WAG Beam cartwheels

[gymmommy123]

DD recently started doing cartwheels on the high beam. She was doing really well with them for a few weeks, but tonight, I actually was around for part of the practice and she was doing these very strange bail-outs, almost a side handstand, and then just flopping over onto the ground. She was clearly very frustrated. She kept looking at me, and so I finally gestured to the low beam, and she went over, and did maybe 5 or 6 really nice ones, when I heard her coach shout, you can do those on the high beam, off the low beam! She trotted back over, did another 20+ horribly failed attempts, and left gym near tears she was so frustrated with herself (and she doesn't cry at gymnastics!) I asked her afterwards what was going on... I knew part of it was just being a tired kid, but she admitted that twice now, she's split the beam in practice and it hurt a lot. She hadn't told me before. She seems to have lost all her confidence, yet clearly is still quite able to do her cartwheels. Is the best way for her to regain confidence to do a lot of them on the low beam or should she be back on the high beam to just get over her fears? She admitted being scared to split the beam again. We have a floor beam at home, so she can practice them at home if that is helpful. She was landing them well on the low beam but not even trying to land them on the high beam tonight. Is this just a normal skill to come and go with the littles at first?

 

[Jen H.]

The first thing I would recommend is staying out of the gym, and to let the coaches do the coaching. You are the Mom, you do the Mom-ing!
It is unfair to your daughter and to her coaches to have you coaching from the sidelines.
Be there with hugs and a snack after practice, let the coaches do their jobs, while she is at gym. Trust the process.

I look at it this way- I *have* to have a tremendous amount of trust with my daughters coaches, she is with them 20 hours a week, and doing things that most humans aren't able to do. They have coached hundreds (thousands collectively) over their years and have years of experience and wisdom banked away. The day that *I* as a mom thinks that I know how to coach better than them is the day I find a new gym and or get my head examined.

 

[gymmommy123]

Well, unfortunately, I can't always stay out of the gym... we live almost an hr away, so there are times I have to stay there. I try to bury my head in a book, kindle, video game, phone, etc., and sit in the car half the time, run errands, etc. It's a new gym for us though, so I'm still learning to *trust* the coaches at this point and am watching sometimes just to make sure that we feel she is SAFE with them. Hopefully you can understand this from a parents' perspective. She floundered about for 10 minutes, in desperation, she kept looking at me. I ignored her for the 10 minutes and finally, simply pointed to the low beam for her to try, less to "coach" and more to try to avoid a total meltdown, which I was afraid was VERY close to happening (exhausted 1st grader, 8 pm at night, 1st day back to school after 2 weeks, and she was getting quite upset)... not exactly sure I'd call that "coaching from the sidelines", LOL. After practice, when she admitted she'd gotten hurt twice at other practices I hadn't been at, by splitting the beam and was now scared, I didn't quite know what to tell her. I told her to go talk to her coach and ask her to spot her or ask her if she could practice on the low beam, but she's young and not very good about approaching the coaches. The coach didn't go over to her at all, or offer any corrections to her, except to tell her to go back to the high beam. I don't think the coach even realized that she was scared, she's the type of kid that hates to admit any fear and usually has none, maybe she just thought she wasn't trying... I really try to leave coaching to the coaches, and try to stay out of it all.

 

[Kiwi]

Talk to her coach about what she has told you, then the coach can come up with a strategy to help her.

 

[sportsmommy]

My dd has been struggling with fear of the cw on beam for about 3 years. Many nights of tears and her wanting to just quit. I made the mistake of talking to her about every night when she was upset, talking with coaches all the time. Just trying to help. I never "coached" her. Mostly i tried to reassure her and encourage her. All i managed to do wAs bring attention to her fear and caused her more stress. She ended up completely shutting down. She became nervous on every event but floor. She is getting better now but i dont say anything about it. We get in the car. I ask if she had fun tonight. Thats about it. My advice is to do nothing. If she is talking about, change the subject. I am sure her coach knows what is going on.

 

[profmom]

She will work through it if you back off and give her time. Encourage her to engage directly with her coaches if she comes to you. This is coming from the mother of a daughter who is at well more than a year and counting of dealing with a persistent fear of a particular acro combo on beam. If she can work through this and figure it out herself, she will gain important resources that will help her in the future as she progresses on beam.

