Parents Am I overreacting?

[suebee]

I personally don't think that the making the goodie bags is a sign of a CGM. Lots of moms at dd's gym do something similar, like make a hair accessory to match the comp leo and pass it out to all the team girls, or something similar. I've always thought it was thoughtful. But they include everyone, not exclude a few.

My question would be, how does this mom know who made it to States? Not all meets show up on mymeetscores.com. Did she ask the gym and did they tell her? I think that if they did, then their telling her is giving their approval, even if they did not ask her to do it.

I also think that while another parent spoke to her last year about not doing it, that parent has no right to tell her not to do it, any more than this mom has the right to do it. I totally agree that she should not exclude only a few girls, but if someone is going to tell her not to do it, it probably has to be the gym. Have you discussed the situation with the gym?

Again, I think it is terrible she excluded your dd, and I am in no way defending her. But I think that if your goal is to make her stop doing this at the gym, the only way is to get the gym involved. Your talking to her next year probably won't help if another parent talked to her last year and she still did it.

 

[Gymnastmama]

I personally don't think that the making the goodie bags is a sign of a CGM. Lots of moms at dd's gym do something similar, like make a hair accessory to match the comp leo and pass it out to all the team girls, or something similar. I've always thought it was thoughtful. But they include everyone, not exclude a few.

My question would be, how does this mom know who made it to States? Not all meets show up on mymeetscores.com. Did she ask the gym and did they tell her? I think that if they did, then their telling her is giving their approval, even if they did not ask her to do it.

I also think that while another parent spoke to her last year about not doing it, that parent has no right to tell her not to do it, any more than this mom has the right to do it. I totally agree that she should not exclude only a few girls, but if someone is going to tell her not to do it, it probably has to be the gym. Have you discussed the situation with the gym?

Again, I think it is terrible she excluded your dd, and I am in no way defending her. But I think that if your goal is to make her stop doing this at the gym, the only way is to get the gym involved. Your talking to her next year probably won't help if another parent talked to her last year and she still did it.

I definitely don't think her making the goodie bags is what makes her a CGM, it is all the other stuff she does that makes her this way (example her speaking negatively about other gymnasts). I do agree that making little things like hair ties to match comp leos are incredibly thoughtful but only when they are handed out to everyone.
I believe she asked her daughter who has and hasn't qualified for state and that is how she finds out, or our scores are always posted online for everyone to see. But either way it is very easy to tell who has and hasn't qualified on our team without asking the coach.
The parent who talked to the mom actually also talked to the gym staff about it but I have no idea if they told her to stop or not. Either way knowing her, I doubt this parent would listen. I guess it is what it is but I just can't help to think about how insensitive it is to leave out only a couple of girls who already feel bad enough as it is for not qualifying. I may not have a right to tell her to stop but I am going to still suggest it next year and try to pitch in money just to make sure everyone gets one.

 

[Gymmommy71]

I'd probably complain to the gym. Especially if other mothers said something to her and the gym last year. If the gym didn't tell her to stop last year at least now they hear about it again and maybe will reconsider their stance, and if they did tell her to stop and she didn't listen they know that too.

 

[gymgam]

She is not a mean mom, wow it was a small bag with 2 or 3 things in it and it did not happen ths way you are telling people it did. I understand your frustration but my daughter goes to the same as yours and this parent did not hand out bags in front of everyone. This mom goes above and beyond for these girls. She asked the team parents to help with the bags so you knew this was happening before she did it. If you had a problem with it why didnt you say so something to her then? She is not a CGM and her daughter is the sweetest chile in the gym. Im really not trying to cause an issue but you need to be careful about fabricating a story when other people who are at your gym on this same site.

 

[dancingimmie]

She is not a mean mom, wow it was a small bag with 2 or 3 things in it and it did not happen ths way you are telling people it did. I understand your frustration but my daughter goes to the same as yours and this parent did not hand out bags in front of everyone. This mom goes above and beyond for these girls. She asked the team parents to help with the bags so you knew this was happening before she did it. If you had a problem with it why didnt you say so something to her then? She is not a CGM and her daughter is the sweetest chile in the gym. Im really not trying to cause an issue but you need to be careful about fabricating a story when other people who are at your gym on this same site.

Oh snap!!!!

