Parents At a meet, would it bother you

[momnipotent]

Thanks for the responses everyone. I appreciate the diverse viewpoints. It was not a safety issue and it was done much more roughly than hands on shoulders to guide the athlete because they weren’t paying attention or in the way, all situations I wouldn’t have had a problem with. In retrospect though, I feel my overall low opinion of how this particular coach treats his athletes colored my opinion on this situation and in looking at this incident by itself instead of as a pattern of behavior, it would probably not bother me. As I think about it, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought if it had been literally any other coach at the meet. I guess I need to pay more attention to my pre-existing biases.

 

[AWOL]

if a coach from another gym took your child by the arms and physically moved them over for no reason other than that they wanted their athlete to have more space on the runway? Coach did then speak to the child for a second and give a high ten. Full disclosure-not my child, but the whole situation rubbed me the wrong way and I think if it had been my child I might have complained to the meet director. Posting to see if I would have been overreacting.

Yes, IMO, unless your child was using that space for competing or practicing.
Do you know if the coach talked to the gymnast first and she did not hear them and someone was in danger of being hurt.

 

[bookworm]

Reading all this, I have to agree with Meet director..you're overreacting. You say yourself that the other coach moved the child so his "would have more space on the run way"....well I guess to me it's a safety issue as the moved child wasn't supposed to BE on the runway to begin with...so he moved the child in the way to be out of the way, period.

And I don't think this action by the coach strays into the improper touching hint that I saw in a post. Yes your child gets to say who touches their body but moving a kid out of harm's way is different.

And as a former meet director myself, I can't see that this is something that warranted a complaint as I would have seen it as a safety issue and probably have referred you back to your club coach.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

And I don't think this action by the coach strays into the improper touching hint that I saw in a post.

Unless its a safety issue, if someone touches you without permission. Its an improper touch.

It doesn't have to be sexual to be improper, if that is the "straying" that you would be leaping to.

I had an instructor in a class. Was a touchy guy. Constantly in everyone's space. Constantly touching. Kept touching my shoulders as we were working on equipment. I had serious road rash from a biking accident. Which he wouldn't know because it wasn't a topless class. Repeatedly told him to knock it off. He couldn't understand why I kept telling him to stop. I had to report him and threaten to clock him. It wasn't sexual. It was improper.

 

[bookworm]

Unless its a safety issue, if someone touches you without permission. Its an improper touch.

It doesn't have to be sexual to be improper, if that is the "straying" that you would be leaping to.

Well I said the coach was moving the kid out of harm's way, so a safety issue.

 

[momnipotent]

Reading all this, I have to agree with Meet director..you're overreacting. You say yourself that the other coach moved the child so his "would have more space on the run way"....well I guess to me it's a safety issue as the moved child wasn't supposed to BE on the runway to begin with...so he moved the child in the way to be out of the way, period.

And I don't think this action by the coach strays into the improper touching hint that I saw in a post. Yes your child gets to say who touches their body but moving a kid out of harm's way is different.

And as a former meet director myself, I can't see that this is something that warranted a complaint as I would have seen it as a safety issue and probably have referred you back to your club coach.

So, while I have agreed that taking this incident by itself without further context would be overreacting, I feel the need to clarify. I don’t know how it works in artistic, but in our area for T and T, all of the kids line up on the end of the double mini runway for their turn. The child who got grabbed and moved was 2nd in line to go and had allowed more than enough space for the athlete in front of him. The coach turned around, grabbed him so quickly I don’t think he could have possibly asked him to move, and moved him (much more roughly than necessary IMO) off of the runway. It was NOT a safety issue. There was another athlete right behind him waiting his turn as well. It was not only a totally appropriate place to be standing, it was the EXPECTED place for him to be standing, which is part of why I was bothered by it. If you know your athlete needs a little more space behind them for their turn, you have plenty of time to communicate this to the other kids/coaches ahead of time. It should not have happened, but I do agree that reporting it to the meet director would have been an overreaction. Thank goodness it wasn’t my kid and I didn’t have to make the call.

