Parents Should we encourage our daughter to retire?

[HiddenGems]

I need some gym parent perspective here.

Have any of you pulled your kid from gymnastics because it just wasn’t good for them as a person?

Basically, our daughter may not be keeping up with the expected path and then starts to have a lot of feelings about not being good enough. I’m worried that’s going to translate to other areas. She loves gymnastics though!

Here are all the details if you want them:

Our daughter is 12 and competed 4 last year. She was at a competitive gym with a growing focus on elite and producing D1 gymnasts. She wasn’t on that track. She is “older” and took longer than peers to learn skills especially as she grew 5+ inches in 2 years. They told her she needed to improve her bars to score out of 5 and she only had 3 months to do that. I dont begrudge them these standards and it was clear she scored lower then other strong gymnats. The coaches at the gym are encouraging of the superstars but either ignore or are harsh to others - per multiple kid and parent reports. So, she moved to Xcel and was on a good path to compete gymnastics and try other sports, which we thought would be great for her to find something that she liked, was healthy and she was good at. However, that gym cut the Xcel program.

She moved to a new gym where they offered her DP, but said she could go to Xcel. She started training with them and I feel they pumped her up to go the DP route. Their plan was to score out of 5 and have her compete 6. Now, she is worried about bars and a good clear hip. I asked the coaches about the plan for her because I hadn’t heard anything. one of the coaches replied with a very reasonable response. Our daughter said one of the other coach said you shouldn’t tell your mom that you need more bar practice and you need to practice your clear hip without saying I can’t do it. She may say that and yep that’s not going to be helpful to say that. It’s the don’t talk to your mom part that has me on red alert. Also, they run their Xcel program with DP including requiring a travel meet. I suppose we could try yet another gym that runs DP like DP.

Our other kids are in track and swimming. Gymnastics is so mentally unhealthy compared to track and swim!!!

If you read this far, thank you!

 

[Klaws]

Just let her go down the Xcel route. She’ll be much happier. Peeps on here tell it is so much less stressful. Gymnastics is not mentally unhealthy.

 

[HiddenGems]

Just let her go down the Xcel route. She’ll be much happier. Peeps on here tell it is so much less stressful. Gymnastics is not mentally unhealthy.

It is a sport in need of a culture change and that culture change hasn’t hit all or even most gyms yet. There is a reason individuals like Larry Nassar, Tom Farden, Maggie Haney and more were in high profile positions in the sport and that tracked at all levels.

I would be happy with an Xcel path, but her current gym treats Xcel like DP. We need to wait until March to try out for a new team. When her old team cut Xcel in June, all gyms except 1 around us were full. I sent some videos as required and they said they would love to see her at tryouts because they usually have turn over but had no space at the moment.

We have been letting her continue gymnastics and I’m thinking that’s your advice.

 

[HiddenGems]

I need some gym parent perspective here.

Have any of you pulled your kid from gymnastics because it just wasn’t good for them as a person?

Basically, our daughter may not be keeping up with the expected path and then starts to have a lot of feelings about not being good enough. I’m worried that’s going to translate to other areas. She loves gymnastics though!

Here are all the details if you want them:

Our daughter is 12 and competed 4 last year. She was at a competitive gym with a growing focus on elite and producing D1 gymnasts. She wasn’t on that track. She is “older” and took longer than peers to learn skills especially as she grew 5+ inches in 2 years. They told her she needed to improve her bars to score out of 5 and she only had 3 months to do that. I dont begrudge them these standards and it was clear she scored lower then other strong gymnats. The coaches at the gym are encouraging of the superstars but either ignore or are harsh to others - per multiple kid and parent reports. So, she moved to Xcel and was on a good path to compete gymnastics and try other sports, which we thought would be great for her to find something that she liked, was healthy and she was good at. However, that gym cut the Xcel program.

She moved to a new gym where they offered her DP, but said she could go to Xcel. She started training with them and I feel they pumped her up to go the DP route. Their plan was to score out of 5 and have her compete 6. Now, she is worried about bars and a good clear hip. I asked the coaches about the plan for her because I hadn’t heard anything. one of the coaches replied with a very reasonable response. Our daughter said one of the other coach said you shouldn’t tell your mom that you need more bar practice and you need to practice your clear hip without saying I can’t do it. She may say that and yep that’s not going to be helpful to say that. It’s the don’t talk to your mom part that has me on red alert. Also, they run their Xcel program with DP including requiring a travel meet. I suppose we could try yet another gym that runs DP like DP.

Our other kids are in track and swimming. Gymnastics is so mentally unhealthy compared to track and swim!!!

If you read this far, thank you!

Whoops runs Xcel like Xcel.

 

[For Flip Sake]

The great thing about XCEL is that the routines are tailored to your daughter’s strengths, so she may feel less pressure to reach specific skills by a certain time. I’d let her try it out if she still loves gymnastics!

 

[Kara]

Sounds like you need to find a gym that treats their EXCEL program as it was intended to be used, not only as path to DP or as a lesser option. It's unfortunate that the two gyms you've been at haven't worked out, but, assuming there are other options in your area, I wouldn't encourage your daughter to quit yet. Sometimes it takes a few tries to find the right fit, especially with a gymnast on a "non-traditional" path.

 

[rd7]

As a coach sometimes I've been in a position where what I actually said isn't what the gymnast heard and by the time it's been translated to their parents it becomes something entirely different. It may be worth trying to seek clarification of what the other coach said to your daughter.
That being said, if you're daughter is continually unhappy I would explore other options.

 

[Pfiga]

I agree with the recommendation to try Xcel, preferably at a gym that runs it as it's meant to be (fewer hours, less pressure on the gymnasts, individualized routines that focus on her strengths). My daughter is in Xcel and loves it, and still has time to pursue other activities.

 

[raenndrops]

Whoops runs Xcel like Xcel.

What do you mean when you say the current gym runs their Xcel like DP?
At our gym, all the gymnasts are treated the same ... Xcel and DP practice at the same time. Both focus on clean execution of skills and not just throwing a skill. They practice the same hours and all go to the same meets.

If you can clarify, I might be able to offer more assistance. Thank you.

 

[HiddenGems]

What do you mean when you say the current gym runs their Xcel like DP?
At our gym, all the gymnasts are treated the same ... Xcel and DP practice at the same time. Both focus on clean execution of skills and not just throwing a skill. They practice the same hours and all go to the same meets.

If you can clarify, I might be able to offer more assistance. Thank you.

Pifigia summarizes it nicely.

 

[HiddenGems]

Hi all, thx for much for your replies. I’m going to hold on any attempt to influence and it’s such a good point about Xcel being a good fit.

 

[raenndrops]

Pifigia summarizes it nicely.

Do they not offer individualized routines for their Xcels?
The less hours thing doesn't exist at my gym, lol, but we only go 2.5 hours a day 3 days a week for all levels.
And we aren't high pressure. We had 2 girls switch to Xcel for this season because they didn't score 36 2x in Level 4 and didn't want to do Level 5. Next season, they will be old enough to petition to Level 6 if they want to go that route ... or they can stay in Xcel.