Parents Anyone else REALLY want their DD to quit?

[l.c.o]

Yes!!! The severity of this varies day to day, though. These feelings directly correlate to either how much DD is struggling (mentally OR physically) or where we are in the meet fee/new leo cycle.

And now DS is gearing up for his first season. What in the world was I thinking?! May the stars help me.

In all seriousness, while some days are rougher than others, it sure beats "normal" as far as they're concerned. And I'll support them 100% as long as they're reaping rewards from the program.

And I've found that some of the stress over making it to practice on time and doing all of the things (etc) does get better over time.

 

[l.c.o]

It's more than the gymnastics. Here's a link to a post in this forum, it had a good article posted here a couple of weeks or so ago:
http://www.chalkbucket.com/forums/threads/great-article-i-read-recently.54104/

As others have said, the commitment does increase as time goes on. More practices to schedule around, more travel as meets get further away. Plus add in team camps or other gymnastics camps.

To be honest and real, it can be a total pain. Sometimes I really wish for a more "normal" or more "traditional" family life. But then I see all of the life lessons they're learning, and witness the camaraderie at practice, and it I think it makes it worth it.

And with athletic kids, if it wasn't gymnastics, it would just be hockey and baseball and soccer and dance, and... and...

Most of the ball sports end up just as intense if you look at select teams, etc.

 

[cbifoja]

It's back and forth for me too. I hate not having a normal life. I want to cook dinner and eat together at the table. I want to relax in the evenings and grade papers or prepare lessons. I want to go to the beach for fall and spring break. I want to buy a new car with out a hundred thousand miles on it. I want a new iPhone.

I get tired having to work two jobs and be at the gym so much. I get tired of being positive as she fights through month 10 of a twisting block. I get tired of always feeling like her group is shoved to the background every time her coach needs to do something else.

I've tried to talk DD into quitting. We've talked about how her nights wouldn't be so stressful. She would have more time for socializing and homework. I remind her that she can walk away proud of what she has accomplished. She could try new activities, etc.

But I do love meet season! I like watching her compete and spending meet weekends with her. I'm so proud of the person she is and I know that she was shaped by this sport. And I know how proud she is of herself. She likes being strong and considers herself special for being a gymnast. So I don't see this ending any time soon despite my wishes sometimes that it would.

 

[roll123]

I hope this is DD's last year. Of course we will let that be her choice. I'd like to see her doing school
Sports with her classmates, and being home for dinners and weekends. And a lot less gym drama would be nice in general. Of course she had her first two meets this year and did fantastic so we will see what happens.

 

[roll123]

It's back and forth for me too. I hate not having a normal life. I want to cook dinner and eat together at the table. I want to relax in the evenings and grade papers or prepare lessons. I want to go to the beach for fall and spring break. I want to buy a new car with out a hundred thousand miles on it. I want a new iPhone.

I get tired having to work two jobs and be at the gym so much. I get tired of being positive as she fights through month 10 of a twisting block. I get tired of always feeling like her group is shoved to the background every time her coach needs to do something else.

I've tried to talk DD into quitting. We've talked about how her nights wouldn't be so stressful. She would have more time for socializing and homework. I remind her that she can walk away proud of what she has accomplished. She could try new activities, etc.

But I do love meet season! I like watching her compete and spending meet weekends with her. I'm so proud of the person she is and I know that she was shaped by this sport. And I know how proud she is of herself. She likes being strong and considers herself special for being a gymnast. So I don't see this ending any time soon despite my wishes sometimes that it would.

Well said!!!!!

 

[Canadian_gym_mom]

I have been reading through this thread and i think its great that us parents have a place like this to come and vent our frustrations and talk about our inner "how I really feel" issues.

That being said, to answer the question....

Would I love to have the money we spend on everything gymnastics related? For the amount we pay, we could afford 2 new cars with payments plus a family vacation twice a year. Plus all the home upgrades we need/want?

Would I love to not have to do the daily driving, carpools, that put that much more wear and tear on our 14 year old car?

Would I love to not worry about growth plates, ligaments, tendons, fractures, overuse injuries, taping, braces, X-rays, ultrasounds, laser treatments, physio appointments, doctors, therapists, and psychologists?

Would I like to not continue with a dd in this sport whose competition "career" thus far has been:
3 years ago competing a total of 3 meets due to injuries, but that included Eastern Canadian Championships and placing well representing Ontario at her level;

2 years ago competing 1 meet due to injuries, competing bars only and a gym change;

last year competing 1 meet due to injuries and not making required score to move on.

Would I? Maybe.

But we all know money truly can't buy happiness. And the more money you have, the more you spend on something....

And we all know people that have children with a variety of physical and mental afflictions that have to deal with the things I listed and much, much, worse. So I am grateful for a strong healthy child that just needs support in her sport.

We also know kids that never seem to get injured, others who compete and win at everything they enter, and still others that are somewhere in between.

