Parents Did I ruin my daughters opportunity at a good gym?

[Momofsmallbutmighty]

my daughter is 5 and has been on the pre-team path since she was 3. Last spring we moved to a new state and had to find a new gym. This was our first time changing gyms and I felt totally overwhelmed and lost. The first gym we tried out was highly recommended, but I felt they didn’t fairly evaluate my daughter and wanted to put her in classes with kids 2 years younger than her. Every other gym we went to was putting her on team already and she had just come from pre-team at her old gym. After trying a class and watching her in with 2 year olds as an almost 5 year old I asked if she could try a higher level class or even just do some privates to get her up to the next level. I was told no so I emailed the coach and let her know that we would be looking elsewhere for training. I was polite, but I did point out that I didn’t feel my daughter was fairly evaluated and she was put in a class with crying 2 year olds making it hard for her to understand what was expected of her. I didn’t hear anything back and we moved on to the gym we are currently at. Unfortunately I am finding out the first gym was the best gym in the area and we should probably have sucked it up at least to see if she would move up quickly. Now, I’m kicking myself because I feel like while I was trying to do what’s best for my daughter I actually ruined her chances of training at the best gym. I’m assuming even if I went back and begged for forgiveness the first gym would turn us away, but I wanted to know what other more seasoned parents would think. Is there any possibility a gym would take my daughter after I told them she wasn’t fairly evaluated by them a year earlier? I realize how bad it sounds, but what if I explain I was just trying to do what’s best for my daughter, but was clearly very wrong.

 

[raenndrops]

my daughter is 5 and has been on the pre-team path since she was 3. Last spring we moved to a new state and had to find a new gym. This was our first time changing gyms and I felt totally overwhelmed and lost. The first gym we tried out was highly recommended, but I felt they didn’t fairly evaluate my daughter and wanted to put her in classes with kids 2 years younger than her. Every other gym we went to was putting her on team already and she had just come from pre-team at her old gym. After trying a class and watching her in with 2 year olds as an almost 5 year old I asked if she could try a higher level class or even just do some privates to get her up to the next level. I was told no so I emailed the coach and let her know that we would be looking elsewhere for training. I was polite, but I did point out that I didn’t feel my daughter was fairly evaluated and she was put in a class with crying 2 year olds making it hard for her to understand what was expected of her. I didn’t hear anything back and we moved on to the gym we are currently at. Unfortunately I am finding out the first gym was the best gym in the area and we should probably have sucked it up at least to see if she would move up quickly. Now, I’m kicking myself because I feel like while I was trying to do what’s best for my daughter I actually ruined her chances of training at the best gym. I’m assuming even if I went back and begged for forgiveness the first gym would turn us away, but I wanted to know what other more seasoned parents would think. Is there any possibility a gym would take my daughter after I told them she wasn’t fairly evaluated by them a year earlier? I realize how bad it sounds, but what if I explain I was just trying to do what’s best for my daughter, but was clearly very wrong.

Wait until the season is over. Ask them to evaluate her. They might not even remember you.
And even if they do, as long as they aren't elitist, they should be willing to re-evaluate her.

 

[Coach Kate]

She is still so so young. Are you happy with your current gym? Is she going to be competing this season? It really wouldn't be a big deal in the long run to do a year or even a couple years at a gym that is good but maybe not the best it could be as long as the basics are solid. At that point it would be so reasonable to say you are hoping for more serious progressions, long term goals, etc and are wondering if that gym might be a good fit for your daughter.

 

[Cmom]

my daughter is 5 and has been on the pre-team path since she was 3. Last spring we moved to a new state and had to find a new gym. This was our first time changing gyms and I felt totally overwhelmed and lost. The first gym we tried out was highly recommended, but I felt they didn’t fairly evaluate my daughter and wanted to put her in classes with kids 2 years younger than her. Every other gym we went to was putting her on team already and she had just come from pre-team at her old gym. After trying a class and watching her in with 2 year olds as an almost 5 year old I asked if she could try a higher level class or even just do some privates to get her up to the next level. I was told no so I emailed the coach and let her know that we would be looking elsewhere for training. I was polite, but I did point out that I didn’t feel my daughter was fairly evaluated and she was put in a class with crying 2 year olds making it hard for her to understand what was expected of her. I didn’t hear anything back and we moved on to the gym we are currently at. Unfortunately I am finding out the first gym was the best gym in the area and we should probably have sucked it up at least to see if she would move up quickly. Now, I’m kicking myself because I feel like while I was trying to do what’s best for my daughter I actually ruined her chances of training at the best gym. I’m assuming even if I went back and begged for forgiveness the first gym would turn us away, but I wanted to know what other more seasoned parents would think. Is there any possibility a gym would take my daughter after I told them she wasn’t fairly evaluated by them a year earlier? I realize how bad it sounds, but what if I explain I was just trying to do what’s best for my daughter, but was clearly very wrong.

Why do you feel this gym is the best gym in the area? Were you rude when you said you felt she wasn't fairly evaluated? That probably wasn't an ideal thing to say but I doubt they would hold your comment against your daughter permanently, unless you were very rude.

