Anon Should I say something?

[Anonymous (3eac)]

I am struggling with how to approach a concern I have with my daughter's head coach. There have been several instances this season where the coach has made comments that have really affected my daughter's confidence. There was a comment earlier in the season about her legs being awful and this was why she was going to score badly this season. She has in fact had lower scores this season but it was not due to this specific issue. Now recently she was trying a newer skill and was told her legs were "atrocious" and she didn't need to do that skill unless she fixed her legs. Again this was a NEW skill that she has all summer and fall to work on and not even a necessary skill for her level, just something she was playing around with, so in my opinion the comment was unnecessary and cruel. She has always loved her coach and she just can't understand why the coach's attitude toward her has changed. She has always been the type of athlete who listens and does what she is told while she has many teammates who are not great listeners and to be frank are lazy and find any excuse to lay around and waste time so they don't have to do thinks they don't enjoy like conditioning but these girls are praised while my daughter is getting these types of unnecessary comments. I am not sure if it is worth saying anything because I don't want to make things worse for her but its really bothering me.

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

I'd let the coach know directly. If they're a good coach, they'll listen and take it to heart; we all want our kids to be confident. If not.... well, then you know, and can make decisions accordingly.

 

[Anonymous (ebcc)]

My DD was sensitive to negative adjectives like this and TBH, I do think the use of them, at some level, reveals the coach's true feelings towards the athlete (just as your 'frank' comments on the lazy and time wasting teammates reveal your opinion of them). I didn't expect my DD to be a favorite but I did expect her to be treated with respect.

I did speak to my DD's coaches about it. I was careful in my word choice and tried very hard not to shame them as they were young and didn't have kids or really much life experience. Things improved for my DD although one coach didn't speak to me again (the one I genuinely liked, lol).

 

[Anonymous (ff10)]

Sorry, but I can see a scenario where this is just normal criticism of an athlete working through the normal growth process. Context is important and delivery is important in these situations. Was this said in a joking manner, was he/she yelling, during a competition, singled out in front of the whole group, is this a 6 yo or 12 yo, etc. As you describe, there is an element that sounds a bit of hurt parent pride, which is completely understandable. Ive been there, start looking for small slights, and you will find them. By your own admission, she has been scoring lower. One cannot get better without some form of constructive criticism and something like bent legs is a legitimate reason for lower scores versus some non-specific statement like youre not trying hard enough.
Regardless you are the parent, you are closest to the situation. If you are genuinely concerned that the delivery and intent was malicious and not just normal course of criticism, say something in a respectful and rational manner or seek alternatives.

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

Sorry, but I can see a scenario where this is just normal criticism of an athlete working through the normal growth process. Context is important and delivery is important in these situations. Was this said in a joking manner, was he/she yelling, during a competition, singled out in front of the whole group, is this a 6 yo or 12 yo, etc. As you describe, there is an element that sounds a bit of hurt parent pride, which is completely understandable. Ive been there, start looking for small slights, and you will find them. By your own admission, she has been scoring lower. One cannot get better without some form of constructive criticism and something like bent legs is a legitimate reason for lower scores versus some non-specific statement like youre not trying hard enough.

Ok, but even if this is the case, the coach needs to know that it's hurting the athlete's confidence.