Bullys :(

[caraburn]

Hi! This is my second year coaching level 5 and 6 and I absolutely love it...but I've had some problems with parents and other coaches even. I just turned 20 years old so I'm very young and I'm also the type of person that tries to make everyone happy and everyone knows it. I've been getting bullied alot around the gym because of the fact that I'm young and my personality. I do the best I can, I look up drills, tips anything I can research, but I also have the most kids out of anyone at the gym. I have 24!! It is so hard and I get no support, only criticism. I can't decide if it's because the others are threatened by me being so young or what. But I feel like everything new that I do, I get reprimanded for because it is new. Or little things cause others to tell me I'm wrong which I clearly know I am not and they just make a big deal out of little things. For example, today I set the bars in the middle, they were not too far out, not too close so that everyone would be able to safely jump to the bar. And one of the moms of one of my kids, who is also the level 4 coach started telling me that the bars were way too far for her kid and that it was unsafe and I should know better, and so on and so forth, which it clearly was not too far. I'm just really fed up with it and hope someone has some hints for me on how to stand up for myself without digging myself in a hole!!!

 

[gymgurl]

Ok well im not the most experienced person on how to handle this but i have been bullied and know it feels s*** so i am going to try.

I am just going to let u know that i am from a group of 16ish gymnasts some of which are in high school and some of us are quite difficult to control, our group has coaches in the gym (most of the coaches ) that won't coach us simply because we are too difficult to control . yet our coach is 21 and copes really well.

I seem to have a very similar personality and what i recommend is:

For Parents Criticising you just say:

"Are you the coach of the group in question?"

"no" (if they say yes well say thats odd coz i thought u were coaching the lvl 4's)

"I am their coach at the moment, i am here to decide what is best for the whole group and thats what i am doing so it would be wonderful if i could get back to my job."

I think you just need to show authority and that u are strong and that u don't want to waste your time arguing with parents.

I think u just need to stand your ground and tell them that u are qualified and that decisions regarding lvl 5 & 6 are yours to make not anyone else's

 

[sally]

Maybe the club doesn't like change. If you are trying to implement new things to the program, that could your problem. Maybe you need to sit down, with the owner/manager of the place, and lay out what you want to do. Discuss it with the person in charge first before you go and do it. I find if you change things slowly people adapt, but if it is in one go, and they didn't expect it they get a little worried. that is my thought.

 

[Aussie_coach]

Let your work speak for itself. You can't expect to have respect straight away at your age, many of the other coaches may have been around gymnastics longer than you have been alive. They will look at you like a child because to them you are. But if you do a good job, you will earn that respect and the bullying will subside.

Educate yourself as much as possible and where possible use the more experienced coaches in your gym to educate you. Talk to them, ask for idea's discuss drills. They will often respect you, for showing respect to them. You don't have to use all the drills they give you, but everything you can get is helpful.

I also would discuss anything you are going to do that is very different with a senior coach or gym owner first. You may be going against the philosophies of the gym without even being aware. Again being so young you don't want to put yourself on the wrong foot with the gym.

 

[MWGC-Gymnast]

Ok well im not the most experienced person on how to handle this but i have been bullied and know it feels s*** so i am going to try.

I am just going to let u know that i am from a group of 16ish gymnasts some of which are in high school and some of us are quite difficult to control, our group has coaches in the gym (most of the coaches ) that won't coach us simply because we are too difficult to control . yet our coach is 21 and copes really well.

I seem to have a very similar personality and what i recommend is:

For Parents Criticising you just say:

"Are you the coach of the group in question?"

"no" (if they say yes well say thats odd coz i thought u were coaching the lvl 4's)

"I am their coach at the moment, i am here to decide what is best for the whole group and thats what i am doing so it would be wonderful if i could get back to my job."

I think you just need to show authority and that u are strong and that u don't want to waste your time arguing with parents.

I think u just need to stand your ground and tell them that u are qualified and that decisions regarding lvl 5 & 6 are yours to make not anyone else's

i am from this group also, and she is right our group is very difficult to handle because alot of us have attitude by this age...
but like gymgurl said if you put your foot down and tell them that if they want to coach their children well fine they can go ahead with that in there own time and place but dont let them tell you how to do your job! stay strong!

hope it gets better!

 

[nevertooold]

For example, today I set the bars in the middle, they were not too far out, not too close so that everyone would be able to safely jump to the bar. And one of the moms of one of my kids, who is also the level 4 coach started telling me that the bars were way too far for her kid and that it was unsafe and I should know better, and so on and so forth, which it clearly was not too far.

Talk to HC or whomever is your direct supervisor and ask for written standards for your groups/levels. Make sure you know all the gym policies and that you follow them.

For example, if your gym requires 200 back walkovers on the floor beam before moving to middle beam, make sure you follow the policy.

If there are no written standards or policies then you have to decide for yourself. One would hope that the older adults in your gym would offer kind guidance instead of criticism, but there can be a hierarchy and snobbery in this sport among coaches. You just have to have a thick skin. Ignore the "way" that they are talking to you, remain calm, and see if you can find out what the root of the issue is.

With the bar situation I might have asked the other coach what setting she would have chosen and assuming it is true, let her know that I was supervising the station and would have moved them if the girls had needed it. It will diffuse the attacker if you validate their concern and maybe let her know that you would be willing to experiment with different settings for her daughter and see where she really looks the best and seems the most confident.

Hang in there and remind yourself why you love to coach. Always be an example to your gymnasts by responding with control and dignity even if you feel you are being attacked. Stick to the facts. Inhale... Exhale...

 

[coachmolly]

I know the situation well! I'm a young coach at a gym and am a very quiet person by nature so I don't usually speak up for myself. I know what it's like to feel like you're being walked all over, not getting the help or feedback you need, etc. and it's tough!
Some things I've done- keep communication open with parents. After practice, go talk to them. If their child did some great, worked really hard, learned a new skill, etc. let them know! Parents LOVE hearing when their child did something well or worked really hard. And your willingness to communicate with them shows your dedication to their child. If one of my gymnasts works really hard or listens really well I make a point to mention it to their parents.
Talk with the head coach. I refused to do this for so long because I was terrified. Eventually I spoke with the secretary and just let her know how I felt, that it was making me really nervous, ask if I was doing anything wrong, etc. When the owner found out I felt this way he was quick to clear things up and let me know this was not intentional and he was sorry things had made me feel that way. Because let's face it, when you are worried that others are watching you and analyzing everything you do, you are devoting time/energy you could spend on your gymnasts on worrying. Sometimes it really just is miscommunication.
Let the head coach know how dedicate you are to the group you coach, what your plans are for them, how you plan on achieving your goals with the group, etc. Your intentions are good and most good head coaches/gym owners will not see that as a fault. And if your gymnasts continually produce good results in the gym and improve, the a good head coach would not have a problem with that. Just do the best you can to prove your methods are working.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this situation, it really stinks! I hope things start getting better soon and you start getting the respect you deserve.