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- Mar 25, 2012
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I try where I can to do what I can.
I've been tried to post 4 different times and got a server error each time. I'm working on a fix as I type this piece up, so I'm going to break posts down to smaller chunks until I know the problem is solved.
I know there are times when you want something for your child, in this case a spot on the team, but for no apparent reason the person handing out golden tickets to the team has passed over your child. In other words there's a selection process that the staff uses to decide who gets a spot and who doesn't.
The forces at play in the selection process may, or may not, be an indication of your child's likelihood for an enjoyable journey down team lane, as not every club will have the resources to include every child capable of a safe and meaningful journey. I know it's no consolation to know that the gym facility can only hold so much equipment and the gymnastics community has only so many qualified coaches to work with the kids, and even though most gym operators would love to put every capable kid onto the team, they can't.......as there's sometimes a limit to what you can do.
I've been tried to post 4 different times and got a server error each time. I'm working on a fix as I type this piece up, so I'm going to break posts down to smaller chunks until I know the problem is solved.
I know there are times when you want something for your child, in this case a spot on the team, but for no apparent reason the person handing out golden tickets to the team has passed over your child. In other words there's a selection process that the staff uses to decide who gets a spot and who doesn't.
The forces at play in the selection process may, or may not, be an indication of your child's likelihood for an enjoyable journey down team lane, as not every club will have the resources to include every child capable of a safe and meaningful journey. I know it's no consolation to know that the gym facility can only hold so much equipment and the gymnastics community has only so many qualified coaches to work with the kids, and even though most gym operators would love to put every capable kid onto the team, they can't.......as there's sometimes a limit to what you can do.
- Mar 25, 2012
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In the event your child has wanted to be on team for a period of time beyond the occasional whim, and has shown up to classes and worked with a spot on the team in mind.....I think it's very reasonable to ask the program director to set up a time to review the selection process and answer very legitimate questions about your child's potential to make the team when the next cycle comes around, whatever their cycle time frame happens to be.
If they tell you that they had too many kids to take them all in, it's reasonable to ask if they feel your dd is likely to get a spot the next time around.....or to get their opinion on your dd's overall ability to participate with a reasonable expectation to safely work at team level expectations. I hate to contradict some of the parents who say every child deserves to participate, because many times they fail to include the word safely in that claim, and to me the word safely encompasses physical injuries that limit future explorations in other activities, as I sometimes hear parents say their child can't go out for (pick a sport) because of an injury received during sports participation.
The next step in the process is up to you and your child. If you got a clear indication that the team program was bursting at the seams and just couldn't take in more kids, and that your dd was otherwise qualified, you have a couple of options to consider. You could shop around for another gym with room for one more beginning team kid, or you could decide with your child to remain and take every reasonable step to become the most prepared hopeful the next time kids move into the team program.
One thing I'd like to add is that I think enforcing a limit on the number of kids in a team group is an emotionally difficult, yet responsible part of being a program director or head coach. You may not appreciate it at the moment, but you will if your child makes it on to some other team that's packed with too many kids with too little equipment or not enough "coach power" to mentor and monitor the team as you'd hoped.
If they tell you that they had too many kids to take them all in, it's reasonable to ask if they feel your dd is likely to get a spot the next time around.....or to get their opinion on your dd's overall ability to participate with a reasonable expectation to safely work at team level expectations. I hate to contradict some of the parents who say every child deserves to participate, because many times they fail to include the word safely in that claim, and to me the word safely encompasses physical injuries that limit future explorations in other activities, as I sometimes hear parents say their child can't go out for (pick a sport) because of an injury received during sports participation.
The next step in the process is up to you and your child. If you got a clear indication that the team program was bursting at the seams and just couldn't take in more kids, and that your dd was otherwise qualified, you have a couple of options to consider. You could shop around for another gym with room for one more beginning team kid, or you could decide with your child to remain and take every reasonable step to become the most prepared hopeful the next time kids move into the team program.
One thing I'd like to add is that I think enforcing a limit on the number of kids in a team group is an emotionally difficult, yet responsible part of being a program director or head coach. You may not appreciate it at the moment, but you will if your child makes it on to some other team that's packed with too many kids with too little equipment or not enough "coach power" to mentor and monitor the team as you'd hoped.
- Mar 25, 2012
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I have a few tips I'll offer to those who are heading in the team direction the next time I'm able to post to the thread.