 

[Anna's_Mom]

She is not a mean mom, wow it was a small bag with 2 or 3 things in it and it did not happen ths way you are telling people it did. I understand your frustration but my daughter goes to the same as yours and this parent did not hand out bags in front of everyone. This mom goes above and beyond for these girls. She asked the team parents to help with the bags so you knew this was happening before she did it. If you had a problem with it why didnt you say so something to her then? She is not a CGM and her daughter is the sweetest chile in the gym. Im really not trying to cause an issue but you need to be careful about fabricating a story when other people who are at your gym on this same site.

Are you absolutely sure this is the same gym? My guess is that some variation on this is happening all over the country right now.

 

[notthatmom]

Are you absolutely sure this is the same gym? My guess is that some variation on this is happening all over the country right now.

Oooh good point, I didn't think of that. Could be a totally different gym!

 

[CuriousCate]

is it weird to anyone that this is gymgam's first and only post is a reply to this specific post and that he/she just joined yesterday?

IMO, Gymnastmama was just sharing HER take on the story and how much it hurt HER DD. Of course there are many sides to any story and she shared her side and frankly asked if she was overreacting. Never anything wrong with asking for opinions. To try and call someone out like that is really awful and takes away the safe space of this forum. She asked anonymously. It's not like she shared the mom or gym's name.

And, could really be any gym, as noted above. Our gym parents did the same for the upper level girls for states.

 

[GYM0M]

She is not a mean mom, wow it was a small bag with 2 or 3 things in it and it did not happen ths way you are telling people it did. I understand your frustration but my daughter goes to the same as yours and this parent did not hand out bags in front of everyone. This mom goes above and beyond for these girls. She asked the team parents to help with the bags so you knew this was happening before she did it. If you had a problem with it why didnt you say so something to her then? She is not a CGM and her daughter is the sweetest chile in the gym. Im really not trying to cause an issue but you need to be careful about fabricating a story when other people who are at your gym on this same site.

Ok, let's assume that this was your gym.....if it was just a small gesture for state qualifiers that only excluded ONE child, maybe you can help us understand the rationale bc in my opinion, there's not one & it should have been very apparent that this would pour salt into this CHILD's disappointment, and I'm not one that feels that accomplishments should be masked to spare feelings; however, rubbing it in is just tacky.
Furthermore, my perception of your post, it's tone, is rather defensive and accusatory.

 

[wandrewsjr]

Ok, let's assume that this was your gym.....if it was just a small gesture for state qualifiers that only excluded ONE child, maybe you can help us understand the rationale bc in my opinion, there's not one & it should have been very apparent that this would pour salt into this CHILD's disappointment, and I'm not one that feels that accomplishments should be masked to spare feelings; however, rubbing it in is just tacky.
Furthermore, my perception of your post, it's tone, is rather defensive and accusatory.

The OP also said this mom was "speaking negatively about all the other gymnasts". If I found out someone was saying that about me or one of my friends, and I thought it wasn't true, I'd probably be defensive and accusatory, too. I am assuming this person has just been a lurker up to this point, but when she recognized that someone was saying negative things about her gym's team parent, finally felt compelled to join and comment.

 

[Gymmommy71]

She is not a mean mom, wow it was a small bag with 2 or 3 things in it and it did not happen ths way you are telling people it did. I understand your frustration but my daughter goes to the same as yours and this parent did not hand out bags in front of everyone. This mom goes above and beyond for these girls. She asked the team parents to help with the bags so you knew this was happening before she did it. If you had a problem with it why didnt you say so something to her then? She is not a CGM and her daughter is the sweetest chile in the gym. Im really not trying to cause an issue but you need to be careful about fabricating a story when other people who are at your gym on this same site.

Assuming it is the same gym, this post makes me side w/ the OP even more.

10 years of kids in competitive activities have taught me that there is a very fine line between a mom that "goes above and beyond for the kids" and a CGM. Same thing holds for a kid who is veiwed as "the sweetest child in the gym" and being a mean girl behind the scenes.

If this mom was not asked to do this by the gym, and is just taking it upon herself to do it, she is overinvolved - especially if she's reaching out to other moms for help like she's in some type of leadership role. She can buy her own daughter whatever she wants for qualifying for state, but it is not her place to reward, or not reward, other people's children.

The OP and her kid were upset over what she did - so were kids and parents last season. She needs to stop doing this stuff and let the gym do its job.

