Hi there. I haven’t been on here in a long time, but I got an email from Chalkbucket yesterday notifying me that I had a private message so I decided to log in.
Turns out the message was from a caring mom in reference to my daughter’s post she made on her social media.
After reading the message I received here, I decided to poke around a little on the forums and found this thread.
So, since OP asked, I’ll tell you exactly how my (now 18-year-old) daughter who is a survivor feels about it. These are her words and the two photos she posted along with them yesterday on instagram.
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The girl they claim only wanted revenge for "unfulfilled gymnastics dreams" would be devastated with the verdict we received, but the girl who only wanted to protect others and find justice for herself is doing better than she ever was. Now, she can finally tell her story.
I spent two weeks in July at the Durham County Courthouse taking part in the trial of a former Durham, North Carolina gymnastics coach. He was faced with four counts of sexual battery and four counts of indecent liberties with a minor- one of each for every victim that came forward to press charges. Unfortunately, he got to walk away without any retribution.
We knew from the beginning that a conviction was unlikely. In most sexual assault cases there is little to no physical evidence, meaning that verbal testimonies are the only piece of information for the jury to base their decision on. This unavailability of physical proof inherently leaves room for reasonable doubt. Jurors have only two options: guilty or not guilty. Tragically, the reasonable doubt resulting from no physical evidence left not guilty as the only option. This verdict does not automatically mean "we don't believe you." I believe that in this case, it meant "we believe you, but the requirements of the law leave us no choice but to enter not guilty."
In the summer of 2020, a fellow gymnast and I submitted a detailed report to Safe Sport, not expecting anything to come of it-the report was enough closure for us at the time. We expected it to be filed like a complaint would and to never hear of it again. We did not plan on a criminal trial. That was until an investigator contacted
me about the state pressing charges, and we began the process of building a case.
In February of 2021, a warrant for his arrest was made which resulted in him turning himself in after evading law enforcement.
He was released under a $10,000 bond and suspended from all contact with any USA Gymnastics athlete, meaning he was unable to coach. There was a court date set to appeal the suspension but it was not lifted.
Over a year later, in March of 2022, the prosecution and the defense agreed on a plea deal that would reduce all felonies to misdemeanors and would not require him to register as a sex offender. The other victims and I came to the courthouse, including additional victims that came forward during the process, expecting the case to be over but the judge decided that the terms of the agreement were not enough. The plea deal was withdrawn by the state, because it's true, it was not enough. The case later went to trial.
*The following is my
personal experience. I am going to refer to said coach as "S"
Stretching sessions were given by S to select gymnasts in his morning training groups twice a week during the first hour of practice, which was for warmups and conditioning. I was one of the gymnasts who received these stretching sessions. I was eleven years old when this first started.
This included me laying on my back and stomach on a mat while he stretched and massaged my body. He would put his hands underneath my leotard at times, and explained it by saying that the skin on skin friction would create heat and make the session more beneficial. While under my leotard, his bare hands touched my genitalia and buttocks.
While being spotted by S, I often found myself being violated. He would touch me in the same intimate places on top of my leotard, including my breasts. He was the only coach that spotted me in this way. His fingers would occasionally be forced under the edge of my leotard while he spotted me.
Everything he did was strategic.
S would often compliment my body or tell me I looked beautiful. There were countless situations where his words made me uncomfortable, whether his words were about me, other gymnasts, or female celebrities.
I cannot speak for every gymnast that was coached by S, but I do know that the majority, myself included, strived to gain his validation. He was not someone who was emotionally invested in his gymnasts, we were only his products. He would use manipulation techniques to cause us to fear him, but want his attention and acceptance at the same time. He had us wrapped around his finger. I was never going to tell him no or that I was uncomfortable in fear of being punished. It was grooming.
There is so much more that I wish I could say about my experience as a child to prove my truth. I wish I remembered everything, but I remember how it felt, and that's how I know my experience is valid. I remember the feelings of violation, and disgust. I remember knowing that it was wrong. A grown man should never touch a child in that way no matter the circumstance or intention. I should have never been manipulated into thinking what I went through was normal.
I talked to my teammates about the abuse we experienced everyday. We would do prayer circles before practice in the team room praying that practice would go well, but also that he would not show up, touch us, or be cruel. It was a common topic within the team room, sleepovers and group chats. In fact, screenshots from conversations with teammates was some of the only evidence we had. There was a song made up by a former teammate about S and his stretching sessions. We supported each other.
"Stranger danger; stranger danger here he comes, here he comes
he is going to stretch you, and he might molest you oh no, oh no"
Sadly, once I made the report I lost contact with almost ail of the gymnasts that were still training at his gym. He was still coaching at the time of the report, and had the gymnasts write him letters of support that were submitted to help his case.
Going to the same high school as former teammates was one of the most difficult parts of coming forward. Hearing what was said about me by old friends that I once talked to about what happened hurt more than anything. Knowing that I was being called a liar to people I had to see every day was extremely stressful, especially when I had to stay silent. They no longer supported me.
This was shocking to say the least since one of them wrote the song about S, but gymnastics careers and scholarships were at stake.
Still, not an excuse.
"You walk into a courtroom, and then there's this person sitting in a swivel chair, staring at you like you did something to him...And I was so angry. I was angry that I had to be there. I was angry that this happens to women. I was angry that people are paid to antagonize victims. I was angry that all the details had been twisted. You don't feel a sense of any victory...because the process is so dehumanizing."
-Taylor Swift, Miss Americana (2020)
Although the trial did not go as we hoped, we accomplished everything we wished for and more. He is no longer allowed to coach under USA gymnastics and will never be able to hurt another child in the sport again.
Our overburdened state prosecutor was no match for the high priced legal team of seven that presented witnesses that were willing to lie during testimony. Those witnesses included four of the gymnasts that I went to high school with, another gymnast, and two coaches. S did not have any interest in testifying.
I was able to tell my story while standing above him for the first time. I gained a sense of dignity that day that will never be taken away from me. I felt powerful and regretted nothing. I did what some gymnasts could not do, which was to tell the truth to the court. I will forever be proud of myself and the other victims who came forward.
Thank you so much to every single person who has supported me during this process. I could not have done this without my friends, family, and the other victims who came forward. I love every single one of you, and I am so grateful to have had you all by my side.
One last thing that I want to say to anybody who has either doubted my experience, the other victims experiences, or anyones experience with sexual abuse is that just because nothing happened to you,
does not mean that nothing happened to the accuser.
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So…..
Hopefully after reading what my daughter had to say, I don’t even have to say how I feel about it…
In the last 3 years, there have been a dozen of his athletes who have contacted my daughter to say they were also assaulted by him and many more second hand stories shared with her about others. And just yesterday, as a result of her post, two more reached out to her. I’ve attached screen shots of those messages. The criminal system may have failed us but my kid didn’t fail herself or all his past, present, or future victims.
My kid is a true champion.