- Mar 25, 2012
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Some of you reading this have figure rightly that coaches want the kids on their teams to have a minimum of certain qualities, and are right to assume more is better and too much is better still. Here's a sample of my list of what I hope to see, that I would use to choose 10 kids out of a pool that exceeded that number.....assuming all were roughly doing the same skills at the beginning of the selection process.
strength to weight ratio
flexibity and potential to increase flexibility
over all posture including hip and shoulder posture
learning curve seen in recent months
work and citizenship ethic
ability to respond co-operatively to instructions
shows effort to make immediate changes when given a specific correction
responds to challenges with positive energy
strength to weight ratio
flexibity and potential to increase flexibility
over all posture including hip and shoulder posture
learning curve seen in recent months
work and citizenship ethic
ability to respond co-operatively to instructions
shows effort to make immediate changes when given a specific correction
responds to challenges with positive energy
- Mar 25, 2012
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Take whatever you can embrace from this list and help your child work on and understand the relevence of each one. I place more significance on a child's personality, work ethic, and citizenship than you would think, because those qualities will help a child take better advantage of their physical tools.
If you're inclined to work with your child on these traits, please don't jump the gun and get started with-out her. The notion of being on the team can be discussed along the lines of "what do you think about the stuff those team kids are doing". Trust the response you get from your child, and support them while they lead the way.
Geez cbone, did you have any idea there was this much to it when you were first getting dragged along?
One last observation.....some coaches can be pretty off the hook with energy in training kids, and some can be pretty mellow. If your child comes home all amped up because the coach lit a fire under her.....let her burn at her own rate. Here's the thing......I've yet to see a kid enjoy the sport with-out having a little of that fire, at least at times.
If you're inclined to work with your child on these traits, please don't jump the gun and get started with-out her. The notion of being on the team can be discussed along the lines of "what do you think about the stuff those team kids are doing". Trust the response you get from your child, and support them while they lead the way.
Geez cbone, did you have any idea there was this much to it when you were first getting dragged along?
One last observation.....some coaches can be pretty off the hook with energy in training kids, and some can be pretty mellow. If your child comes home all amped up because the coach lit a fire under her.....let her burn at her own rate. Here's the thing......I've yet to see a kid enjoy the sport with-out having a little of that fire, at least at times.
- Mar 25, 2012
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Unexpressed dreams.........who doesn't have them????
In my own life there have been dreams that came true to some extent, and others I'm still waiting on. Most of those dreams have been shared with those closest to me, while a few weren't shared past the initial "come on" chatter. I can remember three such dreams that went into the silent mode, and what's strikes me odd as I look back, those three dreams became a reality to a great extent......
I felt I had to stop sharing those dreams because the people I shared them with expressed such doubts that I adopted a "plan B" strategy of forging ahead anyway, but with no further mention of the "Big Dream". I feel that having succeeded was less the result of extraordinary effort, than good old fashioned dumb luck.
I think I chose those dreams because in those three instances it seemed that I was able to succeed more quickly and easily than other people around me, and upon realizing that I was pretty good at something that set me "apart from the rest", that was interesting, challenging, and stimulating, I'd react by jumping in with both feet.
Usually this would result in my "circle" telling me I was over doing things, that it didn't take that much, and to set aside time for yourself (now there's a contradiction). Those comments, expressed as caring concerns did nothing more than increase my resolve and further repress my willingness to defend my dream, I suppose because I was worried about having to deflect too much negative energy to give it my emotional audience.
I think each of those "dream quests" would have been easier, more fun, and more rewarding if the small steps taken along the way could have been shared, and I tried more than a few times to share them. The result....instead of enjoying a wow that's great moment, I'd have to politely absorb a gentle "don't get your hopes up" delivered after the "well that's pretty good.
I'll add more to this later.....
In my own life there have been dreams that came true to some extent, and others I'm still waiting on. Most of those dreams have been shared with those closest to me, while a few weren't shared past the initial "come on" chatter. I can remember three such dreams that went into the silent mode, and what's strikes me odd as I look back, those three dreams became a reality to a great extent......
I felt I had to stop sharing those dreams because the people I shared them with expressed such doubts that I adopted a "plan B" strategy of forging ahead anyway, but with no further mention of the "Big Dream". I feel that having succeeded was less the result of extraordinary effort, than good old fashioned dumb luck.