********

But I will be forever grateful for everything this wonderful, crazy sport has taught not only my dd, but me, and our whole family.

We have learned to be frugal. We have learned about budgeting, saving, patience as we wait to save for something, and thankful for the things we have to wait for. Our dd has learned to be humbled and thankful in her way, knowing that we do have money, we just choose to spend it on her sport. We have learned the meaning of sacrifice, giving up our wants to provide for her. It has been hardest on our son, but he too plays competitive sports and thank goodness they are far less $$$!

We have learned organization, time management, teamwork, commitment and compassion. As a family. We have learned to ask for help from others (mostly in the carpool department), and have learned that we can also be there for others.

We have also learned that this sport is so much more than competition and medals. Even the injuries and the comebacks from the setbacks have been a measure of success and sense of pride for dd.

It has made my dd who she is. And continues to help her as she enters the crucial early teen years of her life.

She has gone to a sports centred school since grade 4, now in grade 7, so has truly been in an atmosphere of committed athletes in every sport imaginable. When we see her former schoolmates and other "regular school kids" the differences are unmistakeable, mostly in the level of maturity.

Others have mentioned all the lessons, other than gymnastics, that gymnastics teaches our kids. But for our family, it is really all the other things that have come out of supporting a gymnast that also make it "worth it" to helping dd continue this journey as far as she wants it to take her.

 

[SHELOVESGYM]

DD is 8.

Yes, I did know (for the most part) what team entailed before signing on. But I had no idea how stressful it would be. At all. For me and for her. I had no idea that we would have to plan our vacations around her not missing gym. I also had no idea that she would struggle so much during each meet and that we would both be so disappointed in her performance after each one (of course I don't let her know that I too am disappointed).

 

[Canadian_gym_mom]

DD is 8.

I also had no idea that she would struggle so much during each meet and that we would both be so disappointed in her performance after each one (of course I don't let her know that I too am disappointed).

First, why would you ever be disappointed in her performance unless it was poor sportsmanship? Second, yes, she knew you were disappointed.

 

[gymgal]

Yes, I did know (for the most part) what team entailed before signing on. But I had no idea how stressful it would be. At all. For me and for her. I had no idea that we would have to plan our vacations around her not missing gym. I also had no idea that she would struggle so much during each meet and that we would both be so disappointed in her performance after each one (of course I don't let her know that I too am disappointed).

dd is a level 10 and I can honestly say that I have never had thoughts where I wish she would quit. At the same time, if she ever wanted to quit, I would fully support her. But in terms of me - I have seen how much dd has learned through being in the gym, being around good, stable friends and adults, learning how to organize her time, and overcoming her fears and frustrations when struggling to accomplish her skills. This is worth so much more than all the money and time we have spent on gymnastics. I am however eagerly anticipating her getting her license so she can drive herself and reduce my commute time.

to the OP - If you are already questioning this, it is time to pull her now. Doesn't matter that she is in love with the sport. If you are feeling this way at Level 3, it will only get worse as she goes up in hours, expenses, skills (frustration/disappointment). There are so many sports out there now. Even xcel in gymnastics would be good for her, if it is available in your area. Get her into something that is more conducive for your family. It is not fair to her to allow her to continue and then pull the rug in a few years when she is fully devoted to the sport but when you have reached the end of your rope. I mean this with all sincerity. I have a son who plays golf. Thankfully he started at an age when we could leave him alone at the course b/c if I had to walk that course with him daily watching him chase after a little white ball, I would have gone insane! I just could not have done it and he would not have been in that sport long.

 

[wgymmom]

Yes, I have had times where I have wished my DD didn't love it so much, because gymnastics was causing ME distress for various reasons. I knew to quit would completely devastate her, though. There's no way in the world I would actually do that to her.

On the good side, I feel like she's already learned some good life lessons from gymnastics. And I am definitely happier with her spending a lot of time at the gym instead of watching TV and playing on the computer.

 

[NutterButter]

You talk about stress and the pressure of it. And being disappointed in how she is doing and having to schedule family activities around gym. I'm having a hard time reconciling this with the fact that she is L3. How many hours a week does she train? Are you at a powerhouse gym with high expectations for attendance and/or moving up? I'm wondering if some of your stress is coming from the program that you are part of? Is it a problem if your DD misses a week for vacation?

 

[wgymmom]

I should also say that the intense schedule of gymnastics in and of itself will keep her busy during some potentially difficult growing and maturing times. A kid in the gym for 20 hours a week doesn't really have time for getting into mischief, if you KWIM.

 

[Anna's_Mom]

You talk about stress and the pressure of it. And being disappointed in how she is doing and having to schedule family activities around gym. I'm having a hard time reconciling this with the fact that she is L3. How many hours a week does she train? Are you at a powerhouse gym with high expectations for attendance and/or moving up? I'm wondering if some of your stress is coming from the program that you are part of? Is it a problem if your DD misses a week for vacation?

