Parents Back to fears and feel like she is at square one:(

[GymBeeMom]

So dd was ready to compete. All 4 events, fears behind her. Her first level 7 meet is in 2 weeks. Then...the LONG Christmas break (the longest one she has had since beginning gymnastics) and she is scared to death, again. No beam routine and no bar routine to speak of. A fearful gymnast who had come so far is back to square one. I feel so bad for her. I told her she can stay a level 6 or face the fears and do 7, she asked to be a 6 1/2. In a fast paced gymnastics world, it seems like these fears could keep her for from her future elite goals. I know her her coaches are frustrated and so is she. Talent doesn't trump fear if this persists.

I am fine with level whatever, I am fine with whatever the future holds for her in this sport, I am not fine with her spending a young lifetime living afraid. May be time to talk to sports psych before it becomes a career ending problem. Anyone had real luck with a gymnast so young (she is 8) dealing with a sports psych or overcoming fear on their own?

She has had been dealing with fear of skills she does easily since June or July...it's been a long several months and I can't help but feel a little discouraged for her.

 

[bogwoppit]

She is 8, slow things down a little and maybe she will find herself again. She has so much time on her side. Maybe take meets out of the equation and start at the beginning again.

Doc Ali is a well renowned sports psychologist, she has a web site full of info.

 

[Canadian_gym_mom]

I have dealt with fears in my 8 year old as well. Time. Patience. Time. Absence of any sort of pressure. This includes even discussing it after practice. The coaches had to put it all on her time as well. I'm not exactly sure how it happened. but eventually hating beam became "beam is my best event" and terrified of bars became "I did my full routine 8 times and I'm not afraid any more." Literally the second day back after the Christmas break.

Her coach told me she left it to my dd. She was doing her routines with a finger spot forever and she said it just took something to click in her little mind.

My point is back to how I started this reply. It will just take time. Good luck to your little one. She will get there.

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

I can completely relate to your post. My DD (13) has been dealing with fear issues for the longest time. She did Doc Ali's webcamp over the summer but we have since stopped doing the camp....(financial reasons, it's not cheap!). It has helped her with her confidence.

She still uses alot of the tools that she learned and has come a long way.

She's still trying to overcome her beam fears but we are currently free of fears on bars!!

 

[Deleted member D3987]

She is 8, slow things down a little and maybe she will find herself again. She has so much time on her side. Maybe take meets out of the equation and start at the beginning again.

Doc Ali is a well renowned sports psychologist, she has a web site full of info.

this ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

[GymGirl's Mom]

I hesitated in writing this, but you asked for advice and opinions, so here goes. I am not a sports psychiatrist, but I am a licensed children's therapist and the mother of a similarly aged competitive gymnast daughter. While my daughter is nowhere near your daughter in terms of skills and abilities and expectations, I do think that what your daughter is experiencing is stress related and may be a response to the pressure she feels from all sides of the equation (whether spoken or unspoken from any or all of you).

It worries me as a mother and a therapist that gymnastics is being referred to as a "career" for an 8 year old. I understand from reading your posts on here that your daughter is a gymnast at a gym that trains International Elites and has National Team members and she is being trained on a similar path- TOPS, fast skill and level progression, homeschooling for gym, etc. These all are very likely things she says she wants to do, has to do, needs to do, loves to do, in fact I am sure she says this often.

My recommendation is similar to the recommendation of others on this thread. Take a step back, slow down. Express to her how not important her doing this is to you- that it's supposed to be fun, and enjoyable first and foremost, especially at age 8. I am sure this is difficult to do given that (if I remember correctly) she homeschools at the gym.

What would the repercussions be if she took a step back, competed Level 6, waited until the skills came back (they are there, something is getting in her way). I can imagine she is feeling very stressed and a lot of pressure to preform Level 7 and please her coaches, her team, her family, and herself right now and this is her reaction to the stress.

What do you want for her? Is it the end of the world if she slows down off the fast track? Sounds like she is an incredible young gymnast, maybe she is trying to (unconsciously) tell you and her coaches something?

 

[GymBeeMom]

She asked to talk to someone about her fears. I made an appt with a local sports psych because she asked to go. I think it is a good idea because fear has always been a demon for her since she first started gym. She got over the little fears on the little skills but the bigger skills have brought out her bigger fears with longer bouts of stress for her. I hope the sports psych will have information that will help her longterm, not just for the here and now. In the meantime I told her to take a deep breath and have fun at gym. If she's scared, don't do it. I reminded her how far she has come. She then let me know she wasn't interested in a pep talk so I left it alone. I agree time is on her side and I love her coaches patience with her. She seems to have a handle on what she needs and doesn't and isn't afraid to tell me, so the ball is in her court.