I think I chose those dreams because in those three instances it seemed that I was able to succeed more quickly and easily than other people around me, and upon realizing that I was pretty good at something that set me "apart from the rest", that was interesting, challenging, and stimulating, I'd react by jumping in with both feet.
Usually this would result in my "circle" telling me I was over doing things, that it didn't take that much, and to set aside time for yourself (now there's a contradiction). Those comments, expressed as caring concerns did nothing more than increase my resolve and further repress my willingness to defend my dream, I suppose because I was worried about having to deflect too much negative energy to give it my emotional audience.
I think each of those "dream quests" would have been easier, more fun, and more rewarding if the small steps taken along the way could have been shared, and I tried more than a few times to share them. The result....instead of enjoying a wow that's great moment, I'd have to politely absorb a gentle "don't get your hopes up" delivered after the "well that's pretty good.
I'll add more to this later.....
- Feb 2, 2012
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- Thread starter
- #29
I just had a "Wow!" moment reading that. My first ever post on CB was "Managing expectations with a young gymnast". The post was about not getting my daughter's hopes up when shooting too high.
I just realized that we, as parents, are often so busy trying to protect our children from the pain and disappointment of failure that we fail to support dreaming big. My daughter has recently expressed some Olympic aspirations. I immediately shot it down mentally (though not verbally, thank goodness). Instead of doing that, I think the trick is to acknowledge each little step as a step closer to a big goal. Something like, "You got your kip today? That's awesome! Every Olympian needs to have their kip!"
Even failures can be framed in the context of the big goal. "You seemed bummed that you fell on bars at the meet today. I bet every girl who has earned a scholarship had a day like this. I wonder how they reacted."
Instead of limiting their goals by our perception, we can support them and let them modify their own goals. "You don't think you can make the Olympics? What do you think you want to do? A scholarship to a D1 school? That sounds like a great goal!"
It bums me out to think about well-intentioned people deflating goals to "protect" a loved one. It seems like the very act of caring in the wrong way makes goals become unexpressed. Rather than finding a way to help the goal become expressed, we need to change how we support our gymnast to prevent a culture that makes them want to keep the goal to themselves in the first place.
Or am I all wrong?
I just realized that we, as parents, are often so busy trying to protect our children from the pain and disappointment of failure that we fail to support dreaming big. My daughter has recently expressed some Olympic aspirations. I immediately shot it down mentally (though not verbally, thank goodness). Instead of doing that, I think the trick is to acknowledge each little step as a step closer to a big goal. Something like, "You got your kip today? That's awesome! Every Olympian needs to have their kip!"
Even failures can be framed in the context of the big goal. "You seemed bummed that you fell on bars at the meet today. I bet every girl who has earned a scholarship had a day like this. I wonder how they reacted."
Instead of limiting their goals by our perception, we can support them and let them modify their own goals. "You don't think you can make the Olympics? What do you think you want to do? A scholarship to a D1 school? That sounds like a great goal!"
It bums me out to think about well-intentioned people deflating goals to "protect" a loved one. It seems like the very act of caring in the wrong way makes goals become unexpressed. Rather than finding a way to help the goal become expressed, we need to change how we support our gymnast to prevent a culture that makes them want to keep the goal to themselves in the first place.
Or am I all wrong?
- Aug 17, 2011
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Story of my life!
I want to be a gymnast- well it's so hard, and there's no money in sport, and only one or two make it, and no-one from the UK has ever succeeded at the olympics, no one can beat the Russians (back in the 80's)....
I want to be a vet/dr/lawyer- well yes, but there's hundreds of kids applying, and you need all A's, it's very difficult, you'll need to work really hard...
I want to work in sport, be a sports scientist, coach, choreograph, anything- Yes but there's no money in it, and you're bright enough for university, you'd be wasted when you could have a career, earn good money...
All appalling advice in hindsight, as I gave up my dreams, went to uni, and ended up in a field which although very academic and people think I'm clever, must be interesting etc, pays less money than a gym coach
So when my DD expresses a desire to do anything, be it go to the olympics, be an artist, whatever, I never say never, or "yes but". We dream a little, she knows "her" Olympics is 2020, and she'll need to work hard. We set small goals, she knows her weakness is flexibility, and for her gymnastics olympic goal to come true she needs to work on it. Instead of the "don't get your hopes up" speech, we talk about what gymnastics will give her to help her achieve different goals- she'll be strong and quick, able to learn- We point out all the gymnasts that have made olympics in diving, cycling, swimming, pole vault, gymnastics could just be the path to something else. Even if she ends up doing something completely unrelated to sport, the work ethic, just knowing how her body works and how to look after it, and sport can always be a social thing if she moves to a new city, or job...