I am finding that best gyms seem to move kids a little more slowly. They spend a lot of time focusing on the basics and shaping. If your daughter came from a weaker program she may not have been close to where they wanted her for team, even though she may have looked great to you.

 

[Momofsmallbutmighty]

She is still so so young. Are you happy with your current gym? Is she going to be competing this season? It really wouldn't be a big deal in the long run to do a year or even a couple years at a gym that is good but maybe not the best it could be as long as the basics are solid. At that point it would be so reasonable to say you are hoping for more serious progressions, long term goals, etc and are wondering if that gym might be a good fit for your daughter.

Honestly no I’m not super happy with her current gym. She is competing this year, but not doing great. The low scores don’t bother me though and I would expect as much, but she seems to be losing skills she had before we started at our current gym. Everyone loves her at the gym and they are super nice, but I’ve been concerned about the coaching for a while, but was really trying to just let the coaches do their thing. Unfortunately it’s becoming more and more clear that something isn’t working and not just for my daughter but a good amount of her team too. The basics are what I’m worried about at her current gym. At this point I would rather she goes back onto pre-team and fix her skills that she’s losing at a better gym than continue to compete, but develop bad habits that will hurt her long term.

 

[Momofsmallbutmighty]

Why do you feel this gym is the best gym in the area? Were you rude when you said you felt she wasn't fairly evaluated? That probably wasn't an ideal thing to say but I doubt they would hold your comment against your daughter permanently, unless you were very rude.

I am finding that best gyms seem to move kids a little more slowly. They spend a lot of time focusing on the basics and shaping. If your daughter came from a weaker program she may not have been close to where they wanted her for team, even though she may have looked great to you.

This gym consistently places first in competitions, produces college athletes, and has national qualifiers. While none of that really matters at her age I know a solid foundation does and I’m concerned she’s actually losing the foundation our old gym built at the new gym. I wouldn’t say I was extremely rude, but I did point out that she was put into a class of crying 2 year olds and told she wasn’t allowed to demonstrate skills she had when she asked to show the coach. There may have been some other things I mentioned, but nothing mean more just explaining what I saw and stating that if the only option was that class then we would find training elsewhere. Personally I know that could come across rude and accusatory although I do try to be polite even when I disagree with someone.

Hindsight on this whole thing is 20/20 unfortunately. I definitely know I let my mama bear step in before the more logical side. I completely agree that taking the time to develop solid form and shape is more important and now that we are at a gym that doesn’t seem to do that I really just want to get my daughter to the right place.

 

[Sebastian12]

If this best gym goes crazy about you wanting to come back in a year, then maybe it is not what it seems, indicating an unhealthy culture. When evaluating gyms, I’ve learned to dig deeper. Three things I look at beyond the basics: 1) what is the drop out rate from L3 to L4, then L4 to L6 - high rate indicates possible burn out/unhealthy culture/lack of ability to work with all athletes; 2) are the level 9&10s home grown or mostly from other gyms; 3) who does their social media feature a variety of levels and girls- not doing so may indicate favoritism.

 

[Dahlialover]

my daughter is 5 and has been on the pre-team path since she was 3. Last spring we moved to a new state and had to find a new gym. This was our first time changing gyms and I felt totally overwhelmed and lost. The first gym we tried out was highly recommended, but I felt they didn’t fairly evaluate my daughter and wanted to put her in classes with kids 2 years younger than her. Every other gym we went to was putting her on team already and she had just come from pre-team at her old gym. After trying a class and watching her in with 2 year olds as an almost 5 year old I asked if she could try a higher level class or even just do some privates to get her up to the next level. I was told no so I emailed the coach and let her know that we would be looking elsewhere for training. I was polite, but I did point out that I didn’t feel my daughter was fairly evaluated and she was put in a class with crying 2 year olds making it hard for her to understand what was expected of her. I didn’t hear anything back and we moved on to the gym we are currently at. Unfortunately I am finding out the first gym was the best gym in the area and we should probably have sucked it up at least to see if she would move up quickly. Now, I’m kicking myself because I feel like while I was trying to do what’s best for my daughter I actually ruined her chances of training at the best gym. I’m assuming even if I went back and begged for forgiveness the first gym would turn us away, but I wanted to know what other more seasoned parents would think. Is there any possibility a gym would take my daughter after I told them she wasn’t fairly evaluated by them a year earlier? I realize how bad it sounds, but what if I explain I was just trying to do what’s best for my daughter, but was clearly very wrong.

If your child was still in rec when you wrote that unnecessary email, then there is a very good chance no one is going to remember! Rec kids come and go and no one cares. Rec staff also come and go, so the person you wrote that email to may not even work there now! Just set up a new evaluation and, when you do, change your email address on file, so when they email you, it doesn’t form a thread that includes the email you sent previously.

I wouldn’t worry to much about this. Crazy gym moms are a dime a dozen, and you have to be pretty wild to be memorable.