 

[GymBeeMom]

Thank you.

I have dealt with fears in my 8 year old as well. Time. Patience. Time. Absence of any sort of pressure. This includes even discussing it after practice. The coaches had to put it all on her time as well. I'm not exactly sure how it happened. but eventually hating beam became "beam is my best event" and terrified of bars became "I did my full routine 8 times and I'm not afraid any more." Literally the second day back after the Christmas break.

Her coach told me she left it to my dd. She was doing her routines with a finger spot forever and she said it just took something to click in her little mind.

My point is back to how I started this reply. It will just take time. Good luck to your little one. She will get there.

 

[GymBeeMom]

She does homeschool with me for the sake of her education and balance in life. She does this so she can do the things in her life that are also an important part of who she is; play with friends, attend church activities and piano practice, and have family time. That being said, her gym does train at all levels and she is focused on her pursuit of her elite hopes. I call it a career because I wouldn't know how else to term the pursuit of this goal. I agree that there is pressure and that she may need to back off. That is something I have talked about with her coaches and they are amazingly supportive. I think when she talks to the sports psych she may be able to come to terms with the fact that slowing down may be a good option for her because she is not open to it coming from me. She is growing up and there is a lot of stuff that goes into that, and as parents we don't always know the right answers. I'm doing my best to help her maneuver all the areas of her life that help her be the person she wants to be and already is.

What do I want fer her? To smile from the place inside that is truly happy. I could care less if she fast tracks in gymnastics but am willing to support that dream (or any other she may have). She has a lot of potential in this sport, but there are plenty of girls that are even more incredible and that is some crazy competition. I hope this ride teaches her that her life is her own and she can control the outcome as needed.

As for the fear, it could be that she is trying to unconciously tell us something or she could just be scared of some really scary skills. Gymnastics fear is quite common, lots of articles written on the subject. I am not qualified to guess what her fears "mean" but I listen and try to help her. That's the best I have to offer.

Thank you for your thoughtful post. It takes a village...

I hesitated in writing this, but you asked for advice and opinions, so here goes. I am not a sports psychiatrist, but I am a licensed children's therapist and the mother of a similarly aged competitive gymnast daughter. While my daughter is nowhere near your daughter in terms of skills and abilities and expectations, I do think that what your daughter is experiencing is stress related and may be a response to the pressure she feels from all sides of the equation (whether spoken or unspoken from any or all of you).

It worries me as a mother and a therapist that gymnastics is being referred to as a "career" for an 8 year old. I understand from reading your posts on here that your daughter is a gymnast at a gym that trains International Elites and has National Team members and she is being trained on a similar path- TOPS, fast skill and level progression, homeschooling for gym, etc. These all are very likely things she says she wants to do, has to do, needs to do, loves to do, in fact I am sure she says this often.

My recommendation is similar to the recommendation of others on this thread. Take a step back, slow down. Express to her how not important her doing this is to you- that it's supposed to be fun, and enjoyable first and foremost, especially at age 8. I am sure this is difficult to do given that (if I remember correctly) she homeschools at the gym.

What would the repercussions be if she took a step back, competed Level 6, waited until the skills came back (they are there, something is getting in her way). I can imagine she is feeling very stressed and a lot of pressure to preform Level 7 and please her coaches, her team, her family, and herself right now and this is her reaction to the stress.

What do you want for her? Is it the end of the world if she slows down off the fast track? Sounds like she is an incredible young gymnast, maybe she is trying to (unconsciously) tell you and her coaches something?

 

[Seeker]

Sometimes issues crop up (in all areas of life) and kids can't really verbalize the "why". They may know on some level, but can't really say what's bothering them. Her fear is likely a combination of issues...stress, anxiety, time off for holiday break, general fears, etc. The sports psych is a great idea...hopefully they can talk through some of the issues and give her some tools and strategies for dealing with them. Adults often have difficulty verbalizing what is bothering them; we just know that we feel "off", but don't always know why. In children, this is even more difficult, so getting professional help is a great thing.

Good luck!

 

[GymBeeMom]

Super amazing HC strikes again. Her response is, "I'm not worried, she's 8." Thats why I believe this kid is in good hands

 

[bogwoppit]

That is what we want to hear. Good sign. The hardest thing as a parent is to let go of the ownership of the fear and allow the child, and coach, to work through things.