It's a little why I'm not too keen on the "elite path" route we have here. I have a just turned 8 year old, been on team for less than a year, who is a solid US level 6 apart from a RO BHS BT (they've not started learning it yet), who is pretty much already ruled out of elite gymnastics....
I think everything we endeavor to do in life should be met with what I call "approach from the positive not the negative." What you mention above is the view from the negative = immediately pointing out the ways in which whatever you are trying to attain might not happen. I reject that approach to life 100%!!
That being said, a healthy dose of realism is important too. If someone sticks to the "I want to go to the Olympics" dream but there really is no shot it will happen, they miss forming goals that would have been attainable, along with the gratifying and fulfilling process of working hard and fortifying a plan that got them to the sucees that they could achieve.
The trick is not "settling" for the lesser goal. So, whether "dreaming too big" or "dreaming too small" realism is needed. It is what helps create the "right dream" and success.
My question is what role/responsibility does the coach have in forming that goal and even in committing to helping a child achieve it?? I think this is where parents and coaches (and the gymmie) might feel the disconnect.
- Mar 25, 2012
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Sometimes I wonder if not being being "allowed" to pursue these dreams had any impact. I did, after all pretty much make them come true, well sorta, so what's the big deal? I think the "well sorta" says a lot about the positive impact of knowing the people who care about you believe in, and want to invest themselves in your dreams, either by validating them or providing material support.
I'll give you an example from one of my dreams that went from the "I think I can" stage, to "I did" back when I was involved in another youth sport. The "I did" has to be qualified in this case because my parents weren't able to appreciate how accomplished I was, nor the potential I felt. They just didn't position themselves properly in "the conversation" whenever I'd talk about dreams and goals. They'd react in these conversation as if it was foolhardy to hope to be as good as I felt I could be, and as a result I felt prohibited from asking for things that required them to take on the financial burden needed to help it happen.
I had begun this sport about two years prior, and risen quickly to the top in the "region" for athletes under the age of 20. I was pretty happy at that point just to be doing it as it was, until one day my coach asked if I wanted to go to the under 20 National championships, geez...do ya think! I was on board so fast that if I'd been running I would have dashed through the entire length of the train and cranked up the locomotive and yelled back "all aboard" over my shoulder......
- Mar 25, 2012
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The first step to getting that train out of the station was a meeting with both my parents and the coach. He explained that my work and the competitive results led him to believe that I could go pretty far in the sport, and the approaching national competition held exclusively for athletes under 20 would be a good step forward, as the competition was was being hosted by the "de facto" national training center to bring young athletes from accross the country together, and to conduct a week long training camp after the competition. To top it off....the top three finishers in each category would be sponsored to the camp, everything included, with a per diem provided to allow for seeing the sights or buying souveniers.
My parents thought that was pretty fine and dandy, but they didn't want to set a precedent of sending me about the country just because I "might" be a contender for a top three finish, and although they could afford the airfare to send me it would be a bit of a sacrifice. They decided along with my coach that I could go, if I could produce a certain improved result in an informal competition......kinda like a qualifier.
To make a long story short, I came with-in 1.3% of the goal in a sport that's decided by numbers rather than judges, and although my parents were proud of me for having improved my "score" as much as I did....well you know, "a deals a deal", and I ended up staying home. While they were proud of me, I was crushed, but because of the "moderating" responses I'd gotten in past dream sharing conversations, I couldn't let them see how frustrating and painful it was to end up that close to going.
I think now if I'd felt welcome to share those feelings with them, and pressed the issue a bit, they would have sent me. So I ended up taking a week off to rest up and go have some fun, and pretty much moved on and continued to train. A month later the results for the national competition were published in a magazine devoted exclusively to that sport, and of course I had to look up the results, and in that moment I realized my dream of placing in the top three, and knowing I was one of the best in the country had come true....well sorta.
So let them dream, because they can, and if they don't make it, trust that they'll feel proud for trying.
