD, age 11, had no idea what that meant. I mean, I was/am happy that she hasn't had an explicit need to understand it, but then was flummoxed as to how to even explain without frightening her.

I don't want to say "don't wear the short skirt," but I kinda want to say, "don't wear the short skirt." You know?

 

[lovemygymnast]

I think it's fine for him to watch. What would be inappropriate would be if he made comments about the girls. Honestly though, I get what you're saying and not all men would like to go watch and might feel uncomfortable but gymnastics is great fun to watch!