Parents but.. it is a meet weekend....what should I do?

[kristilyn73]

I have a delimma.. and I hope you can offer me some advice. I have 3 kiddos.... my oldest, Beetle, is my gymmie... I have a middle DD, Bug, (who is 11) and a DS who is 4...

Middle DD, Bug, is a competitive dancer. She does a great job and really likes it. Her dance teacher LOVES her and thinks she has real talent. But I do know that she feels second to her big sister.. We have done everything we can to make her feel just as special and just as important. For example, 2 weeks ago I didn't go to a traveling gymnastics meet because Bug had her solo recital for dance. It was really important for me to be there.

Here is the problem I have right now.. Bug's dance group is doing an exhibition at the local University the night of Beetle State meet. State meet is 2 1/2 hours away. There is no way we can be at both, unless DH and I split up. This really isn't an option as we are planning on spending the weekend in Minneapolis, and DH's parents are coming for the weekend to watch Beetle.. We are planning on making it a big family weekend.

Bug wants to stay home, spend the night with a friend and dance that weekend. She doesn't seem to be upset that we can't be at her exhibition, she seems to know that it is just an exhibition. But I feel terrible and want her to be with us! Even though it isn't necessarily what she wants.

I don't want Bug to look back at her childhood and only remember the times we traveled to Beetle's meets and 'left her home' with a friend. Do you think I am reading too much into this? Do you think I should Make her come with us (her dance instructor would probably be okay with her missing the exhibition, even though Bug has a bit of a solo in this dance... oh and she is only doing 1 dance). OR should I just let her do what she wants, not force her into anything?

HELP!

 

[UnoMas]

in my humble opinion (I have 3 kids, too)...let her stay home and do the dance thing. It is HER thing and she's asking to do it. I think not letting her do it would be saying to her that it isn't as important. And make sure you make a big deal out of her next dance thing. Does she travel too? Can you make a big weekend out of an upcoming dance thing?

 

[gymmomntc2e6]

That is tough - I think I would let her stay with a friend and dance. This is just coming from someone who had to stop doing lots of things they enjoyed because of a sibling. Granted VERY difference scenario as my sibling is learning disabled - but, there were a lot of things I had to stop because she could not do them and she felt bad or left out or whatever.

If she is really ok w/ you guys not watching her and understands that States are a big deal, I would let her do what she wants. You are not so far away that if there were an emergency of sorts that you could not get back.

JMHO

Good Luck

 

[bogwoppit]

I agree, let her do her thing with her friend, she'll have a blast with her team. Make it special somehow.

I know how hard it can be with three kids, sometimes we divide and conquer and other times I have to make an executive decision.

 

[flippersmom]

If she is asking to stay with a friend, I would probably most likely let her do that. Can parents of friend videotape dance for you. Then you could all sit around and watch it together.

Maybe you can make a small video with everyone wishing her luck at dance that they could show her before the dance so she knows you are thinking of her. Then she could call you right after the dance. Youngest does not like to attend oldest DD meets, but is always calling me to see how her sister did. That's her way of supporting her sister. I think if you made her miss dance she would be upset.

My youngest DD does dance, but just for fun. She has one recital a year, luckily after competition season!

Hope you work something out.

 

[gym mom]

Coming from a middle child (I also had an older sis and younger brother)I would let her stay and do her dance if she has someone to take her and make sure you can get to her next recital .She could resent her big sis if you do not let her go.

 

[MdGymMom01]

Coming from a middle child as well (between two sisters), I would let her stay home with her friend. I would make a video of Beetle and all her gym friends wishing BUG good luck at the recital. That way Bug sees the video of her sister and her freinds acknowledging that dance is just as important too.

 

[Granny Smith]

I agree with the others, let her stay home. If you made her come with you, in 10 yrs time what she will remember is being dragged to her older sister's gym meet instead of being able to do her dancing - you will be reminded of this too at the Thanksgiving Dinner table! Kids excel at this sort of thing!

 

[gymjourneymom]

I have 2 DD's too! DD1 is invited to her BFF's sweet 16 birthday party & DD2, the gymmie, has a meet this weekend. DD1 has always gone to her sisters meets & cheered her on(too many meets to even count, over all the years!). I know she loves her sis & wishes her well, but she has her own life to live too. DD2 is going to spend the weekend with her BFF, but I know she'll call me all during the meet for updates. You were probably picturing having the whole family together, at the meet. But if Bug has expressed her wish is to do the exhibiton & stay with a friend, I'd let her do that. Let her develop some independence & sense of "self". Eleven is a good age for her to start exploring small spots of independence, like this situation. If she has always gone with you in the past & this particular time wants to stay home, b/c she has her own event to attend, I think she has made a very reasonable request. I think you run into more chance of resentment, if you make her go with you, against her wishes. JMHO. Good luck with everything!