 

[EastCoastGymMom]

I know you were just trying to help your dd, but your child should not be looking to you at practice for advice or assistance. At our gym, if a parent suggested their child go to another piece of equipment or do a different skill than the coach directed the girls to do, then both the parent and child would probably be asked to leave the gym for the night and the parent would likely not be allowed to watch for a while. My advice is to leave during practice (go to the store, library, coffee shop, join a gym, etc...) or sit where your dd cannot see you. You watching and gesturing is probably very distracting for your dd, and she should be looking to the coach (the expert!) for guidance and support. I'm sure the coach knows your dd is having cartwheel issues since s/he saw your dd split the beam and has witnessed all these slow cartwheels on high beam. It's a very common problem!

 

[Gymsanity]

DD recently started doing cartwheels on the high beam. She was doing really well with them for a few weeks, but tonight, I actually was around for part of the practice and she was doing these very strange bail-outs, almost a side handstand, and then just flopping over onto the ground. She was clearly very frustrated. She kept looking at me, and so I finally gestured to the low beam, and she went over, and did maybe 5 or 6 really nice ones, when I heard her coach shout, you can do those on the high beam, off the low beam! She trotted back over, did another 20+ horribly failed attempts, and left gym near tears she was so frustrated with herself (and she doesn't cry at gymnastics!) I asked her afterwards what was going on... I knew part of it was just being a tired kid, but she admitted that twice now, she's split the beam in practice and it hurt a lot. She hadn't told me before. She seems to have lost all her confidence, yet clearly is still quite able to do her cartwheels. Is the best way for her to regain confidence to do a lot of them on the low beam or should she be back on the high beam to just get over her fears? She admitted being scared to split the beam again. We have a floor beam at home, so she can practice them at home if that is helpful. She was landing them well on the low beam but not even trying to land them on the high beam tonight. Is this just a normal skill to come and go with the littles at first?

First let me say sorry for you and your daughters struggles. Unfortunately, in this sport there will be many. The good news is it is the learning how to work through these struggles that will make your daughter a better person who is then more prepared to face what life will ultimately challenge her with. I didn't notice in your post if your daughter made her coach aware of her crashes on beam? If not, please have her do so. Communication is another crucial skill that will serve her well throughout her life. I know how hard it can be as a parent to sit by and watch your child struggle, but if they are good coaches they usually know the best way to work through these issues. Sometimes going back down to a lower beam is the answer, but other times forcing them to put on the 'big girl leo' and working through their fear is the answer. I know at time us coaches can appear calloused, but we usually have a plan and are doing what we feel is in the best interest of your child. My beams are right in front of the parents, and on many occasions I've had a girl crash on beam, and almost before she hits the floor I'll tell her to get back up there and do it again, but right this time. Parents look shocked, but I know she can do it and so does she. I don't want it getting in her head, so it's back on the horse thing. I'll even give a spot if I feel it's necessary, and afterwards it usually ends in hugs and a thank you from them. Most kids tend to be tougher when their parents aren't there, but I understand your dilemma.
If it makes you feel better, I along with my girls HATE CW's! I was hoping they were going to get rid of those stupid things, as I couldn't calculate how many hours have been wasted on them. Almost without fail, my girls get there BW long before they get their CW's! I just don't understand why they don't have the option of doing either of the two at level 4. Good luck, and I know your daughter will work through this.

 

[gymmommy123]

Well, I'll just keep talking with her about how important it is to talk to go to her coach. She never wants to, I think she gets nervous to ask them something or tell them she needs help, and wants to be a "big kid". Not sure if the coach saw her split the beam, I wasn't at those practices, but she'll often just get up without saying anything and keep practicing. If she gets hurt, she's not usually the type to cry or carry on, she'll just say, oh, I'm fine, and hobble back to practice.

I'll do my best to stay out of the gym, I didn't go at all for the last 2 weeks over the holiday break, when I was able to work out driving with my husband, so I didn't have to sit there, but really, I don't know what else to do some nights... I just can't "shop" for 12 hrs a week (well, if I did, we'd have no money left to pay for gymnastics!!) Last night I spent an hr doing homework with my son, 30 minutes walking, 30 minutes driving to hubby's office and back, and 30 minutes at the store... and I still had time to kill, LOL. So unfortunately, I ended up back in the gym at the end, and she happened to be on beam, almost directly in front of me (she's no where near me on any of the other events). I regularly tell her to ignore me, most days she does, I think she was only looking at me because she was so frustrated. Hopefully as she's at the gym longer, she'll start looking to the coach instead. She's still very new there and that trust and bond needs to form.

