Parents Dealing with Favoritism and Disruptive Behavior Affecting My Daughter’s Training

[Sandy7788]

I’d like to get your advice on something. There’s a girl in my daughter’s gymnastics group who seems to constantly follow her around and try to compete with her, possibly because my daughter is doing better than she is. She even cuts in front of her during practice, which prevents my daughter from getting her turns.
It seems like this girl might have some kind of special connection with the gym, because the coaches don’t intervene. In fact, it sometimes feels like the coach is harder on my daughter just to keep that girl comfortable.
This situation has started to seriously affect my daughter’s training.
What should I do in this situation?

 

[Dahlialover]

How old are they? What level are they in? What do you mean when you say that it is “seriously” affecting your daughter’s training?

To some extent, this sounds like recess-level obnoxious behavior, which is often best worked out by the children themselves. Has your daughter tried to deal with this herself by being more assertive about holding her place in line and ignoring the other child’s attempts to “compete with her”. Has your child attempted to talk to the coach herself about her concerns?

I’d definitely start with coaching your child about what she can do to address the situation herself.

 

[Sandy7788]

How old are they? What level are they in? What do you mean when you say that it is “seriously” affecting your daughter’s training?

To some extent, this sounds like recess-level obnoxious behavior, which is often best worked out by the children themselves. Has your daughter tried to deal with this herself by being more assertive about holding her place in line and ignoring the other child’s attempts to “compete with her”. Has your child attempted to talk to the coach herself about her concerns?

I’d definitely start with coaching your child about what she can do to address the situation herself.

She is 10 years old and currently at Level 5. She told the other girl not to follow her or cut in line, but the girl didn’t listen. The coach didn’t intervene—in fact, he even allowed her to cut in line, skip stations, and do only the stations she wanted. When we brought these issues to the coach’s attention, he retaliated against my daughter by holding back her training and blaming it on her physical development.

 

[Dahlialover]

She is 10 years old and currently at Level 5. She told the other girl not to follow her or cut in line, but the girl didn’t listen. The coach didn’t intervene—in fact, he even allowed her to cut in line, skip stations, and do only the stations she wanted. When we brought these issues to the coach’s attention, he retaliated against my daughter by holding back her training and blaming it on her physical development.

In that case, the only thing you can do is to leave. It’s a good time of year to try out other gyms.

 

[Sandy7788]

How old are they? What level are they in? What do you mean when you say that it is “seriously” affecting your daughter’s training?

To some extent, this sounds like recess-level obnoxious behavior, which is often best worked out by the children themselves. Has your daughter tried to deal with this herself by being more assertive about holding her place in line and ignoring the other child’s attempts to “compete with her”. Has your child attempted to talk to the coach herself about her concerns?

I’d definitely start with coaching your child about what she can do to address the situation herself.

She is 10 years old and currently at Level 5. She told the other girl not to follow her or cut in line, but the girl didn’t listen. The coach didn’t intervene—in fact, he even allowed her to cut in line, skip stations, and do only the stations she wanted. When we brought these issues to the coach’s attention, he retaliated against my daughter by holding back her training and blaming it on her physical development.

How old are they? What level are they in? What do you mean when you say that it is “seriously” affecting your daughter’s training?

To some extent, this sounds like recess-level obnoxious behavior, which is often best worked out by the children themselves. Has your daughter tried to deal with this herself by being more assertive about holding her place in line and ignoring the other child’s attempts to “compete with her”. Has your child attempted to talk to the coach herself about her concerns?

I’d definitely start with coaching your child about what she can do to address the situation herself.

 

[Sandy7788]

In that case, the only thing you can do is to leave. It’s a good time of year to try out other gyms.

Yes, we tried, but this is the best gym in our area. We will change to new coaches but still with that girl. It’s hard to deal with if this happens again with new coaches because she is special!

 

[Dahlialover]

Yes, we tried, but this is the best gym in our area. We will change to new coaches but still with that girl. It’s hard to deal with if this happens again with new coaches because she is special!