 

[gym monkeys mom]

Man tha is a hard one. I know family time is important and all that but this time I tend to agree with the others.

I would let Bug stay and do her dance stuff. I have had this issue with DD1 also. She chose a few times to stay home from our big travel meet which was always family and fun time. After 2 yrs of missing it she decided this year to come and DH stayed home because of school. DD1 was glad she came and it was her decsion so I think it made it better for her.

Anyways as they get older and busier with there own lives I am told this happens more and forcing the isuue only produces resentment for us or the other kids. Finding a way to leave her a special video or note or calling her will help her feel special too.

best wishes and look forward to seeing you this weekend.

 

[JessMom]

hi, I didn't read the other responses and I don't know if my 2 cents is to late . . .but here's my thought.

keep in mind I have an 12 yo DD that feels like the world revolves around her 7 yo gymnastics sister . . . no matter what I do, no matter what she does . . . I can't win. There seems to be a thin line between being proud of your sibling and resentment.

First off, I don't think Bug will look back at her childhood and rember being left behind with friends while everyone went to states . . . but, she would look back and remember that she was not allowed to enjoy her exhibition and had to miss out on something to watch her sister in a meet. At 11, as you know, they are dying for a little independance!
If Bug really would rather dance then watch . . i think you should let her. As long as she understands that it's HER choice. She will miss out on being with family ... She's 11, you can't win. make her go she'll be miserable and resent it. let her stay home she was left out . . . aahhhh puberty . . . isn't it fun?!

BTW, Sam (my 12yo) and hubby are taking a mini-vacation together while Jess (my gymie) and I travel to nationals in June. Both Sam and hubby are sad to be missing the meet - but excited to be doing something together non-gym related LOL

Hope that helps!

 

[JessMom]

I would make a video of Beetle and all her gym friends wishing BUG good luck at the recital. That way Bug sees the video of her sister and her freinds acknowledging that dance is just as important too.

That is a really great idea! I will keep that in mind if . . . ok when dance and gymnastics schedules eventually collide

 

[mkr10]

I too, agree with everyone else. As long as you are comfortable with her staying with this friend I would let her stay and do the exhibition. She is actually being very reasonable and understanding by not asking one of you to stay back with her and watch her dance.

 

[mariposa]

I agree with everyone else, let her stay with her friend and do the exhibition. Love the good luck video idea for her.

 

[gym law mom]

I agree with everyone else. At age 11, dd2 has a pretty good idea of how she would like to spend her weekend and even though you would like her to be with the family, sounds like overall she'd have more fun doing the dance exhibition and staying with her friends. I'm sure Beetle understands.

Would be nice if one of the dance parents could video the show or take some pics so dd2 can share her fun with the rest of the family.

 

[TeamDad]

I don't want Bug to look back at her childhood and only remember the times we traveled to Beetle's meets and 'left her home' with a friend. Do you think I am reading too much into this? Do you think I should Make her come with us (her dance instructor would probably be okay with her missing the exhibition, even though Bug has a bit of a solo in this dance... oh and she is only doing 1 dance). OR should I just let her do what she wants, not force her into anything?

HELP!

I know that this probably isn't what you want to hear, but......I think that it's important that at least one parent be there for the recital. I would split up and let DH go to the State meet with his parents to support Beetle. Maybe you can ask to have Bug do her dance first, and then you can drive to the meet and catch the end?

I think it's important to keep things fair. I'll bet that Bug's dance recital is just as important to her as Beetle's State meet is to Beetle. I definitely would make every conceivable effort to make it work so that everyone can be happy. Maybe everyone can stay an extra day in Minn so the entire family can be together for a day after the meet.

 

[catesmom]

We go through some of the same things here, Cate is 13 and has been doing gymnastics forever, her little sis 10 has found her "thing" with basketball. Little Sis has been to so many meets and loves her sister very much, but now she wants to be able to do her thing too. When the two worlds collide we discuss things as a family. Maybe I have it easier as a single Mom in this one area, they know I can't be two places at once.

Usually things go smooth, but once in a while I feel like I am letting one or the other down. Being there, I would let dd2 spend the night with her friend, an exibition is not a recital and I am sure that she knows the meet is somewhat more important. I think the bigger problem could be your families disappointment in not being able to spend time with her, been there too.

I used to think it would be perfect for both my girls to be in the same sport, that way it would be easy. But a friend who has two daughters one a 6 and one a 4 sometimes has meets in two different towns on the same weekend!

I'm sure you will make the right decision for our family, but I wouldn't worry about your younger dd feeling left out of the big weekend, she sounds like she is making big plans of her own. And would probably love that you would let her stay on her own to dance.