My parents thought that was pretty fine and dandy, but they didn't want to set a precedent of sending me about the country just because I "might" be a contender for a top three finish, and although they could afford the airfare to send me it would be a bit of a sacrifice. They decided along with my coach that I could go, if I could produce a certain improved result in an informal competition......kinda like a qualifier.
To make a long story short, I came with-in 1.3% of the goal in a sport that's decided by numbers rather than judges, and although my parents were proud of me for having improved my "score" as much as I did....well you know, "a deals a deal", and I ended up staying home. While they were proud of me, I was crushed, but because of the "moderating" responses I'd gotten in past dream sharing conversations, I couldn't let them see how frustrating and painful it was to end up that close to going.
I think now if I'd felt welcome to share those feelings with them, and pressed the issue a bit, they would have sent me. So I ended up taking a week off to rest up and go have some fun, and pretty much moved on and continued to train. A month later the results for the national competition were published in a magazine devoted exclusively to that sport, and of course I had to look up the results, and in that moment I realized my dream of placing in the top three, and knowing I was one of the best in the country had come true....well sorta.
So let them dream, because they can, and if they don't make it, trust that they'll feel proud for trying.
- Mar 25, 2012
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I was hoping to draw some conclusions the last two posts this evening, but that'll have to wait until some time soon.
- Mar 25, 2012
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The last two posts are the reason I talk about unexpressed dreams when talking about kids who aren't outwardly doing more than participating. My parents could see that I was enjoying the sport I'd done so well at, by how I'd look forward to training sessions, the amount of work i was putting into it, and the way I'd perk up when ever we talked amout how things were doing.
I was during those chats that I'd feel the energy brim to the surface, and one day while in a perked up chat, I tols one of my parents that I was thinking about making this sport my "one thing", because I wanted to see if I could....mmm, I don't know, like go to the Olympics or be a national champion, and that was when I found out that while dreaming was ok, I shouldn't confuse "daydreams" with dreams that could come true.
So it was ok to entertain myself with day dreams as long as they didn't run wild through the domain of practicle dreams like becoming an architect or engineer, or getting straight A's and winning my next competition.....you know, the reasonable stuff you can pretty much count on. I think the reaction I recieved during that conversation and a few that followed framed the limits of reason for my dreams, at least the ones my parents would support with-out expressing demoralizing concerns for my emotional well being.
My experience with that dream being forced into secrecy led me to suspect that I wasn't the only one with such an experience, as kids will always be and act like kids, and parents will always be and act like parents....maybe. I decided one day as I was talking over "issues" with one of my gymnasts, who seemed so troubled that I just had to ask "is there a bigger reason why you're upset and acting this way".....and that's when she broke down and seemed almost to crumble as I stood by feeling helpless.
Knowing that I'd struck such a nerve to get this extreme response, I had an overwhelming sense that this kid had a lot more in the "dream bag" than your average gymnast, and certainly a lot more than she'd shared. I also had a "been there done that" revelation, and in that moment started asking some questions, the first was "has this got anything to do with anybody but you"......"no".......the next was prefaced with a hint of what was coming next. I told her that when people get so upset about something that's all about themselves, "it usually means their dissappointed about something....not someone, and since your behavior is happening at the gym, I'm thinking it's about this past season"...."Sorta " she replied.
So at this point I know this is not about team mates or coaches, but it is about her...and something to do with gymnastics and the past season. My "been there done that" intuition told me it was time to ask the big question, which started sorta like, "ya know, I'm wondering if your'e upset like this because you have a secret, ya know, like the kind that's....well, not like about something bad but like something you don't want to be made fun of for".......So the kid's nodding more than a bobble head doll suffering through cross-town rush hour traffic. I continued along this way......Ya know I think I get that way too, because there's stuff I want to do that people just don't get, so I don't talk about them....is that pretty much what's bugging you. She says yes, and had gone from crumble mode to kinda perky, and got more perky with every instant as she hesitated to add more to the answer. I helped her out a bit when, seemingly from out of the blue, I told her it's ok to dream big, but it get's a little harder when you keep it a secret, and asked, "so what's your big secret"......and was it ever a big one.
So even though this kids big dream didn't come true, as seems to be the way with big dreams, she felt so much more in control of everything else around...and about her. It seemed as if being allowed to hear herself describing the dream as she told me, and later her parents, gave her a sense of freedom to be who or what she felt she was...or could be.
