Hah, Geoff. Actually I did take Drama in High School and Speech early in my coaching career (or before).
JRose, there are a few certification programs. There is the GymCert program and the one by USAG. I think they are both nice things to put on your resume but neither is necessary. I like the GymCert books enough and if I should get back to coaching I should probably do the L2 or L3 USAG Gymnastics Uni certification for the heck of it.
I'm not sure either will guarantee you a coaching position. They might get you an interview though. Most of the time, it's get an interview and then do a trial by fire coaching week or few days. Sometimes it might be 2 or 3 weeks. It all depends on the gym and circumstances.
Some gyms will have sort of their own training programs. Sometimes this is basically following a coach a few classes or few weeks before they throw you to the lions or make you an assistant 2nd coach to a class (very common in kinder classes).
Part of this depends on whether you have any gymnastics skills or not. My old boss once told a parent (in my presence) that he hired the character and person and not just the skill when those parents asked how he managed to hire me. Tricks, being a super rec gym has/had a good training program which is also one of the reasons they are very successful at what they are. @ Novato Gymnastics we had a fairly good training program but I was something of a seasoned coach by then (rec wise).
Nick Blanton has a pretty neat program out of IGC gymnastics camp in Pennsylvania targeted at new coaches to train them from the ground up. It's a pretty intense program.
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Earlier this year, I was thinking about doing it if I couldn't find a coaching position. I think it would take 4 weeks in the summer or more. I was thinking about doing that program or just coaching at a summer camp so I wouldn't get bored as heck in CO summer.
You also might be able to get a job say at Woodward. Without any experience, you could start as a camp counselor and work from there perhaps attending their training sessions.
In Ca, there are also the regional training clinics which are gone and past by now I think.
If you are from Norcal or interested in a program there, PM as I am pretty familiar with most of the programs around here. I don't know that much of the programs in Chico and Redding or south much of Stockton/South Bay though. I know a little bit of the ones in Socal, but I didn't spend much time down there a few years ago really.