I'm not the OP but this is the same that we experienced from the first moment in L3. Rules on attendance means that family vacations (not that we can afford them) can only be scheduled when the gym is closed -- which are only holidays when you don't want to travel away from home anyway. This week my daughter is missing performing in two school concerts because she isn't allowed to miss practice -- so she will take the equivalent of zeros on two tests. Its only 10 hours a week but it is over 5 days, so that completely rules our weekly schedule. With rigid move-up requirements each meet is super-stressful until she makes the necessary score. This year we are down to sectionals and she still hasn't made her move-up score and if she doesn't do that this week she also won't be allowed to compete at states or move up. And the "can't schedule anything all weekend until you know the timing" for meets is the worst -- essentially meaning that all of the family schedule is hostage to that email that tells us whether we can do other things or not that weekend. Two years at L3, looking like 2 years at L4.

Do I want her to quit? Yes, in fact, I do. It's running our family, she is unhappy after practice more often than not, and the financial sacrifice is tremendous. There is added stress for us because she is older (12), so she needs to get to optionals before high school if she wants to compete there. We chose this gym when she was 5 because they were rec only -- no team. Then they started a team 3 years ago with everyone starting at L3, and of course she wanted to do it and we said yes. For us, the solution is going to be to move to a different gym that offers Xcel after this season. More flexibility, lower cost, and maybe she can explore some other talents that might serve her better in the future since you can't be a gymnast forever -- her gym career will almost certainly end after high school at the latest.

 

[Momof2]

I have had the same thoughts but we have friends who's kids are in different sports and they are at the fields all week practicing and games all the time on weekends.

I also know if they were not at gym they would be in front of the TV. We are at the gym 4 days a week and yes it can make for long days but I don't think it's that bad for us. Luckily our gym is more affordable then most, otherwise they would not be in gym at all.

 

[gymmomtotwo]

Not when I see how restless and bored she is on days when she is off. Not when I see the awesome friends she has made. Not when teachers compliment her focus on the task at hand at school when other kids at school struggle with behavior issues. Not when I watch the last 15 minutes of a 4 1/2 hour practice and she is still jumping up and down between turns.
Not when I hear stories of 8 year olds with phones bullying each other on social media while my Dd is learning perseverence and hard work. Not when you have a bunch of giggling 8 -11 year olds getting ready for the meet by spraying sparkles in each others hair. These are awesome memories for her and for me. But, I didn't get married young and DH and I did a lot of traveling before we had kids cause we struggled to have them. I am totally up for whatever they want to do. It is all about them for the next 8 years and then we will have all the time in the world to do what we want to do again.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

I would double like this if I could ^^^^^

 

[Momof2]

I also find it interesting that some have stated they have to work there vacations around the gym. Our gym must be more relaxed because we just took a week off and missed a meet because of it. It's not the end of the world to miss a week or a meet.

 

[mommyof1]

I don't really want my daughter to quit, but I do often think, "What on earth have I done?" She loves gymnastics more than anything, it makes her strong and fit, and it is teaching her some valuable life lessons. It's also very important to me to be able to provide her with the chance to pursue her passion, an opportunity I didn't have as a child. But it has been a long, hard slog just to get her to L3. I have made enormous sacrifices in terms of my career and sanity. I can't stand seeing her cry because she feels like the worst gymnast on the team. I worry because she doesn't have time for me to tutor her at home to get ahead academically, the way the other parents do. I have no idea what we are going to do when summer daytime practices conflict with important summer academic opportunities. And I constantly wonder whether she will make it to L4.

 

[Committed]

Well, I can say that with time, comes perspective. Now, I can't say I'm 100% there, but I feel way less stressed about gymnastics than I used to be.
I find it way more calming to talk to a parent of an upper level optional than a L3 or L4 parent. There is so much angst and stress and so many unknowns at the compulsory levels.

No, you don't HAVE to go to every meet - you will just miss out on the $$ you paid for it. You don't HAVE to go to every practice, just know whether it is 'forgiven' or if your child has to do a private or 2 to make up for it.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

First normal is just a setting on the dryer.

We are lucky, our gym doesn't train very high hours. Daughter is currently doing 3 days a week.
Nor do we have to do every meet.

Also I don't crazy if we miss the occasional practice. Really sometimes a birthday party for a special friend or relative or a school event is more important. We don't skip practice regularly or take it lightly but I don't go crazy if we miss some during the year.

If she wasn't doing this it would be something else. I would rather be at a climate controlled gym on a weekend rather then a damp cold soccer or baseball field for 3-5 games on a weekend.

My kid likes her screen bit too much and she is mostly an only, with an older brother. So if not this it would other things. When ever she gripes, I just ask well what else would you rather do. Gymnastics it is.