Parents Blatant Favoritism

[NC_GymMom23]

I am sure this has been discussed but I am curious who all has dealt with favoritism from coaches. My daughter has started to notice the blatant favoritism that we as parents have been seeing all year. We were truly hoping the girls wouldn't notice but also knew it would eventually happen. My daughter has always been a hard worker and thrived on being pushed and learning new things. Her team just had their last regular meet of the season with a month before state and typically their coach will start working upskills for the first couple of weeks then switch back to routines for a week or 2 before state. This week my daughter (and I) have noticed that most of the girls have been working hard on upskills while my daughter and another girl have been made to do routines over and over or a specific skill from their routine over and over all through practice. While I appreciate the coach finally helping her with the things that have been a struggle all season I also feel that it is too little too late at this point and it isn't very fair to let everyone else learn new things and not these 2 girls. It also seems as if she is being punished for having a middle of the road season (not great but not terrible either as she has still shown lots of growth). I am not sure how to handle this or if I should try to let it go. I don't want to hear "trust the coach" because at this point she is starting to lose her trust and so am I but I also don't want to make things harder for her.

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

Feel free to decline to answer, but what part of NC are you in?

If you're in the Raleigh/Cary area, there's like twelve or so gyms you could try out and search for a better fit.

 

[Lobster]

Why do you think a month is too late to fix things that have been a struggle all season? It seems like a good amount of time to make a final push towards being as prepared as possible for state and the post season.

From your description it sounds like the coach is giving each athlete what they need.

As a parent if we had a month until state and my gymnast had things they were struggling on I’d be upset if they were working upgrades.

 

[NC_GymMom23]

Feel free to decline to answer, but what part of NC are you in?

If you're in the Raleigh/Cary area, there's like twelve or so gyms you could try out and search for a better fit.

Not looking for a new gym at this time but it may be a consideration in a few months. Just curious what others have experienced.

 

[NC_GymMom23]

Why do you think a month is too late to fix things that have been a struggle all season? It seems like a good amount of time to make a final push towards being as prepared as possible for state and the post season.

From your description it sounds like the coach is giving each athlete what they need.

As a parent if we had a month until state and my gymnast had things they were struggling on I’d be upset if they were working upgrades.

Like I said I appreciate them working on routines to clean up for state however I feel that really working hard on the specific areas where she has struggled every single meet at this point is too late. In our state you don't place at States unless you are scoring 38+ AA. There are teams who consistenly score near perfect because they hold girls back to sweep the podium. Our girls know they aren't coming home with state medals with 35-37 AA scores. Also, if you were seeing these practices you would see the blatant exclusion of these 2 girls who are just as ready and capable of learning these new skills and have scored similarly to most of the other girls.

 

[Dahlialover]

Short-term, my only action would be to encourage my child to keep a positive attitude and focus on the skills she is assigned to work on. Long term, I would wait to see if your daughter is going to have The same coach next year, and, if so, I would consider alternatives.

 

[Lobster]

Like I said I appreciate them working on routines to clean up for state however I feel that really working hard on the specific areas where she has struggled every single meet at this point is too late. In our state you don't place at States unless you are scoring 38+ AA. There are teams who consistenly score near perfect because they hold girls back to sweep the podium. Our girls know they aren't coming home with state medals with 35-37 AA scores. Also, if you were seeing these practices you would see the blatant exclusion of these 2 girls who are just as ready and capable of learning these new skills and have scored similarly to most of the other girls.

Then you would have to assume there are two options.

1) The coach dislikes 2 girls on the team and is going out of their way to exclude, sabotage and/or punish them. Your only solution is to leave.

2) 2 girls on the team aren’t ready to work on the upgrades the rest of the team is ready for. It might be something a parent can’t see and doesn’t understand unrelated to scores. They need to be better at ABC before attempting XYZ for safety and/or developmental reasons. A polite well meaning conversation with the coach could help ease your mind.

If you can’t have a polite well meaning conversation and get clarification then it’s also the wrong place for you.

 

[sun]

Sounds like an appropriate coaching decision based solely on what I've read so far.

 

[Dream]

Just want to clarify to make sure I am understanding. She is working in the skills and routines that she will need for state at the end of the month?
Will the girls who are up training be performing their new skills at state at the end of the month or they are up training skills for next year?

 

[NutterButter]

Will she for sure be moving up next year? Does she have the mobility score and/or does she have the requirements your gym has to move up next year? Did everyone in the upgrade group qualify to state? What you've described so far sounds normal but maybe we just don't have all the information. At any rate, I think a non-confrontational conversation with the coach is warranted for you to learn more.

 

[34gymcoach]

I think it would be more concerning if the coach was approaching the situation the same way as “there’s a month before states, nothings going to change, let’s just give up,”. Without knowing more- it sounds like 2 athletes need more level work and the coach is trying to help. And the others are ready for upgraded skill work.

 

[XcelGirl]

I have gone through the same thing But what I can tell you is that I think it's probably a safety thing.
There was a time this year when we had a month before our next competition. We decided to uptrain. 3 girls (including me) worked on our current-level skills, while the rest of the team uptrained. All of us averaged about the same scores (36's-mid 37's). Most of the time, coaches know what they are doing. Most likely, there are probably reasonable reasons why your dd is not uptraining. Some skills (especially at higher levels) just can't be spotted. If your dd's coach doesn't think she can do a skill, they are probably right. Besides, doesn't your dd want higher scores? It won't hurt if she's getting extra medals at state, right?
Remember, your dd will most likely be uptraining after the state. An extra month of basics won't hurt

 

[Pineapple_Lump]

I am reading the op's description of the situation as this:
The skill/s has been an issue for a long time, but due to lack of attention it hasn't been addressed earlier because attention was disproportionately placed elsewhere in their eyes.

Honestly I can believe this situation is true, while knowing that sometimes a parent's perception is incorrect- I have watched coaches who predominantly focus on the kids who can easily do things, then at the heat of the season pile on the 'unfavourites' for not being up to standard.

Regardless, OP should remain positive and encouraging with their child, while being open for discussion. Be supportive and encouraging of everyone. If the child is still unhappy then after season it might be time to look for a gym that will better suit her needs.