 

[billise]

Our gym prefers that team parents not stay for practice but if we must stay for logistical reasons they have a room downstairs for us that has a TV, magazines and access to WiFi but has no viewing windows... Parent can't see gymnast, gymnast can't see parent

Thankfully we live 2 miles from our gym so I usually just go back home. I do occasionally pop in to watch but I when I do I position myself where she can't see me. We have a very large and busy facility so it's pretty easy to hide from DD especially if she doesn't know I'm coming

 

[gymmommy123]

Our gym prefers that team parents not stay for practice but if we must stay for logistical reasons they have a room downstairs for us that has a TV, magazines and access to WiFi but has no viewing windows... Parent can't see gymnast, gymnast can't see parent

How nice is that! Lucky you! I'd be in heaven if anything my kids did was 2 miles away... even school is a 35 minute drive for us!!

 

[billise]

It wasn't joining this forum that I realized how blessed I was to be so close to a wonderful gym!

By the way, I feel your pain in that I too have a 1st grader working on CW on beam. They are so young and small. Even though she is a very well behaved child and I trust her coaches immensely, it still feels strange to me to just drop her off 3 hours at a time 3 days a week

 

[LizzieLac]

Here is the list of DD's skills that caused her (and me) anxiety. The wondering will this skill ever come...

Kip
Bars flyaway dismount
BWO on beam
full turn on beam
back tack on floor
front tuck on floor

Rest assured, nothing I did or said helped her get these skills!! She is now struggling with BHS on beam. No matter how much I want to talk to her about it or ask the coaches about it, I have forbidden myself!!

She managed to get these skills and then some without my intervention!! Go figure!!

 

[happychaos]

You've gotten lots of good advice to just be quiet and not discuss it with DD, but I would just like to quickly add my experience. My DD is one who really needs to talk it out. She feels so much better when she can talk about what is going on at practice. Many children DO appreciate mom (or dad's) advice. Children often need help "putting things in perspective" and coaches don't always do this effectively. Although I may not be able to physically help DD get a skill, I am able to help her appropriately frame and respond to challenges, in and out of the gym. As a mom, it is my job to teach my DD how to respond when feeling frustrated, ignored, scared...whatever. If DD has a good coach that can help with this then all the better. Gymnastics is such a great opportunity for our kids to learn life skills, isn't it?

The idea of not discussing or asking about practice is very popular here on CB. Personally, that just doesn't work for me or my DD yet, and I don't feel it's in my DD's best interest at her age. My goal is to help her learn how to work through challenges so she can gain the skills to be confident, independent, and self-assured. I have spent many hours talking with my DD about how to respond when she is feeling scared or frustrated by a new skill. I love it when she comes bouncing out after practice, eager to tell me how she was getting so frustrated, and then remembered what we had talked about, and changed the cycle of thoughts running through her head. Or how she decided to speak-up to her coach, even though she was nervous. Or how DD has finally gotten the courage to ask for a spot instead of balking when she is scared. I know she would have figured these things out eventually on her own, but I know that it would have taken a lot longer.

Anyway, know that while there is nothing you can do to physically help your DD get her cartwheel, there are many things that you can teach her skills that will help her in her gymnastics journey and life! Your DD is still very young, and I would encourage her to talk about practice.

 

[wgymmom]

I know you were just trying to help your dd, but your child should not be looking to you at practice for advice or assistance. At our gym, if a parent suggested their child go to another piece of equipment or do a different skill than the coach directed the girls to do, then both the parent and child would probably be asked to leave the gym for the night and the parent would likely not be allowed to watch for a while. My advice is to leave during practice (go to the store, library, coffee shop, join a gym, etc...) or sit where your dd cannot see you. You watching and gesturing is probably very distracting for your dd, and she should be looking to the coach (the expert!) for guidance and support. I'm sure the coach knows your dd is having cartwheel issues since s/he saw your dd split the beam and has witnessed all these slow cartwheels on high beam. It's a very common problem!

I agree with this. We live far away from our gym too, but I go hang out at Starbucks or McDonald's with my laptop. If you're in the gym, your kid is likely to be looking over at you and that diverts her focus from where it should be - on her task, on her coach. It takes a little getting used to at first - it did for me too - but it's really best.

 

[iwannacoach]

I wouldn't ask you to coach her, and I don't know if that's happened to this point. You should, however, help her understand that we live and learn and eventually become pretty good at whatever we choose to invest in.

If she brings up the subject of cartwheels, just tell her she's made constant progress in her time at the gym. Send the message that she's a little more able each day to overcome whatever the sport throws at her, and if she can trust in the truth of that logic she may be able to accept the beam splitting as an isolated accident that can only become less likely as she progresses the way she always has.

There can be no guarantees as they don't always hold up, but there's no reason for her to expect, or fear, the worst when she's able to concentrate on her best and put it into motion. Gee, she could probably do them with her eyes close on a floor line and come pretty dang close to nailing it every time. All she has to do is let her body do what she's trained it to do.