 

[CuriousCate]

The OP also said this mom was "speaking negatively about all the other gymnasts". If I found out someone was saying that about me or one of my friends, and I thought it wasn't true, I'd probably be defensive and accusatory, too. I am assuming this person has just been a lurker up to this point, but when she recognized that someone was saying negative things about her gym's team parent, finally felt compelled to join and comment.

Even if I thought what OP posted wasn't true and I was certain we were at the same gym, it would still give me pause to learn that her DD, one of my DD's teammates, was saddened by these actions. If I felt strongly that what OP wrote was an outright lie, I'd probably just proceed with caution around her IRL.

 

[GymDad9.9]

What an awkward situation here. Somebody's practice is gonna be weird and uncomfortable.

 

[kayjaybe]

Assuming it is the same gym, this post makes me side w/ the OP even more.

10 years of kids in competitive activities have taught me that there is a very fine line between a mom that "goes above and beyond for the kids" and a CGM. Same thing holds for a kid who is veiwed as "the sweetest child in the gym" and being a mean girl behind the scenes.

If this mom was not asked to do this by the gym, and is just taking it upon herself to do it, she is overinvolved - especially if she's reaching out to other moms for help like she's in some type of leadership role. She can buy her own daughter whatever she wants for qualifying for state, but it is not her place to reward, or not reward, other people's children.

The OP and her kid were upset over what she did - so were kids and parents last season. She needs to stop doing this stuff and let the gym do its job.

This. My dd decided to make hair ties for the girls in her level before states. It wasn't for qualifying for states. She made them for all the girls in her level, whether they were going to states or not. And it was HER idea, not mine. (I was actually annoyed because we had to run out and buy the stuff, LOL).

Kids that are struggling and not placing or qualifying for things do not need yet another reminder that they have fallen short again. It is hard enough to be the kid sitting there when everyone else got a medal (or multiple medals) or got the special thing from states or regionals. Having a parent do something on top of it is just completely unnecessary ESPECIALLY when it singles out 1-2 girls in a negative way.

Anyone that doesn't understand this....I just don't know how more clear it could be.

ETA - and this is not a "every kid should get a trophy" thing. I'm actually against that. These kids already GOT their reward - going to states and getting that recognition. Having a parent do something extra for them in front of others is just rubbing salt in an already open wound.

 

[gymbeam]

is it weird to anyone that this is gymgam's first and only post is a reply to this specific post and that he/she just joined.

Could be a long time member who opened a new account just to anonymously reply to this thread.

 

[Gymnastmama]

She is not a mean mom, wow it was a small bag with 2 or 3 things in it and it did not happen ths way you are telling people it did. I understand your frustration but my daughter goes to the same as yours and this parent did not hand out bags in front of everyone. This mom goes above and beyond for these girls. She asked the team parents to help with the bags so you knew this was happening before she did it. If you had a problem with it why didnt you say so something to her then? She is not a CGM and her daughter is the sweetest chile in the gym. Im really not trying to cause an issue but you need to be careful about fabricating a story when other people who are at your gym on this same site.

Sorry you must be talking about a different gym because the state bags were definitely handed out in front of everyone for my daughter to see. Also at my gym no other parents were notified of going in on these gifts at all, well at least not to my knowledge anyway. No one asked me or my husband if I wanted to get in on it otherwise I would have said something. Sorry to cause problems in this post it certainly wasn't my intention here.

 

[txgymfan]

You did not cause problems. The other poster may be dealing with a similar situation and mistakenly thought you were at the same gym.

I think what the mom did was uncalled for and inappropriate.

 

[Flyaway]

You did not cause problems. The other poster may be dealing with a similar situation and mistakenly thought you were at the same gym.

I think what the mom did was uncalled for and inappropriate.

Agreed. If anything your post brought to light how these sorts of things can make the kids feel. As was demonstrated, this happens at more gyms than just yours. We all should be mindful of this.

 

[NutterButter]

This has actually happened at our gym before. There's no need to be insensitive. With anyone, but especially children.

 

[EGPtriumph]

First - I'm over the excessive goodie bags, so I think the fact that she did them at all is just ridiculous. Why do kids need a goodie bag for every occasion?

Second - totally insensitive to handle it this way. The girls not going to states are already dealing with that disappointment. No need to rub it in. If she really wanted to give them out, I agree it should have been done at states.

Amen! Stop with the goodie bags already! The biggest reward is the feeling of making it to state.