Coach only paying attention to one child

[misshoneybee]

Just curious if this is worth discussing with anyone at our gym...one of the coaches spends most of their time (on one of the events) with one kid and one kid only. The other kids are left to do drills by themselves with very little coaching (if none) from the coach since they are working somewhere else with the other child. I know gymnastics is unfair but I do pay tuition every month. I don't know if this even worth discussing with anyone at the club and I certainly don't want to put my child in an awkward situation. Thoughts anyone?

 

[Brandon]

Definetly bring it up. Not only is it unfair to all of the other kids, but that's a huge liability/saftey risk. Leaving a kid/kids alone like that is unacceptable.

 

[rgmom]

That is a tough one and can be difficult to address appropriately without causing hard feelings. I sympathize with you as we have been in a similar situation at a previous gym. However, as Brandon pointed out, they should not be leaving kids alone and that alone is a reason to speak up. Good luck!

 

[gym law mom]

Yes this is a touchy subject to bring up. What does you dd think? Does she feel she could use some help on this event? One opening I could think of is asking her level coach or the HC about your dd wanting more help/corrections on the event where the coach seems to work only with 1 child. You are right, you are paying for her to be coached on 4 events.

 

[misshoneybee]

She does want more help and has asked me about scheduling some privates but she is in the gym so much already I don't want to schedule privates for this!

Thanks for you ideas and thoughts - it is a sticky subject and one that needs to be navigated with diplomacy

 

[AlwaysCuriousMom]

When my DD was preteam, we were at a gym where the team girls would do advanced and unsafe skills while unattended. There were injuries which prompted us to leave. DD has since been to 2 other gyms (we switched b/c of job relocation) where it seems to be the norm to have the gymnasts do conditioning drills independently. I've never felt they were being neglected and the skills/drills were always manageable. I also notice that the coaches still watch (even from across the gym) to make form corrections. I also notice that if the coaches focus on a particular gymnast, it's usually for a reason... (i.e. TOPS national testing, state championships, behind on skills, etc...) That said, DD has also gotten some special attention when she needed it as well.

I think anyone should exercise caution in making accusations of favortism unless they are able to cite specific incidents over a long period of time. Unless, of course, one feels like their DD's safety is at risk. Because (in my experience at DD's first gym) it can be a big risk to stir the pot.

 

[coachmolly]

There are times that I have had to spend more time with one athlete for any number of reasons- having difficulty paying attention/cooperating in class, were struggling with a particular skill, were working on something a little more difficult- you get the idea. It wasn't because I favored the child, it was just because that was how things worked out that particular day. However, I usually tried to make up for it as best I could with other girls when I had the chance and it definitely did not happen every practice, only when one child was having an especially difficult day or needed a little extra help.
If this is something that is happening regularly, and it is the same child being singled out each practice, I think it might be time to speak up. The child getting all the attention could just need the most direction and the coach does not realize it looks as though they are favoring that child. But that is still no excuse to make other girls work by themselves on a consistent basis and work away from the coach with little or no direction. It's not only a waste of your money and frustrating for you and your DD, but also a safety issue that needs to be addressed.

 

[misshoneybee]

Thanks for your replies again. Accusing a coach of favoritism seems like a really bad idea and I cringe at the thought. In this particular situation it happens every day, of every week for the last 3+ months, for the entire time they are working on the event. The kid that is getting the attention is not behind, is not going to State and is not doing TOPS testing.

I have seen it happen on 6+ occasions but never really gave any thought to the safety issue until you guys brought it up (thank you by the way). I guess I will go watch another practice to see if it is still going on to the extent that I think it is. Then I will have to take some time to try to figure out what I will say, if anything. I do know that my daughter is starting to get frustrated because she feels like she is not progressing over the last few months and would like some "help".

 

[CoachTodd]

Talk to the owner privately. I've know too many coaches that play favorites. This also helps supplement their income because those that want to get on the favorite list schedule private lessons all the time. Seen it too much and I hate that it still happens at far too many gyms.

 

[misshoneybee]

Thanks everyone. I am going to proceed carefully. The owner of the gym is a really reasonable. Not sure how I am going to move forward, but I will start by going over there this week to see what is going on.

 

[gymmomtoo]

If the owner is reasonable, then start by saying something like you've said here "I feel really awkward and uncomfortable bringing this up because I know how touchy it is to have a parent talk about coaching, but my daughter has commented several times that xxx doesn't work with the rest of the girls on (event), but only works with yyyy. I've observed many practices over the past several weeks to see for myself and it is very consistent. At this point I'm concerned not only with my daughter's progression without any direct coaching, but also with the lack of safety with my daughter and others doing skills without supervision. I wasn't sure what to do, so after a lot of thought, I decided to bring it up with you and get your input into the situation."

 

[3rd_time_around]

Take notes with specifics: date, amount if time spent just with the one child vs others getting instruction, detailed descriptions. Do this for at least a week, and take the notes with you. I had to do this once because the obvious favoritism was getting out of hand. This coach just had her 2 favorites (1 more than the other) and it showed. The child was younger and was being petted and spoiled, sneaking out of conditioning, doing her own thing instead of the assignment, carried around like a baby. Ugh! I took notes forv2weeks after it got unbearable to the rest of the team and parents. Many of us went to the HC, and she watched for a few days before stepping in. But she saw it too and put a stop to it. It was such a relief!

But do be humble, so that if there *might* be a reasonable explanation you won't feel as bad as if you went in demanding and loud. . In our case, the coach was very close to the families and even went on vacations with them as a nanny. Coaches should not be that close to their gymmmies.