Parents Extended Family Attending Meets

[NorCal Parent 22]

Hi. I'm wondering how others handle bringing family to meets or inviting them. We are about to go to State (daughter is level 6) and she is very anxious about the meet and said she would rather not have family attend other than us (mom and dad). Her aunts and cousin had set aside the weekend to come. How would you handle this?
I want to respect her wishes - this has been a tough season for her - but not sure if I am looking at this the right way. I talked to one of my sisters and she was very hurt.

 

[observantmom]

I agree with you that supporting your daughter's wishes should be the top priority. First year of optional gymnastics, lots of nerves, and this isn't just any meet - it's states! Maybe they could still come for the weekend and be part of the celebrations afterwards? She'd love to spend time with you as a family, doing some fun things like ice cream and a nice dinner etc. - but gets very nervous with an audience watching her.

Last year, we brought our mother in law to states with us, but I did ask my daughter first to make sure she'd be ok with it and we are very lucky to have family that totally respects and understands when she doesn't want a big crowd there.

I think that people outside of the gymnastics community may view these meets more as a "performance" like a dance recital. But the reality is that for something like states, one fall or bobble can really be the difference between medaling and not and it is a big deal for them. The girls put in a lot of hours and effort to get to this point, so I think your daughter has earned the right to say what will make her the most comfortable!

 

[JBS]

The biggest issue is always that extended family always need the athlete to acknowledge them and wave to them. The athlete is a competitor... they need to focus and be in the zone. Additional spectators need to come in and watch and cheer and then say "hello" at the end of the meet.

If there is a shout out table... buy them a normal shout out... not the most embarrassing shout out you can think of. Don't stand in front of all of the other spectators and wave while the athlete is warming up.

Give them a gymnastics 101 before they attend.

Also... the beginning of season is a better time to start introducing the athlete to "fans"... not the State meet.

@NorCal Parent 22 Your sister should understand... she is an adult. On the other hand... we have always had "visitors" at our kids meets... so it has never been a big deal.

 

[WV Gym Mom]

Your daughter's wishes should come first. Just let your family know that she gets nervous with family watching and has asked to keep it to immediate family. My daughter gets very nervous with her family there, so we only have one of us at each meet (usually me, sometimes her dad). If family members are hurt by her wishes, they honestly need to get over it, its as simple as that.

 

[GymDadWA]

Can you go to a celebratory dinner afterwards instead where she can show videos of her competition. Family can go do something fun during the meet.

 

[NutterButter]

I dunno. I see both sides and wonder if there's room for a compromise. It's sweet that her family set aside time and wants to come. Are they local or travelling from another place? I often tell my kids that sometimes we do things for family not because we want to but because we know it's important to the other person. With that said, it is State. I understand the hype, excitement and nerves that go along with any big meet. We have no family in town and the few times we had family attend meets I found it to be very stressful to manage family expectations along with the usual meet day stuff (all the stuff @JBS says).

Would your daughter be ok with them arriving at the meet separately and kinda doing their own thing during the meet? Maybe they can find a place to sit that is not super obvious (and will there be more seating for State?). Like minimize any disruption to your DD's normal meet day routine but also honor your family's desire to support her.

 

[HopefulGymnast]

I often tell my kids that sometimes we do things for family not because we want to but because we know it's important to the other person.

I can see this, but I think her gymnastics should be for her, not for the extended family. Doing things for other people shouldn't be "allowing them to do me this favour that I don't even want from them" in my opinion. I would say it's her gym meet, and extended family shouldn't impose on that. They want to show their support, but in my opinion support means respecting her needs.

 

[josie55]

When my now L10 daughter was younger I definitely deferred to her in terms of not wanting spectators and such. People understand (at least I think they did.) As she got older I slowly got a little less deferential because I didn't want to be raising a diva and the reality is, upper optionals (and NCAA) *is* more of a performance. While her preference is probably still not having friends and family come, she is totally fine with it now if they do, and I'm grateful for that. Realistically the only time it happens is when a travel meet happens to be in a place where a friend of family member lives, which is rare, but she knows it would be rude and immature to tell the person not to come if they wanted to. When they get into college part of the job is to promote the meets and drive attendance, so getting them into that mindset at some point is appropriate, but it certainly doesn't need to happen at level 6.