 

[bookworm]

Well my apologies as I interpreted it as someone was getting ready to run down the runway, and the moved gymnast was close to the runway and could have possibly strayed into the path of the gymnast , causing a collision. I admittedly have never seen a T and T meet so I didn't realize that the competitors lined up on the runway, in queue, for their turn...and I suppose certain athletes would want their "space" but apparently that needs to be communicated ahead of time.

I'm still trying to figure out the why of this whole situation...it just seems odd to be grabbing kids randomly to the point that folks in the crowd are ready to report the guy..

 

[Deleted member 18037]

are ready to report the guy..

Talk to the guy.

As in please don’t touch kids you don’t know.

 

[cadybearsmommy]

I was at a meet recently where one team's kids were doing their warmups in the open warmup period. They looked to be doing what they were supposed to do, not taking up too much room, and staying on task. Their coach looked to be talking to someone from the host gym about something and one of the older kids was leading warmups. Another coach, who I previously have noticed to NOT be someone I'd personally want working with my kids, apparently decided that he wanted the space that these kids were in for HIS team. He came over and told the original group to all move and directed them to an area where they were honestly quite cramped. He did not talk to that team's coach before doing this. He then took over the now open area for his team's warmups. I'll be honest, it totally rubbed me wrong and reaffirmed to me that I would never want any of my kids with that coach. I didn't actually say anything to anyone official about it, just made my own mental note.

Were we at the same meet? This exact same scenario happened to my dd and her teammates this year. I was shocked. The other team then started doing their full tumbling passes in that space of floor during OPEN stretch time, which I had never seen before. Mind boggling.

OP, I have to say that would bother me. He could have just as easily tapped her on the shoulder and asked for her to move. I probably wouldn't say anything unless it was done in a forceful or aggressive manner (and it doesn't sound like it was.) But yes I would probably be having a bit of a mama bear mental moment after seeing it.

 

[Madden3]

Thanks for the responses everyone. I appreciate the diverse viewpoints. It was not a safety issue and it was done much more roughly than hands on shoulders to guide the athlete because they weren’t paying attention or in the way, all situations I wouldn’t have had a problem with. In retrospect though, I feel my overall low opinion of how this particular coach treats his athletes colored my opinion on this situation and in looking at this incident by itself instead of as a pattern of behavior, it would probably not bother me. As I think about it, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought if it had been literally any other coach at the meet. I guess I need to pay more attention to my pre-existing biases

I am pretty much with Deleted member 18037 on this one. Yes the most likely scenario is that this was no big deal and there is no reason to be concerned. But your instincts based on what you have observed are telling you something is not right. Your instincts do not have all the facts and thus cannot make a firm judgment, but that does not mean they are wrong. It just means they may be wrong. Which means they also may be right. Our instinct often warns us about things our conscious mind dismisses. It is smart to listen to that little "voice" or feeling or impulse IMO. I think the fact this coach was already on your radar as problematic makes this incident more of a concern, not less.

Is this child on your team? Do you know the parent? That is who I would talk to in such a situation, if at all possible. To the child's coach and parent. Certainly the parent.

If you do not know them, then I think your concern is best brought to the attention of your team coach. Even if there is not anything overt that can or should happen at this point, why not alert others so their radar can also be raised?

 

[Annikins]

Yes, if it was done at all roughly and with no warning, I would not be happy. Probably not to the extent of doing anything about it unless it really upset my dd, but I wouldn't like it.

 

[twinmomma]

Talk to the guy.

As in please don’t touch kids you don’t know.

Understand that in our region, in T&T, it is likely that this coach DID know this athlete. Between clinics and meets and how small our region is, most all of the athletes have had interactions with almost all of the coaches. Not excusing it or saying it was right or wrong based on that. Also, things tend to move rather quickly and less...structured, than artistic. There's usually groups of kids waiting on both the DM and tumbling runway and at this meet they were right next to each other.