Thinking about it, I think it frames the sentiment of "I can try to have anything I want" and nobody is going to make me waste my time or energy while I try to get there.....geez, I may even get some help. I think the dark side of that coin is that we all feel it's our sacred right to improve ourselves in the pursuit of the big dream, and being forced to keep it a secret is like taking that right away.
The real damage is done when we as people, or our children as emerging adults, learn a lesson that ends with the conclusion that things you work for that are precious, can be witheld or taken away upon somebody's whim. What's amazing is it takes more than a few of these "beat downs" to cause a person to throw in the towel, but there comes a point, in my opinion, as each person's limit for cumulative beat downs approaches, that their ability to invest in even small dreams begins to diminish, and can continue to the point of a total collapse...and that's my definition of burn-out....the result of being taught that giving a **** just doesn't pay.
So how do you keep, or re-establish communication........it's pretty simple, just let your kid "drive the car" with as little instruction possible, be invisible and hit the brakes only when they're headed for the cliff.
I was during those chats that I'd feel the energy brim to the surface, and one day while in a perked up chat, I tols one of my parents that I was thinking about making this sport my "one thing", because I wanted to see if I could....mmm, I don't know, like go to the Olympics or be a national champion, and that was when I found out that while dreaming was ok, I shouldn't confuse "daydreams" with dreams that could come true.
So it was ok to entertain myself with day dreams as long as they didn't run wild through the domain of practicle dreams like becoming an architect or engineer, or getting straight A's and winning my next competition.....you know, the reasonable stuff you can pretty much count on. I think the reaction I recieved during that conversation and a few that followed framed the limits of reason for my dreams, at least the ones my parents would support with-out expressing demoralizing concerns for my emotional well being.
My experience with that dream being forced into secrecy led me to suspect that I wasn't the only one with such an experience, as kids will always be and act like kids, and parents will always be and act like parents....maybe. I decided one day as I was talking over "issues" with one of my gymnasts, who seemed so troubled that I just had to ask "is there a bigger reason why you're upset and acting this way".....and that's when she broke down and seemed almost to crumble as I stood by feeling helpless.
Knowing that I'd struck such a nerve to get this extreme response, I had an overwhelming sense that this kid had a lot more in the "dream bag" than your average gymnast, and certainly a lot more than she'd shared. I also had a "been there done that" revelation, and in that moment started asking some questions, the first was "has this got anything to do with anybody but you"......"no".......the next was prefaced with a hint of what was coming next. I told her that when people get so upset about something that's all about themselves, "it usually means their dissappointed about something....not someone, and since your behavior is happening at the gym, I'm thinking it's about this past season"...."Sorta " she replied.
So at this point I know this is not about team mates or coaches, but it is about her...and something to do with gymnastics and the past season. My "been there done that" intuition told me it was time to ask the big question, which started sorta like, "ya know, I'm wondering if your'e upset like this because you have a secret, ya know, like the kind that's....well, not like about something bad but like something you don't want to be made fun of for".......So the kid's nodding more than a bobble head doll suffering through cross-town rush hour traffic. I continued along this way......Ya know I think I get that way too, because there's stuff I want to do that people just don't get, so I don't talk about them....is that pretty much what's bugging you. She says yes, and had gone from crumble mode to kinda perky, and got more perky with every instant as she hesitated to add more to the answer. I helped her out a bit when, seemingly from out of the blue, I told her it's ok to dream big, but it get's a little harder when you keep it a secret, and asked, "so what's your big secret"......and was it ever a big one.
So even though this kids big dream didn't come true, as seems to be the way with big dreams, she felt so much more in control of everything else around...and about her. It seemed as if being allowed to hear herself describing the dream as she told me, and later her parents, gave her a sense of freedom to be who or what she felt she was...or could be.
Thinking about it, I think it frames the sentiment of "I can try to have anything I want" and nobody is going to make me waste my time or energy while I try to get there.....geez, I may even get some help. I think the dark side of that coin is that we all feel it's our sacred right to improve ourselves in the pursuit of the big dream, and being forced to keep it a secret is like taking that right away.
