Women DD no longer gives her all

[Mom2twingymnasts]

My DD probably had the worst year of her life last year. She lost her coach who she loved and was injured for almost the whole year - didn't get to compete. The plan for the 2013 season prior to her coach passing and her injuries was for her to compete 1 or 2 meets at level 8 and move to level 9.

During this past year she would go to the gym to do the limited conditioning that she could do but was directed to a corner away from the team because "she was a distraction." No time was spent with her figuring out what conditioning she could do so she became very out of condition. She has been back for a couple months now and honestly I don't think it is going well. She rarely comes home happy. I almost dread picking her up from the gym.

I think the plan is a couple meets of 8 and on to level 9 for 2014 but really not sure how that will happen. Hours were cut for may and june to 16 hours a week from 25 hours for her level - I think because of lack of coaching. Her coach is a college student who will be heading back to school in September so DD was told she needs all her level 9 skills by end of August. The college student will come in on Saturdays to coach starting in September. So my daughter will have a coach one day a week. I love the college student and think she will be an amazing coach but really don't know that she has the experience to get a kid returning from injury to level 9 in the next 2 months.

The gym closes for the 4th of July every year. This year it is 10 full days off. Last year her coach (the coach who died) gave direction on conditioning and stretching to do at home during the break and asked us to complete a log. No directions were given this year. Last year my DD every day during break: stretched for 20 minutes, 20 press handstands, 4 sets of 1 minute handstand holds, abs, arms, and leg conditioning. This year my daughter has done a total of maybe 5 minutes of stretching, a total of 10 press handstands, and not quite 3 minutes of handstand hold - not daily that is total over the last several days. She has done no conditioning but did do a couple short runs. If this is the effort that she is giving in the gym, she has no chance.

She says she still wants to do gymnastics but I'm almost at the point of saying it is time to move on to something different. I don't think this is a sport you can do half-heartedly.

 

[Dr Maleficent]

It sounds like she has been through an awful lot of really difficult things this last year - perhaps she just needs some time to get her bounce back? It must also be especially difficult if she isn't getting the direction that she needs in the gym - is gym camp a possibility? - perhaps doing gym in a different environment for a bit might help her? Big hugs to her and hope everything goes better this year.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

I'm so sorry for all she has gone through this past year! It would be really hard to bounce back from a year like that. Not impossible by any means, but I do think you're right, she has to A) REALLY want it and B) have the right support from her gym/coaches to make it happen. At this stage in the game I can only imagine what a huge part of her (and your!) life gymnastics has been so either way it's not going to be an easy decision.... I feel for you both. (Yes, I know it's her journey and all that, but I'm not going to pretend it won't matter to you, it does simply because it matters to her!)

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Say it and see how she responds. Might light a fire under her. You also need to get her more hours plain and simple. Coming back from injury is very hard emotionally, identifying this and talking about it is also important. Best of luck.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

My DD probably had the worst year of her life last year. She lost her coach who she loved and was injured for almost the whole year - didn't get to compete. The plan for the 2013 season prior to her coach passing and her injuries was for her to compete 1 or 2 meets at level 8 and move to level 9.

During this past year she would go to the gym to do the limited conditioning that she could do but was directed to a corner away from the team because "she was a distraction." No time was spent with her figuring out what conditioning she could do so she became very out of condition. She has been back for a couple months now and honestly I don't think it is going well. She rarely comes home happy. I almost dread picking her up from the gym.

I think the plan is a couple meets of 8 and on to level 9 for 2014 but really not sure how that will happen. Hours were cut for may and june to 16 hours a week from 25 hours for her level - I think because of lack of coaching. Her coach is a college student who will be heading back to school in September so DD was told she needs all her level 9 skills by end of August. The college student will come in on Saturdays to coach starting in September. So my daughter will have a coach one day a week. I love the college student and think she will be an amazing coach but really don't know that she has the experience to get a kid returning from injury to level 9 in the next 2 months.

