Approach Coach when upset or not? Difficult situation for me.

[step15]

Hi. I'm new to competitive gymnastics and my daughter has never competed but has been training to do so now for 8 months. The recreational gym where she has attended since 4 years old hired a former Olympic coach last year. He coached in Romania of the 70's and 80's era, helped coach Nadia for the Olympics, so everyone is in awe of him. But of course, he is getting up there in age. His personality is of a tough-guy and he is hard-core when he coaches but my daughter is fine with all that. He has much respect from the other coaches (recreational) in the gym. So basically, the program is being built and 99% of the girls in it have been pulled from the recreational kids that were already in the gym before he came.

At first, everything was great, heavy progress was being made. We were all-in, excited, all smiles. But now (based on my observations) , I'm beginning to have doubts and sometimes I become upset. I think some other parents may feel the same way but hard to know for sure. Here are the issues that bother me: A girl from another gym came to our gym a couple of months ago and she has competition experience (level 4) and is really good. I'm fine with that. I'm not a jealous person. What bothers me is that the coach now spends most of the time on her. I feel like I and many of the other parents are paying for her private lesson. I'm not exaggerating on this. Even when he spots girls on the bars, sometimes his eyes will be on her across the way. That looks dangerous to me actually. This has been witnessed over several practices, not just one. On Beam, the 1-on-1 attention may be 80% her, 20% everyone else. On bars, she always gets more turns.

Now my gut-feeling tells me that it is not THIS new girl per se being the next Nadia. It is WHOEVER is the best that is going to get all his attention. So if a new girl comes to the gym who is at a higher level already, then she will get all his attention. I think he knows he is getting old and he has a dream of taking another girl all the way to the Olympics, so whoever is best, whoever is closest to doing that, he is pulled to spend the most time on them, whatever he can get away with. I have noticed that parents who do not stay and watch, he pretty much ignores their girls. Parents that are watching, he tries to just do enough with them to fulfill his duty/obligation.

So this is my #1 concern, I'm paying a lot of money for the coach to train someone else's daughter in group session. All I want is a an equal share of time. Here is my next conern. This coach has told me "your daughter is very good" and "can go very far", things like that. Now that I look back, I have to wonder if he has not told every parent this sort of stuff. I wonder if it is all manipulation/lies and my heart tells me it may be, but I'm not 100%. This coach has also gone back on his word a couple of times with us. He says one thing and then later says something entirely different. That upsets me.

Thoughts from experienced coaches or parents? Am I over-reacting perhaps and this will all level out in time? Or do I have valid concerns? Is this normal coach behavior in competitive gymnastics? Do I dare approach the coach?

 

[bogwoppit]

Frankly there is no fixing the coach. Question is do you have other options?

You are not over reacting. This is not normal, safe or correct coach behaviour. It doesn't matter whether your DD "could go very far" or not. She won't go anywhere if she isn't being coached, unless she learns by osmosis.

 

[wallinbl]

Our coaches are always aware of what the other girls in their rotation are doing and it's not uncommon for them to provide feedback to a girl other than the one they're directly with. It's never really struck me as unsafe.

Our coaches do sometimes give some girls more "turns" on something, but it usually has to do with which girls are focusing and working versus which girls are just screwing around. Right or not, working hard gets you more at our gym.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

time to start looking elsewhere. and nadia had only 3 coaches. a husband (bela) and a wife (marta) after the 1 "old guy" that's in new york that handed nadia off to them at the Romanian ministry of sports direction. so if you're not in new york it's not him.

 

[step15]

Thanks for the responses. It helps me evaluate this situation better when hearing from those with competitive gymnastics experience. I'm a complete newbie. Do we have other options? Of course we do and we may pursue those eventually. We are just starting out in this sport. But this particular gym is so very convenient for us, close to our house. We have always liked it during our recreational years. BTW, don't want to sound all negative. This coach is a likeable guy in a special kind of way and you can tell that gymnastics is his entire life! Obviously, his name is not Bella and no, I'm not in NY. I'm in Ohio but I have no reason to doubt that he coached Nadia. I did my homework via Google searches and his name comes up on Romanian Gymnastics sites connected with her. I believe he was one of Nadia's coaches between 1977 and 1981, probably with others. He had everything on his resume when our gym hired him. He coached a few Olympic gymnasts from Romania if I recall. He has also coached at quite a few places in the US. He even owned his own gym in the late 90s in Buffalo, NY. So he has definitely been around for a long-long time. He is probably 69 or 70 years old but still strong. To me, this is all great, exciting to hear, but as the phrase goes, "what have you done for me lately". And the way he is coaching now I'm watching closely and feel my money is being wasted. I would rather have a coach that spends some time on my child and gives solid advice, not a coach that spends most of the time on the best child. Even if my child was best, I wouldn't want him spending all his time on her when there are 10 other girls out there vying for some attention. And my daughter is a hard worker and the type that does whatever she is told, very obedient. So it is not that she doesn't work hard. I don't understand it but as I said originally, I'm probably not the only parent to feel this way. Any parent that stays at the gym to watch has to see this.