The real damage is done when we as people, or our children as emerging adults, learn a lesson that ends with the conclusion that things you work for that are precious, can be witheld or taken away upon somebody's whim. What's amazing is it takes more than a few of these "beat downs" to cause a person to throw in the towel, but there comes a point, in my opinion, as each person's limit for cumulative beat downs approaches, that their ability to invest in even small dreams begins to diminish, and can continue to the point of a total collapse...and that's my definition of burn-out....the result of being taught that giving a **** just doesn't pay.
So how do you keep, or re-establish communication........it's pretty simple, just let your kid "drive the car" with as little instruction possible, be invisible and hit the brakes only when they're headed for the cliff.
- Jul 14, 2010
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You've just about described my life story. I wanted to be a musician but got told by my parents that was 'pipe dreams', I had to get a real job - I became a computer programmer, which met with their approval as it was in demand and paid well. I kept at it (IT in various roles) for 25 years, finally burnt out last year.
- Mar 25, 2012
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Thanks for the "straight line" bog.....you just set me up perfectly to be able to punctuate so much that I've written in the past several posts covering the topic of secret dreams.
Following your passion will always "pay off" in some way or another. Either you'll be fortunate enough to find passion in a "worthwhile" pursuit, such as lawyers, doctors, engineers, and the other "normals" do....OR....the joys derived from pursuing your passion makes you a more worthwhile individual better enabled to enjoy life and enrich those around you.
The bottom line is dreams are what makes our world go around......both collectively as in humanity, and individually as in you and me. In a very real way, I feel they aren't just dreams, but are instead.....the fuel of life.
Dream on.......
- Mar 25, 2012
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There's one last element to cbone's 3rd question, and I'll be happy to offer my opinions and experiences in the next few days. I'm wondering if cb folks want to jump in with comments at this point, as my original goal was to keep other's opinions out of my head so I could clearly give cbone what he asked for....a coach's unblemished opinion on his questions.
I feel I've been able to do that, and can keep focused the rest of the way.....no matter what opinions or comments are posted. So feel free to turn this into a normal chalkbucket manifestation of the freedom of speech.
That is, if nobody objects.
I feel I've been able to do that, and can keep focused the rest of the way.....no matter what opinions or comments are posted. So feel free to turn this into a normal chalkbucket manifestation of the freedom of speech.
That is, if nobody objects.
- Mar 25, 2012
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It's just my opinion, and I have to admit that I don't always follow my own advice or pay attention to my opinions, so read all of this with that grain of salt.
I may have written in a post or two that some coaches need to evolve. I say that because too often we overlook the constructive energy in front of us by setting too rigid a path for the kids. That doesn't mean the kids can ignore their coaches, but rather that we coaches should not ignore the fact that many of the kids we work with can contribute in planning what comes next.....and apply themselve with greater enthusiasm and energy because of it. So as a coach, I feel the kids get the most out of the sport when they're allowed to invest a little of themselves into their training.
Looking at the other side of the adult coin, the process is very similar. If your child seems interested in something that takes a little bit of luck, a little bit of skill, and a lot of hard work, what can you do to support it? My feeling is you have to decide very quickly if you want to follow in your childs footsteps, and not the other way around. You can always do a little steering, nudging, and tugging from behind, and best of all you can keep an eye on where your child is heading. If they want to take what you feel is too big a bite, tell them you can help them by making sure they always have enough to go as fast as they want....but with smaller bites.....if you can appreciate the analogy.
I'm intriqued that you (cbone) phrased the question in a way that involves all of the players in a way that recognizes their potential to make a contribution, because that's exactly the way it should be.....in an ideal situation. So what's "ideal"? ....and can "ideal" exist in reality? I'm going to go out on a limb and desribe in approximate terms the qualities I feel moves each of the three, closest to ideal.
The kids......Well, they have to want to do gymnastics of their own accord, rather than having been led to it as a three year old and having it "grow on them" as they grow older. Sure, they can led along at three, and get to the point where they "want it" sometime later, as long as they want it before they go too far.
I'll give you a loose definition of "wanting it".......Being interested in how she can affect her own dreams and goals. Wanting to spend a little extra time outside of the gym on things like flexibility, balance, and posture. Being attentive in the gym to the point they don't notice anything but the coach when getting corrected. Working so hard that parents in the viewing area wonder if she's working off some misdeed.....but are puzzled because there's a slight smile from her when she's done. There are other more subtle things, but the ones I've listed are the major ones that should be present, at least to some degree with-in the parameters of the ideal child contributor.
I'll get to the adults in the next post.....
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