The gym closes for the 4th of July every year. This year it is 10 full days off. Last year her coach (the coach who died) gave direction on conditioning and stretching to do at home during the break and asked us to complete a log. No directions were given this year. Last year my DD every day during break: stretched for 20 minutes, 20 press handstands, 4 sets of 1 minute handstand holds, abs, arms, and leg conditioning. This year my daughter has done a total of maybe 5 minutes of stretching, a total of 10 press handstands, and not quite 3 minutes of handstand hold - not daily that is total over the last several days. She has done no conditioning but did do a couple short runs. If this is the effort that she is giving in the gym, she has no chance.

She says she still wants to do gymnastics but I'm almost at the point of saying it is time to move on to something different. I don't think this is a sport you can do half-heartedly.

she's a level 9? she needs a change of scenery...quickly.

 

[sce]

I would bring her some options. One of those is to move on. She may be feeling stuck, wanting to do gymnastics but not sure how to get out of the rut. Is there another gym option nearby? Another option could be a gym switch. Bringing up the conversation and options may open up what she's feeling and allow the two of you to navigate what she wants and how to get it.

 

[gymdog]

This gym doesn't sound like it's an option for level 9 and 10. I assume you don't have any other gyms nearby, or vaguely remember that. I will send good vibes that a new coach can be recruited. I wouldn't make her quit unless it seems dangerous due to lack of adequate supervision, at which case you'll have to pull the plug.

 

[profmom]

Yeah, I would be patient up to a point, but I think a good bit of the issue here is not her, but the lack of direction from the gym. I hate to say it, but it may be time to start looking for other gym options.

 

[Mom2twingymnasts]

There are several gyms in our area. But this is her loved coach's gym. She feels even though he is no longer here, she needs to be in his gym.

As far as camps, the owner wanted her to go to the WOGA camp but that was a very expensive option for us as it required air travel and I thought we were doing a local camp which my daughter had won the previous year. The owner recently told my DD that she wasn't allowed to attend that camp because she doesn't want anyone attending camps in August as we will still have a coach in August. DD will attend the Region 5 Hot Shots camp in October.

 

[sce]

There are several gyms in our area. But this is her loved coach's gym. She feels even though he is no longer here, she needs to be in his gym.

As far as camps, the owner wanted her to go to the WOGA camp but that was a very expensive option for us as it required air travel and I thought we were doing a local camp which my daughter had won the previous year. The owner recently told my DD that she wasn't allowed to attend that camp because she doesn't want anyone attending camps in August as we will still have a coach in August. DD will attend the Region 5 Hot Shots camp in October.

Do you think the owner has her best interests in mind? Can you just respectfully decline what the owner wants and send her to the camp? Sometimes a camp with different kids and coaches can reinvigorate a kid.

I would talk with her about the best way top honor the coach she lost. If she wants to keep doing gymnastics then doing her best would honor the coach the most. if she needs to move gyms to do that, then she should. Encourage her to at least try the other gyms.

 

[Rainn14322]

I would bring her some options. One of those is to move on. She may be feeling stuck, wanting to do gymnastics but not sure how to get out of the rut. Is there another gym option nearby? Another option could be a gym switch. Bringing up the conversation and options may open up what she's feeling and allow the two of you to navigate what she wants and how to get it.

I agree, I would talk to her and possibly entertain a gym change. It doesn't hurt to try one for a week or two just to see how they all mesh. She may need different coaches that can relate more to her. Like you outgrow things in life you too can outgrow a gym or coach

 

[Kiwi]

It sounds like the problem is less with your DD and more with the gym, it is not serving her needs. It could be worth looking at the other gyms. I think it would help your DD to separate her memories of her beloved coach from the gym as it is now. She might find another great coach at another gym.