 

[BlairBob]

Bring the point up with the owner.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Thanks for the responses. It helps me evaluate this situation better when hearing from those with competitive gymnastics experience. I'm a complete newbie. Do we have other options? Of course we do and we may pursue those eventually. We are just starting out in this sport. But this particular gym is so very convenient for us, close to our house. We have always liked it during our recreational years. BTW, don't want to sound all negative. This coach is a likeable guy in a special kind of way and you can tell that gymnastics is his entire life! Obviously, his name is not Bella and no, I'm not in NY. I'm in Ohio but I have no reason to doubt that he coached Nadia. I did my homework via Google searches and his name comes up on Romanian Gymnastics sites connected with her. I believe he was one of Nadia's coaches between 1977 and 1981, probably with others. He had everything on his resume when our gym hired him. He coached a few Olympic gymnasts from Romania if I recall. He has also coached at quite a few places in the US. He even owned his own gym in the late 90s in Buffalo, NY. So he has definitely been around for a long-long time. He is probably 69 or 70 years old but still strong. To me, this is all great, exciting to hear, but as the phrase goes, "what have you done for me lately". And the way he is coaching now I'm watching closely and feel my money is being wasted. I would rather have a coach that spends some time on my child and gives solid advice, not a coach that spends most of the time on the best child. Even if my child was best, I wouldn't want him spending all his time on her when there are 10 other girls out there vying for some attention. And my daughter is a hard worker and the type that does whatever she is told, very obedient. So it is not that she doesn't work hard. I don't understand it but as I said originally, I'm probably not the only parent to feel this way. Any parent that stays at the gym to watch has to see this.

the coach i'm thinking of did own a gym in buffalo. he must've moved down by you. and if it's one in the same, he is very good regardless of his age. he was still spotting in his 60's. take your concern to the owner and see what they have to say.

 

[bookworm]

This is all for Level 4? I'm kind of surprised that a coach of the calibre you describe would be coaching Level 4...are there other coaches in the gym that are helping out the rest and you might just be noticing him going to certain girls? I guess I would look at the gym as a whole...see how their upper levels (8-10) are coached, who does it, and how do they do in competition and see if it's worth sticking it out....

 

[gym law mom]

This is all for Level 4? I'm kind of surprised that a coach of the calibre you describe would be coaching Level 4...are there other coaches in the gym that are helping out the rest and you might just be noticing him going to certain girls? I guess I would look at the gym as a whole...see how their upper levels (8-10) are coached, who does it, and how do they do in competition and see if it's worth sticking it out....

Bookworm, I was thinking the same thing. This coach obviously has lots of experience coaching high level gymnasts so it seems odd he would be working with L4s or does he coach all levels? If this is a new team program then that might make sense. You might wantr to talk with the owner and voice your concerns.

 

[step15]

Remember, the girls in this gym have never competed ever, except for the one girl that just joined us from another gym. The program is brand new. The coach somehow met the owner and they decided to take a rag-tag bunch of girls from the rec program and start a team. The girls are of various ages and skills divided up in to groups that train on different days. Also the gym is old, crowded, and lacking equipment. It does seem odd doesn't it? Why would a coach like this come to this gym? But like I said, this coach is getting way up there in age, but that doesn't stop him. He seems strong still. His life is gymnastics. I can tell that much and maybe this is his last stand? He is old-school and likes to run the show, so maybe big/well known gyms don't want him because of that. I really don't know.

I think probably why he spends so much time on the one girl is because she already knows how to do some things. Considering his past experience, he probably gets bored with the other girls. As I watch, I can tell he gets frustrated lots of times with girls that aren't progressing as fast. But I know my girls are working hard and want to learn and it hurts when I see him not give them their due time.

I still haven't contacted the owner because I don't believe the owner would dare say anything to this coach and I don't want to come across as a whiner. This coach is basically a partner with the owner now, I believe. I'll give it more time and try not to over-react and in the meantime, my girls will continue to work hard. If they do that and we hang in there, I believe we will be blessed eventually.

BTW, this coach is it. He does it all by himself, although they are talking of bringing in a helper coach this summer, one of his former students in Romania. It is exciting at the same time it is frustrating.

Bookworm, I was thinking the same thing. This coach obviously has lots of experience coaching high level gymnasts so it seems odd he would be working with L4s or does he coach all levels? If this is a new team program then that might make sense. You might want to talk with the owner and voice your concerns.