Parents Article on why parent's shouldn't watch practice

[wallinbl]

It's mentioned in the comments that the article is geared towards parents of elite players under professional coaches. That comment should probably be placed more prominently in the article, as it changes my opinion on the content. For recreational players, they likely want their parents watching, and their practices are often short enough that it's not practical for the parent to go anywhere. For those training at a high level, they're practicing so much that it's silly for a parent to hang out and watch.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

One thing , ands its a major one, is the strong overwhelming presence of fear in gymnastics and the anxiety that accompanies it. This is a largely misunderstood factor that is often enhanced by parental pressure or presence. And just one of many reasons why we try to eliminate the potential of an episode. Many parents here will confirm that once the "fear train" is in motion it's difficult to stop . So doing everything you can to prevent it is important. That is where we are coming from. And of course all the other issues as well that are associated are reasons as well. Bottom line what we do is for the kids and that is it.

 

[Seeker]

I hate when my parents watch practice. Sure, I am a teen, but I find them distracting. The gym is one of the times I can be myself-and I'm not the same with my parents around. I'm more outgoing and friendly while I am at the gym.

Huge difference once kids are teenagers and it totally makes sense why you'd feel like that...many of the parents here have kids under 10. My dd is 11 and still likes me to arrive a few mins early so I can watch a bit. Watching 15 mins of a 4 hour practice seems reasonable and not too helicopter-ish.

 

[Mrs. Puma]

I LOVE watching her! With my crazy life, I don't get to as much as I'd like, but I do when I can. At this point she very much wants me there, but I know that can change. So I'm enjoying it when I can.

 

[Dka]

as a paid coach( not gym) and trainer, I see parents not only watch practice but get caught up cheering on their daughter during every one on one drill etc. it is distracting for not only the child, but the other players. They get upset when their daughters mess up or get beat. I never watch my dd practices, I may get to pick up a few minutes early here or there but that's it! when I do get there early she looks for me immediately, so I try and get there as close to pick up as possible. I think drop and run is the way to go. Games are a different story- parents should go and cheer on the team!!

 

[sce]

as a paid coach( not gym) and trainer, I see parents not only watch practice but get caught up cheering on their daughter during every one on one drill etc. it is distracting for not only the child, but the other players. They get upset when their daughters mess up or get beat. I never watch my dd practices, I may get to pick up a few minutes early here or there but that's it! when I do get there early she looks for me immediately, so I try and get there as close to pick up as possible. I think drop and run is the way to go. Games are a different story- parents should go and cheer on the team!!

I think this is a good example of the fact that there are different parents too. I watch my kids activities, not all the time and to different degrees. But I don't get caught up in every moment. They like when I see their victories. I also miss a lot as I'm chatting with other parents or nearby but not watching.

 

[sce]

I wasn't able to watch DD's practice when she was younger because gym had a strict policy against parents staying to watch, etc. DD was four and on team training 16 hrs and I couldn't watch. I felt like a terrible mom then. But DD was happy, so I figured things were okay. She did mature so much because she had to do for herself at such a young age.
DD just recently told me that she likes me to be there in the gym especially when she gets a new skill. I don't like going in too much because I am always thinking what coaches would think if I were there too long. So I ussually come in 30 or so mins befor the end of practice. I must admit, it is very comforting to have the okay to pop in if I want to.

4 and 16 hours, really?!? I am definitely different than you. I would not be leaving my 4yo alone at an activity. But my 4yo would not be putting in those hours either.

 

[billise]

I've NEVER heard of a 4 year old doing 16 hours. I was thinking the same as sce!

 

[Iwannabemargo]

only thing my 4 year old did for 16 hours at a time was nap !

 

[Scotsgirl]

No parents allowed at my dds gym , drop and go , we go to all competitions of course

 

[needcoffee]

We're not allowed to watch practices. There's literally no room to, very small gym. I do find it a bit sad though, as we only have about 3 comps per year, in July/August/September. So I seriously have no idea how she's going for the other 9 months. Sometimes I get there to pick her up 10 minutes early just to see what she's doing but by then it's usually just stretching.

 

[Along4theRide]

I generally drop and go these days. And with a multi-family carpool for rides home, I feel like I am hardly ever at the gym. In fact, this last meet was the first time I hadn't seen *any* of her new routines. (<--dd switched to optional routine last month) It was exciting to be surprised!

Over the years, I've steadily scaled back the number of hours I watch practice... Partially due to her increased number if hours (no parent has that much free time!), and partially because I use that time to work part-time from home (to help pay the bills). Now, if I can, I try to go an hour early once every couple of weeks to spy and catch up with other gym parents.

 

[proud-gym-mom]

Growing up my parents never watched a practice and most times didn't stay for competitions eithe, just dropped off and picked up. I never told them that it upset me and they never knew. They were great parents just never involved in sports and I think didn't get it. My sister had issues and was a difficult child so that probably contributed too.

Anyway I think that's one of the reasons that I try to be involved in what my kids do, not just watching practice but taking leadership roles in the parents assoc etc. Right now dd is 10 and loves for me to watch practice. I work full time and travel for work so when I can, I do. The most priceless moments for me are watching her finally get a skill she's been working hard on for months. The look on her face brings me such joy.