 

[Lynn]

I can relate on some level. My DD has had a few injuries that have limited her training. One particular one was transitioning into a new level and her team was going around her. That made it hard because she too went everyday to be sent off on her own to condition. Strength wise she was above and beyond her team. Mentally she was in a hole. Didn't feel part of the team. I eventually mentioned this to her coaches and they felt bad and wished they had noticed before. It's tough on the girls mentally. She's in a better place now after almost a yr.

With all that being said, I know these situations are exactly the same. My DD didn't lose a loved coach. I fully understand the loyalty factor and wishing to honor her coach and staying. But I agree with some of the above posts, it might be time to move to a new gym. It sounds like she just isn't getting what she needs from current gym.

Side note: we also stepped away from the gym during my DD return from injury to a camp. She came back with a renewed sense of confidence. So it can help in some situations and maybe if you and your DD want to stay where you are, it might be worth doing some digging and finding something that works for your budget and family.

Good luck! Hang in there

 

[gymjunkie]

I would lovingly put your foot down as her mom and tell her that she is changing gyms. Even if it ends up that she is moving on, you can't let this last year be her lasting memory of her experience in the sport. Help her to understand that it's also what her coach would've wanted. I'm sure that any of us coaches here would say the same.

 

[gracyomalley]

Not exactly the same, but I had to (am still working on follow through) put my foot down and insist upon DD changing gyms this last month, due to family issues, concerns about her training, and the general environment at her gym. I also wanted her to leave while she still could have positive memories of the coach who took her from donkey kicks at 4 to 3rd at state L7....and with things that had been happening with said coach and other gymnasts, I am certain that in time there would have been negative things occuring with DD.

Its very hard for these kids to separate gymnastics from their team/coach/gym. Especially during the adolescent years. DD has been at her brother's gym now, with her 3 best gym friends, bigger optional team, more experienced (overall) coaching team, and more up-training for about 5 weeks. She still is negotiating with me about going back to the gym where she has loyalty ties. EVEN with her besties at the new gym and a HC she knows she can train well with. Sure, she is focused on the couple of bullying mean girl types, and the fact that because the coaching team hasn't known her since preschool she has to speak up for herself..but is all about feelings in the end.

I hate her to feel this way, but in the end, if its about gymnastics, then she will grow as a gymnast at the new gym much more than she could at the old...even with the negative influence issues aside. And as a L8, its time for MOST of this to be about GYMNASTICS...or its time for other things.

I agree that when you express it the way you have in these posts, it makes absolutely no sense for your DD to be training in her present circumstance. I also completely understand your wanting to respect her feelings and honor her input on decisions as she grows into a young woman.

Good luck to you both - growing up and through these things is hard (sports and otherwise) - but at L9, training without a coach when there are coaches available at other gyms - I doubt her old coach would want to see her slide out of gymnastics quite like that!

 

[dreamergymnast]

If her previous coach wanted her to be happy, then you should move her to another gym. Her previous coach seemed to care about your DD alot, and had her best interests in mind. Rather than your DD staying and not enjoying her experience, her coach would want her to move and be happier. She shouldn't need to worry about it. I agree, you should lovingly put your foot down and say she is moving. She may not like it at first, but she will be happier in the long run. Good luck

 

[ginnymac]

It sounds like it is time for you to make the decision here. It is time to go. She is thinking emotionally. You need to be the rational one. Good luck!

 

[Flyaway]

I would talk with her about the best way top honor the coach she lost. If she wants to keep doing gymnastics then doing her best would honor the coach the most. if she needs to move gyms to do that, then she should. Encourage her to at least try the other gyms.

I agree with this. I'm sure it feels like a betrayal to her, but I would gently remind her that now that her beloved coach is gone, the gym is not going to move in the same direction as if he were there. It would not honor her coach to have her burn out or get hurt. Her coach would be most honored by her doing her very best and if that means moving on to another gym that can help her do that, there's not much doubt that her beloved coach would support that.

Such a tough situation. I feel for your gymmie.

 

[headoverheels]

What a tough situation! I agree it may be time to find a new gym before she loses all joy in the sport. It must be so hard to lose her coach.