Parents Can you teach competitive spirit or is it innate?

[flgymmom]

I think that a person has to have that "fire in their belly" in order to WIN and DO WELL. If they don't care about what they are doing their will be someone who wants it harder and will surpass them.

My DD is a free spirit type of personality... kind of a goof ball. I remember when she went to compete at her first meet. They were warming up and we were sitting there watching them. She wasn't doing very well at all and the coach kept shaking his head at her like "Savannah what are you doing?" but when it was game time... she pulled it off. She got down to business and was serious. Her coach even commented later to us that he was worried about her but that is just how she is she takes care of business when the going gets tough.

 

[iwannacoach]

What about birth order? Any of you notice that the 2nd of two boys, or second of two girls is more competitive than #1, or #3.....

 

[Iwannabemargo]

nope, middler is so laid back he is horizontal, baby girl however.........................

 

[Empowered]

I am with Margo on that one. Middle son played on a soccer team, they lost game after game after game... He'd walk off the field completely unphased and ask, what's for lunch.

Baby girl however... Whew... She can be scawy!

 

[gymmiemom]

What about birth order? Any of you notice that the 2nd of two boys, or second of two girls is more competitive than #1, or #3.....

My oldest(boy) and 3rd child(girl) are my competitive ones. 2nd and 4th ones (both girls), not at all.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

I am with Margo on that one. Middle son played on a soccer team, they lost game after game after game... He'd walk off the field completely unphased and ask, what's for lunch.

Baby girl however... Whew... She can be scawy!

Tee Hee my middler is also very concerned when his food will be arriving !

 

[Muddlethru]

I think sometimes the parent's drive for their child to succeed is so overwhelming that it greatly overshadow's the child's desire. Also sometimes, the child's exterior does not adequately reflect what they are feeling inside. But to answer OP's question, I think you can, especially if you are talking about a young child. And I respectfully disagree with one of the posters above. It is a good idea to teach a good work ethic and the desire to do the best we can. Sometimes too people perceive a totally focused, hard working, serious individual to appear unhappy when this could be furthest from the truth. I had a mother comment once that she wondered if my daughter was happy or even enjoyed gymnastics because she always looked upset at hersel when she has a bad day. My daughter is your typical child who has a ton of friends and enjoys goofing around and laughs a lot both in gym and outside. So much focus is put on the 10 mins at the end of practice and judgement is rashly made.

i think too the desire to succeed or be the best is closely related to confidence and self esteem issues. So if these issues are addressed, sky's the limit.

 

[ALgymMom]

What about birth order? Any of you notice that the 2nd of two boys, or second of two girls is more competitive than #1, or #3.....

My 1st born DD.... The hardest, most self driven worker ever!!
Middle DD..... Carefree, lazy & happy... She started out as a gymnast and always thought she did amazing --even if she scored awful lol I finally encouraged her to do all star cheer... Much better fit!
3rd DD is only 6...we will see?? She does gym but never wants to go, says conditioning is no fun lol ... Not very self driven!

 

[Kiwi]

My older DD seems to have very little drive or competitive spirit. She is in her own world and just cruises along and is a bit of a slacker, though she achieves well in school. She does manage to do her homework but has to be nagged to do her music practice, for example. Younger DD (the gymnast) is also a little lazy by nature but has a lot more drive and competitiveness than older DD. She wants to be good at things and I think gymnastics has helped her to learn that this takes hard work. I think her drive to work has really improved over time, for example getting her homework and piano practice and stretching done without having to be reminded. But at the same time I've had to help her to be less worried about scores and placings to reduce her feelings of anxiety and not feeling good enough. So I think that it is in their personalities and can't be taught, but what is there can be encouraged, preferably in healthy ways.

 

[LizzieLac]

Both DD and DS are competitve and driven to succeed. I think it is innate, but it is hard to tell. We have always taught the kids that to be good you need to work hard and that having a strong work ethic is a positive characteristic. You don't cheat on laps/conditioning, you focus on the task at hand and you head must be in the game.

My DH and I fully believe and have expressed to the kids that you have to take things seriously if you want to be considered serious about them. How you approach your school work, sports, music or other activities is a reflection on you. It is ok if you don't want to be serious about an activity, but then you will not be taken seriously about that endevour. So that might be more of a hobby or fun thing that you "dabble" in and that's ok too.

So, while I think they have innate competitiveness, we have also taught them you have to work hard to be your best - otherwise it doesn't matter how much you want to win.

 

[okie]

So, while I think they have innate competitiveness, we have also taught them you have to work hard to be your best - otherwise it doesn't matter how much you want to win.

That is a great point! My dd is super competitive in everything but depending on the skill or activity her work ethic may or may not coincide with her desire to excel. In the case of my dd, she was definitely born with competitive drive but must learn (through personal experience) to be a competitor.

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[sjm2b3]

This is such an interesting thread.

I would say both my kiddos are super duper competitive (annoyingly so sometimes) BUT neither seem to be competitive at meets. They don't really seem to care what place they get--I think it's coach-taught to not focus on that, so at times it seemed strange to me that they seriously did not care. We'll see if this holds true as they get older, but for now, it makes meets easy but it does make me wonder sometimes if they are competing as hard as they can!