The best gym in the area may not be The best gym for your child. However, it is possible that things will improve with new coaches. I’m not particularly perturbed about the child’s behavior (some kids are like that) it’s the coaches behavior that is unacceptable. If the new coaches are normal, they will recognize that this child’s behavior is disruptive and begin to address it within the first month. If that doesn’t happen, then you may need to reevaluate continuing at this gym. Also, I would not talk to the coaches about it right away. Let them figure it out themselves; they will be more invested if they notice it themselves. Good luck.

 

[littlegirlsdream]

I have a maybe slightly unpopular opinion on this. I had the daughter that behaved that way. She was largely unaware of her behavior and certainly not thinking about how it affected others. She was and is competitive by nature, if anyone hesitated or waited to be told “it’s your turn” you bet you could find her jumping on the equipment and stepping up to do another turn. Not because she was a mean kid but she LOVES the sport, LOVES taking turns and was not self aware. Over time kids that were avoiding the their turns or a specific event would invite her to “go in front” of them. They knew she would and then others would get mad at her for doing it . I would have talks with her and try and explain how she needed to be more aware, be a better team mate. She is definitely an ADHD kid and it took time for her to get it and even longer to control it. That being said, coaches would not really intervene. It seemed in large part because they were wanting all the kids to step up, take turns, be self motivated, be competitive, push themselves and push others. In her younger years she got along better with boys because they seemed to operate in athletics and social settings in the same way she did. It did get better with age and though she still posses a lot of those same traits, she is definitely more aware. If these kids are only 10 maybe the parents need to facilitate the kids talking, outside of the gym. A friendly conversation, hey let’s get together and see if we can teach these kids how to have these difficult conversations. I know that takes two really open and willing parents and you certainly do not always get that but maybe it’s worth a try? I doubt any coach loves having to handle this aspect of coaching children.

 

[Sandy7788]

The best gym in the area may not be The best gym for your child. However, it is possible that things will improve with new coaches. I’m not particularly perturbed about the child’s behavior (some kids are like that) it’s the coaches behavior that is unacceptable. If the new coaches are normal, they will recognize that this child’s behavior is disruptive and begin to address it within the first month. If that doesn’t happen, then you may need to reevaluate continuing at this gym. Also, I would not talk to the coaches about it right away. Let them figure it out themselves; they will be more invested if they notice it themselves. Good luck.

Thank you so much for your suggestion!

 

[Sandy7788]

我对此的看法可能有点不受欢迎。我有个女儿就是这样的。她基本上没有意识到自己的行为，当然也没有想过这会对别人造成什么影响。她生性好胜，如果有人犹豫不决或等着被告知“轮到你了”，你肯定会发现她跳上器械，站起来再轮一次。这并不是因为她是个坏孩子，而是因为她热爱这项运动，热爱轮流，而且缺乏自我意识。久而久之，那些逃避轮到自己或逃避特定活动的孩子就会邀请她“走到他们前面”。他们知道她会这么做，然后其他人就会因为她这样做而生她的气。我会和她谈谈，试着解释她需要如何提高意识，成为一个更好的队友。她绝对是个注意力缺陷多动症（ADHD）的孩子，她花了一些时间才意识到这一点，甚至花了更长的时间来控制自己。话虽如此，教练们并不会真正干预。很大程度上，他们似乎希望所有孩子都能进步，轮流，自我激励，竞争意识强，鞭策自己，也鞭策他人。在她小时候，她和男孩相处得更好，因为他们似乎和她在体育和社交场合中的行为方式一样。随着年龄的增长，情况确实有所好转，虽然她仍然保留着许多相同的特质，但她肯定更加了解情况了。如果这些孩子只有10岁，也许家长需要在体育馆外引导孩子们交流。友好的交谈，嘿，我们聚在一起，看看我们能否教这些孩子如何进行这些艰难的对话。我知道这需要两个真正开诚布公、乐于助人的家长，而你肯定不一定总能做到，但也许值得一试？我想没有哪个教练喜欢处理指导孩子的这方面问题。

谢谢你的建议。我真心希望那个女孩只是对体操充满热情，想多练习一下。可惜事实并非如此。她一直跟着我女儿，故意插队，还一直待在器械上不让我女儿用——就因为我女儿比她练得好。她竞争心太强了。我觉得还是有必要跟教练谈谈，至少在训练时把她们分开。