I've had to learn to not try to "coach" her and to emotionally step away and make sure this is her thing and doesn't become my thing. That's been one of the hardest parenting things for me as I'm really type A but its a journey! I check in with her periodically now that I'm more self aware and say do you want me to stay and watch, you sure? It's a resounding yes right now. Sometimes she even says "are you going to stay?" I think as she gets closer to being a teenager that will change. I'm going to enjoy this time for now

 

[Avasmom]

It honestly depends on my day if I watch or not. Sometimes I have errands to run and I go and do them but if I want to stay and watch I do. I generally do not stay the entire 2 hours but I have before. I don't distract her and I certainly am not cheering from the waiting room. It's better for me to know if she is giving practice 110%. I expect her to give it her all. I am mostly talking to the other moms, on my phone, or preoccupied. I have made some really great friends at the gym and I look forward to some "mom chat time." My DD went to a dance studio that didn't allow parents and she begged me not to make her go. She would cry and cry on the way to every practice. I never knew why she did that and why she hated dance so much. I wasn't allowed to see her. They asked her to move up to advanced but she cried at the mention of dance. I would have some questions if they didn't allow parents to watch after my experience with dance.

 

[GymmieC]

I've NEVER heard of a 4 year old doing 16 hours. I was thinking the same as sce![/QUOTE
DD started out with the level 4s who went 9 hrs..then before her 4th birthday she started training with the same group who was level 5 before she turned 5yo. It was a lot but I trusted her coaches. She had fun.
No watching Policy was in force way before DD got to gym. I didn't like not watching but what could I do?

 

[billise]

Well, each parent has to do what they feel is in the best interest of their child. My gymmie is extremely focused and has always enjoyed gym but it's hard for me to imagine her enjoying that kind of training at age 4. She would have loved to do some training (I'd say 6-9 hours max.) and then play in the gym for a total of 16 hours a week, but actual training... No way.

We've been at 2 gyms now, one with a huge rec program, moderately competitive compulsories, and a top ranked optional program. The other (that we are at now) is highly competitive at every level and I can't imagine either gym having a 4 year old train that many hours (our youngest level 3's only train 7.5 hours a week with those that are in TOPS adding a few more hours)

Both of the gyms that we've been at allow parents to watch with limitations once they reach a certain level/age.

 

[raenndrops]

One thing , ands its a major one, is the strong overwhelming presence of fear in gymnastics and the anxiety that accompanies it. This is a largely misunderstood factor that is often enhanced by parental pressure or presence. And just one of many reasons why we try to eliminate the potential of an episode. Many parents here will confirm that once the "fear train" is in motion it's difficult to stop . So doing everything you can to prevent it is important. That is where we are coming from. And of course all the other issues as well that are associated are reasons as well. Bottom line what we do is for the kids and that is it.

FOR THE KIDS, I go to practice. I sit in the front row. I watch them practice. When YG is on bars, I am sitting down by the bars. When she moves to beam, I have my "beam spot," and for floor, she has a spot for me too.
She doesn't want to be at practice without me there - if i have a meeting, I let her know where we will be.
When OG is at Open Gym or when she was at her gym, I was always there too.
I keep the girls grounded and focused. I often get asked "did you see that" and I want the answer to be "YES! I saw it!"
They know that I will (AT THEIR REQUEST) use my "judge eyes" and tell them what I see... and it works for us. YG had a personal best beam score and a personal best vault score Saturday.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

FOR THE KIDS, I go to practice. I sit in the front row. I watch them practice. When YG is on bars, I am sitting down by the bars. When she moves to beam, I have my "beam spot," and for floor, she has a spot for me too.
She doesn't want to be at practice without me there - if i have a meeting, I let her know where we will be.
When OG is at Open Gym or when she was at her gym, I was always there too.
I keep the girls grounded and focused. I often get asked "did you see that" and I want the answer to be "YES! I saw it!"
They know that I will (AT THEIR REQUEST) use my "judge eyes" and tell them what I see... and it works for us. YG had a personal best beam score and a personal best vault score Saturday.

I guess if your OG made it to level 10 and college with you coaching her then great and ultra rare. Except I don't know of many coaches who would allow a mother to sit in the front row and use "judging eyes"....

 

[COz]

I guess if your OG made it to level 10 and college with you coaching her then great and ultra rare. Except I don't know of many coaches who would allow a mother to sit in the front row and use "judging eyes"....

That's OK, she's not the mother

 

[raenndrops]

I guess if your OG made it to level 10 and college with you coaching her then great and ultra rare. Except I don't know of many coaches who would allow a mother to sit in the front row and use "judging eyes"....

But not all of gymnastics is about making it to L10 or college gymnastics. Gymnastics is something my gymmies DO... it is not who they are.
They are in it to do the best that THEY can do... and if they never get past L7, that is fine with me - if that is what they want.
And our HC has no problem with it. It HELPS the girls and the team!
I support them to the extent they want me to... in everything that they do.