If there was a concern with what happened, if this isn't your team's coach (I'm gathering it isn't) then I'd tell your team's coach and ask for them to maybe talk to the coach or head coach at that gym.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Understand that in our region, in T&T, it is likely that this coach DID know this athlete. Between clinics and meets and how small our region is, most all of the athletes have had interactions with almost all of the coaches. Not excusing it or saying it was right or wrong based on that. Also, things tend to move rather quickly and less...structured, than artistic. There's usually groups of kids waiting on both the DM and tumbling runway and at this meet they were right next to each other.

If there was a concern with what happened, if this isn't your team's coach (I'm gathering it isn't) then I'd tell your team's coach and ask for them to maybe talk to the coach or head coach at that gym.

I get that the world is a smaller place in different areas and different types of gymnastics.

And if I knew the other coach it wouldn’t be a problem.

But a stranger touching my kid that has no reason to. I wouldn’t be leaving up to the coach to address. Beyond if I could get their attention at the meet to make sure my kid stayed away from the offending coach.

First it would be putting them in the middle.

Next, I’d want to be sure it was handled seriously. I would call the gym during the week and have the conversation myself.

If it’s enough to make me uncomfortable I’m going to handle it myself. And it’s important for me, to make sure my kid knows I have her back.

 

[Madden3]

It was not a safety issue and it was done much more roughly than hands on shoulders to guide the athlete because they weren’t paying attention or in the way, all situations I wouldn’t have had a problem with.

If my son's own coach pushed or "positioned" them roughly for no legitimate reason it would upset me. You see this "unnecessary roughness" from teachers or coaches especially with boys. Sometimes I think it is needed (or at least very helpful) to touch a child gently to get their attention because they are not aware of what is going on, simply do not hear a direction, and the only other choice to get their attention is yelling or waving your hand in front of their eyes. And especially with very young children, taking their hand and leading or gently positioning them with hands on shoulders is sometimes needed (for example they do not know how to line up.) But this need not be rough.

 

[twinmomma]

I get that the world is a smaller place in different areas and different types of gymnastics.

And if I knew the other coach it wouldn’t be a problem.

But a stranger touching my kid that has no reason to. I wouldn’t be leaving up to the coach to address. Beyond if I could get their attention at the meet to make sure my kid stayed away from the offending coach.

First it would be putting them in the middle.

Next, I’d want to be sure it was handled seriously. I would call the gym during the week and have the conversation myself.

If it’s enough to make me uncomfortable I’m going to handle it myself. And it’s important for me, to make sure my kid knows I have her back.

You can have your kids back by reporting it to the coach and having them handle it. I was the meet assistant at a home meet and I was the one who was supposed to handle any angry parents, etc... We had a parent who was belligerent. I handled it but we absolutely had our Meet Director talk to that gym's coach so they could talk to the parent. There are still protocols to be dealt with. We would have to agree to disagree on how to handle it.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

You can have your kids back by reporting it to the coach and having them handle it. I was the meet assistant at a home meet and I was the one who was supposed to handle any angry parents, etc... We had a parent who was belligerent. I handled it but we absolutely had our Meet Director talk to that gym's coach so they could talk to the parent. There are still protocols to be dealt with. We would have to agree to disagree on how to handle it.

I wouldn’t expect the host gym to get in the middle either. What control do they have over the coaches at another gym? None. How can a meet director or assistant even address what they didn’t see? They can’t. They would placate me as a parent. “Gee Mrs Jones we are so sorry we’ll handle it.” Nope I don’t think so.

Again, that’s why I’d be having a conversation directly with the gym/coach that was the problem. No need to get crazy or be a further distraction at the meet. A personal phone conversation during the week after the meet between the parties actually involved.