Parents DD Quit - I Need to Vent

[DEMom]

Hi. I haven't posted in a while - there has been alot going on.

My DD handed in her resignation from team this Monday. She is 12 and has been in the sport since age 4. She is a second year level 7 practicing 20 hrs a week for the last 2 years. She has had a phenomenal year with most all her scores in mid 36 to low 37. ( She did have one 35 something but she had mono.)

Things have been real bad at the gym with favoritism, lack of coaching, negative comparison to other girls, not enough coaches & degrading comments made but nothing to the recent immature behavior of the head coach/owner not to even acknowledge her since DD gave notice. She has states this weekend but DD refuses to go to practice and be subject to this coach. (I had spoken to him in the past several times regarding issues and always got a bunch of lip service.) There just comes a time when you have to move on. I think her quitting is the tip of the iceberg. There are so many unhappy gymnasts and parents at this gym.

But I am so appalled by this coaches recent behavior this week of totally ignoring her. Last night she asked to be spotted on a free hip to handstand and he walked away from her saying NO I have a cold, coughed, and then proceeded to spot another gymnast. She said it was the worst practice she ever had. Tonight wasn't much better. He hasn't talked to her all week! He has purposefully ignored her as if she wasn't there. I don't want to talk to him at this point, as I may not be able to control my tongue if I do.

His behavior is unbelievable. Who is the adult here? The job of the coach should be to lead and inspire the girls to do their best, not berate them and compare them to others and pick and choose a select few to coach while the others teach themselves. This coach is the rudest most immature man I have ever met. And as a new business owner of a new gym, he is only hurting himself!

One thing about him being so rude is there are absolutely NO second thoughts on the part of my DD. DD is running track as she does every spring and will still do cheerleading in the winter with school. She says she wants to keep up with her skills going to the health club, & open gym, but take off for the summer and maybe go somewhere else in the fall.

So I just needed to vent. I have been doing alot of that lately! It's been a tough week. I trust there is life after gymnastics!

 

[ZJsMom]

I feel for you and your dd. It's so sad that she has to leave on such a sour note. It really is terrible that her coaches can't act like adults.

 

[CoachL]

sounds like she should change clubs not quit.

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

It sure sounds like your DD needs a change. I'm sorry she's had such a negative experience. Some coaches just need a good smack in the head!!

 

[gymmomntc2e6]

I agree w/ CoachL - sounds like a change of gyms would be a better option than leaving the sport all together.

 

[Blackie6]

Sorry for what you & your DD went thru. Making it to L7 is quite an accomplishment. This must have been a difficult decision for both of you. Here in NJ they have a program called JOGA, which is competative (meets are all in NJ) but has less training hours (and cheaper too!). Many girls retire from USAG and try this out because they still love gymnastics and love to compete with less stress. Many JOGA girls compete at their high schools. Maybe your DD could switch to a program like this?

Or, maybe she could take a break while looking at some other gyms that maybe are less competative or lower hours? Maybe a change in coach would also be a change in attitude?

 

[Livinatthegym]

That behavior is inexcusable. You know, it's in his best interest for his athletes to do well at state, even if that's the last meet. I'm sorry he's such a horse's patoot.

The decision to leave the sport, especially for someone who has been in it long enough to make the optional team, is hard enough. My dd1 is leaving at the end of the month. (We have state this weekend, and since she's lvl 8, she's hoping to make regionals.) The process of deciding to do this and then make peace with herself about it has taken her months, and she still chokes up when she thinks about her last day in the gym. The last thing a kid in this situation needs is the feeling she is being pushed out the door. I am so sorry your dd has this stress added to what has to be a hard decision anyway.

Wish I could say or do something to make this better for you.

 

[beam girl]

You know, gymnastics is hard enough and emotionally draining enough without a coach acting like that. I'm very sorry your dd has quit, but if she really loves it and is passionate about the sport, she'll come back when she's ready. I'm not good with patience myself, but give her some time and let her work through some of these feelings and she'll probably be ready before you know it. At another gym, of course! Good Luck I'll bet your dd will end up with the best coaches at another gym and you'll be thanking her current coach for being such a jerk and driving your dd out of there! Hang in there

 

[flippymonkeysmom]

I'm so sorry to hear about her experience. I agree with a previous poster - that coach can definitely use a good smack in the head!!!

I hope after she has a chance to relax and think she decides to go back and finds a gym with better coaches.

 

[Gymnasticsgirl521]

That is just horrible. I would so be looking for another gy. I say give her a break and maybe find her a new gym home for the later part of summer early fall. Best of luck and hugs to you all.

 

[Aussie_coach]

Good on you and your DD for removing herself from such a negative situation. It sounds like the environment she was in was doing her far more damage than good.

I agree with other posters, is it possible to find her another gym. It sounds like your daughter truly does love gymnastics but the coaches at her ol;d gym has caused her to feel negatively about the sport. If she could once again find a positive happy environment perhaps she would start to love it again.

The other concern is going from doing a 20 hour a week sport to nothing at all. Has she found anaother activity she would like to do. Maybe something where she can use her hard earned gym skills like cheerleading, dance, trampolining, competitive tumbling, diving, sports acrobatics and so on.

 

[gym law mom]

DEMom---Sounds like my gymmie's former coach and your dd's former coach are twins. Just about exactly what we went through last summer---looking back, it had been building, but we didn't really see it. Had her take a few days to just think about "do I totally want to quit the sport vs. quit that gym." We told her it was her decision and we would support her either way. After 2 days, she said she still loved the sport, but could not continue with that coach or at that gym.

Maybe we should have given her a little longer break, but the next week she was at her current gym doing a full week of practice for free to try it out. We were slightly rushed since school would be starting soon regarding getting her settled in a new gym. Her coach told us" I don't care about her skills right now---I just want to get her to smile." She said it took about 3 mos before gymmie would talk much and seemed to just "want to blend into the background." Slowly but surely the trust in a coach has come back and her confidence in herself is growing with each meet. Pretty wise coach for only 30yo.

Sit down and have a talk with your dd. Tell her to push aside( for a few minutes) the bad over the last few weeks and just look at the sport. Also tell her there are gyms and programs where she will not be kicked around like she has been and if she still has that passion to swing bars etc. you'll be behind her and will work on finding a new gym. At this time if she wants to just take a break, tell her thats fine too----you are always there to talk about options.

 

[bogwoppit]

What a horrible coach.

Poor girl! I hope she is able to take a break and then see this for what it is, a very bad experience. Good for her for standing up for herself. Shocking that an abusive coach can still be working in any club.

Maybe with a bit of distance she will want to go back, but to another club, where she can begin to enjoy herself again.

I really feel for you, you obviously are a great Mom and really care for your child's feelings. Good for you, you will be a great support to her. She will learn a lot through this horrible experience, self preservation is a great skill to learn young.

Good luck for the future.

 

[DEMom]

Thanks for the advice. We will see what happens. I have told her it is her decision in whatever she wants to do.

 

[mmmom]

I feel your pain

It sounds like our DD's could have the same poor excuse for a head coach. Ours is also the owner and has been for nearly 3 short years. He has what I call the Bella syndrom. I wish I had a viable option for my DD to change gyms. An inmature/insecure coach can really suck the fun out of the sport and honestly once they have put in 10 or more years and are optionals much of the fun has already left and it becomes more of a job/way of life/ or dare I say addiction. Sounds like both coaches may drive their gyms into the ground if they don't grow up. I wish you luck and hope that you can again find happiness in a new gym. Keep your DD active while she is taking a break so she doesn't feel blue.