 

[LizzieLac]

You've gotten lots of good advice to just be quiet and not discuss it with DD, but I would just like to quickly add my experience. My DD is one who really needs to talk it out. She feels so much better when she can talk about what is going on at practice. Many children DO appreciate mom (or dad's) advice. Children often need help "putting things in perspective" and coaches don't always do this effectively. Although I may not be able to physically help DD get a skill, I am able to help her appropriately frame and respond to challenges, in and out of the gym. As a mom, it is my job to teach my DD how to respond when feeling frustrated, ignored, scared...whatever. If DD has a good coach that can help with this then all the better. Gymnastics is such a great opportunity for our kids to learn life skills, isn't it?

The idea of not discussing or asking about practice is very popular here on CB. Personally, that just doesn't work for me or my DD yet, and I don't feel it's in my DD's best interest at her age. My goal is to help her learn how to work through challenges so she can gain the skills to be confident, independent, and self-assured. I have spent many hours talking with my DD about how to respond when she is feeling scared or frustrated by a new skill. I love it when she comes bouncing out after practice, eager to tell me how she was getting so frustrated, and then remembered what we had talked about, and changed the cycle of thoughts running through her head. Or how she decided to speak-up to her coach, even though she was nervous. Or how DD has finally gotten the courage to ask for a spot instead of balking when she is scared. I know she would have figured these things out eventually on her own, but I know that it would have taken a lot longer.

Anyway, know that while there is nothing you can do to physically help your DD get her cartwheel, there are many things that you can teach her skills that will help her in her gymnastics journey and life! Your DD is still very young, and I would encourage her to talk about practice.

Happy, so so true! My DD is also a talker. I often say (jokingly) that it would be ok if she kept some things bottled up inside!! But, I am also a talker and I agree with your views on our job as parents to help our kids find ways to handle problems and deal with challenging situations. So, I am all for that. However, I actually have to try not to engage her too much in expressing her frustrations. I find that there are times that talking more gets her more upset. So, I will let her vent, but I try not to deconstruct everything.

I want to help her develop the skills to cope and that means I have hopefully enabled her to work most things out in the gym with her coaches. Anyway, just wanted to say that I do agree with you...

 

[hammy1207]

If one of my girls falls off the beam and they are okay I encourage them to get back up and go again. Depending on the fall, I'll have them do 2-3 on low the hop back up on high. I reassure them that they're okay and that I know they're scared. If they start getting frustrated I will send them for a drink and a breather and maybe 2 more on low. Sometimes they are dodo used on the fact that they've fallen, even subconsciously, that they won't go. Sometimes I just tell them to tell their brains to shut up, quit thinking about it, trust yourself and go! I would also suggest having your daughter talk to the coach about it!

 

[JoyAvenueMom]

I couldn't help but smile reading your post. Kipper had beautiful CW on high beam for 8 months...then she split the beam twice in a row and her CW disappeared for FOUR LONG MONTHS! She would do the same "bail" your daughter is doing...never quite getting up to vertical. She could do them on the floor beam and on the low beam perfectly. When I asked her about it, she told me that she didn't feel afraid, but when she told her body to do the CW, it just wouldn't! I thought her gym career was doomed to be short, bc if she was afraid of a CW, there was no way she would ever do anything harder! LOL Eventually it came back, but NOTHING I said or did helped. I probably just made her more anxious. She needs to learn to trust her coach and to trust herself. You might mention to the coach about the nasty falls, just in case she missed it....but odds are she is aware and is letting your dd work through it. It was SOOOO hard to go through this with mine, so I know how badly you want to help. Hang in there, it will pass.

 

[gymmommy123]

I wouldn't ask you to coach her, and I don't know if that's happened to this point. You should, however, help her understand that we live and learn and eventually become pretty good at whatever we choose to invest in.
.

This is a bit of what we talked about when she talked about being afraid of splitting the beam again. I said that the more she practices it, the less likely she'd be to fall, and she can't expect to be perfect at a skill when she's first learning it. What helped her feel a LOT better is that I told her that even Olympic and Elite gymnasts fall and split the beam, or get scared about a skill, but that they keep working at it. She is tenacious in that she will keep working and working at something when she really wants to learn it, but when she gets frustrated, she won't just take a break, instead, you can see that she's just getting madder with each failed attempt, which of course, doesn't help. In everything in life, we are trying to help her learn how to channel that frustration, or just step back and take a break, get a drink, take some deep breaths, or ask for help, etc... I'm sure it will come in time